Day: October 17, 2011

Your Love Horoscopes for the Week of October 17th

Social activities are exciting and imaginative on Friday with the expressive Leo Moon heading toward an opposition with otherworldly Neptune. This is ideal for a romantic fantasy that can be a delightful escape from the ordinary. Reality sets in on Saturday morning with a lunar shift into practical Virgo which may also create wonderful opportunities to mix work and play.

 

Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Thursday and Friday could be rocking romantically with the dramatic Leo Moon hanging out in your 5th House of Love and Play. It is possible to let your imagination get the best of you, creating expectations that can be hard to fulfill. The rest of the weekend looks to be a bit more grounded, but there is a chance that you could enjoy desirable companionship while you are working out or doing chores.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Carefully planning your social calendar could pay off in delightful ways this weekend. The Moon enters well-prepared Virgo and your 5th House of Romance on Saturday, which increases your chances for getting the admiration you deserve. However, it helps if you’re flexible because being too picky can put a damper on your potential for having a good time. Know what you want, but be willing to make adjustments to be with the one you love.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Your clever communication skills should come in handy with the bold Leo Moon in your chatty 3rd house on Thursday and Friday. You might meet someone in the course of your daily routine and a casual conversation could heat up and lead to something more intimate. The Moon’s shift into pragmatic Virgo on Saturday indicates you will need to find a way to combine work with pleasure if you want to have fun.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Spending a little money on yourself can boost your morale with the Moon’s presence in your 2nd House of Self-Worth on Thursday and Friday. A bit more confidence will help you behave more boldly and come on stronger in pursuit of who and what you want. If you end up going too far, the rest of the weekend is ideal for serious discussions where you can work out the details that can sometimes make relationships so complicated.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

The Moon in your enthusiastic sign on Thursday and Friday adds passion to your already strong personality. Attracting attention should be even easier now as your natural leadership qualities are put to work for everyone to see. The rest of the weekend is more suitable for quiet moments where you get to connect in private and intimate ways. Showing a more serious and responsible side of yourself is sexier than you think.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

The Moon enters Virgo on Saturday morning, bringing your emotions to the surface for the rest of the weekend. But instead of feeling overly vulnerable and exposed, this is a wonderful chance to connect with someone on a more personal level. Letting a person see your imperfections is not a turn off, but an invitation to get closer. You may find that being more generous with yourself encourages others to be more accepting of you.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Pals and coworkers can boost your personal life with the outgoing Leo Moon in your 11th House of Groups on Thursday and Friday. Meeting someone through an organization, as a member or volunteer, is also possible. You may want more privacy or just feel the need to escape from the crowd on Saturday and Sunday, as the Moon’s presence in your 12th House of Behind-the-Scenes Activities is a signal to relax and avoid the spotlight.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

The lively Leo Moon illuminates your 10th House of Responsibility on Thursday and Friday, which should gain you plenty of attention and admiration. Demonstrating your generosity and open-heartedness in a public situation could also pay off in your private life. Connecting with friends is a key to happiness on Saturday and Sunday with a lunar shift into your 11th House of Groups. Being a good team player can be a major plus to your romantic game.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Getting out of town, or at least skipping your regular routine, might be your key to happiness on Thursday and Friday. The Moon’s visit to your 9th House of Faraway Places kicks up the adventurous side of your personality. Being with people from different cultures is a great way to expand your social horizons. Duty calls on Saturday once the Moon slips into hardworking Virgo, but taking care of business can be a strong first step toward a heartfelt connection.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Your willingness to open up your heart in a current relationship or when meeting someone new can have a powerfully positive effect on Thursday and Friday. The risk-taking Leo Moon is in your 8th House of Intimacy where it challenges you to take chances if you desire closer connections. If you feel like you’ve exposed too much, the lunar transit into logical Virgo on Saturday is ideal for cleaning up mistakes.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your relationship life gets a big boost when the extroverted Leo Moon lights up your 7th House of Partners on Thursday and Friday. Being more direct about your feelings is worth the risk of feeling a little embarrassed. When your heart is open, it invites others to get closer to you. A lunar shift into your 8th House of Intimacy on Saturday can reveal the work that’s needed to deepen a current union or to find a new one.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You may be too busy with work or worries to get your weekend activities started until Saturday when the Moon enters pragmatic Virgo and your 7th House of Relationships. An overly critical partner can be annoying, but he or she may bring up an issue worth addressing. Knowing what you want from others, though, is the key to upgrading your relationship life with the one you’re with or with someone new.

the daily humorscopes for monday, october 17th

the daily humorscope

Monday, October 17, 2011

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will rest peacefully, and sink into a strange dream. In the dream, you will be playing an odd version of soccer with huge clear balloons, and people will be cheering you on from the sidelines, who are dressed in white formal attire. Don’t go into the light, ok? The extra point isn’t worth it.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Someone named “Bob” is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Good day to do a self-portrait. Or, if you’re in a hurry, you can do what I do, and just spray paint all over yourself and run into a large canvas. Art is easier than you think!
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Beware of Doug.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You will discover a new “5th law” of Thermodynamics. The first law says “you can’t win.” The second law says “you can’t break even.” The 5th law, however, says “never draw to an inside straight.”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where the only person you know is who you came with. You’ll need to use Tip #39 of my book “101 Ways To Break The Ice”: Ask someone who they are, after introducing yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back to them as “YOU’RE Bill Smith???” “Uh, yes” “Well, you sure can’t believe everything you hear, can you?” “What do you mean?” “Well, it’s just that you don’t look at ALL like a weasel, you know? Or at least, hardly at all.”
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Good day to call an old friend, and reminisce. (It turns out to be much much harder to reminisce with a new friend.)
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
A good time to learn to laugh at yourself. Or, develop multiple personalities! That way you won’t be laughing at you, you’ll be laughing with you.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Try not to be too impulsive, today. Ask yourself if you really need that howitzer, or if you just think it’d be fun to have.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Good day to learn ventriloquism. Lesson 1: making squishy sounds when people walk by, in time with their footsteps.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You know that how you dress will invevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is “Help! Help!”

Cosmic Calendar for Monday, October 17th

For the first day of a workweek in October, this is not an ideal situation. There is an illusion that all is well, and this is coming from a superlative, flowing trine in air signs from the Moon in Gemini to the Sun in Libra (6:38AM PDT). Any lunar-solar combination like this is favorable in a general sort of way, but it is what precedes it and follows it which is alarming. At 4:09AM PDT, the red planet Mars makes a caustic, 135-degree link to revolutionary Uranus. The most explosive planetary pair in astrology is Mars-Uranus. Whenever they enter into a challenging geometrical configuration, sparks can definitely fly. Strive to create serenity throughout your aura for several hours before and after this sky pattern is exact. Meanwhile, Mercury makes its annual opposition to Jupiter (11:56AM PDT) – linking Scorpio to Taurus. In traditional astrology, Mercury and Jupiter rule the four mutable signs of Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces. As such, these two planets have a lot to do with the realms of communication and transportation. When Mercury opposes Jupiter, there can be breakdowns, snafus, and upheavals in these areas of activity within humanity. Of course, any opposition can still rise to the occasion as a source of mental expansion and enlightenment, but in the modern world and in terms of millions of people going to jobs and traveling on busy highways, any Mercury-Jupiter polarity needs to be monitored with care. A void lunar cycle develops at 3:19PM PDT and continues until 6:39PM PDT when the Moon enters Cancer – the sign of its natural abode. After 6:39PM PDT, home and family matters tend to trump everything else.