Tag: Mental Health

How About A Quick Quiz – How Stressed Out Are You?

How Stressed Are You?

by Cait Johnson

Recently, a friend said she had been feeling unaccountably drained and on  edge. As we talked, she admitted she was in the midst of a battle with her  husband over something their son had done, was feeling overwhelmed at work, and  was deeply angry about an unkind remark a co-worker had said to her. All of  these are big stressors: no wonder she was tired!

See where you rate on the stress scale. If your stress levels are high, this  book can help you find greater self-awareness around what needs to change in  order to bring more ease to your life.

There are no right or wrong answers. Rather, use your answers to gain a  deeper understanding of where you are not able to cope and what areas in your  life need attention and consideration, and then find a way to express your  feelings and needs. Changing your relationship to stress means changing yourself  from the inside.

About Your Work

1. Do you feel you have too much to  do?

2. Do you often work overtime?

3. Do you believe you are capable of  what is being asked of you?

4. Do you enjoy what you do?

5. Does your  work environment feel depressing? Sad? Loud? Pressured?

6. How do you feel  about your colleagues? Intimidated? Angry? Jealous?

7. Do you feel  unfulfilled? Unacknowledged? Unrecognized?

8. Would you rather be doing  something different?

About Your Family

1. Have you recently experienced a  death or loss in the family?

2. Have you recently been married, separated,  or divorced?

3. Has anyone in your family recently experienced a  particularly difficult time, such as mental illness or trouble with the  police?

4. Is anyone ill or in need of your care? And do you resent  this?

5. Do your parents worry you a great deal?

6. Do you feel unable  to share any of these difficulties?

About Your Relationships

1. If your primary relationship  is not a happy one, do you believe you have to stick it out regardless of your  feelings?

2. Do you disagree about money? The children? Your lifestyle  preferences?

3. Do you have sexual difficulties or differences?

4. Do  you feel unable to stand up for yourself?

5. Did you grow up watching your  parents have difficulties, either fighting or ignoring each other?

6. Do you  find it difficult to be committed to a relationship?

7. Do you have anyone  you can talk to?

About Yourself 1. Do you believe, or have you been told,  that you are no good, hopeless, worthless, or incapable? 2. Do you get  irritated or annoyed easily? 3. Do you always seem to be rushing from one  thing to another without being able to complete anything? 4. Do you have an  addiction of any sort? 5. Do you feel trapped and powerless to change  anything? 6. Do you panic easily or feel anxious about the future? 7. Do  you talk to anyone about your feelings? 8. Do you feel shameful about  something you have done? 9. Are you angry about something that was done to  you?

About Your Health 1. Do you get tired or run down  easily? 2. Do you get any regular exercise? 3. Do you eat while doing  other things, such as working, watching TV, reading the paper, or feeding the  children? 4. Is television, alcohol, or food your main means of  relaxation? 5. Do you have deep muscular aches and pains? 6. Do you  drink more than two cups of coffee a day? 7. Do you spend any part of the  day being quiet and reflective?

If your answers showed high levels of stress, forgive yourself! We live in  stressful times. But meditation, prayer, yoga, and other time-honored methods of  stress-relief might be helpful to you. Even a warm bath or a soothing foot-rub  could make a positive difference.

Daily Motivator for August 28 – Effort is opportunity

Effort is opportunity

Every effort, no matter how small or tedious or seemingly insignificant,  builds value in your life. Every effort is an opportunity.

With every effort, you make a difference in the world. With every effort, you  express your ability and your influence.

Give joy to each effort, and you add joy to your life. Give your attention  and focus and gratitude to the efforts, and they produce meaningful, lasting  value.

Seek out efforts, perform the efforts, and what you get is achievement. What  you get is the experience of life lived in a truly fulfilling and satisfying  way.

With effort, problems are solved, obstacles are transcended, and dreams come  true. With effort, you can change the world in accordance with your highest,  most authentic vision.

Fill each day with positive, purposeful efforts. And you’ll fill your world  with great meaning and joy.

— Ralph Marston

The Daily Motivator

Today’s I Ching Hexagram for August 28 is 62: Attention to Detail

62: Attention to Detail

Hexagram 62

General Meaning:  Ambitious undertakings are not in order now, but attention to small matters brings progress. Such is the case of a person whose resources are meager, but who, through modesty and perseverance, rises to accomplish great things.

The key to success when small potential influences the larger scene is to avoid pretentious ambitions and grandiose goals. The power of the small is served by slow and steady advancement, and succeeds through an honest awareness of its own limitations, without reservation.

Modesty stemming from recognizing your limitations is a fine quality, but it can be seen as weakness if it is not accompanied by conscientiousness. It is important to understand the demands of your situation, and not to expect success in big things right now. The wise person recognizes the nature of the time. So, know your own role, carefully attend to details and act with humility, and you can achieve your goal even with few resources.

