Tag: Anger

The Daily OM for April 7th – Demolishing Anger’s Walls

Demolishing Anger’s Walls
Resentment

by Madisyn Taylor

When anger has no outlet it can morph into resentment and carries the potential to cause great turmoil.

Anger, when channeled into the pursuit of change, can be a useful tool in our emotional palette. Anger is experienced by most people, some more than others. It is when anger has no outlet and morphs into resentment that it carries with it the potential to cause great turmoil. Allowing us to assign blame for the pain we are feeling, thereby easing it, resentment tends to smolder relentlessly just below the surface of our awareness, eroding our peace of mind. The target of our resentment grows ever more wicked in our minds and we rue the day we first encountered them. But resentment is merely another hue on the emotional palette and therefore within the realm of our conscious control. We can choose to let go of our resentment and to move on with our lives, no matter how painful the event that incited it.

Hanging onto resentment in our hearts does not serve us in any way. Successfully divesting ourselves of resentful feelings can be difficult, however, because doing so forces us to mentally and emotionally confront the original source of anger. When we cease assigning blame, we realize that our need to hold someone or something responsible for our feelings has harmed us. We thought we were coping with our hurt when in fact we were holding onto that hurt with a vice grip. To release resentment, we must shift our attention from those we resent back toward ourselves by thinking of our own needs. Performing a short ceremony can help you quell resentful feelings by giving tangible form to your emotions. You may want to write down your feelings and then burn the paper and close your ceremony by wishing them well. When you can find compassion in your heart, you know you are on your way to healing.

Free of resentment, we have much more energy and attention to devote to our personal development. We can fill the spaces it left behind with unconditional acceptance and joy. And, as a result of our subsequent freedom from resentment, blessings can once again enter our lives as the walls we built to contain our anger have been demolished.

Source:
The Daily OM

Get Rid of Anger Spell

Get Rid of Anger Spell

You Will Need:

This spell needs to be done alongside flowing water – in a private corner surrounded by bushes at the side of a stream. You will also need a black stone

Procedure

Create your circle. Cup a black stone in your hands and raise it to your forehead, concentrate and send all your anger into the stone. Do this for as long as you can until you can do it no longer, then hurl the stone with all your might into the water and say:

“With this stone Anger be gone Water bind it No-one find it!”

Place your palms upon the ground for a few moments to earth the power and allow your circle to fade. Now go home and take care of yourself for you may feel depleted for a while, but you will be better. Alternatively, you may feel great straight away.

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for January 21

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Hardly any of us are without some jealousy. We like to think of ourselves about that painful emotion, because such a monstrous feeling is a destructive thing. But if we have not felt a normal amount of it, it is because we have yet to doubt something we love very much.

Margaret, Queen of Navarre, and sister of Francis I, King of France in the fifteenth century, wrote the following words:
“Love may exist without jealousy, although this is rare; but jealousy can feed on that which is bitter, no less than on that which is sweet, and is sustained by pride as often as by affection.”

Jealousy can rear its head when logic is giving you the facts, and throw the whole thing into chaos. But confidence is the enemy of jealousy. Confidence, trust, and faith are all strong parts of a nature where jealousy does not rule.

And jealousy, even in moderation, can introduce us to a serious problem with ourselves, if we let it grow out of proportion. It breeds rejection while maturity and understanding keep us safely within the bounds of permissiveness rather than possessiveness.

__________________________________

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet: http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org

Enhanced by Zemanta

The Answers You Seek

The Answers You Seek

Author:   Lady Wolfwind  

My daughter tells me that the answers that I seek are in the Bible. Oh, if she only knew. She doesn’t know me very well. I laugh to myself. I don’t seek any answers. I am at total peace within myself. I know that the answers will be revealed to me when I am ready. The more you chase after them, the least likely you are to find them at all.

True, at one point in my life I ran here and there. I was never satisfied. I was always reading and questioning everything. Surely, the great knowledge that I seek must be in a book somewhere. I was impatient and surrounded by chaotic thoughts. Caught up in the mundane world where money mattered above all else.

I don’t know when it changed. A few years ago. I’m not sure why. Some inner voice was whispering, nagging me. I wouldn’t ever listen. If I listened I knew I would have to take a different road, one no one else understood. I would stand out, I would not fit in. Long ago these were important things to me.

One day something changed. A new thought appeared. I had read and studied most of the world’s major religions. None of them appealed to me. What did appeal to me? Something I had heard long ago. A distant memory of quiet words spoken. “Follow your heart, for it will never deceive you. You are one of the few who has been chosen to walk with me.”

