The Law (Humor)

                                          THE LAW
by Rosemary Edgehill
The Law was made and ardane about a week from last Wednesday.
The  Law was made for the Wiccca,  in order that they should develop a
nice longhand style from copying it.

TheWicccashouldgive dueworshiptotheGodz, presumingthey
believe the Godz exist and aren’t just metaphors; and obey Their Will,
which the HPS of  the Coven will make up as she goes along, for it was
made   for the purpose of ego-tripping  and wild parties.  The worship
of the  Wiccca is good for the owners of Occult Supply Stores, for the
owners of  Occult Supply Stores love the money of the Wiccca.

Asa manlovetha womanusingthe missionaryposition, sothe
Wiccca should shaft their fellows  and other total strangers frequent-
ly.    And it  is necessary that the Magick  Circle which is the prin-
cipal difference between  a Wicccan rite and a frat  party be cast and
all  Wiccca properly  purified  to enter  it so  they  can drink  five
gallons of Ripple each  and not throw up.

TheHPSshallr/u/i/n/ rulehercovenasthe localrepresenta-
tive  of  the Goddess,  and choose whomever she is  sleeping with this
week to be her HP…or her Maiden.

Andremember that the Wiccca would have it that The God
Himself kissed her feet and gave  up the position of Ringmaster to her
because  of her arbitrariness  and autocracy, her  spite and unreason,
her  mysteriousness and ignorance: so the HP  is expected to go as far
away as possible and not even show up for Sabbats.

It is the greatest virtue of a HPS that she turn as many of her
Covenors into closet  Xtians as  possible, for the  true HPS  realizes
that anyone with the sense Goddess gave  a goose is not going to stick
around without having a death wish.
*       *       *       *       *
In  the Olden  Days when  Wiccca extended  far, we  were free  and had
reservations  in all the best restaurants.   But these days, we eat at
McDonald’s.

SO BE IT ARDANE, that nonebut the Wiccca shall ever be
invited to   dinner, for  people who ignore us  are many, and  if they
ever found out what we are really up to, they would giggle.

SO BE ITARDANE, that no Coven shall knowwhere the next Coven
bide, nor who its member be, save anybody who looks in Circle Newslet-
ter and the hit team we send out to sanction them.

SOBEITARDANE, thatnoone shalltellanyoneanything, least
of  all  thy fellows  in the  Craft, for  fear one  of you  will learn
something; because as it is truly writ: Gerald wrote it, I believe it,
that settles it.

Andif anybreakthese Laws,theywill havetostart theirown
Tradition and make up their own Grandmother.

Leteach HPSgovernherCoven asshedamn’well please,riding
rough-shod over the Covenors as long as they will stand for.

Butitmust berecognized thatsooner orlater theywill get
mad and  stop bringing the Ripple  to Coven meetings.   When this hap-
pens, it hath ever been the Old Law that the HPS will Elevate  them to
the Third Degree and kick them  out, and promise them the rest  of the
Book…someday.

Anyone ofanydegree ornonemay founda Coven,providedthey
think  they can get  away with it  and can create  a convincing Grand-
mother.

They mayraidother Covensformembers aslongas nooneknows
where to find them.

But splitting the Covenoft means new opportunities for
evading the consequences of your  actions, so the wise HPS  will think
of it first.

*       *       *       *       *

If you should keep  a Black Book, let it be in your own hand of write,
except for the parts you xerox out of Lady Sheba.  Or better yet, tell
everybody they’re not of a high enough degree to see it.

ProclaimyourWicccahoodloudly, andoften;youmaybe ableto
do a brisk trade in spells, psychic fairs, and talk  shows.  If nobody
believs you,  try holding a public skyclad circle.  If all else fails,
hire a  press agent and advertise  in the National Inquirer.   If they
try to  make you  talk of the  Brotherhood, lay  it on with  a trowel.
Ancient Atlantis is always good  for a five-minute spot on the  six o’
clock news.   Not all interviewers  are bad; some may  even flash your
business address on the screen for a few seconds.

