A Little Humor For Your Day – “What Things On Your Resume Really, Really Mean, LOL!

What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I’ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere’s better.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You’re probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.

I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I’m a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I’ve been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

 

Funny Humor

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

The Witches Correspondences for Tuesday, January 14th

The Witches Correspondences for Tuesday, January 14th

 

Magickal Intentions: Courage, Physical Strength, Revenge, Military Honors, Surgery and the Breaking of Negative Spells, Matrimony, War, Enemies, Prison, Vitality and Assertiveness
Incense: Dragon’s Blood, Patchouli
Planet: Mars
Sign: Aries and Scorpio
Angel: Samuel
Colors: Red and Orange
Herbs/Plants:Red Rose, Cock’s Comb, Pine, Daisy, Thyme and Pepper
Stones: Carnelian, Bloodstone, Ruby, Garnet and Pink Tourmaline
Oil: (Mars) Basil, Coriander, Ginger

Mars rules Tuesday. The energies of this day best harmonize with efforts of masculine vibration, such as conflict, physical endurance and strength, lust, hunting, sports, and all types of competition. Use them, too, for rituals involving surgical procedures or political ventures.

Enhanced by Zemanta

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for November 21

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Prisoners never love their jails. And the same holds true for all kinds of prisoners, whether they be dogs on leashes or human beings tied to responsibilities. If they are there of their own free will and because they have a sense of belonging, the connecting link is made of love.

Responsible people with an assignment, and the feeling that it is theirs alone, will do it to the best of their ability and see it through. But if they must be watched and directed in every step, then it is a jail and the first thought is how to get out.

Freedom to be an individual with the right to make even small decisions is a precious possession. Freedom to come and go can build faith and trust within people, to make them stick closer than brothers. The rigid rules and constant prodding of a free spirit will force them to find that freedom.

We simply cannot keep another in bondage without being in bondage ourselves. To hold humanity by invisible force is to keep constant watch. And even beneath that watchful eye there will be a continual search for escape.

Anyone completely dependent upon others must always bear their will-O-the-wisp attitudes and the rising and lowering of the emotional tides. However, it is presumptuous of anyone to believe they can possibly be completely independent of others. Without other people, we cannot exist.

But to believe we are doing our best for anyone except ourselves is to build on sand. Of course other inspire us. They give us reasons to be better. They give us the benefit of their experience, but we seldom learn from that. We demand experience of our own. So consequently, we err and make it right. We mar and erase. And sometimes we try and fail, but always it is up to us to decide whether we do better or worse.

We can despair easily if allowed to become completely and utterly dependent upon others. They are human and they make mistakes. But we must know some measure of forgiveness the same as we must know some independence, if only in the spirit. And if the spirit is free, then all else shall be too.

_______________________________

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet: http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org 

A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Jail vs. Work’

Jail Vs. Work

IN PRISON…you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK … you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON…you get three meals a day.
AT WORK…you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON…you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK…you get more work for good behavior

IN PRISON…the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK…you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON…you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK…you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON…you get your own toilet.
AT WORK…you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON…they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK…you can’t even speak to your family.

IN PRISON…the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK…you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON…you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get  out.
AT WORK…you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON…you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK…they are called managers.

Good Monday Afternoon, My Precious Family & Friends!

 

I must apologize for running so late. It isn’t really my fault though. No one woke me up and that is for a reason I must say. Smartie pants took off her brace for her finger yesterday (heck it’s been 3 weeks). Anyway, I got that finger of all fingers twisted up in a bed sheet. Don’t get the wrong idea, I was making the bed up or at least trying.  It turned that finger all the way around. When it was finally loose from the sheet it was flopping like a fish out of water. Pain, oh brother was there pain. So after it quit hurting I just passed out. I guess everyone let me sleep because of that awful incident. The finger is swore and swollen. Just as long as I don’t try to straighten it up, I am fine. Well look at it this way, I won’t be permanently popping people the bird, lol!

 

When I run across a difficult decision that will effect us all, I consult with you. If you read yesterday issue, you will know that the latest regards us opening up a prison ministry. I have had several responses and I appreciate them very much. The responses so far have opened up my eyes. I never stopped to think about the danger I might be putting you, my dear family in. Due to those facts presented to me, we will not be opening up a prison ministry.  I received several emails from individuals that use to be involved and still are in the Corrections Department. Their letters moved me very deeply.  All of them said, “we have good intentions but I had to remember these people committed crimes.” “If not, they would not be in the Prison system.” They also went on to tell me about how other well-meaning groups had been taken advantage of. Or the material sent to them never reached them. It was either destroyed or stolen by other inmates. Due to the facts of the letters, I have received we will not be opening up a Prison ministry. I believe this is best for us and our safety.