Your Daily Horoscopes for Monday, August 27

What we do now has consequences in the future, and the ambitious Capricorn Moon reminds us that the most reliable way to ensure success now is to work hard until it pays off. Although the Moon symbolizes our fluctuating moods, we try to gain stability by building and reinforcing structures in our lives that don’t change. Meanwhile, our assumptions are challenged today as logical Mercury aligns with evolutionary Pluto and revolutionary Uranus.

 

Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You have a lot to do today, but your responsible attitude goes beyond the normal business hours. Your top priority is to finish your chores, so make a list of all your tasks and stay focused until you have made a serious dent in your work. Put your stress to use by pushing extra hard to tie up any loose ends now. Don’t delay because your reservoir of energy could dissipate later in the week.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

You may feel as if you are meeting resistance wherever you go when you would much rather be spending quality time with a close friend or partner. But others might seem emotionally cooler now as they set up roadblocks to delay your possible satisfaction. Try not to get too worked up over the stress. Instead, concentrate on the love that is in your life; celebrate the cup being half-full instead of complaining that it’s half-empty.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Your greatest concern now is that you can’t pursue every curiosity that pops up in your life. Your time and energy are limited by circumstances beyond your control, and your current situation may prevent you from being as footloose and fancy free as you prefer. Yet, behind the apparent frustrations, important changes are occurring in your private inner world, so don’t stand in the way of progress.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Your emotional neediness could prevent you from finding happiness now, for it is not likely that others will meet your expectations. This is not as bad as it might sound since the real lesson here is about learning what you can give yourself. Use your time wisely to clearly define what you want from a relationship. If you are already in a close partnership of any kind, you may need to back off a bit to allow everyone involved more breathing room.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

It seems as if your life is going to settle down now, but this may be a premature judgment. Even if you see solid movement in your career, there are unexpected twists and turns in the path you have chosen. Be smart and prepare for whatever you might find once you get around the next bend in the road. Your ability to analyze the facts and decide what is most important will help you through this difficult phase.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Some people mistakenly think that creativity originates only from the wellsprings of inspiration. However, the source of your creative streak may be triggered from your desire to finish a project now. You know what you want and you have the ability to transform your professional ambitions and romantic urges into serious practical manifestations. Whatever you do today, be certain that it is done with a greater purpose in mind.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Tension finds its way to the surface today, even if you are trying to maintain stability at home or in your relationships with your family. But a disruption to your routine might not be such a bad thing if it puts you in touch with repressed emotions. Don’t resist your feelings now, even if they make you uncomfortable. Increased awareness facilitates positive change that may already be overdue.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You may be facing two very different issues now. On one hand, you are redefining your own boundaries — and this can lead to increased isolation for a while. On the other hand, a parade of amazing revelations prevents you from slipping into self-pity. Ultimately, you’re amused by the soap opera that is your life. This is a very healthy attitude since personal growth is possible if you reduce the drama by cultivating some emotional detachment.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Although self-criticism can be a powerful motivation at certain times in your life, it just slows you down now. If your typically high self-esteem is presently faltering, make a deal with yourself to travel the depths of your subconscious. Decide what’s most valuable and then come back up to the surface refreshed and ready to work for what you want.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Waves of intense feelings wash over you, but your tendency is to strengthen your tide walls so you can shut off the flow of emotions. You may be afraid that if you allow these feelings to rise to the surface, they will destabilize your personal world in ways that are not easy to manage. However, the more you try to hold back your irrational emotions, the greater the possibility of unwanted changes. Relax your resistance; you can learn what you need to know by trusting your inner wisdom.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Someone may be trying to control your behavior today, yet you don’t seem to have enough information at your disposal to resist with confidence. There are hidden pieces to the puzzle now and it’s difficult to fight an unseen enemy. Rather than actively arguing point by point, it’s more productive to hold on to familiar routines for a while longer. The truth becomes clear soon enough, and there will still be time enough to act when it does.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You are being prohibited from expressing yourself as freely as you would like today, yet this restraint ironically works in your favor. If you say whatever is on your mind now, you could inadvertently offend the people that mean the most to you. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Patience is your best friend; proceed slowly and with great intent.

August 22 – Daily Feast

August 22 – Daily Feast

Every time we think we make a mental picture. The more we look at the picture on the motion picture screen of our minds, the more real it becomes. We forget that it is imaginary, but our emotions pick up on what the mind has seen and the image causes delight, or tears, or even anger. Our emotions manipulate us and cause us to do things we would never do under different circumstances. When we give in, these mental suggestions cause us pain, jealousy, and even anger. If our mental vision tells us we have been wronged, anger causes us to react foolishly. In such cases, we tend to go on the warpath, not for any commonsense reason, but because we fed ourselves the wrong mental pictures.

