Redneck Pagan Giggles

1.  Does your Ceremonial Garb consist of cutoffs and a tube top?

2  Do you think “Family Tradition” is a dating club?

3.  Have you reached 3rd degree, but not 3rd grade?

4.  Is your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess “Cooter” and
“SweetCheeks”?

5.  Does your ceremonial Chalice say “Budweiser” on it?  (2 pts if it says
“Pabst”)

6. Do you consider chewing tobacco a sacred herb?

7.  Does your circle dance include the words “dosey-do”?

8.  Is your altar pentacle a photo of John Wayne’s star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame?

9.  Did your coven choose its High Priest at a belching contest?

10.  Did your coven choose its High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest?

11.  Does your anointing oil smell like “Old Spice”?

12.  Have you ever refilled your chalice from a keg?

13. Does your outdoor circle have defunct washing machines for quarter altars?

14. Do you do your cakes and ale with a can of Pabst and Little Debbies?

15. Does your Pantheon include Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and St. Pauli Girl?

16. Does your ritual music include Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”?

17. Do you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture?

18.  Do you believe that the Pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people?

19.  Does your altar cloth say “Holiday Inn” or “Howard Johnson’s”?

20. Does your Goddess picture say “Miss September” at the bottom?

21. Does your God statue look a little too much like Elvis Presley?

22.  Have you ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu?

23.  Have you ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-per-View wrestling on TV?

24.  Have you ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that looked like the Willendorf Goddess?

25.  Have you EVER cast a love spell on livestock?