 

I know there are some from Prisons reading this right now. I must apologize for getting your hopes up. But I cannot risk, my family and my friends. I know there are honest individuals that want material. They are craving it because the Goddess is working on them and their hearts are changing. But as anything else, a few bad apples spoil the whole barrel.  Again, I am sorry but we cannot take the risks involved in open such a ministry up. The only suggestion opened for you now, is to continue to follow the site. We will try to post as much current news and information as we can.

 

Thank you so much for your input. Thank you for being a part of our loving community. Most of all thank you for being my brothers and sisters.

Have a great week,

Love,

Lady A

 

Something To Think About & I Want Your Input, Please!

You can tell you are growing when you have request to branch out. We have had such a request. I have had such a request. It is for us to start a prison ministry. I have received several letters from inmates all over the U. S.,  requesting that we do so. Some request old books of ours that we are through with. One inmate I received a letter from told me he can’t get any Pagan material in his prison. The latest book he has read is “A Witch’s Notebook,” by RavenWolf. Then there are others who want just penpals. Someone knowledgeable in the Craft that they could ask questions (sort of act like a teacher). Then I have others who want us to put out a monthly bulletin. I would love to do this but our budget does not let us do so right now.

 

It is up to you if we go through with this idea. If we are in agreement on going ahead with this project, I will put up a page called “Prison Ministry.” On this page, I will list the inmates and what they have requested. If you can meet that need then you will let me know and I will strike that inmate out. I give you my word as a Witch, I will never let any of your private information available to anyone. I know that these inmates have committed crimes or else they wouldn’t be in prison.

 

There are several old quotes I could use at this time but I won’t. I will confess that I wasn’t really keen on this idea to start with. Then the Goddess spoke to me. “Did I not realize how great Her Love it.”  Was I not the one that insists on spreading our Religion? This avenue has now opened for you and you aren’t going to take it? These inmates are crying out for information on Paganism. There is no one to answer their pleas.

 

I have always said this is your site, I am just the caretaker. Now it is up to you, do we start this Prison Ministry or not? If we start it, it will be something that grows and grows. Are you ready to make a commitment to stick to this Ministry for the long  haul?

 

 

Today's Tarot Card for September 10th is The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man

Tuesday, Sep 10th, 2013

 

 

 

 

Traditionally, the card known as the Hanged Man usually indicates a lack of ability to help oneself through independent action. This energy is arrested and awaiting judgment. With this card, there is no avenue for the will to regain control until the situation has passed.

This represents a good time to be philosophical, to study and meditate upon the position you find yourself in, and form resolutions for the moment you become free again. Only those who possess wisdom, patience and optimism will be able to see through limitations, including possible humiliation, to grasp the inspiring lesson one can gain from such an experience.

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for August 2

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Prisoners never love their jails. And the same holds true for all kinds of prisoners, whether they be dogs on leashes or human beings tied to responsibilities. If they are there of their own free will and because they have a sense of belonging, the connecting link is made of love.

Responsible people with an assignment, and the feeling that it is theirs alone, will do it to the best of their ability and see it through. But is they must be watched and directed in every step, then it is a jail and the first thought is how to get out.

Freedom to be an individual with the right to make even small decisions is a precious possession. Freedom to come and go can build faith and trust within people, to make them stick closer than brothers. The rigid rules and constant prodding of a free spirit will force them to find that freedom.

We simply cannot keep another in bondage without being in bondage ourselves. To hold humanity by invisible force is to keep constant watch. And even beneath that watchful eye there will be a continual search for escape.

Anyone completely dependent upon others must always bear their will-O-the-wisp attitudes and the rising and lowering of the emotional tides. However, it is presumptuous of anyone to believe they can possibly be completely independent of others. Without other people, we cannot exist.

But to believe we are doing our best for anyone except ourselves is to build on sand. Of course others inspire us. They give us reasons to be better. They give us the benefit of their experience, but we seldom learn from that. We demand experience of our own. So consequently, we err and make it right. We mar and erase. And sometimes we try and fail, but always it is up to us to decide whether we do better or worse.

We can despair easily of allowed to become completely and utterly dependent upon others. They are human and they make mistakes. But we must know some measure of forgiveness the same as we must know some independence, if only in the spirit. And if the spirit is free, then all else shall be too.

*<<<=-=>>>*<<<=-=>>>*<<<=-=>>>*<<<=-=>>>*

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet:

 

http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org

Lighten Up – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – Prefers to remain anonymous

Day 752— My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I’m forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761—-Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving in and out of their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, note must try at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair……must try doing this on their bed.

Day768—I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was given the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called (shampoo). What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of the thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771—There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they called ” Beer”. More importantly I over heard that my confinement was due to my Power of Allergies. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774—I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half wit. The bird on-the-other-hand has got to be an informant he speaks with them on a regular basis. I am certain he is reporting on my every move. Due to his placement in a metal room his safety is assured. But, I can watch and I can wait. It is only a matter of time.