It seems like forever that I ignored that voice. That beautiful musical voice that one day would show me a path so magical that it seems an injustice that more people cannot hear. I now understand all that She had to tell me. To be quiet and listen. That all is not silent. The Universe speaks volumes to your soul. That I was born to be different; to march to a different beat and it is okay. That I have a purpose here on Earth to do Her work. To stop asking the questions and chasing answers.

The answers that I seek are on the wind. They are in the raindrops and the stars shining at night. Departed ancestors who deserve to be honored whisper them to me. They are heard in my children’s laughter and felt in my cat’s soft breath. They are all around me. I had to be still to hear. They’ve always been there.

When I first set foot on my path I was overwhelmed and could not learn enough. I read everything I could find, I researched terms and tried to find groups to join. I wanted to buy everything I thought I needed. I still wasn’t paying attention. Soon I learned to meditate, to open and heal my chakras, yoga. I learned and I practiced how to be still. Then I began to hear.

I am now a solitary and a very happy one at that. I don’t need all those fancy tools. Our ancestors and fellow wise women did not buy their tools. They didn’t gather together in secrecy. Most were loners who loved nature and knew how to use it to make the lives of everyone better. There is no chaos within me. I do not seek answers. The Bible, which my daughter speaks of, holds no interest to me. I feel that she is the one who has been blinded by false leaders and it saddens me.

Witches of old were wise women and men who knew the value of the silence. Great secrets are not written in books. They are not shared with just anybody. The witches of yesteryear listened and learned and healed. It was a mistake to forsake them, to bury them in history, to make them creatures to be feared. The true witches know the secrets and know how to keep them and who to share them with. The true witches are full of love for the world and all of the creatures in it. Witches do not need manmade laws to control their actions. We have a strong moral code within us that makes it impossible to hurt what we view as divine.

My daughter made a last ditch effort to convert me. It was a mistake. It made me think deeper. It made me realize how peaceful I was compared to others. She does not see the happiness in me. I sat and thought and really understood who I had become since I took the Goddess’s hand and began to walk with her. I am happy, I am wise and I am powerful. I am beautiful and I see beauty in everything around me.

I’m not so sure that her Bible will teach her any of this. Her words were filled with anger and disdain. Words that a child should never say to their mother. I had to step back and think about all that she had said. Were her words true? If so, I had made some terrible errors in my life. I talked to others who know me best, who have been with me for years. No, they didn’t understand what she was talking about or where this anger came from. It had been an attack that was unprovoked.

I listened and chose to write back. Why does it matter so much which path that I follow? Is this what she learns in her church? I chose not to send the letter. It is my belief to never do anything preceded by strong emotions. This is my child; I will not use words to hurt her. My answer is silence.

I say a blessing for her and her family. I shield my two younger children and myself. If anything, her mistake was to ingrain in the two younger ones the realization that Christianity may not be all that it is said to be. They asked me how her god could create such anger and pain. Didn’t her Bible teach her to love and honor her ancestors? Deep questions that I need to take the time to answer.

I suppose things will be a little different this full moon. We will need to send positive energy out to my daughter and her family. We will need to talk about forgiveness. We will need to discuss anger and pain and how it can be a bad thing as well as a good thing if dealt with properly. We will need to address how to deal with it properly and learn not to become consumed by it. I’ll need to teach them what happens when these emotions take control of your mind, how it will destroy you and those around you. How you cannot hear the Goddess speak to you if your mind is full of hate and not tolerance for others and their beliefs.

This morning I smile to myself. No, the answers I seek are not in the Bible. From what I can tell the answers my daughter seeks are not in the Bible either. All of this has confirmed that I am treading the right path, gently guiding the others who follow me. The Goddess has shown me how difficult life can become, even between a mother and daughter. I’m sure in time this will all heal. I know that I will forgive her, just not yet. I am human and first I must deal with the hurt.

It will be interesting to see what lesson comes from this situation and who was meant to learn it. I suppose there will be something for each of us. The question is, who will listen?

Enhanced by Zemanta

Daily Motivator for December 3rd – Choose a positive response

Choose a positive response

No matter what happens, you can respond in whatever way you choose. So make  your response the most positive one for every person it affects.

There’s nothing to be gained by adding more negativity on top of negativity.  You have the opportunity to break the pattern.

