How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Good Wednesday Morning, dear family & friends! How is everyone doing today? I hope absolutely fabulous! Me, well let’s see, I guess I owe you an explanation for us not being on the net yesterday. And oh boy, it is a good one too! I actually beat everyone to work yesterday morning. I came in and turned the heat on in the office part. Then I went to check on the critters outside. Well I walked down the path a little bit and something told me to turn around. I did and there was smoke rolling out of the roof. My first thought, “oh shit!” I went flying back up the hill and into the back door. The damn furnace we have been having problems with was on fire. The first thing I did was throw the breaker. The next thing was to grab and blanket and call 911 at the same time. I was beating the fire with the blanket and screaming at the phone operator. I am surprised the Fire Department even found me (probably wouldn’t have, but they had been out here before!). In the meantime, one of the guys came in and he saw what was going on. He went up to the main office and got the fire extinguisher. But he didn’t use the fire extinguisher on the heater he used it on me. Part of my pants were on fire and I didn’t even notice it. Between him putting me out and then me putting the heater out, the fire was out by the time the fire department got here. Doesn’t it figure? Anyway they checked out everything to make sure there wasn’t any hidden fire lurking about. They gave the all clear signal and we went back in. Thank goodness, we didn’t have any babies in the back. We opened all the windows and doors and let the smoke get out of the place. The guy that helped put my pants out called my husband and he came down. I didn’t know he had called him. But he had his reasons for doing so. I have second degree burns on my arm and part of my leg. So they threw a fit for me to go to the hospital. I said “bullsh*t!” Well I ended up going anyway. They didn’t do anything except tell me to keep the burns nice and clean and be careful not rupture the boils. Like I didn’t know that already, lol!
Before I left with my husband, I told all the girls to take the day off. And the main man that is over the animal refuge told me to take the day off. He would take care of the office building and the animals. The office still stinks today. But the Fire department did tell me, they have something they can spray throughout a building and it gets rid of the smoke smell. I got a super odor eater incense recipe around here somewhere. I will have to track that down today. But that is why we weren’t on the net yesterday. We were just having balls of fun around here as usual. But I guess that is what you get when you buy an old building. We are in the process of fixing it up but I think now it is going to burn down before we get it fixed up. If it ain’t one thing, it is another. I swear!
Have a super Wednesday, my sweeties!
Luv & Hugs,
The Old Firebug Herself, Lady A
More Welcome Comments