A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Maintain Insanity At the Workplace, lol

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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Daily Feng Shui News for Sept. 29th – 'National Coffee Day'

On ‘National Coffee Day’ I thought that I’d share what magically delicious traditions have to say about this beverage. Mystical thought says that drinking small amounts of coffee or tea stimulate the mind and energize the body. So the next time you sip, make that your clear intention and turn your coffee break into a conscious and sacred experience.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

~Glowing Hair Coffee Rinse Recipe~

~Glowing Hair Coffee Rinse Recipe~

This is another recipe that I have not tried, but it looks interesting. Supposedly, this really works for great hair, after just one application. Make a strong brew of coffee, as strong as possible and then allow it to cool until it is warm…not hot. Apply to dry hair and keep it on for 20 minutes, then rinse with warm water.

A Little Humor for Your Day – The Caffeinated Cross

The Caffeinated Cross

by Karl Lembke

The following ritual was found in a musty, dusty old fragment of parchment  lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty  old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn’t been disturbed by the presence of  man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to  translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language  libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane,  forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of  caffeine jitters.

Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, entitled “The Mystery of the StarBuck”.

 

THE CAFFEINATED CROSS

 

Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew,  in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness.

Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone:

“LATTE”

 

Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel:

“MOCHA”

 

Bring your coffee cup to your left shoulder:

“CAPPUCHINO”

 

Bring it across to your right shoulder:

“FRAPPUCHINO”

 

Clasp your coffee cup in both hands over your heart chakra:

“ARABICA, OH MAN!”

 

Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:

“BEFORE ME, MRS. OLSON”

“BEHIND ME, JUAN VALDEZ”

“AT MY RIGHT HAND, M J B”

“AT MY LEFT HAND, THE BROTHERS HILLS”

“FOR ABOUT ME SWIRLS THE COFFEE AROMA”

“WITHIN ME SINGS THE CAFFEINE HIGH”

Drink the coffee, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Coffee Bean.  This last step may be usefully repeated as long as you like.

A Little Humor for Your Day – The Joy of Coffee

The Joy of Coffee

 by Anon


Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.

It maketh me to wake in green pastures: it leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.

It restoreth my buzz: it leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal ™: for thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.

Thou preparest a carafe before me in the prescence of Juan Valdez: thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.

Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever.

 

A Little Humor – Signs That You Drink Too Much Coffee

Signs That You Drink Too Much Coffee


  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You lick your coffeepot clean.
  • You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • You chew on other people’s fingernails.
  • Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
  • You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.
  • You can jump-start your car without cables.
  • No-Doze is a downer.
  • You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
  • Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
  • You don’t sweat, you percolate.
  • You buy half-and-half by the barrel.
  • You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
  • You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • People get dizzy just watching you.
  • You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
  • The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  • Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
  • Instant coffee takes too long.
  • When someone says “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
  • You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
  • Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
  • You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  • You short out motion detectors.
  • You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  • You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
  • You don’t tan, you roast.
  • You can’t even remember your second cup.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.

 

Turok’s Cabana

TO STOP A PERSON CAUSING HARM TO YOU

TO STOP A PERSON CAUSING HARM TO YOU

White candle; Favorite incense; Brown paper;
Lead pencil; Spoonful of used coffee grounds
Light a white candle and your favorite incense.
Meditate a short while on the problem. Invoke the Spirits of Protection.
Take a piece of brown paper, like from a grocery bag, on it use a lead pencil to print and
write the name of the offending person or people.
If unknown people are involved, also print and write,
‘and all persons unknown that are causing harm to me!’
Cross off each line forcefully and say, forcefully: I freeze name(s) to be bound by this
spell, unable to cause any more harm to (name(s)! As I will, so mote it be!
Put a spoonful of used coffee grounds on the brown paper, fold it small, and place it in the freezer.
Leave it until the problem is completely resolved.
I wrap a rubber band, string, twist tie, or what have you, to keep the coffee grounds from
falling out of the paper. You can also use a zip lock bag.
Be sure and burn the candle completely up. Don’t use that candle for a different purpose.

Lighten Up – The Caffeinated Cross

The Caffeinated Cross

by Karl Lembke

The following ritual was found in a musty, dusty old fragment of parchment lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn’t been disturbed by the presence of man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane, forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of caffeine jitters.

Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, entitled “The Mystery of the StarBuck”.

THE CAFFEINATED CROSS

Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew, in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness.

Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone:

“LATTE”

Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel:

“MOCHA”

Bring your coffee cup to your left shoulder:

“CAPPUCHINO”

Bring it across to your right shoulder:

“FRAPPUCHINO”

Clasp your coffee cup in both hands over your heart chakra:

“ARABICA, OH MAN!”

Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:

“BEFORE ME, MRS. OLSON”

“BEHIND ME, JUAN VALDEZ”

“AT MY RIGHT HAND, M J B”

“AT MY LEFT HAND, THE BROTHERS HILLS”

“FOR ABOUT ME SWIRLS THE COFFEE AROMA”

“WITHIN ME SINGS THE CAFFEINE HIGH”

Drink the coffee, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Coffee Bean. This last step may be usefully repeated as long as you like.

Dandelion Root Coffee

Dandelion Root Coffee

 

Author

 

  1. Find dandelions which should be easy. The best plants are at least two years old because big roots are the best. Autumn is a good time to harvest as they have been storing nutrition in the roots all summer.
  2. Dig up dandelion roots using a narrow trowel or you can use a shovel to loosen the roots. If there is not enough in your lawn, go to a country place where weed killers are not used. Best not to go to city parks as they often do use weed killers.
  3. Soak the roots in water to loosen the soil.
  4. Wash the dandelion roots to remove all of the soil; you can use a vegetable brush.
  5. Then rinse them well.
  6. Cut the roots off just below the tops. Save the flowers and leaves.

The leaves are nutritious; they can be steamed or small amounts added to a salad. The flowers can be made into dandelion syrup and pancakes.

 

  1. Rinse the roots well outside to get rid of most of the soil.
  2. Slice the roots into sections.
  3. Chop up the roots coarsely.
  4. Spread the chopped roots thinly on cookie sheet.
  5. Roast in at 275 degrees Fahrenheit for about 2 hours.*
  6. They are ready when the roots are dark brown the colour of coffee beans. Take care not to burn them.
  7.  Store roasted roots in an airtight container in a very cool place until you are ready to make dandelion coffee.
  8.  Grind them up in a coffee grinder and brew them just like you would with coffee grounds.
  9.  2 Tbsp of grounds for 3 cups off beverage.
  10.  Add the grounds to simmering water and simmer while covered for 7–15 minutes.
  11.  Serve with your choice of milk (almond, rice, soy, cows, goats) and sweetener of your choice.

* Alternatively you can dry roast the dandelion root after it is fully dry and chopped in a frying pan (cast iron pan is best) until it has become dark brown

7 Reasons to Cut Back on Coffee

7 Reasons to Cut Back on Coffee

Written by Randy Fritz, co-creator with Diana Herrington at Real Food for Life

Coffee is for Bugs not Your Body!

Caffeine is a natural insecticide that plants have been using to  protect themselves from insects for thousands of years!

That caffeine in your steaming cup of coffee has been put to much better use  in driving away or killing insects in your backyard, rather than  getting you going in the morning.

7 Reasons to Cut Down on Your Coffee or Caffeine Consumption 

1. Caffeine was developed as a poison.

Over millions of years, plants have developed various powerful compounds to  stop insects from stripping away every bit of greenery from the planet. Many  plants are obviously poisonous or extremely inedible to protect themselves.  Other examples of slightly toxic substances include oxalic acid in  leafy greens and capsaicin in chili peppers. When you consider the fact that we  consume 12,000 tons of caffeine a year, the amounts in these other foods are  miniscule in comparison. A good rule of thumb for health is to avoid or reduce  poisons.

2. Caffeine exhausts the adrenals.

Whereas a dose of caffeine in a small insect may stun or even kill it, in  humans it just gives us a little “buzz.” This stimulation is what many people  depend on to get themselves going with their morning coffee, but it is short  lived.

Since it really is just stimulation, an excitement of the nervous and  glandular system, it’s not producing any long term energy; and as soon as that  little high wears off, you are reaching for another shot.  Do this enough  times and your nervous and glandular system, particularly the adrenal gland, is  exhausted.  You have to keep increasing the “dose” to have energy and  eventually nothing works and you crash.

3.  Caffeine is addictive.

The fact that you can get caffeine withdrawal symptoms if you stop is an  obvious symptom of addiction. Most people don’t want to be addicted to  anything!

You probably think you don’t drink enough to be addicted, but research shows  you probably already are. Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine showed  that low to moderate caffeine intake (as little as one small cup of coffee per  day) can quickly produce withdrawal symptoms.

4.  Caffeine often comes with sugar and other health hazards. 

Raw coffee beans by themselves don’t taste good, so sweeteners are  usually  added. This is usually white sugar or some artificial chemical  that tastes  sweet.

Some people consider white sugar to also be a chemical poison.