Instead of responding to anger with more anger, challenge yourself to respond  with understanding and compassion. When you’re tempted to respond with  frustration, make the more positive choice to respond with patience.

For your world to be a more positive place, you must take responsibility for  putting more positive energy into it. Though a positive response may be the more  difficult one, it is also the more valuable choice in the long run.

Rather than choosing a response based on what has happened, choose your  response based on the direction you wish to go. Even when life has let you down,  your best choice is a positive response that creates a more positive future.

Each response to life is an opportunity to make progress. Choose a positive  response, again and again, and create a much more positive world.

— Ralph Marston

The Daily Motivator

Calendar of the Sun for November 29th

Calendar of the Sun

29 Blutmonath

Sekhmet’s Day

Color: Red
Element: Fire
Altar: Upon a red cloth set two torches, the figure of a lioness, and a clay pitcher of beer mixed with red fruit juice.
Offerings: Meat. Blood. Wrestle with the Beast Within.
Daily Meal: Beer. Meat from a hoofed animal. Barley.

Invocation to Sekhmet

Long, long ago, Ra Lord of the Sun
Was wroth with the people of the earth,
For their disrespect and their carelessness,
And his anger was so great
That he called forth into existence
The lioness goddess Sekhmet
As a manifestation of his wrath,
And he set her upon the people,
Intending her to eat a few of them
And teach them all a lesson.
And Sekhmet leaped upon them,
But she did not stop her destruction,
And after three days she had killed so many
That Ra begged her to stop, regretting his error,
But she refused, saying that there would be no end
To her appetite for blood and death.
So Ra had beer dyed red as blood, and spread it
Over the field of carnage, and she drank,
And fell asleep, and was enspelled.
And so we hail Sekhmet, for within each of us
Is the beast of wrath whom we must propitiate,
And never let run wild, lest it slay
All that we hold dear. Hail Sekhmet!
(All respond: “Hail Sekhmet!” )
Be merciful to us, we who cower
In your shadow, and feel your footprints within us.
(All respond: “Have mercy upon us!”
And may your hunting be plentiful,
And all your days bright with sun.
(All respond: “Hail Queen of the Desert Sun!” Then the red beer is poured as a libation, and the torches are carried outside, where they are left to burn out.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Daily OM for Oct. 29th – Passive Aggressive Behavior

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Claiming our Feelings

by Madisyn Taylor

The way to end passive aggressive behavior on your part or others’ is with complete honesty and truth in any situation.

If you’ve ever found yourself repressing your anger and behaving in other ways to get your point across, you may be someone who is adept at engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. Although passive-aggressive behavior is recognized as a psychological disorder, it also describes the behavior that many people use to cope with confrontational situations. Such behavior has the outward appearance of being peaceful, yet it is really an attempt to express oneself in seemingly passive ways—usually without accepting responsibility for doing so. For example, someone who doesn’t want to attend an event with a partner might engage in behavior that causes them to be late or miss the event without ever admitting to their partner that they never wanted to go to the function at all. Procrastination, inefficiency, stubbornness, and sullenness are some of the many ways that anger can be expressed indirectly.

It is important not to judge ourselves when we engage in passive-aggressive behavior. You may want to consider that you are not owning your feelings or your expression by indirectly expressing yourself. Perhaps you are judging your feelings and needs as wrong—which is why you are expressing yourself indirectly. You also may be worried that others will judge you for feeling the way that you do. Remember that anger and every other emotion are never good or bad. They can, however, become toxic of you don’t express them in healthy and proactive ways. When we express ourselves directly, we are more likely to be heard by the other person. It also becomes easier for us to ask for and get what we want.

Once we learn to be honest with ourselves about our feelings, we can begin to directly express ourselves to others. By learning to express ourselves directly, we prevent misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment from cropping up in our relationships. We also learn to communicate with others in healthy and productive ways. It is never too late to start working on ourselves and our behaviors, just take it one day at a time.

The Daily OM

August 22 – Daily Feast

August 22 – Daily Feast

Every time we think we make a mental picture. The more we look at the picture on the motion picture screen of our minds, the more real it becomes. We forget that it is imaginary, but our emotions pick up on what the mind has seen and the image causes delight, or tears, or even anger. Our emotions manipulate us and cause us to do things we would never do under different circumstances. When we give in, these mental suggestions cause us pain, jealousy, and even anger. If our mental vision tells us we have been wronged, anger causes us to react foolishly. In such cases, we tend to go on the warpath, not for any commonsense reason, but because we fed ourselves the wrong mental pictures.

