Laugh-A-Day for Nov. 9th – Redneck Pagan Giggles

Redneck Pagan Giggles

1.  Does your Ceremonial Garb consist of cutoffs and a tube top?

2  Do you think “Family Tradition” is a dating club?

3.  Have you reached 3rd degree, but not 3rd grade?

4.  Is your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess “Cooter” and
“SweetCheeks”?

5.  Does your ceremonial Chalice say “Budweiser” on it?  (2 pts if it says
“Pabst”)

6. Do you consider chewing tobacco a sacred herb?

7.  Does your circle dance include the words “dosey-do”?

8.  Is your altar pentacle a photo of John Wayne’s star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame?

9.  Did your coven choose its High Priest at a belching contest?

10.  Did your coven choose its High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest?

11.  Does your anointing oil smell like “Old Spice”?

12.  Have you ever refilled your chalice from a keg?

13. Does your outdoor circle have defunct washing machines for quarter altars?

14. Do you do your cakes and ale with a can of Pabst and Little Debbies?

15. Does your Pantheon include Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and St. Pauli Girl?

16. Does your ritual music include Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”?

17. Do you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture?

18.  Do you believe that the Pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people?

19.  Does your altar cloth say “Holiday Inn” or “Howard Johnson’s”?

20. Does your Goddess picture say “Miss September” at the bottom?

21. Does your God statue look a little too much like Elvis Presley?

22.  Have you ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu?

23.  Have you ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-per-View wrestling on TV?

24.  Have you ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that looked like the Willendorf Goddess?

25.  Have you EVER cast a love spell on livestock?

Laugh-A-Day: Redneck Pagan Giggles

Redneck Pagan Giggles

1.  Does your Ceremonial Garb consist of cutoffs and a tube top?

2  Do you think “Family Tradition” is a dating club?

3.  Have you reached 3rd degree, but not 3rd grade?

4.  Is your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess “Cooter” and”Sweet Cheeks”?

5.  Does your ceremonial Chalice say “Budweiser” on it?  (2 pts if it says “Pabst”)

6. Do you consider chewing tobacco a sacred herb?

7.  Does your circle dance include the words “dosey-do”?

8.  Is your altar pentacle a photo of John Wayne’s star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame?

9.  Did your coven choose its High Priest at a belching contest?

10.  Did your coven choose its High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest?

11.  Does your anointing oil smell like “Old Spice”?

12.  Have you ever refilled your chalice from a keg?

13. Does your outdoor circle have defunct washing machines for quarter altars?

14. Do you do your cakes and ale with a can of Pabst and Little Debbies?

15. Does your Pantheon include Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and St. Pauli Girl?

16. Does your ritual music include Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”?

17. Do you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture?

18.  Do you believe that the Pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people?

19.  Does your altar cloth say “Holiday Inn” or “Howard Johnson’s”?

20. Does your Goddess picture say “Miss September” at the bottom?

21. Does your God statue look a little too much like Elvis Presley?

22.  Have you ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu?

23.  Have you ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-per-View wrestling on TV?

24.  Have you ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that looked like the Willendorf Goddess?

25.  Have you EVER cast a love spell on livestock?

A Little Humor for Your Day – Signs that You May Be a Redneck Pagan

Signs that You May Be a Redneck Pagan

If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb
If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire
If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife, a can of Foster’s and Little Debbie’s
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night
If when your priestess says “Blessed Be” in circle, you respond with “YEEE-HAW!”
If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly
If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart (ouch!)
If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin’ “Hey, Y’all! Watch me
If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup’s gun rack
If you found out your familiar is an oppossum and still ate it
If you have cast a love spell on livestock
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu
If you invoke the sprits so that your beer lasts longer
If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, “The circle is open but unbroken”
If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture.
If you’ve ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team ..
If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker ..
If you’ve ever meditated to “Dueling Banjos”
If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod
If your altar cloth is vinyl
If your annointing oil smells like “Old Spice”
If your broom has four-wheel drive and SC plates
If your circle dance includes the words  “dosey-do” ..
If your craft name starts with Bubba
If your familiar can point quail
If your ritual music includes Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire

Well, you might just be a Redneck Pagan!

A Little Humor For The Day – Redneck Pagan Giggles

Redneck Pagan Giggles

1.  Does your Ceremonial Garb consist of cutoffs and a tube top?

2  Do you think “Family Tradition” is a dating club?

3.  Have you reached 3rd degree, but not 3rd grade?

4.  Is your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess “Cooter” and
“SweetCheeks”?

5.  Does your ceremonial Chalice say “Budweiser” on it?  (2 pts if it says
“Pabst”)

6. Do you consider chewing tobacco a sacred herb?

7.  Does your circle dance include the words “dosey-do”?

8.  Is your altar pentacle a photo of John Wayne’s star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame?

9.  Did your coven choose its High Priest at a belching contest?

10.  Did your coven choose its High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest?

11.  Does your anointing oil smell like “Old Spice”?

12.  Have you ever refilled your chalice from a keg?

13. Does your outdoor circle have defunct washing machines for quarter altars?

14. Do you do your cakes and ale with a can of Pabst and Little Debbies?

15. Does your Pantheon include Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and St. Pauli Girl?

16. Does your ritual music include Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”?

17. Do you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture?

18.  Do you believe that the Pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people?

19.  Does your altar cloth say “Holiday Inn” or “Howard Johnson’s”?

20. Does your Goddess picture say “Miss September” at the bottom?

21. Does your God statue look a little too much like Elvis Presley?

22.  Have you ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu?

23.  Have you ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-per-View wrestling on
TV?

24.  Have you ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that
looked like the Willendorf Goddess?

25.  Have you EVER cast a love spell on livestock?