At the very least, sugar is definitely a dumb carb and not a smart carb.  Other than the  simple sugars, it has no micronutrients like vitamins or  minerals to help your  body. Also it has a high glycemic index so it  goes quickly into the system,  creating insulin spikes and insulin  resistance, which eventually leads to  weight gain.

5.  Caffeine toxicity has been linked to, well, almost  everything.

The above four points are pretty well known. Caffeine toxicity, on the other  hand, doesn’t seem to be as commonly discussed. If you do a  medical search for  “caffeine toxicity” on Google Scholar, you get 44,000 entries.

Caffeine has been associated with studies in a lot of conditions  including:

  • irregular heartbeat
  • insomnia
  • psychosis
  • anorexia
  • sleeplessness
  • headaches
  • nervousness
  • irritability
  • depression
  • bedwetting
  • birth defects in rodents

6.  Caffeine is used as an insecticide.

Back to my original point. Over 20 years ago James Nathanson,  assistant  professor of neurology at Harvard Medical School, reported in Science magazine of this  important function of caffeine. The study determined that  caffeine  combined with other insecticides increases their killing power. In one  test, a small dose of caffeine increased known pesticides potency by 10  times. Caffeine appears to produce the destructive effect by  suppressing certain enzymes in the insects’ nervous systems. In man, caffeine is  now classified by many scientists as a neurotoxin. That means it is definitely  not “good” for your nerves.

Do you think that maybe you have other pesticides in your system that  caffeine could react with?

7.  Coffee cups destroy the environment.

The world drinks 400 billion coffees a year. We toss away 100 million cups a  year which, if we are careful with our trash, ends up in landfills.

The paper in landfills, like all organic matter, decomposes without oxygen,  and thus produces methane which has 23 times the heat trapping power of CO2.

The plastic coating of the paper and the polystyrene coffee cup lid, after  its minutes-long use, will continue to exist for hundreds of years. Plastic  coffee cup lids contain the toxic substances styrene and benzene, which have  been documented as suspected carcinogens and neurotoxins. That’s also bad!

You Could Choose Worse!

If you are going to choose a drug, caffeine is certainly better than alcohol,  nicotine, cocaine or narcotics.  Narcotics used to be readily available in  the drugstore but new understanding has caused their restriction, so most people  have moved into caffeine and alcohol.

Coffee does some have specific uses: They would tend to be medicinal.  Caffeine, for example, is added to many cold and pain medications to increase  their speed and potency.  This decreases overall medicine use.

Coffee also has some great social benefits. The coffee shops around the world  seem to fulfill a universal urge to come together to talk and eat and drink. In  the crazy world we live in, coffee shops are often a tiny oasis of comfort and  calm. That being said, perhaps we could be drinking alternate beverages with  less caffeine.

You Could Choose Better: 5 Caffeine Alternatives

1. Green Tea

Green tea has one-half to one-sixth the caffeine of regular brewed coffee. It  has about half the caffeine as a Coke or Pepsi. Some specialty green teas have  even less caffeine than this.

What green tea has more of is all kinds of health benefits,  including prevention in cancer and  heart disease. Maybe this is why green  tea is the second most popular beverage in the world (after water) and the  most popular health beverage. Green tea is considered a critical element in  the development of the British middle class, women’s liberation, girl guides,  charity organizations, and the American Revolution.

2. Herbal Beverages

Other than in bars, it is now socially acceptable to drink herbal drinks in  public!  They are often called “herbal teas” although technically they are  not.

3.  Ice Cold Orange Juice or Lemon Water

Both will give you smart carbs with natural energy and will also reduce your  risk of heart disease. Most other fruit juices have additional health benefits.  Lemon water is also highly alkalizing. It will take a bit more time or energy to  have fresh juice but you won’t be spending time making coffee.

4.  Dandelion Coffee

The nice thing about this is that it can be absolutely free. Dandelion root  has a host of health benefits.

5.  Power Foods:  Pick One, Any One

There are whole foods that will give you the energy and clarity that you are  trying to get with coffee. They are probably in your kitchen right now. Below is  a list of great choices for breakfast or a snack. Take your pick from the list  and enjoy the energy and health benefits!

  • Apples: One of these per day will keep the doctor  away!
  • Bananas
  • Raspberries Contains the anti-carcinogenic  substance, ellagic acid.
  • Almonds
  • Walnuts: The crinkly  powerfood with the highest antioxidant activity of any nut.
  • Pumpkin Seeds: The alkalizing seed.
  • Quinoa: This nutty-flavored powerfood is pronounced  keen–wa.
  • Oatmeal  Much more health benefits than just fiber.