Tag: Humor

Your Ancient Symbol Card for February 21 is The Cat

Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today

The Cat

The Cat represents the need for stealth and the freedom to act without restrictions. Acting stealthily in no way implies the need for underhanded behavior. Instead the suggestion here is to move quietly towards your goals and reach out for them when they are within range. It also denotes a need to free yourself from restrictions imposed by others.

As a daily card, The Cat suggests that the opportunity to attain your goals is very strong at the moment. However, you need to keep your intentions to yourself and shed whatever limitations have been put on you by others.

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A Little Humor For Your Day – “What Things On Your Resume Really, Really Mean, LOL!

What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I’ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere’s better.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You’re probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.

I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I’m a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I’ve been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

 

Funny Humor

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‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for December 18th

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

There seems to be two important things to do in times of difficulty. One is to pray and the other to keep our sense of humor. The first is essential to make the basic correction and the other is necessary to balance the human spirit while things work out.

Without a sense of humor, we tend to become too serious about the personal self. It becomes all too important, too self-righteous, and far too self-centered.

At the first signs of trouble, we may want to find someone wiser in whom to confide and ask questions. And their advice may be most helpful, but it is still our own responsibility to get off our backs and do it with dignity and self-respect that will not lower our standards nor cause us embarrassment. And humor can help us do it.

There is humor in every situation if we can detach ourselves from the seriousness of it long enough to look for it. Abraham Lincoln knew the importance of his sense of humor and said, “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.”

________________________________________

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet: http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org

A Little Humor for Your Day – What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I’ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, any where’s better.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You’re probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.

I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I’m a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I’ve been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

Funny Humor

Good Monday Morn, My Dear Friends & Family!

Good Monday morning, my dear family! How are you doing today? I hope super. At least the Sun is shining here and that seems to lift my spirit just alone. Sorry about the weekend! I got pissed at myself Saturday, it just seemed like I couldn’t get anything done. Then I felt guilty about Sunday, but a little voice told me to relax and enjoy what I was doing. I have to admit I did enjoy it. My poor broke finger (that was suppose to be healed) is telling the tale I enjoy it too much, lol! Oh, so not funny! I still ain’t sure about those darn jingle bells. I guess they will have to do till I find something better.

I can’t get over it being December. It seems like this year has just flew by. The old saying around here, “Time flies when you are having a good time,” I must have been having one heck of a good time! Thinking back, I hope I don’t have this good of time ever again, lol! Broken finger & leg, stitches in the hand, and I am sure there are quite a few things I am forgetting. Oh, yeah, lost of memory, seriously! You ever go to do something, get up from the desk and then wonder what you got up for? That’s me. If I don’t write it down anymore, it don’t get done. I could call it what it is but I am not that old yet! Keyword, “yet!”

One more thing before I run…..Who hooked me up on Match.com? Everyone here swears up and down they didn’t (yeah, right!). It was curious when I opened up our email and there was about 6 or 7 saying, “Here are your matches for Kentucky.” I had to do a double take on that one. I thought it was funny though. Someone (and I am positive I know who) used my ID and our site email account and opened up a Match.com just for little old me. I almost laughed my rump off. I guess someone is trying to give me that extra special Yule present this year. Thanks Mystie but I am perfectly content the way things are right now. Ooops, did I say, “Mystie!”

Anyway I have got to run for now. I hope everyone has a very blessed week. Be safe, my friends!

Luv & Hugs,

Lady A

A Little Humor for Your Day – The Truth About Cats

The Truth About Cats

  • There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
  • Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
  • Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
  • In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.
  • As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
  • “One cat just leads to another.” — Ernest Hemingway
  • Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
  • Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
  • People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.
  • Cats aren’t clean, they’re covered with cat spit.
  • A dog will jump on your lap because he likes you; a cat will jump on your lap because it’s warmer than the floor.

Turok’s Cabana

Let’s Talk Witch – Has Moved for the Day

hecate4

I have my reasons for moving the “Let’s Talk Witch” section today. It will be after the cartoon today. I am going to write it and you know how I am when I get started, lol!

If you have a moment, stick around or pop back in later and read it. It is going to deal with our Ancestors and rituals that we might be planning on doing. Should be interesting. Because I had never thought of what I am going to write about till this morning, hmm…..

Wishing You A Very Happy & Healthy Saturday!

