…that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
…that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
…that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
…that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have lots of money and proof of it.
…that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
…that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.
…that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
…that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
…that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones who do.
…that we don’t have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
…that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
…that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
…to say “Screw ’em if they can’t take a joke” in 6 languages.
Inner state of being
Anxiety is not created by your situation, or by what you must do about your situation. Anxiety is the result of your attitude and your perspective on the situation.
To be free of anxiety, you don’t necessarily have to change the situation or avoid doing anything about it. What you can do is change your attitude, your perspective and your expectations.
In fact, your attitude ultimately is not dependent on your circumstances. Your attitude is whatever you choose it to be.
As surely as you have learned to react to certain things with anxiety, you can teach yourself to respond instead with peaceful confidence. That response is just as realistic, and much more positive, healthy and enriching.
Keep in mind that it is because of your choice that you become annoyed, frustrated, angry, fearful and filled with anxiety. Keep in mind that you always have another, more positive choice.
Make it your intention to choose peace, positive purpose, confidence and generous, effective action. Your inner state of being is always your choice, so always make it the very best, most empowering one.
— Ralph Marston
Calming Aromatherapy Spray – Formula
Adapted from Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit, by Gabriel Mojay (Inner Traditions, 1997).
This easy-to-make formula is based on centuries-old aromatherapy wisdom that reduces anxiety and apprehension.
After all, we can all use a little more calm and reassurance from time to time–and this spray smells simply divine!
According to aromatherapy wisdom, Lavender is one of the most comforting oils, often used for anxiety in those who feel oppressed or emotionally confused, or feel they don’t know where to turn.
Palmarosa nourishes heart energy and has a cooling, calming, supportive effect. It alleviates fear and insecurity.
Jasmine combines a calming effect with a distinctly upliting one and is especially useful for anxiety when it alternates with feelings of depression.
Geranium calms nervous anxiety and alleviates insecurity.
1. Place one cup of water in a spray bottle, and add the following pure essential oils:3 drops lavender
2 drops Palmrosa
2 drops Jasmine 1 drop geranium
2. Shake well and spray upward toward the center of the room, or onto any non-staining surface
Cultivating the Seed Within
We can learn to locate the seed of peace inside ourselves in order to have a reliable source of serenity.
In our noisy world, we often find ourselves longing for peace and searching to find it somewhere else. While it’s true that there are places we can visit where we can experience peace, such as sacred sites or buildings, we do not need to wait until we get to one of these places to feel at peace. Instead, we can learn to locate the seed of peace inside ourselves and cultivate it so that it grows into a reliable source of serenity that we can always access, no matter where we are.
We experience peace when we are in a state of mental calm and serenity. It might surprise you to notice how infrequently you allow yourself to be free from anxiety. Realizing this is the first step to inner peace. If you wait until all the details of your life are taken care of to allow yourself to experience peace, you will never feel peaceful because there is always something that your mind can grab onto to create anxiety. It is important to consciously set aside your worries and make time to cultivate inner peace.
Ideally, you could schedule time each day to meditate on peace and experience what it feels like to be calm and serene. It takes practice to learn how to let go of your worries, so give yourself some time. Inhale deeply, and feel your worries dissolve with every exhale. Remind yourself that soon enough you will be able to take care of everything you need to, but right now you are taking a break. As the clutter of your thoughts and concerns clear away, you will start to feel more serene. Allow yourself to move deeper into this state with each inhale. Realize that you have the power to free yourself from anxiety simply by deciding to do so. The more you practice feeling peaceful, the easier it will be for you to feel at peace.
I’m not saying you have to hug anyone on ‘National Hug Your Boss Day,’ but you should create an intention to hug someone since hugging offers so many healthy benefits. One hug can increase the amount of hemoglobin in your blood, which helps to speed healing while boosting the immune system. Some recent studies reveal that hugs can make you happier, as they’re believed to increase the amount of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for reducing anxiety and inducing a state of quiet and calm. Hugs also help produce serotonin and dopamine, two more hormones that increase happiness and lift your mood. So, whether it’s your boss or not, give someone a hug today. It literally does a body good.
By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com
Letting Your Voice Be Heard
Writing Your Story
Writing your own story can provide an outlet which can help purge any frustration, anxiety, or long-dormant feelings.