~ We do not take up the warpath without a just cause and honest purpose. ~

PUSHMATAHA

‘A Cherokee Feast of Days’, by Joyce Sequichie Hifler

8 Ways Meditation Can Change Your Life

8 Ways Meditation Can Change Your Life

We can’t imagine what life would be like without meditation. It has seen us through tough times and many life  changes, keeping us sane and grounded and real. Life is challenging enough; we  can never know what will arise next and only when our minds are clear and  focused can we make the best decisions.

How are you able to deal with the madness and chaos that occurs daily? How do you deal with the challenges  of life? Meditation is highly misunderstood and often under-rated yet is perhaps  what it takes to be a truly sane person. How does meditation affect us? How does  it shift our priorities, enable us to make friends with ourselves, to find  answers to our questions?

Here are eight ways meditation can make your life more meaningful and  enjoyable!

1. Living With Kindness

No one deserves your kindness and compassion more than yourself. Every time you  see or feel suffering, every time you make a mistake or say something stupid and  are just about to put yourself down, every time you think of someone you are  having a hard time with, every time you encounter the confusion and difficulty  of being human, every time you see someone else struggling, upset, or irritated,  you can stop and bring loving kindness and compassion. Breathing gently,  silently repeat: May I be well, may I be happy, May I be filled with loving  kindness.

2. Lightening the Load

In a stressed state, it is easy to lose touch with inner peace, compassion  and kindness; in a relaxed state, your mind is clear and you can connect with a  deeper sense of purpose and altruism. Meditation and  medication are derived from the Latin word medicus, to care or  to cure. A time of quiet calmness is, therefore, the most effective remedy for a  busy and overworked mind. Anytime you feel stress rising, heart closing, mind going into overwhelm,  just bring your focus to your breathing and quietly repeat with each in- and  out-breath: Breathing in, I calm the body and mind; breathing out, I  smile.

3. Letting Go of Me

Stillness is always there between the thoughts, behind the story, beneath the  noise. What keeps us from experiencing our natural state of being is the  habitual and ego-dominated monkey mind. Meditation enables us to see clearly, to  witness our thoughts and behavior and reduce self-involvement. Without such a  practice of self-reflection there is no way of putting a brake on the ego’s  demands. From being self-centered, we can become other-centered, concerned about  the welfare of all.

4. Dissolving Anger and Fear

We do not accept or release our negative feelings so easily; we are more likely to repress  or disown them. But when denied they cause shame, depression, anger, and  anxiety. Meditation invites you to openly meet these places, and to see how  selfishness, aversion and ignorance create endless dramas and fears. Beneath  these is a quiet stillness where you can get to know yourself; this is a  wondrous and beautiful experience. Whether you practice for just ten minutes a  day or longer does not matter. You are releasing your limitations, while opening  to self-acceptance and awareness.

5. Awakening Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself and  others. As you sit in meditation and watch your thoughts and feelings moving  through you, so you can observe that who you are now is not who you were just a  moment ago, let alone a day, a week, or a month ago. Who you, or someone else,  was when pain was caused is not who you are now. When you experience your  essential interconnectedness you see how the ignorance of this creates  separation and suffering, so that forgiveness for such ignorance arises  spontaneously.

6. Generating Harmlessness

Simply through the intent to cause less pain you can bring greater dignity to  your world, so that harm is replaced with harmlessness and disrespect with  respect. Harm is usually caused unintentionally, whether by ignoring someone’s  feelings, putting yourself down, reaffirming your hopelessness, disliking your  appearance, or seeing yourself as incompetent or unworthy. How much resentment,  guilt, or shame are you holding on to, thus perpetuating harmfulness? Meditation  enables you transform this through recognizing your essential goodness and the  preciousness of all life.

7. Appreciating Appreciation

Take a moment to appreciate the chair you are sitting on. Consider how the  chair was made: the wood, cotton, wool, or other fibers, the trees and plants  that were used, the earth that grew the trees, the sun and rain, the animals  that maybe gave their lives, the people who prepared the materials, the factory  where the chair was made, the designer and carpenter and seamstress, the shop  that sold it—all this just so you could be sitting here, now. Then extend that  deep appreciation to everything and everyone in your life.

8. Being Aware

Awareness is the key to awakening. Through awareness you can see your monkey  mind and all its mischief. Almost everything we do is to achieve something: if  we do this, then we will get that; if we do that, then this will happen. But in  meditation you do it just to do it. There is no ulterior purpose other than to  be here, in the present moment, without trying to get anywhere or achieve  anything. You are just aware of whatever is happening, whether pleasant or  unpleasant. No judgment, no right or wrong. Simply being aware. Enjoy!

