Signs that You May Be a Redneck Pagan
If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb
If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire
If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife, a can of Foster’s and Little Debbie’s
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night
If when your priestess says “Blessed Be” in circle, you respond with “YEEE-HAW!”
If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly
If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart (ouch!)
If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin’ “Hey, Y’all! Watch me
If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup’s gun rack
If you found out your familiar is an oppossum and still ate it
If you have cast a love spell on livestock
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu
If you invoke the sprits so that your beer lasts longer
If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, “The circle is open but unbroken”
If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture.
If you’ve ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team ..
If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker ..
If you’ve ever meditated to “Dueling Banjos”
If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod
If your altar cloth is vinyl
If your annointing oil smells like “Old Spice”
If your broom has four-wheel drive and SC plates
If your circle dance includes the words “dosey-do” ..
If your craft name starts with Bubba
If your familiar can point quail
If your ritual music includes Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire
Well, you might just be a Redneck Pagan!