~ We do not take up the warpath without a just cause and honest purpose. ~

PUSHMATAHA

‘A Cherokee Feast of Days’, by Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Today’s I Ching Hexagram for August 16th is 2: The Receptive

2: The Receptive

Hexagram 2

General Meaning:  Great receptivity attracts exceptional results. The natural responsiveness of pure Yin energy brings about success through support and perseverance, rather than through bold action. Thus, the wise person demonstrates strength like a powerful but gentle mare. This hexagram, consisting of all yin lines, represents a power of the feminine principle no longer honored in our modern world, but such receptivity is most auspicious.

The receptive force is sensual as well as powerful, and it can be missed by too much talk and planning. When spring comes, does the grass plan to grow? This is a time to concentrate on realities rather than potentials — how to respond to a situation rather than how to direct it. A mature mare lets herself be guided, and is skilled at graceful acceptance. In a strong spiritual way, her quiet contribution is most effective and brings success.

Do not be too assertive at this time, for if you try to direct things, you are liable to become confused or alienated. Take your time. Draw strength from carefulness and you will be doubly fortunate. Focus more on feeling than on action. Be broad and deep in your attitudes so that you can accept everything that comes your way with grace and equanimity. Be receptive and spacious like the ocean; let the river of changing developments flow to you. Allow others to take the lead for now. Strive for a natural responsiveness that is based on inner strength rather than outer show.

Daily OM for August 12 – Worthiness

Worthiness

Accepting Our Calling

by Madisyn Taylor

Our worth of being on the planet at this time cannot be judged as we are all worthy and essential to being here now.

The issue of worthiness may come up in many areas of our lives, as we ask, often unconsciously, whether we are worthy of success, love, happiness, and countless other things, from supportive relationships to a beautiful home. In the end, though, it all comes down to one thing: our willingness to claim our space in this life as humans on this planet at this time. When we accept our divinity, we no longer question whether we are worthy, because we know that we are meant to be here to fulfill a particular purpose, a purpose that no one other than us can fulfill.

There are no replacements who can take over and live our lives for us, no other person who has had the experiences we have had, who has access to the same resources and relationships, who carries the same message to share with the world. Our purpose may be large or small, and in most cases it is multi-leveled, with important actions taking place on the interpersonal level, as well as in terms of the work we do in the world. Small acts of kindness share the stage with large acts of sacrifice, and only through accepting and honoring our divinity can we know what we are called to do and when.

Ultimately, we are all equally, exactly, completely worthy of being here in this life. Moreover, we are all essential to the unfolding plan of which we are each one small, but important, part. If we suffer from low self worth, it is because we have lost track of understanding this truth, and allowing it to guide our actions in the world. Seeing ourselves as part of something larger, as beings called to serve, is the ultimate cure for feelings of unworthiness. In the end, it’s not about evaluating ourselves as worthy or unworthy, so much as it’s about accepting that we have been called here to serve and taking the steps required to listen and respond to what our lives are asking us to do.

The Ethics Of Empathy

The Ethics Of Empathy

Author:   Cael SpiritHawk 

Some months ago, a few of the members of my Grove expressed concerns over the ethics of using empathy, in various circumstances, to “read” other people’s emotional state. We ended up holding a discussion night about it, and several of our members shared their thoughts on the matter. I wrote down my opinion and posted it in the “Philosophy” section on the forums at my Grove website at http://www.shadowgrove.com/, and recently I found it again and thought I would share it here. I’ve edited it slightly, but what follows is essentially the same post I made at the time.

People have different levels of perception in all of their senses; one person may hear poorly and see very well, another may do both poorly, and another may hear with extreme acuity and be completely unable to see. No one can make any assumptions about the sensory perceptiveness of any other random person on the street. If you’re sitting in a Starbuck’s, having a quiet conversation with your friend, you can guess that the people at the table on the other side of the shop cannot hear you, but you have no way to actually know. You might think that the barrista cannot see the sketches you’re drawing to explain something to your friend, but you don’t know for sure; she might.

Walk through a busy place some time: an airport, a mall, a supermarket. Pay attention to what you see and hear. You can hear people talking, you can see people gesturing to one another, and you can see the expressions on their faces.

The sounds of words are carried to you by the energy of compression waves in the atmosphere. The image of a person’s hands and face are carried by electromagnetic energy (light) .

