A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Thirty-One Signs Technology Has Taken Over’

THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

1.   Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The
letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail address for two on-line services, and your
Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and
continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any
letter you write “is” letterhead.

2.   You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.

3.   You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because
there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.

4.   You think of the gadgets in our office as “friends,” but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.

5.   You disdain people who use low baud rates.

6.   When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customer’s questions, while the salesperson stands by
silently, nodding his head.

7.   You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking
how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8.   You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase
“digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not
surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.

9.   You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
social security number.

10.  You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

11.  You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature.

12.  Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that
are far more clever than :-).

13.  You back up your data every day.

14.  Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you
return with a rest for your mouse.

15.  You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16.  On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17.  The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your
mind.

18.  You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town
hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

19.  You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in
advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.

20.  You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21.  You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you
start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the
product it is selling.

22.  You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-
and-half inch sizes.

23.  Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

24.  You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they
are.

25.  While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you
compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

26.  You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to
say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of
feeling compelled to make something up.

27.  You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

28.  You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

29.  You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions
about which is better — the track ball or the track “pad.”

30.  You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology
has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a
tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

31. You e-mail this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get
around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the
phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-
to-face.

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A Little Humor for Your Day – ’31 Signs Technology has Overtaken Your Life’

THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The
letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail address for two on-line services, and your
Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and
continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any
letter you write “is” letterhead.

2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.

3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because
there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.

4. You think of the gadgets in our office as “friends,” but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.

5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.

6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customer’s questions, while the salesperson stands by
silently, nodding his head.

7. You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking
how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase
“digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not
surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.

9. You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
social security number.

10. You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we
all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions
that talk to other contraptions.

11. You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature.

12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that
are far more clever than :-).

13. You back up your data every day.

14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you
return with a rest for your mouse.

15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster
than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your
mind.

18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town
hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t
because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in
advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up
the street names.

20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you
start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the
product it is selling.

22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-
and-half inch sizes.

23. Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they
are.

25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you
compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to
say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of
feeling compelled to make something up.

27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal.

29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions
about which is better — the track ball or the track “pad.”

30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology
has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a
tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

31. You e-mail this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get
around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the
phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-
to-face.

A Little Humor for Your Day – THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

THIRTY ONE SIGNS TECHNOLOGY HAS OVERTAKEN YOUR LIFE

1.   Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail address for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write “is” letterhead.

2.   You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.

3.   You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because
there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.

4.   You think of the gadgets in our office as “friends,” but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.

5.   You disdain people who use low baud rates.

6.   When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customer’s questions, while the salesperson stands by
silently, nodding his head.

7.   You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking
how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8.   You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase
“digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not
surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.

9.   You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
social security number.

10.  You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we
all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions
that talk to other contraptions.

11.  You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature.

12.  Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that
are far more clever than :-).

13.  You back up your data every day.

14.  Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you
return with a rest for your mouse.

15.  You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16.  On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster
than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17.  The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your
mind.

18.  You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town
hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t
because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

19.  You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in
advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up
the street names.

20.  You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21.  You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you
start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the
product it is selling.

22.  You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-
and-half inch sizes.

23.  Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

24.  You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they
are.

25.  While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you
compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

26.  You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to
say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of
feeling compelled to make something up.

27.  You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

28.  You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal.

29.  You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions
about which is better — the track ball or the track “pad.”

30.  You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology
has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a
tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

31. You e-mail this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get
around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the
phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-
to-face.

the daily humorscope 

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will hear a strange flapping sound today. Glancing outside, you will see a precision drill team marching by wearing scuba flippers and waving feather dusters. Avoid eye contact. Stay indoors.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as “Frijole-breath” before the day is through.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will find yourself using a very old spreadsheet program, soon. So old, in fact, that the columns have to be either Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’ve been a little down lately, and it’s time to snap out of it! You’ve got to smell the roses while there’s time, since you’re not going to live forever. Which is good, since you’re already seeing hair in funny places…
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’ve always felt, like Socrates, that the unexamined life is not worth living. There’s no need to use a microscope, however.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Today you’ll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60’s and 70’s, and will change your name to “Sunflower” in protest.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Excellent day to make strange “hooting” noises, while hiding in the bushes.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
This is a time when you need to hold on to your dreams. Or in other words, reality is becoming too much for you, and you should try to escape into a bizarre fantasy life. Heck, it works fine for Ross Perot, doesn’t it?
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things “taste like chicken”. It’s because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
What is freedom? Is there a difference between an infinitely long leash, and no leash at all? You’ll discover the answer to that at work this week, when you get “the yank”.

the daily humorscopes for Monday, August 29

the daily humorscope

Monday, August 29, 2011

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will decide to take up juggling, today, and will become exceedingly good at it. Eventually, you’ll start an offbeat new religion, and proclaim that Supreme Truth will be revealed to those who juggle.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Today you will become stuck in a wicker chair. This is what the British refer to as a “sticky wicker”, as it is an unfortunately common occurrence in their climate.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand — tomorrow will be ugly.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You need to be a bit more brusque, to cut down on your interruptions. Stay just this side of gruff, however – and make sure you don’t stray into crustyness.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
It’s time to tell your friend to quit wearing that rediculous goatee. Why not recommend a sheepee, instead?
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
In a stroke of pure marketing genius, you will start a company to sell fresh-roasted peanut butter door-to-door. Your sales people may find the peanut costumes a bit uncomfortable, at first, however.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Noticing a picture on a colleague’s desk, you will comment “I’ve never cared for those hairless cats”. That might not be a good thing to say. Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy…
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Several extremely hungry creatures will look at you strangely, today. Throw them a raisin cookie.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
While cracking your knuckles today, you will be a bit startled to hear a “ping” sound rather than a “pop”. That’s a bad habit, anyway.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
You will have an intellectual discussion with a potato, soon. You’ll be so caught up in whether it was Descartes or Voltaire who first advocated empiricism, that it will fail to strike you as a bit odd that the potato knows much of anything about 17th-century French philosophers. In fact, it knows more about them than you do. Later, that will irritate you.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
This is a time when you need to hold on to your dreams. Or in other words, reality is becoming too much for you, and you should try to escape into a bizarre fantasy life. Heck, it works fine for Ross Perot, doesn’t it?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
This week, you are the bug and everyone else is the really huge shoe. Your objective: don’t be noticed.