I hope everyone is having a great day. I have been up since 2 this morning with a sick stomach. I took a brief nap thought I might feel better when I got up, HA! It was only worse. I don’t believe I can do any posting while sitting on the toilet, sorry.

But I am either going back to bed or the bathroom, one or the other. I hate to let you down but hopefully it is just a 24 hour bug. If you can’t find enough around here to get into, run over to our Pinterest account. Check out what Mystie is putting on there. We haven’t figured out yet how to connect two or three people to the same board. So she uses my account till we get it figured out. Anyway she is over there. I am in the bathroom. If I don’t flush myself (a little bathroom humor, ha, ha), I will see you tomorrow.

Goddess Bless You & Yours,

Luv & Hugs,

Lady A

Your Animal Spirit for October 23 is the Squirrel

Your Animal Spirit for Today
October 23, 2013

Squirrel

Hoard, hoard, hoard! Squirrel has been a busy fellow, gathering food for the long winter ahead—and he advises you to do the same. Have you set enough money aside to get you through lean times, or do you squander what you earn? We all love a shopping spree, but if Squirrel scurries into your reading, he’s cautioning you to spend a little, but also save a little.

Daily Chinese Horoscope for October 21st

CHINESE ASTROLOGY: YEAR OF THE SNAKE

October 21, 2013

In the love realm, you must produce something other than jokes so that your indiscretions will be forgiven; try small gifts. New friendly ties will be created, and it will be in your best interest to cultivate them. You’ll be in shaky physical form: bad nervous resistance and lethargy, for instance. The professional initiatives that you’ll take this day will lead you straight along the path to success.

A Little Humor for Your Day – THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

1.   Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail address for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write “is” letterhead.

2.   You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.

3.   You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because
there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.

4.   You think of the gadgets in our office as “friends,” but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.

5.   You disdain people who use low baud rates.

6.   When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customer’s questions, while the salesperson stands by
silently, nodding his head.

7.   You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking
how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8.   You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase
“digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not
surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.

9.   You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
social security number.

10.  You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we
all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions
that talk to other contraptions.

11.  You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature.

12.  Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that
are far more clever than :-).

13.  You back up your data every day.

14.  Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you
return with a rest for your mouse.

15.  You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16.  On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster
than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17.  The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your
mind.

18.  You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town
hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t
because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

19.  You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in
advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up
the street names.

20.  You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21.  You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you
start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the
product it is selling.

22.  You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-
and-half inch sizes.

23.  Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

24.  You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they
are.

25.  While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you
compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

26.  You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to
say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of
feeling compelled to make something up.

27.  You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

28.  You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal.

29.  You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions
about which is better — the track ball or the track “pad.”

30.  You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology
has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a
tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

31. You e-mail this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get
around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the
phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-
to-face.

Well I told you I would probably end up…..

computer_bug

 

working out some more bugs this week before it was over with! One of the little devils crawled out of the keyboard, well really off the computer screen.

I gave everyone here at the WOTC the week off (except the guys & gal that helps with the critters). I did that were I could fix the computer and have some quiet time. I wanted the time to myself to fix the computers right. Well I did. The two computers were so screwed up, I had to wipe them totally clean. Then come to find out, Annie had dug through the disks’ files, mixed them all up and she had no earthly idea where the backup disks to the computers were. So I said fine, I will see you next week, all of you. Then I wiped the computers clean from their hard drives. I don’t what she did but nothing would come up on either one of the computers. I was able to open the computers up through their safe mode settings and go from there.

In the process of replacing everything else, I had to go and try to find the Microsoft Works package. When I found it, it was only $164.00. I said crap. That amount of money would feed and pay the light bill here, I couldn’t afford that. So instead, I went and downloaded this half-assed piece of poop. I believe it is called Office Open or Open Office, something like that. Anyway it has a mind of its own. I put the margins in place, go to type, their gone. I can be typing one spot, then my cursor is back at the beginning and I have screwed it all up.

Today, my good mood got shot down quickly. I put the Almanac on there, the Spell, Life As The Witch. I selected paste all of it. It was plainly left on the program here on my computer. I put it over in my old group on Yuku, thank goodness. By the time I got back to get the Correspondence, everything was gone. EVERYTHING!

So now, I am using the little notepad on my computer. I know ya’ll get tired of listening to me bitch but I swear if someone doesn’t know what they are doing, why do they do it anyway. WHY!