Goddess Grant You Peace & Relaxation This Weekend, Dear Brothers & Sisters!

Wishing you and yours a very Blessed and Relaxing Weekend!

Walk out in the woods or forest and take a mini-retreat. Really you don’t have to go out in the woods, got a quiet place in the house? Use it! You will be amazed how you will feel afterwards. Letting go of all your emotions, anger and anything that has upset you since your last retreat. You need to take one a least every  month. It helps to draw you closer to the Goddess. And being a child of Her’s, She is delighted when we try to make that connection.

Have a very blessed weekend, my brothers and sisters,

Love ya,

Lady A


 

Calendar of the Sun for November 29th

Calendar of the Sun

 

29 Blutmonath

Sekhmet’s Day

Color: Red
Element: Fire
Altar: Upon a red cloth set two torches, the figure of a lioness, and a clay pitcher of beer mixed with red fruit juice.
Offerings: Meat. Blood. Wrestle with the Beast Within.
Daily Meal: Beer. Meat from a hoofed animal. Barley.

Invocation to Sekhmet

Long, long ago, Ra Lord of the Sun
Was wroth with the people of the earth,
For their disrespect and their carelessness,
And his anger was so great
That he called forth into existence
The lioness goddess Sekhmet
As a manifestation of his wrath,
And he set her upon the people,
Intending her to eat a few of them
And teach them all a lesson.
And Sekhmet leaped upon them,
But she did not stop her destruction,
And after three days she had killed so many
That Ra begged her to stop, regretting his error,
But she refused, saying that there would be no end
To her appetite for blood and death.
So Ra had beer dyed red as blood, and spread it
Over the field of carnage, and she drank,
And fell asleep, and was enspelled.
And so we hail Sekhmet, for within each of us
Is the beast of wrath whom we must propitiate,
And never let run wild, lest it slay
All that we hold dear. Hail Sekhmet!
(All respond: “Hail Sekhmet!” )
Be merciful to us, we who cower
In your shadow, and feel your footprints within us.
(All respond: “Have mercy upon us!”
And may your hunting be plentiful,
And all your days bright with sun.
(All respond: “Hail Queen of the Desert Sun!” Then the red beer is poured as a libation, and the torches are carried outside, where they are left to burn out.)

 

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Daily OM for November 26th – Lifting Pain’s Veil

Lifting Pain’s Veil

Bitterness

by Madisyn Taylor

 

Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing.

 

It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path. Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass. Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale. We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent. And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness. The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.

Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve

Daily OM

Bones of Anger Revenge Hex

BONES OF ANGER REVENGE HEX

Gather bones of chickens and dry them in the sun for a few
days. Then when you are ready to do this hex make sure you
are worked up into a frenzy of anger and hatred. This will
add to the potency of your hex! Be thinking of all this
while doing this hex and when it says “With these bones I
now do crush,” take a hammer or use your feet to stomp and
crush these bones as if they were your enemy before you!

When you are done sweep, them up and place them in a bag. You
will then want to sprinkle the dust and remains of the bones
on your enemy’s property around his house.

If you have a bell ring it 3 times and say…

I call upon the Ancient Ones from the great abyss to do my
bidding I invoke Cuthalu, God of Anger and the creatures of
the underworld hear me now…

Bones of anger, bones to dust
full of fury, revenge is just
I scatter these bones, these bones of rage
take thine enemy, bring him pain
I see thine enemy before me now
I bind him, crush him, bring him down
With these bones I now do crush
Make thine enemy turn to dust
torment, fire, out of control
With this hex I curse your soul

So mote it be!

Quiz of the Day – Are You Controlling?

Are You Controlling?

By Deepak Chopra

How much resistance are you in now? Our psychological defenses are extremely good at hiding this from us; by definition, stored-up emotions are the ones we can’t feel. However, resistance gives rise to a telltale behavior pattern—control. Having to be in control is a compulsion rooted in fear and threat.

Give yourself a point for each statement that applies to you frequently, most of the time, or almost always. Some of the statements do not sound very flattering, but try to be as candid and honest about yourself as you can.

