by Rosemary Edgehill
The Law was made and ardane about a week from last Wednesday.
The Law was made for the Wiccca, in order that they should develop a
nice longhand style from copying it.
TheWicccashouldgive dueworshiptotheGodz, presumingthey
believe the Godz exist and aren’t just metaphors; and obey Their Will,
which the HPS of the Coven will make up as she goes along, for it was
made for the purpose of ego-tripping and wild parties. The worship
of the Wiccca is good for the owners of Occult Supply Stores, for the
owners of Occult Supply Stores love the money of the Wiccca.
Asa manlovetha womanusingthe missionaryposition, sothe
Wiccca should shaft their fellows and other total strangers frequent-
ly. And it is necessary that the Magick Circle which is the prin-
cipal difference between a Wicccan rite and a frat party be cast and
all Wiccca properly purified to enter it so they can drink five
gallons of Ripple each and not throw up.
TheHPSshallr/u/i/n/ rulehercovenasthe localrepresenta-
tive of the Goddess, and choose whomever she is sleeping with this
week to be her HP…or her Maiden.
Andremember that the Wiccca would have it that The God
Himself kissed her feet and gave up the position of Ringmaster to her
because of her arbitrariness and autocracy, her spite and unreason,
her mysteriousness and ignorance: so the HP is expected to go as far
away as possible and not even show up for Sabbats.
It is the greatest virtue of a HPS that she turn as many of her
Covenors into closet Xtians as possible, for the true HPS realizes
that anyone with the sense Goddess gave a goose is not going to stick
around without having a death wish.
* * * * *
In the Olden Days when Wiccca extended far, we were free and had
reservations in all the best restaurants. But these days, we eat at
SO BE IT ARDANE, that nonebut the Wiccca shall ever be
invited to dinner, for people who ignore us are many, and if they
ever found out what we are really up to, they would giggle.
SO BE ITARDANE, that no Coven shall knowwhere the next Coven
bide, nor who its member be, save anybody who looks in Circle Newslet-
ter and the hit team we send out to sanction them.
SOBEITARDANE, thatnoone shalltellanyoneanything, least
of all thy fellows in the Craft, for fear one of you will learn
something; because as it is truly writ: Gerald wrote it, I believe it,
that settles it.
Andif anybreakthese Laws,theywill havetostart theirown
Tradition and make up their own Grandmother.
Leteach HPSgovernherCoven asshedamn’well please,riding
rough-shod over the Covenors as long as they will stand for.
Butitmust berecognized thatsooner orlater theywill get
mad and stop bringing the Ripple to Coven meetings. When this hap-
pens, it hath ever been the Old Law that the HPS will Elevate them to
the Third Degree and kick them out, and promise them the rest of the
Anyone ofanydegree ornonemay founda Coven,providedthey
think they can get away with it and can create a convincing Grand-
They mayraidother Covensformembers aslongas nooneknows
where to find them.
But splitting the Covenoft means new opportunities for
evading the consequences of your actions, so the wise HPS will think
of it first.
* * * * *
If you should keep a Black Book, let it be in your own hand of write,
except for the parts you xerox out of Lady Sheba. Or better yet, tell
everybody they’re not of a high enough degree to see it.
ProclaimyourWicccahoodloudly, andoften;youmaybe ableto
do a brisk trade in spells, psychic fairs, and talk shows. If nobody
believs you, try holding a public skyclad circle. If all else fails,
hire a press agent and advertise in the National Inquirer. If they
try to make you talk of the Brotherhood, lay it on with a trowel.
Ancient Atlantis is always good for a five-minute spot on the six o’
clock news. Not all interviewers are bad; some may even flash your
business address on the screen for a few seconds.
* * * * *
To avoid discovery, let your working tools be ordinary stuff such as
any may have around the house: AR-15’s, Patton Tanks, Howitzers (let’s
see how far we can stretch that First Amendment, gang!). Have no
names or signs on anuything, and remove the ones they came with, as
otherwise this can lead to a charge of receiving stolen property.
LetthePentacles bemadeof waxunlesssomethingelse ismore
Haveno sword, unlessyou are inthe SCA ora collector of
Writethe namesand signson agummed labelsothat itcan be
peeled off immediately afterwards; remember that not guilty by reason
of insanity is not a valid defense in cases of this kind.
Everrememberthatyou aretheHiddenChildrenof theGoddess;
when you can take time out from Karma Dumping Runs, Psychic Vendettas,
Banishing each other from the Coven and discussing how much fun it
would be to persecute the Xtians, remember never to do anything to
disgrace Her. Or Them, if that’s possible.
* * * * *
In the Olden Days, when we had Power, we could use the Art against any
who ill-treated us; but these days a whispering campaign works better.
Remember always that there are a lot of flaky people out there, and
for this reason it is best to give a fake name and a Post Office Box
address. Someone is always going to blame you for something.
SO BEIT ARDANE: HARMNONE, or atleast have agood alibi.
Never break this law, or people who get burned along with you will
come after you with baseball bats, and you will never be able to score
any decent hash again.
AnyHPSwho doessomethingyou don’tlikeyou canwalkout on,
but be sure to clout the Coven Book on the way to the door and set up
in business for yourself (Learn Witchcraft From The Experts!).
Always accept money for use of the Art, but keep an eye on the
Gypsy Laws. In some states, Barter works better. All may use the Art
for their own advantage; remember, quick and dirty works best, and you
can lay off Karma on the Coven. If that doesn’t work, try dead cats
in the mailbox.
* * * * *
‘Tis the Old Law and most important of all the Laws that no one may do
anything that will endanger any of the Craft. Unless there’s money in
it, or it’s to someone you think deserves it, and anyway, “endanger”
is in the eye of the beholder.
In anydispute betweenthe Wiccca,no onemayinvoke anyLaw
but that of the Craft. However, you can break into your opponent’s
home and mess up his stuff.. after all, it says right here they can’t
go to the Police.
Neverbargain orhaggle whenyou buybythe Art;most Occult
Store owners will just throw you out and everyone else will think
you’re a nut.
* * * * *
It is ever the way with men and with women that they are ruled by
their glands. At any moment your HPS may run off and become a Rosi-
crucian. And the way of Resignation is this: if she doesn’t answer
her phone for two weeks and is never home when you drive by, you can
declare her outcast from the Coven and take it over yourself, with as
many as will have you. But if she comes back she will probably take
of the Coven again, or start another one in the same building and
declare you Invalid, and there’s not much you can do about it. Learn
to live with anxiety. Get everything in writing.
* * * * *
It hath been found that two people sitting around with a bottle of
Chianti discussing Atlantean Grandmothers will become fond of each
other, if only because of the Stockholm Syndrome. Therefore, let it
be resolved that a human being shall be taught in the Craft only by
another human being, and screw the middle-class morality of the
* * * * *
And the Curses of the Mighty Ones be on all who try to take this
seriously, or the Craft seriously, or the Wiccca seriously. Caveat
Lector, and May The Force Be With You!