Back to the coffee shop. Pretend you are sitting across the room from the pair of friends who are talking and sketching. You’re reading a book, so you’re not looking at them. But one of them raises her voice, and it sounds to you as if she’s frustrated. You can’t hear the words yet, but her tone is clear; she’s upset. Then her friend stands up, and he begins shouting, and this time you can hear the words. He tells her that it’s not that he doesn’t understand her, it’s that he does, but he thinks she’s wrong. He holds up the paper they’ve been sketching on, and you glance at it and see what they’ve been drawing.

Now, arguably none of this is your business, because you have not been invited to participate. But the energy (sound and light) that they have been putting out has come to you, and it is in every creature’s nature to accept and act upon received information. So you have perceived (because of her tone) a general state of frustration from the girl. You have perceived more precisely (because of his tone and actual words) that her friend believes she is wrong in her position. And you have perceived (by seeing it directly) that what they are talking about seems to be the layout of an advertising flyer that perhaps they’re working on.

Three levels of perception: General, specific, and precise; gained from three types of passive observation – tonal, verbal, and visual.

Now you know something about those two people that you did not know before. Have you been unethical? Not yet. Because you have received only that which they have given freely in your presence. If you took that knowledge and decided to use it in an unethical way, then you have crossed a line. If you moved to a different seat to be able to listen better, would that be unethical? Probably.

But suppose you reached the conclusion that the man is so agitated that he might become violent. Would it be unethical for you to gather your things and leave, based solely on what you’ve seen? Not at all – it would be prudent.

So it is with empathy. Just as words are carried outward through sound energy, and facial expressions are carried outward through electromagnetic energy, emotions are carried outward by the energy of Spirit. Just as there are people who see well and people who see poorly, there are people who are very perceptive of emotional energy and there are people who perceive it poorly, if at all.

When a person is feeling a strong emotion, their spiritual energy is broadcasting that emotion to everyone in their proximity, just as the look on their face is broadcasting that emotion. If they’re laughing or crying or shouting, the emotion is carried by sound as well.

People can learn to hide their facial expressions and contain their verbal expressions. Likewise, they can learn to control the emotional energy they are sending out on the spiritual plane. But most people do none of these.

So where are the ethics lines drawn with perceiving this spiritual energy of emotion (a perceptiveness we call empathy)? They’re more obvious than many people would believe: they’re drawn in the same places that they’re drawn for any other sense.

If a person is shouting, you cannot help but hear. If a person is smiling, you cannot help but see. If a person is broadcasting emotion, and you feel it, you have not violated their privacy, because as an empathic-perceptive, you cannot help but feel what they feel.

The boundaries come in two places: When you try to pry, and when you try to use the information you receive in a harmful way.

Just as it’s wrong to eavesdrop on someone’s phone conversations (because you’re listening to something that has not been freely offered in your presence), and just as it’s wrong to peer between someone’s bedroom blinds at night (because they’ve put the blinds down for a reason), it is wrong to use empathy to try to ferret out information that a person is not offering up freely.

It’s wrong to pretend to know someone, in order to get them to trust you, because you’ve overheard their name in a conversation. It’s wrong to take down a stranger’s phone number that you’ve seen as they write it down for a friend. Likewise it’s wrong to use the knowledge that you’ve obtained through empathy to give yourself an advantage over the person you got it from.

If a person has given you permission to use your empathy, of course, the rules all change. Empathy can be a powerful therapeutic tool, because the emotions that a person is putting out empathically may be different from the emotions he or she thinks are there. A trauma from the past, a phobia, a deep-rooted anxiety, all of these can come out on the empathic plane, while a person feels uncontrollably giddy but can’t explain why.

Empathy is a tool, just like hearing, sight, and even our hands are a tool. It’s not the possession of a tool that is ethical or unethical; it’s the way we use it. It can be used in helpful or harmful ways, just as any tool can.

If we remember that we are given gifts to allow us to better take care of each other, it’s much less likely that we will violate ethical boundaries. If you are a person who is gifted with strong empathy, use it. You were given it for a reason. But use it in the way you would use any other tool; with care, and with forethought, and with a respect for the people that you are affecting. Listen with it for things that are a danger, so that you may avoid them, and listen with it for people who are in need, so that you may be available to help them when they are ready for it and open to it.

It’s very difficult to violate ethical boundaries when your guidelines are respect for others and respect for yourself.

You would not gouge out an eye for fear of seeing someone’s tears; why would you reject the empathy that might help you understand the reason for those tears, so that you might help to solve it?

Daily OM for August 4 – Translating Our Feelings

Translating Our Feelings

Are You Excited or Scared?

by Madisyn Taylor

Sometimes the feelings of being scared and excited can elicit the same physical response in our bodies.

