Category: A Little Humor for Your Day

A Smile for Today

Who says chocolate bunnies, eggs, etcetera is just for a Christian Easter? Enjoy dying your eggs, making Ostara baskets for yourself and your family!

I try to do this every year and my grandchildren love they get goodies and small toys baskets twice. I don’t do an egg hunt anymore as most of my grandchildren are to old to believe in a Goddess hiding eggs or parents are working during the week and it would be hard for a 1 and 5 year old to find them in the dark. After the 1 year old was born in January 2023 we did an egg hunt inside. It was banned as an egg I hid, I make a map to make sure none are forgotten started with my children decades ago, wasn’t where it should have been a search of the area around there turned up nothing. Will my grandson who was 4 at time found it about a month later and ate it. He had moved it so grandma could find it. Unfortunately he did get sick from eating the rotten egg, thankfully he was better in a couple of days.

A Little Humor for Your Day – When I become old

When I become old

When I’m a little old lady, then I’ll live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I’ve had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.
I’ll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I’ll hang my head.
I’ll run and I’ll romp, always fritter away ….. the time to be spent doing chores every day.
I’ll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they’re busy I won’t leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer … and never pick up what I drop on the floor.
Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I’ll plead for allowance whenever I wish.
I’ll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they’ve mopped it, I’ll flood it some more.
When they correct me, I’ll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.
I’ll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I’ll take them again.
I’ll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal …. Eat my banana and just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I’ll break lots of dishes as though I were four.
What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children….just the way that they lived with me!

Some Humor for Your Day

Sometimes…

Sometimes
When you cry
No one sees your tears.

Sometimes
When you are in pain
No one sees your hurt.

Sometimes
When you are worried
No one sees your stress.

Sometimes
When you are happy
No one sees your smile.

But fart just one time …

Some Humor for Monday

Why was the acid so rude on Monday?
He was a-mean-o-acid

Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?
Because Monday is a weakday.

What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
Alarm clocks.

How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
Have a Gouda week.

Why did the skeleton do such a poor job in school on Mondays?
His heart wasn’t in it.

Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right.

How do hens feel on Mondays?
Eggshausted.

Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays?
For encourage-mint.

What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning?
Why the long face?

Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison?
Monday laundering.

Some Humor for Sunday

A man on a train gets up and moves to the doors. A conductor notices and says “Sorry sir, this train doesn’t stop at the next station on a Sunday night.” Seeing how disappointed he is, the conductor says “It does slow down going through the station though, perhaps there is a way I could help you if you like.”

So as the train slows down the conductor takes hold of the man’s coat collar and lifts him out over the platform, “Start running in the air so you don’t fall over as you touch the ground.”

The man starts running in the air as the conductor lowers him and he has so much momentum as he hits the platform that he runs past his carriage and comes alongside the next one, the door of that carriage opens and a passenger reaches out, grabs his coat collar and lifts him inside, slamming the door, saying “You’re lucky there mate, this train doesn’t stop here on a Sunday night.”

Some Humor for Your Day

Some Humor for Your Day

What can you do to prevent a summer cold? Catch it in winter.

In the summer, what do snowmen do? Chillout.

What word does a mermaid use to address her friends? A shell phone, of course.

What do you pay to enjoy the beach for a day? Sand dollars.

Why did the detectives show up at the concert on the beach? Something fishy was going on.

On Tarzan’s summer vacation, where did he go? Hollywood and Vine.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

What kind of sandwich is best for the beach? Peanut butter and jellyfish.

Brown, hairy, and wearing sunglasses, what is it A coconut on summer vacation.

Where is your pet bird’s favorite summer vacation destination? The Canary Islands!

What makes a seagull fly above water? Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

Some Humor for Your Day

Why did the kid think it was Sunday?
Because the sun is out!

Why did the Sun cover its eyes on Sunday?
It saw the back side of the moon.

What is a vampire’s least favourite day?
Sunday

Which day of the week do sunflowers adore?
Sunday

Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?
Sunday. Monday is a weak day.

