Lady A’s Spell of the Day for the 8th of July (Special Request) – The Vern

Celtic Comments & Graphics

The Vern

Your neighbor or your colleague is driving you nuts


Remember the ’80s sitcom about Vern and his well-meaning nemesis neighbor, Ernest P. Worrell? “Hey Vern, it’s Ernest!” While it’s too late for Vern, here’s a curse for you to use on that special someone you could do without. It’s not terribly serious, but it will get your tormentor off your back. Use it for anyone who’s a pain, but never use it against someone you envy.

You will need:

A piece of first-quality stationery, unlined (available at a stationery store)

A pen

A few dressmakers’ pins

Take your stationery and write this down: “I give you the man who has stolen my pleasure. May the grass grow at his door and the fox nest on his hearthstone. [Write the name here.]”

Roll up the paper and secure it with several pins. Say: “So I give the name who took me away, who has been privy to that taking-away.”

Place it under your neighbor’s doorstep. The front step’s better than the back.

For a coworker, simply place the scroll at the back of one of his least-used desk drawers. The bottom drawer on the right side is best.

When things improve, remove the roll—but keep it handy if things deteriorate again. This is not a curse with great sticking power, but it can be re-used.

The Little Book of Curses and Maledictions for Everyday Use

Dawn Rae Downton