1. I like to be in control of work situations and am much happier working alone than with others.
2. When I’m under pressure, the easiest emotion for me to show is anger or irritability.
3. I rarely tell anyone that I need them.
4. I tend to harbor old hurts. Rather than telling someone that he hurt me, I would rather fantasize about getting even.
5. I have quite a few resentments about the way my brothers and sisters relate to me.
6. The more money I spend on someone, the more that means I love them.
7. I keep to myself how unfairly others treat me.
8. If a relationship starts to go bad, I secretly wish I could take back everything I bought for that person.
9. If it’s my house, the people in it should follow my rules.
10. I find it hard to admit being vulnerable. I don’t often say “I’m wrong” and mean it.

11. It’s better to nurse my wounds than to show someone that I’m weak.
12. I’m a better talker than listener.
13. What I have to say is usually important.
14. I secretly think others don’t take my opinions as seriously as they should.
15. I have a pretty good sense of what’s good for people.
16. At least once in my life I got caught opening someone else’s mail.
17. People have called me cynical or negative.
18. I have high standards, which others sometimes mistake for criticism.
19. I tend to be a perfectionist. It bothers me to let a sloppy job go out.
20. I feel uncomfortable if someone gets too close to me emotionally.
21. After a relationship breaks up, I look back and think I was mostly right.
22. I’m neat and orderly. I like my way of doing things and find it hard to live with someone who is sloppy.
23. I’m good at scheduling my day and put a high value on punctuality.
24. I’m good at caring for other people’s needs, but then I get disappointed when they don’t think as much about mine.
25. I have a logical explanation for the way I act, even if others can’t always except it.
26. I don’t care that much if other people don’t like me.
27. In my opinion, most people don’t usually express their true motives for the way they behave.
28. I’m not good at handling noisy or rambunctious children.
29. I still blame my parents for a lot of my problems, but I haven’t told them so.
30. When I get into an argument with my spouse or lover, I can’t resist bringing up old grievances.

Next: What you score means

0-10 points

Your personality isn’t dominated by an excessive need to be in control. You are likely to be comfortable with your feelings and tolerant of other people. You realize that you are imperfect, therefore you understand the failings of others. It is easy for you to let events take their own course, and surprises don’t throw you off balance. You probably place a high value on spontaneity and the expression of emotions.

10-20 points

Being in control is a frequent issue with you. You have more fears and hurt feelings than you let on, but you don’t work hard to resolve these feelings. Being in charge isn’t necessarily that important to you, but having your way usually is. You consider yourself organized and efficient, yet it isn’t a major event if things get a little out of control. You have found someone whom you can be honest and open with, but there are limits to how much you can safely say or do, even with that person.

Over 20 points

You are a controlling person. You feel that control is necessary because people hurt your feelings a lot, and your memory of this goes back into your painful childhood. To keep from being hurt more, you try to control your feelings, which basically means you are very selective about revealing yourself to others. Your overriding need to be in charge or to have things your way drives people away from you, despite the fact that you work very hard to take care of their needs. The only emotion you show easily is anger or irritability. You constantly explain your motives and give reasons for why you are the way you are, but somehow this doesn’t help you get you what you want, which is other people’s love and affection.

Daily OM for August 24 – A Chance to Contribute

A Chance to Contribute

Disarming the Know-It-All

by Madisyn Taylor

People that are know-it-alls are simply stuck in a pattern and may actually have feelings of low self worth.

Most of us have encountered a person in our lives who can accurately be referred to as a know-it-all. This person seems to know everything about anything that gets brought up and tends to dominate the conversation. They don’t take well to being questioned, and they have a hard time ever admitting that they were wrong.

Being around a know-it-all is inevitably tiring because there is no shared energy between the two of you. Rather, you become an audience member to this person’s need to be the center of attention. Attention and respect are probably the two things this person most longs for, and at some point in their lives, they learned that knowing it all was the way to get those needs met. Over time, they have become stuck in this pattern, regardless of the fact that it is no longer working. They may feel afraid of the experience of listening, being receptive, or learning something new, because it’s so unfamiliar.

On the one hand, when we see the childlike need underneath the know-it-all’s mask of confidence, we feel compassion for the person, and we may tolerate their one-sided approach to conversation out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. On the other hand, we may be feeling drained and tempted to avoid this person altogether. In the middle of these two possible ways of feeling, we may actually like this person and wish for a closer relationship. If we come from a place of kindness, we might attempt to bridge the gap that this person’s habitual way of relating creates. Simply expressing a desire to be closer may open their heart, and give you a chance to ask for what you need in the relationship—a chance to contribute.