What do you call a barber that refuses to close on Sundays?
A Hair-etic.

Why do hot dogs and Sundays go together so well?
Because that’s not the wurst thing for a day at the ballpark.

What do you call somebody who only experiences extreme anxiety on Saturday and Sunday?
A weekend worrier.

What day is ice cream day?
Sunday!

Which day of the week makes you happy in the morning and sad at bedtime?
Sunday.

What is the nastiest word you can use on Sunday?
Monday!

Why is Sunday such a fun day?
Because all you really have to do is sleep until you’re hungry, and then eat until you feel sleepy.

Why are the week days actually the strongest days of the week?
Because they all work out.

Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.

Some Humor for Your Day

5 Very Literal Translations from March/April 2023 issue of Reader’s Digest

Papier vampier (Afrikaans)

Translation” “paper vampire”

What we call it: Stapler

Bergmal (Icelandic)

Translation: “rock language”

What we call it: Echo

Schagzeug (German)

Translation: “Hit Stuff’

What we call it: drums

Gavisti (Sanskrit)

Translation: “desire for cattle”

What we call it: War

Nui zai ku (Mandarin)

Translation: “cowboy pants”

What we call it: Jeans

Some Humor for Your Day

“Shucks, I think my spell checker needs an update!”

Some Humor for Your Day

Some Witchy Humor for Your Day

Why do witches stay in 5 star hotels?

Because of the excellent broom service!

 

What do witches put on their bagels?

Scream cheese!

 

Why did the witch give up fortune telling?

She didn’t see any future in it?

 

How does a witch tell the time?

She looks at her witch watch!

 

What do you call two witches who live together?

Broom-mates!

 

What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?

Every time she sneezed, she blew her hat off!

 

Whats the problem with twin witches?

You never know witch is which!

 

What game do witches play on halloween?

Hide and ghost seek!

 

What’s a witch’s favourite ride at the fun fair?

The scary-go-round!

 

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

 

Why do cats prefer wizards to witches?

Because sorcerers sometimes have milk in them!

 

What’s a witch’s favourite make-up?

Ma-scare-a!

 

What do you learn at witch school?

Spelling!

 

Why did three witches call in the plumber?

Hubble, bubble, toilet trouble!

 

What do you call a witch with chickenpox?

An itchy witchy!

 

What do the fastest witches use to get around?

Vroomsticks!

 

What do witches use to style their hair?

Scare spray!

 

How do you make a witch itch?

Take away the ‘w’!

 

Why did the witch go to the doctor?

She had a dizzy spell!

 

What happenes to witches who break the school rules?

They get ex-spelled!

 

What noise did the witch’s cereal make?

Snap, cackle and pop!

 

What happened to the bad-tempered witch?

She flew off the handle!

From beano.com

A Little Humor for Your Day

Wouldn’t it be great if we could plant our favorite flower to grow over a hammock or lawn chair in our favorite spot to sit outside?

A Little Humor for Your Day

In honor of my grandson who is studying to be a surgeon. He has not decided what type of surgeon just yet but is leaning towards cardio-thoracic

A Little Humor for Your Day

What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.

What do cows do on Saturday nights? They go to the mooooovies.

What did Friday say to Thursday? Come over on Saturday and stay for a Sundae.

What do ghosts like to do on a Saturday night? Boogie.

Which day of the week does one need the most? A day between Saturday and Sunday.

When did the King have his jousting contests? On Saturday Knight.

How do you keep the dreams alive on Saturdays? By hitting the snooze button.

What does a taxidermist do on Saturdays? Nothing special, just the usual stuff.

Why are fish lonely on the weekends? Because there’s no school on Saturdays or Sundays.

Why is Saturday actually a depressing day of the week? Because it’s a sadder day.

A Little Humor for Your Day

One of my favorite easy, corny jokes for children of all ages…

How to get catch a unique bird?

wait for it…

 

almost to the answer…

 

just scroll down a little more…

 

 

You neak up on it? 😂

Have a beautiful day!