Everyone, at one time or another, has wanted to express his or her story. Writing a memoir to read privately, share with family or friends, or publish is an emotionally satisfying way to gain perspective on your experiences and to share your unique voice. We’ve all experienced feelings and events in our lives that we are longing to write down. Giving into that urge also can provide an outlet which can help purge any frustration, anxiety, or long-dormant feelings. No one else has to read it. You may even want to write your story without reading it afterward and put it away to read in the future. Satisfying the need to tell your story is not predicated upon your writing ability. It does, however take effort to write down the truth in detail. Your memories, captured on paper as descriptive scenes, sights, sounds, and scents, may at first seem disconnected or incomplete. But rest assured that you possess the ability to shape your recollections into stories.
Writing your story is different from journaling. Everyone wants to be heard and know that they matter. Reading your story to others meets the human need to be heard. Writing your story helps validate your life. We all want to know that what we have to say matters. And when you finish writing, even you may be surprised at what you have accomplished. Your story can encompass as much or as little of your life as you prefer. You may surprise yourself with new insights, or you may find yourself exploring your roots, your identity, and your future through your words. Allow your writing to guide you and write as truthfully as possible. Don’t worry about what others will think of your personal journey, your style of writing, or your words.
Research has shown that writing a narrative filled with feelings and perceptions can create long-term health benefits. As you write, remember to express compassion and understanding toward yourself, particularly when writing about traumatic events. If you are a young person, you can add to your life story as you grow older. Your writing may even help family members know you better or understand themselves more. Most importantly, in writing your personal story, you are expressing yourself in a permanent way, giving a gift to your future self, and letting your voice be heard.
Get up and do
There are a thousand ways you can talk yourself out of taking action. Yet there is just one way to truly move forward, and that is to go ahead and take action.
It’s great to be smart, informed, and thoughtful. It’s not that great to think things through so much and to second-guess yourself so much that you never get anything done.
You can find plenty of ways to justify your procrastination. Yet even if it’s perfectly reasonable and understandable, it’s still procrastination.
The secret to moving forward is not found in some clever technique. The secret to moving forward is to get up and go, get up and do, get up and create value.
Be smart, but don’t be so focused on being smart that you fail to put your wisdom and intelligence to good, productive use. Be smart, and then act smart, and follow through on your brilliant thinking.
Instead of just thinking about it and eventually letting the thought die, get up and do it. Put your thoughts into action and transform them into solid, lasting value.
— Ralph Marston
The Daily Motivator
A Yoruba Recipe for Banishing Anxiety
Load the tea ball with valerian root (you may also need a nose plug) and boil with the hambone until the water becomes a tea. Allow it to cool and then bathe in it, or pour it over yourself in the bath tub. Do not wash it off. Take the hambone and tie it to the back of your car so that it hangs above the road, but not drag, and drive to a place of high elevation. If you don’t live near any high elevation, any kind of hill will do. As you drive, visualize the anxiety leaving you in the form of thick, sooty smoke and being soaked up by the hambone.
When you arrive at the hill or mountain, take the hambone from the back of your car by the string or rope. DO NOT TOUCH THE HAMBONE ITSELF. Throw it from you as far as you can and then compose yourself to meditation. Still the mind, relax, and if you wish, mentally ask Yemaya (the Yoruba Orisha of the Sea and Tranquility), or any other deity/spirit you wish to be with you and bless your intentions.
After 10 to 20 minutes of meditation, leave full in the knowledge that you have banished anxiety and restlessness. As with any other form of magick,, banish with laughter or ground with a good meal and forget about the exercise.
By Fra Khoronzon
6 Tips for Less Stress & More Joy This Season
The clock is ticking toward the holidays, and two very different feelings are flashing on your emotional news feed: impending joy and impending doom.
OK, maybe doom is overstating it; dread may be closer to the mark. But let’s face it, many of us are finding ourselves up at 3:00 in the morning checking our to-do lists and reviewing incessantly the parade of possible catastrophes: “Will my brined turkey be a disaster?” “Will everyone be happy with their gifts?” “How much weight (and debt) am I going to gain?” “What if my family doesn’t get along?” “What if I’m not ready?” “What if I totally fail?!” Wait, are we preparing for the holidays — or final exams?
It doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s time to change our relationship with the holidays. We don’t have to break up with them, but just know that as with all things anxiety, the holidays aren’t the problem; it’s the story in our head about the holidays that needs to change.
