Jane lived in Hollywood, California, and Julie lived in Miami, Florida. They both could afford to have their hair done by Pierre in St. Louis.
One day they both decided to have their hair done. They both called Pierre but he told them that he had only one spot left and that whoever would get there first could have it.
Jane hopped into her private jet and Julie hopped into her own helicopter. Jane had to emergency land in Denver, but Julie made it to St. Louis for her hair appointment.
The moral of the story is, the whirlybird gets the perm.
New State Slogans
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedies Don’t Own It Yet.
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney…
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We’re Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si’ Hablo Ing’les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?
Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family…Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men…And The Sheep Are Afraid!!!!!!!!!!
A Little Public Service Announcement for all our family & friends of the WOTC! I mentioned a few weeks ago about receiving two offers to do TV shows and several radio interviews. I promised that I would let you know when any of these events were going to take place. The first event is a radio interview on February 6th. The station is KCSB FM 91.9 in Santa Barbara. The interview will aired at 12 am I understand. So if any of our friends out in the California area would like to listen in, please do so. It would be nice to know I had friendly ears listening. Also say a prayer or two for me, I am sure I will be a nervous wreck.
Luv & Hugs,
Peace on the inside
You can choose to be active and involved on the outside while being fully at peace on the inside. It is a powerful way to live.
You can let all the changes and dramas, the comings and goings, and the ups and downs inspire and inform you. But you don’t have to let it all get to you.
There is a part of you that is whole and authentic and imperturbable. It is there that peace always lives.
Let the outer part of you be enthusiastically involved in the brilliant, exhilarating confusion and complexity of what’s going on. Let the inner part of you put it all in perspective.
It is authentic, deep-seated peace on the inside that enables you to be highly effective on the outside. Nothing can get to you or bring you down if you’re already filled with the best there is.
Choose to let a peaceful presence fill the deepest part of you. Allow that peace to give great power to all you do.
— Ralph Marston
The Daily Motivator
Elder’s Meditation of the Day – December 20
“My pottery is the handiwork of God.”
–Teresita Naranjo, SANTA CLARA PUEBLO
The Great One has given every human being at least one special talent and one special gift. We need to develop and practice these gifts because they are the handiwork of God. Maybe we are artists-when people look at our work it puts joy in their hearts; maybe we are singers-when people listen to our songs, their hearts are happy; maybe we are writers of song or poetry-when people hear or read our work, it may change their lives. We need to honor ourselves and our gifts. We need to thank the Creator for our talents and our gifts.”
My Creator, let me use my gifts to further Your work on the Earth.
Your Animal Spirit for Today
December 19, 2013
Otter represents one of the most playful feminine energies on earth—and she has swum over into your reading to bring a message of joyful play. If life has been difficult or challenges overwhelming, relax a little—Otter is here to remind you that play is just as important as work—and NOT competitive play, but rather the kind you loved as a child. Hopscotch anyone?
Elder’s Meditation of the Day – December 5
“I’ve had a long regard for generational things: pottery, cultural things, participation in dancing, extended family. Only in that way does culture survive; only in that way is culture active.
–Tessie Naranjo, SANTA CLARA PUEBLO
Culture teaches us how to live and it ensures that knowledge about life is handed down from generation to generation. Culture gives us the feeling of belonging. It helps us raise our family in a good way. It teaches us how to treat one another. Culture sets boundaries for societies. We need to develop our culture. If we have left our culture, then we need to come back to it. Culture leads us back to the Great Spirit. Sometimes in our lives, we leave what we know works and experiment with something else. Then we get into trouble. So we need to come back home. Indian people are lucky to have a culture to return to.
Creator, thank you for the culture. Let me live it today.
Sensual Back/Body Massage
You will need one ounce of apricot oil, three drops of jasmine-scented oil, three drops of sandalwood-scented oil, and three drops of ylang ylang scented oil.
In the morning, leave a love note where your lover will find it. Make it personal. Tell him or her how much he or she means to you. For example, write:
My Sweet Love, all that I am, all that I see, all that I feel, all that I dream and do are brighter, more beautiful and more meaningful, because I am so delightfully in love with you.
Next during the day, make a phone call to your love and tell him or her that you will have nothing on but his or her favorite CD after dark tonight. Your lover will be thinking abut you all day.
After dark, mix the oils together, go sky clad and anoint yourself with the mixture. When your lover arrives take off his or her clothes, anoint him or her with the oil, and show him or her how strong and creative your love can really be! Apply plenty of the oil mixture to your lover’s back, and take several minutes to give your love a relaxing and sensuous shoulder and back massage. Allow him or her to reciprocate. Make love and remember to focus on your magickal goal or symbol as you climax.
A Bridge to Hawaii
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The genie said, “OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.
The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete… how much steel…! No. Think of another wish.”
The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women… know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment…know why they’re crying…know what they really want when they say, ‘Nothing’…know how to make them truly happy….”
The genie said, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”