When it came to the horoscopes, the notepad wouldn’t cooperate at all. So I just stopped. I am trying to figure out what I am going to have to do. I know what I need to do but you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip.

Believe me, it does feel good to get this stuff off my chest. It is also a good thing I gave everyone in the office the week off. Or else you would have been reading about me in the paper. I don’t know it will work out somehow I hope. Just have a little more patience, please. I will get these programs back on these computers eventually.

I appreciate the patience you have already had with me. How about we say the heck with it and do some spells now.

 

Tell Me It’s Friday! Please, Please Tell Me! Merry Meet Wonderful Family & Friends!

Days Of The Week Comments Ain’t I cute? Yes, this is my latest portrait, lol! Well if we believed in hell I could say this has been a week from there. Huh, I guess I could say this has been a week at the stake, poor taste, very poor.

Let’s see where did it all start? Oh, yeah I remember now……I left Annie in charge of getting out the daily postings, yes that was it! It was the morning that we got the call to go chase those little baby vultures through the woods. I had to go, the Countess who knows where she is at. I have a good idea but I won’t say, lol! I had ever thing on my computer for the day already to go. I asked Annie if she would come over and post the postings. No problem, she said. So I left to go vulture hunting and left the office to my dear, sweet Annie. Well while I was gone, she screwed up my computer. Unfortunately, she tried to fix it :s ! She couldn’t fix it so she went and got on another computer. She did the same thing but this time she just turned it off. By the time I came back I had four little pecking vultures and two crashed computers. Well my was crashed so bad it wouldn’t even boot up. The thing that made matter worse is that she didn’t even mention crashing my computer to me. She said she had to leave early. She left I sit down to see if she had the postings done. Nothing! I said a few choice words and went to the next computer. Nothing again. It is a good thing she left early. Then we are short a computer because of hers getting destroyed in the fire. So I said the hell with it and went and played with the cougar. I kept wondering if the cougar would open her mouth and I could stick my head in, lol!

The insurance adjuster came out and he agreed that they would fix and replace everything. All I have to do is pay the deductible. I plan on getting a new computer and when I do, I am putting a bear trap on it. I still have to get a contractor. The insurance agent told me to get whoever I wanted and they wouldn’t say anything except, “Fix it!”

Anyway, I got this computer up and on the net. I wanted to let you know what was going on. We are experiencing……

Annie Technical Issues

 

I have to reload tons of files on this one and I still have the other one to go. I was hoping we would be back on the net today. But it isn’t going to happen. We will be back tomorrow for sure. Just have patience with us. Annie is still learning computers, if you couldn’t tell, lol!

Have a very Blessed Day,

Luv & Hugs,

Lady A

Your I Ching Hexagram for Dec. 29th is 10:Treading Carefully

10: Treading Carefully

Saturday, Dec 29th, 2012

hexagram09

 

 

 

 

People of ability find their way and make progress even in difficult circumstances. Consider your steps carefully when you are surrounded by changing forces. Weak and strong forces (or people) can co-exist when the weaker element does not impose upon the stronger, when the weaker maintains good humor and avoids taking bold action. When treading among sleeping tigers — or slippery stones — step gingerly and don’t stumble.

In the company of strong, brash people, rushing wildly ahead brings misfortune. Now is not a good time for taking the initiative; rather, try getting by with a little grace and good humor. In the court of a powerful king, the jester often has more power than the prince.

Sometimes we just need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are…

Sometimes we just need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are…


1.Never give yourself a haircut after
three margaritas.
2.You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.
If it
doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn’t, use the
tape.
3.The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship
are:
“I apologize” and “You are right.”
4.Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them.
5.When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It’s
easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
6.The best advice that your mother
ever gave you was.
“Go! You might meet somebody!”
7. If he/she says that
you are too good for him/her–believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles;
ask yourself, ‘Will this matter one year from now?
How about one month? One
week? One day?’
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up
breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. Living well really
is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship
just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good,
but it’s not that important.
13. Be really nice to your friends. You never
know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Ah, It’s Monday! Ah, It’s Monday! Please Wake Me Up & Tell Me Tuesday, lol!