When new challenges and opportunities show up in our lives, we may diagnose ourselves as feeling scared when what we really feel is excited. Often we have not been taught how to welcome the thrill of a new opportunity, and so we opt to back off, indulging our anxiety instead of awakening our courage. One way to inspire ourselves to embrace the opportunities that come our way is to look more deeply into our feelings and see that butterflies in our stomach or a rapidly beating heart are not necessarily a sign that we are afraid. Those very same feelings can be translated as excitement, curiosity, passion, and even love.

There is nothing wrong with being afraid as long as we do not let it stop us from doing the things that excite us. Most of us assume that brave people are fearless, but the truth is that they are simply more comfortable with fear because they face it on a regular basis. The more we do this, the more we feel excitement in the face of challenges rather than anxiety. The more we cultivate our ability to move forward instead of backing off, the more we trust ourselves to be able to handle the new opportunity, whether it’s a new job, an exciting move, or a relationship. When we feel our fear, we can remind ourselves that maybe we are actually just excited. We can assure ourselves that this opportunity has come our way because we are meant to take it.

Framing things just a little differently can dramatically shift our mental state from one of resistance to one of openness. We can practice this new way of seeing things by saying aloud: I am really excited about this job interview. I am really looking forward to going on a date with this amazing person. I am excited to have the opportunity to do something I have never done before. As we do this, we will feel our energy shift from fear, which paralyzes, to excitement, which empowers us to direct all that energy in the service of moving forward, growing, and learning.

Daily Motivator for July 26th – Positive power

Positive power

Your most formidable obstacle is you. If you are unwilling, or filled with  doubt, you simply cannot get very far.

All the other challenges and limitations, you can find a way around. Yet when  you persist in holding yourself back, nothing can move you forward.

The extremely good news is, you never have to continue holding yourself back.  You can be entirely free of your most stubborn burden simply by choosing to be.

Your doubts are yours by choice, and you can choose to let them go. Your  apathy, lack of ambition, and negativity are yours by choice, and you can be  free of them all in an instant.

There are many difficult challenges to living a life of success and  fulfillment. Yet once you get the positive power of your own authentic purpose  on your side, you have what it takes to handle everything else.

Instead of being your own biggest obstacle, choose to be your own most  effective advocate and facilitator of success. You have the power to choose in  every moment, so choose again and again to live the richest, most meaningful  life you can imagine.

— Ralph Marston

The Daily Motivator

Healing from Grief and Loss

Healing from Grief and Loss

by Delia Quigley

“If you do not bring forward what is within you, what is within you will  destroy you. But if you bring forward what is within you, what is within you  will heal and save you.” The Gospel of Thomas

We want the security of knowing that life will hold the pattern we create,  the niche we carve out for ourselves in whatever space we can claim as our own.  When we lose what we love, our pattern is changed forever, and we descend into  grief. This time of grieving invites us to be still, to sit quietly and allow  the process to unfold. We might think that some kind of action needs to take  place, some moving on from the sadness; in fact, it is in giving time to your  grief that it becomes a transformative experience.

When a close friend died of cancer, many people in my circle of friends were  devastated by the loss. I remember waking up the morning after he died knowing  that my world had changed forever, and I right along with it. I found myself  looking at each moment as if he would appear again in my field of vision. I felt  so weighed down with sorrow that there was nothing to do but sit in emptiness.  Even knowing his illness was terminal, those of us around him refused to  acknowledge that he was dying. Later, when we looked at pictures, taken days  before his passing, we were shocked at what was so evident. The man was dying,  and we couldn’t let him go.

When we lose someone or something we love, we are faced with the space that  person held and we fill it with grief and longing. Grieving is the emotional  healing our mind needs to recover from loss. If we are unable to grieve our  losses, we have difficulty moving on. We forfeit some of our emotional  flexibility. Our psyches develop hard spots, which may manifest themselves in  habitual anger, irritability, anxiety, depression, or addiction.

Taking my grief to the meditation cushion, I sat and watched my breath,  cried, sobbed, blew my nose, and watched my breath some more. There were  mornings I couldn’t sit still and was overcome by sadness again, and so I would  do my yoga, moving slowly from one posture to another. Gradually, what I called  the “grief balloon” began to deflate, and this incredible feeling of love was  there to fill the space. My attachment to my friend’s death had dissolved, and I  was filled with the purity of unconditional love that had formed the basis of  our relationship.

Meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein, and author of The Experience of  Insight, writes that love that comes from wisdom is an “unconditional,  universal loving kindness—a feeling of friendliness and warmth for all beings  everywhere.” All that you can do to shed your grief and replace it with love is  to be patient, do the practice, and meditate. That’s all that’s required.

 

What Not to Say to Someone Grieving

What Not to Say to Someone Grieving

by Molly, selected from DivineCaroline

If you have had the experience of losing a loved one in your  lifetime, you  understand that the mourning process can be so agonizing  and prolonged that it  feels as if it will never end. Sometimes it’s so  excruciating, in fact, that  even when we aren’t grieving firsthand and  are simply trying to help a person we know heal following the death of someone  important to him or her, we panic,  unsure of what words of reassurance can  possibly suffice in the face of  such monumental loss and emotional trauma.