*       *       *       *       *

To  avoid discovery, let your working  tools be ordinary stuff such as
any may have around the house: AR-15’s, Patton Tanks, Howitzers (let’s
see how  far we  can stretch  that First Amendment,  gang!).   Have no
names or signs on  anuything, and  remove the ones they came with,  as
otherwise this can lead to a charge of receiving stolen property.

LetthePentacles bemadeof waxunlesssomethingelse ismore
convenient.

Haveno sword, unlessyou are inthe SCA ora collector of
WWII memorabilia.

Writethe namesand signson agummed labelsothat itcan be
peeled off immediately afterwards; remember that not guilty by  reason
of insanity is not a valid defense in cases of this kind.

Everrememberthatyou aretheHiddenChildrenof theGoddess;
when you can take time out from Karma Dumping Runs, Psychic Vendettas,
Banishing each  other from the  Coven and discussing  how much fun  it
would be  to persecute  the Xtians, remember  never to do  anything to
disgrace Her.  Or Them, if that’s possible.

*       *       *       *       *

In the Olden Days, when we had Power, we could use the Art against any
who ill-treated us; but these days a whispering campaign works better.
Remember always  that there are a  lot of flaky people  out there, and
for this reason  it is best to give a fake  name and a Post Office Box
address.  Someone is always going to blame you for something.

SO BEIT ARDANE: HARMNONE, or atleast have agood alibi.
Never  break this law,  or people who  get burned along  with you will
come after you with baseball bats, and you will never be able to score
any decent hash again.

AnyHPSwho doessomethingyou don’tlikeyou canwalkout on,
but be sure to clout the Coven Book  on the way to the door and set up
in business for yourself (Learn Witchcraft From The Experts!).

Always accept money for use of the Art, but keep an eye on the
Gypsy Laws.  In some states, Barter works better.  All may use the Art
for their own advantage; remember, quick and dirty works best, and you
can lay  off Karma on the Coven.  If  that doesn’t work, try dead cats
in the mailbox.

*       *       *       *       *

‘Tis the Old Law and most important of all the Laws that no one may do
anything that will endanger any of the Craft.  Unless there’s money in
it, or it’s to someone  you think deserves it, and anyway,  “endanger”
is in the eye of the beholder.

In anydispute betweenthe Wiccca,no onemayinvoke anyLaw
but that  of the Craft.   However, you can break  into your opponent’s
home and mess  up his stuff.. after all, it says right here they can’t
go to the Police.

Neverbargain orhaggle whenyou buybythe Art;most Occult
Store owners  will just  throw you  out and  everyone else will  think
you’re a nut.

*       *       *       *       *

It is ever  the way  with men and  with women that  they are ruled  by
their glands.  At any moment  your HPS may run off and become  a Rosi-
crucian.   And the way of  Resignation is this: if  she doesn’t answer
her phone for two weeks and is  never home when you drive by, you  can
declare her  outcast from the Coven and take it over yourself, with as
many  as will have you.  But if  she comes back she will probably take
of the  Coven again,  or start  another one in  the same  building and
declare you Invalid, and there’s  not much you can do about  it. Learn
to live with anxiety.  Get everything in writing.

*       *       *       *       *

It hath  been found that  two people sitting  around with a  bottle of
Chianti   discussing Atlantean  Grandmothers will become  fond of each
other, if only  because of the Stockholm Syndrome.   Therefore, let it
be resolved that  a human being shall  be taught in the  Craft only by
another  human  being, and  screw  the  middle-class morality  of  the
nineteen-fifties.

*       *       *       *       *

And  the Curses  of the  Mighty Ones be  on all  who try  to take this
seriously,  or the Craft seriously,  or the Wiccca  seriously.  Caveat
Lector, and May The Force Be With You!