So, don’t gather up the mistletoe or menorahs, waiting for that starting gun to say: “On your mark, get set, stress!” Instead, put down the supplies, take off your running shoes, and change your expectations.
The holidays are not a control-freak boss or a mother-in-law poised with a perfection-sensor critiquing your every move — more likely, you’re doing that number on yourself. The holidays are an opportunity — your opportunity — to acknowledge and celebrate in the ways that you would like.
So, this year, give a gift to yourself. Be daring. Choose how you want to celebrate this season. Yes, you do have many choices in the matter. Whether that’s a tailgating party, a marathon family reading of The Hobbit, or the more traditional hot cider in front of the fire, don’t let the anxious chatter — “You should, you must, you’ve failed!” — ruin it for you. Find your own meaning, there are no right or wrong answers. If it’s real to you, it’s real.
Here are six ways to help you have more joy and less stress this holiday season:
Get Specific and Fact-Check Your Worry
If the mantra in your head is: “I have to make this the most perfect holiday ever,” it’s time to release yourself from the impossible. The constant worry that this thought generates is sure to distract you — if not derail you — from enjoying what is. Take a minute and on one side of a piece of a paper write down what your worries are about the holidays. Your worst picture of what could go wrong. Then, on the other side of the page, write down your answers to a different question: What do you think will actually happen? Or, put another way: The next morning, how do you think things will have actually turned out? Pick up the paper and read it from time to time, then notice what happens in your body when you read your answers to those second questions. It’s like someone unplugged you from the stress machine and you’ve tapped into the truth. Make sure there’s room for reality in your head and at your holiday table.
Don’t Script, Live
If you back up and look at the most cherished moments from holiday times in the past — the raucous game of charades or football, the quiet moment when everyone was happily entertaining themselves in the living room while the snow was falling out the window. What happened before those moments? It wasn’t that anyone said, “Hey, let’s make memories here — let’s all sit in the living room and occupy ourselves contentedly, okay?” Things just evolved. So as much as it is great to have plans and ideas, flexibility, spontaneity and being open to what might happen provide the greatest possibilities.
Let the Mistakes Be… New Traditions?
Forgot the cranberry sauce? Maybe a guest has a great idea for how to innovate an alternative. Miscounted the spaces at the table? A Christmas picnic or a lighthearted impromptu game of musical chairs before sitting for dinner might be the memory that sticks for people — and may give birth to a new tradition.
One holiday bonding experience happened one year when we were hosting Christmas dinner for friends and discovered that our kitchen had a mouse. We called our friends and asked if we could bring food to their house and cook there. The last-minute change, the pulling together in a pinch, solidified our friendship. Mistakes and glitches are often the shortest distance between two people if you have the right spirit about it.
Pace Yourself and Schedule in Down-Time
Having a week off for the holidays can feel like winning the lottery: You’re flush with time and yet, like winning the lottery, when you start divvying up the pot of who is going to get what– or, in holiday break terms, who you’re going to see when — you may end up feeling broke, with nothing left for you. Rather than end winter vacation feeling like you need a vacation, do what marathoners do. Pace yourself. Schedule in some coasting time. Would you like to sit and read the paper (or similar) once during the holidays? Put it in your calendar. Block out the time and enjoy. Repeat when possible.
Finding Joy: Savoring the Moment
I like to think about the one thing that I want to notice during the holidays. Yes, I know I’m scripting it ahead, but bear with me — my ability to live in a clutch-free or cling-free manner of zen present-centeredness is still under construction. For me, it’s noticing that moment at the holiday table when everyone is contentedly eating and conversation is flowing and my only wish is exactly what I am experiencing right then. Sometimes that picture doesn’t happen, and something else happens that hits that spot. Be on the look out for that one moment where you stop worrying about what’s next and you’re thoroughly savoring what is.
Turn the Focus Outward: Help Others
Anxiety and worry turn the focus inward — the critic in your head has a strong bias toward “that’s not good enough.” Unplug that microphone, get out of the spotlight and focus on others: Volunteer time if you’ve got it, contribute if you don’t. It doesn’t have to be a pot of gold, donating clothing or canned goods can make a great difference to a family in need.
So this year, forego the worry and give yourself more breathing room. In so doing, you will give joy, gratitude, and contentedness a wider berth to find their way into your life for the holidays and beyond.
Copyright Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., author of Freeing Yourself from Anxiety (DaCapo, 2012).