According to bereavement expert Camille Wortman, PhD, blogging for the PBS  series This Emotional Life,our  personal discomfort  surrounding death and tragedy, whether conscious or  unconscious, often rears  its head when we try to reach out to grieving people,  even if we have the best of intentions.  She notes, “We are not sure  what to say and we do not want to make [the person]  feel even worse.  Conversing with a grieving person can evoke feelings of  helplessness  because objectively, there is little we can say or do to help.  Such  interactions may also enhance feelings of vulnerability, because they   make us realize that bad things can happen at any time.”

In addition, Wortman points out, as we sense our own stress levels increasing while we try to soothe someone who  is suffering, we freeze  up and tend to default to a one-size-fits-all approach,  making “remarks  that are part of our cultural understanding of how to help  others.” Yet  such statements are risky at best and downright damaging at worst.  When  attempting to console a bereaved person, you’d be wise to avoid the   following types of behaviors.

Offering Platitudes “Time heals all wounds.” “You  have so much to be thankful for.” “It wasn’t meant to be.” “This is  simply nature’s way of dealing with a problem.” “Everything happens for a  reason.”

Minimizing the Problem “It was only a baby you didn’t  know; you can always have other children.” “She was seventy-five, so she  lived a nice long life.” “It’s over now. There’s nothing to do but move  on.” “Others are worse off than you.”

Giving Unsolicited Advice “You should seriously consider  getting a dog to keep you company now that your husband is gone.” “It’s not  healthy for you to be visiting your mother’s grave every day.” “The best way  for you to get over your wife’s death is to start dating new people as soon as  possible.”

Grasping at Straws in an Attempt to Relate “I know how  you feel about your son’s passing. My husband and I got divorced last year, and  I’ve had a very hard time with it.” “I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s  untimely death. I  understand what you’re going through, because I had to put my  dog to  sleep recently.” “I know how hard it must have been to lose your  five-year-old. I experienced a similar tragedy when I had an abortion.”

Putting a Religious Spin on the Situation “God has a  plan.” “God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle.” “God needed  your father more than you did.” “She’s a flower in God’s garden now.” “Heaven needed another angel.”

Expressing Intolerance for the Length of the Grieving  Process “Think positive.” “You must be strong.” “Keep a  stiff upper lip.” “Pull yourself together.” “Get back on the horse.”

These verbal red flags might make you feel as if trying to  console someone  who’s lost a loved one is akin to stepping into a  minefield, but bear in mind  that saying nothing at all is still more  harmful. Treat this as an opportunity  to practice mindful  compassion—instead of blurting out clichés, make  sympathetic and  selfless comments, such as:

“I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.” “I can’t imagine what you are  going through.” “I don’t know exactly what to say, but I know I can  listen.” “Would you like to sit down and tell me how you’re really  feeling?”

Above all, don’t forget to ask what you can do to help. Whether  that means  sitting quietly with a grieving friend while she cries,  asking people to  prepare food for her for a few weeks, or researching  support groups for her to  attend, know that you do have the power to  provide genuine comfort.

 

 

Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, July 17

There is more going on than meets the eye as intense emotions rise to the surface. We may try to put a positive spin on everything now that energetic Mars harmoniously trines buoyant Jupiter. However, a controlling Mars-Pluto square indicates that a power struggle might be unavoidable. Meanwhile, the moody Cancer Moon tempts us to suppress our emotions as she makes a series of harsh alignments. Expressing hidden anger is healthier than hiding it.

 

Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Stopping long enough to let your emotions settle down is a great idea, even if it isn’t an easy path to follow. You could be moody today and fixing for a fight, especially if circumstances aren’t going your way. Unfortunately, you cannot find a sensible target for your aggression — and this is exactly why you should take a few deep breaths and chill out. Expressing your feelings is essential to your mental health.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

This is a wonderful day for a quick getaway, but you might not have the time to do anything about it. Still, go ahead and create small pockets of solitude for spiritual rejuvenation. Try going for a walk, sitting in meditation or practicing yoga. Give yourself enough space to listen to your own inner voice rather than the stressful demands of others.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