How’s your day going so far? I hope fantastic. I don’t even want to talk about mine. But I do have a question, why does everyone not like Mondays? I was going through the graphics to post a pic. I could not find one that said anything nice about Mondays! I know today hasn’t been a very good day for me. I have been up since 12:30 a.m., last night. I took a nap during a show and after that I was wide awake. I don’t know I just haven’t felt the same since I got electrocuted. I told my husband that last night. He wanted me to explain it. Heck, I don’t know, I just don’t feel like myself. Take for instance right now, I just want to break down and cry. It has been a stressful and costly day but nothing I normally can’t handle. I know when I am walking it is really strange. It is like I am trying to astral project. I have my inner being slowly slip out behind me. I can see me walking and everything. My inner being is just dragging along. Now go to the doctor and tell him that. He would commit me. You know it is funny. Something I feel like I can talk to all of you about. While others, I have to keep certain details hidden. I would imagine being witches you know what I mean. We don’t go around broadcasting, “Hey, look at me! I’m a witch!”

I have to admit, I do feel better now. I don’t feel like I want to break down and cry anymore. I guess keeping things bottled up doesn’t help at all. You know yourself, there are things we can never mention to anyone. We have problems, we can’t go to someone for help. We have to solve them ourselves. I just feel all alone at times, even though there are people around me all the time. When I get on the blog and start writing to all of you, I don’t feel alone anymore. I can feel your energy and your love. It let’s me know you are there and you care. I don’t feel alone with you. I feel like I am amongst family. It is wonderful to have kindred spirits.

On a serious note, I would ask for your patience today. You know we have the Southern Hemisphere that we do their horoscopes and everything else for. Well their horoscopes and other info hasn’t been getting done. So today, I am going to try to pull up both sites and post in them at the same time. I did it once before and I guess I will have to start doing it again. We made a commitment to our friends down under and we have really been lax in following through. Hopefully things will start to change for them. The lady that was suppose to come in and help out had an emergency. She won’t be here till next week. Surely, I can hold out to then, lol! But that is what I will be doing. I hope it won’t cause any problem here. I think I can post as fast as I use too, keyword, “think,” lol!

Have a great one, my dear brothers and sisters,

Luv & Hugs,

Lady A

More Monday Comments

Kitty Humor – 8 Reasons Cats Are Better Than Kids

8 Reasons Cats Are Better Than Kids

 

As a mother, I can say with great confidence there are more than eight  reasons why cats are better than kids, but just in case my two daughters (6 and  8 years old) read this post someday, I better leave it to eight! This would also  be a good time to clarify: I love my daughters. I love their giggles. I love  their curls. I love the charming crayon drawings they proudly bring me.

Yes, I love reading them bedtime stories and I love kissing their boo-boos,  but there are admittedly moments — and sometimes even days — when I wonder if  life would have been easier if I had just been happy with my husband and three  cats and left it at that! Cats, after all, are so much easier to live with – and  you can leave them (mostly) alone when you go on vacation.

So, for those of you without kids still hankering to procreate, here is my  short list of why you should either be happy with the cat you have or, if you do  not already have a cat, why you should consider cats instead of kids!

1. Cats are quiet – really quiet, compared to kids!

2. Cats take care of their own potty needs. You never have to wipe a cat’s  bum. If they are indoor-outdoor cats, you don’t even need a litter box.

3. Cats make great company when you are sick. They just curl up next to you —  quietly (see, there is that word again) and they do not ask you to play bingo or  monster trucks when you are about to upchuck into the toilet bowl.

4. To feed cats all you have to do is leave a bowl of dried food on the  floor. It can also be the same food everyday.

5. You never have to bathe a cat — they do so all on their own and without  complaining.

6. Cats, unlike kids, love to be brushed. When you brush a cat, there is no  howling or tears — and thus no guilt.

7. They never argue or talk back to you with a voice full of sass.

8. As said above, you can leave cats mostly alone while on vacation and  if you want a date with your partner, you never need a babysitter, thus making  those dates easier and cheaper.

In spite of all the benefits of having just cats instead of kids, you must be  careful about having too many cats, especially if you are female, single, and  over age 40. Otherwise you may be known behind you back as “the crazy cat lady”  —  or worse accused of witchcraft. Having a few kids around however can  diffuse the name calling and the witchcraft suspicions! Furthermore, if you  really like to wipe bum-bums, loud noises, and cooking for picky eaters, the  good news is that cats and kids are not incompatible. In fact, you can enjoy both. I know, because I do.