It’s often not easy for you to relax and today you may be dealing with even more stress than usual. Fortunately, you correctly sense that things are changing, but it won’t be an overnight turnaround. You might feel as if others will be in your way for a while. In the meantime, don’t vent your frustrations on innocent bystanders or ignore the situations that trigger your resentment. Create a middle path and try to stay on it.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Although you may feel the upbeat energy today, annoying distractions prevent you from being as positive as you like. Perhaps someone is being more demanding than normal. You might even be drawn into an argument with others who are already fighting amongst themselves to see who is king of the hill. Ironically, you could make the best leader of all if you’re willing to stand up and fight for your beliefs.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your feelings are running through some very deep waters today and it might just make you somewhat uncomfortable if others unwittingly step into your emotional turmoil. Your confidence is shaky now, but your actions could speak a very different story as you roar your way through the day. Remember that false bravado won’t make your certainty return any sooner; it only alienates you from those who want to help. Showing your vulnerability can be a positive step toward developing greater intimacy.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Nothing will be gained by pushing the river, for the water will ultimately arrive at the sea in its own time. The same now applies to your life. Try not to push others to react faster than they can, for it won’t help your cause as you move into your next phase. Instead, be as open and flexible as possible. When others feel supported, they will be more willing to cooperate with you.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

This can be a day for intense emotional interactions as you confront the gulf between your thoughts and feelings. These conversations could even be expressed as a dialogue between two inner voices. Take a chance in a relationship and open up to another person, but avoid being too dependent on logic alone. Remember, you need both the objective and subjective sides of reality today to round out your experience.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Social interactions might bring up your insecurities, adding more drama to an already intense day. You may feel as if you are engaged in a battle that you must win, but the truth is that your fears are making the situation more problematic today. Instead of overreacting with unrestrained passion, seek ways to salve the open wounds and slow down your own emotional rollercoaster.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You feel a boost of enthusiasm from your key planet Jupiter today, but the buzz isn’t long-lasting. There are bigger issues developing and even if you believe that you have passed through the eye of the storm, there is still more turmoil to come. You could inadvertently make a situation worse by attempting to bring an unresolved matter to a premature conclusion. It’s better to just let the energy take its own course without trying to control the outcome.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Your feelings are much clearer now as you get a fresh perspective on the events of the past few days. But your current view of reality may be influenced by your unexpressed emotions as you struggle between the thoughts in your head and the desires of your heart. Lean on your friends for support instead of pushing them away. Trusting someone else enables you to trust yourself.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Fire up your intellect for a little bit of fun and break out of old routines wherever you go. Enjoy the show as you actively engage everyone in intense conversations to gain perspective on your own feelings. However, avoid negotiations that require detached analysis today, as it will be difficult to separate your logical thoughts from your irrational needs now.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You are highly enthused and could even be passionate enough today to take a risk in a conversation or email exchange with someone you want to know better. Listen to your heart, even if you hear your fears trying to talk you out of expressing your desires. Just remember to give others enough latitude so they can be comfortable to share whatever they feel, too.

No Cartoon, Sorry! But there are 2 quizzes – What is your Soul Type?

What Is Your Soul Type?

by Annie B. Bond

Are you a Hunter or a Visionary? A Peacemaker or a Bright Star? Find out with this fascinating quiz that helps you understand more about who you truly, deeply are.

You may want to share this quiz with friends and loved ones. Learn more about your own soul-nature here:

First, take this

Soul Sign Quiz to find out which element–Fire, Earth, Air, or Water–you most closely embody.

If you are a FIRE SIGN, do you

* Sometimes feel negative and often find something to complain about?
* Find that you are either extremely encouraging or extremely discouraging of others and their actions?
* Dream of the perfect mate even though you are disappointed again and again when others let you down?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a RETROSPECTIVE SOUL. (Retrospectives get their name from their tendency to look backward, sometimes holding on to old hurts.)

Or do you
* Feel compelled to express your artistic temperament?
* Think you are sometimes unrealistic in your expectations of people and situations?
* Find that you often look through rose-colored glasses to try to see only the best in someone?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a DREAMING SOUL.

Or do you
* Think of yourself as positive and outgoing, especially in difficult circumstances?
* Love to be center stage, even if it is at the expense of others?
* Need accolades and a partner who gives you their full attention?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a BRIGHT STAR SOUL.

——————————
IF you are an EARTH SIGN, do you
* Love a challenge and strive to conquer it at all costs?
* Motivate others with your enthusiasm but move on if they hold you up or disrupt your plans?
* Need freedom and flexibility in any personal relationship?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a HUNTER SOUL.

Or do you
* Take a while to decide on the right career path?
* Think of yourself as a social organizer who will call others even if they don’t call you?
* Need reassurance and security, as you’re not always sure of your own value?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a VISIONARY SOUL.

Or do you
* Naturally take charge of most situations?
* Find that you are usually the first one to volunteer?
* Need to be involved with your partner and have real communication?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a WARRIOR SOUL.
——————————
IF you are an AIR SIGN, do you
* Very often wonder if the grass might be greener someplace other than where you are?
* Not really need the security of a house, home, or family?
* Consider yourself romantic and love the idea of romance but find it difficult to commit to a single relationship?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a TRAVELER SOUL.

Or do you
* Feel content to be wherever you are at any given moment?
* Avoid conflict of any kind in order to keep stability both at home and at work?
* Need a stable partner who is totally committed to you, even if the relationship is not perfect?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a PROPHET SOUL.

Or do you
* Need the opportunity to try out new and innovative ideas?
* Value stability and almost always feel like things are stable?
* Openly and easily share your emotions, and need a grounded home life?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a NEWBORN SOUL.
——————————
If you are a WATER SIGN, do you
* Always find yourself interested in others?
* Like to involve yourself with worthwhile projects, and love to philosophize and intellectualize things?
* Want a relationship, but like to hold back, and find it hard to share inner feelings?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a SEEKER SOUL.

Or do you
* Feel like your main focus is on marriage and family, even on social occasions?
* Work with children, or in a teaching, caring, or nurturing profession?
* Enjoy nurturing your family?
If this sounds most like you, then you are a PEACEMAKER SOUL.

Or do you
* Like company, but feel you can be just as happy doing your own thing by yourself?
* Get involved with several projects at once, finding it hard to say no?
* Like to make the rules in your relationship?
If this sounds most like you, then you are an OLD SOUL.

Quiz of the Day – What Soul Sign Are You?

What Soul Sign Are You?

by Annie B. Bond

 

This elemental approach to the human soul is a fascinating way to understand  who you are, especially in relationship to others. Do you crave attention from a  partner? You may be a Fire type. Do you like to organize and plan activities  with your significant other? You may be an Earth.

Take this simple quiz to find out your soul-type so you can learn more about  the ways you relate:

1. You sometimes have regrets, but nonetheless you revel in the joy of having  created an effect, whether good or bad. You live in a drama of sorts, either  emotionally or creatively.

2. You are a person who needs attention, who needs to be recognized and  admired, who is sensitive and easily hurt over the smallest thing, who can love  and hate with equal passion.

3. You are a person who thrives on love and passion in personal  relationships, who needs to be number one in their partner’s life, who likes to  have their own way, who feels easily neglected and is capable of being quite  jealous when their spouse’s attention is somewhere else.

4. You are a person who needs to plan before acting, although you are  determined to turn your plans into action. You make lists and like to take  control.

5. You pay close attention, striving for perfection, even in the little  things, generally organized, especially in situations you consider important,  sensitive but able to reason and to be fair, steady, and reliable.

6. You thrive on being the organizer in the family; are loyal to your spouse  and expect the same respect and loyalty in return; can seem on occasion to be  bossy and you like to take charge; you like to be romanced and need genuine  affection.

7. You don’t like pressure, and you don’t like to be upset or argue, but you  do like new people and new experiences.

8. You love animals and children, do not sweat the small stuff, and are  usually easygoing, happy to go along in life without fuss, generally calm, and  somewhat passive.

9. You thrive on simply being loved, are undemanding in your personal  relationships, like to keep things simple and uncomplicated, hate arguments and  fights, and will try in most cases with your spouse to pacify and keep things on  an even keel.

10. You usually find a way, through compromise, to please others and  yourself. You are able to evaluate and solve problems by negotiating and seeking  harmony.

11. You avoid attention, shy away from the limelight but still like approval  from others for work well done; you strive to be fair and considerate of others’  feelings, but can be so immersed in your own life that you can be neglectful of  issues outside yourself or your family.

12. You thrive on the ability to communicate with your spouse and family;  feel the need to always strive to be seen to be reasonable, even when they  perhaps cannot be, and are strong-minded and capable of standing your ground in  an argument when issues are important.

If you answered yes to 1, 2 and 3, you are a FIRE.

If you answered yes to 4, 5, and 6, you are an EARTH.

If you answered yes to 7, 8, and 9, you are an AIR.

If you answered yes to 10, 11, and 12, you are a WATER.

Daily Feng Shui Tip for July 16 – ‘Global Hug Your Kid Day’

Your kids are going to feel healthy, happy and loved today. It’s ‘Global Hug Your Kid Day,’ so let’s look at all the benefits a big hug can bring your child. A recent study shows that any affectionate cuddle, especially a heartwarming hug, can elicit positive emotions and improve mood and frame of mind. This study states that a simple hug can adjust the attitude to a positive place more quickly than regularly visiting a sacred place of worship. Another study has proven that people who regularly receive hugs were twice as likely to have healthy mental states. A brief hug is believed to offset the harmful effects of stress while getting or giving one before the day even begins can keep you happy all day long. Embrace this advice and give your kids and everyone else you know a hug today — and every day! Here’s to your hugs and your good health!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com