My First Personal Contact with the Goddess
Author: Maestitia
I wanted to share with you the story of my first personal contact with the Goddess, and maybe you could share your stories as well.
A few years ago, I was on a quest to find a suitable religion. I was born and raised Roman Catholic, but ten years earlier, I had received a letter from my church advising me that I was no longer welcome there because I had not (according to their records) given them enough money.
I was furious!!
I was not aware that the gift of knowing divinity came with a price tag. I was soured on religion in general, and lived with no religious beliefs for 10 years because of it.
As I got older I decided that I shouldn’t be denied that gift because of one bad experience with a bad church. I also decided that if I was going to have religious beliefs, it was going to be on MY terms, not someone else’s.
I decided that the best course of action would be to write down what I really believed in my heart, and then go looking for what most closely matched my beliefs. I carefully made my list over the course of two weeks.
When the list was finished, I went to my local book store/coffee shop, and began studying every religion that I could find. When I would find one that started to sound dogmatic, or restrictive, or harmful, or just plain ridiculous, it was immediately dismissed, and I’d move on to the next.
This went on for weeks, night after night drinking coffee, and studying. After a few weeks, I stumbled upon a book on Wicca. Everything made sense.
Masculine and feminine are needed for creation in life, and so it is in the case of divinity.
You are free to do as you will, provided you harm nobody in the process.
There is no need to pay.
There is no need to convert others.
I knew I had found it.
I then decided to spend my time at the bookstore studying Wicca. I read every book they had. Some books were obviously written by idiots. (I’m sure you’ve seen those books allegedly teaching spells on how you can fly, become invisible, or make someone fall in love with you). These were immediately disregarded.
I didn’t know any Wiccans at the time, so I knew I’d have to study, and learn, and practice by myself. And so I did.
Night after night were spent in my local woods meditating, and practicing. One night, in the midst of meditation, I asked the Goddess to come to me. I asked her to let me see her and to feel her arms holding me.
Suddenly, in my mind, I could see her. She appeared as a woman of around 20 yrs old, with long dark hair. She came to me and held me. No words were spoken, but she did smile at me, and at that moment I felt an immediate rush of motherly love. Then something very unexpected happened.
The Goddess held up one index finger as if to say, “Wait a moment”.
I was a bit puzzled, but I wasn’t going to ask questions. The Goddess then brought me my Grandmother who had died in 1987. I saw her as plainly as I did in life. She didn’t speak, but I could hear her words speaking to my heart.
She thanked me for caring for her, and for driving her to the hospital when she was sick, and coming to see her. I was able to tell her that I knew how much she hated being in that hospital, and how she was worried about being a burden when she was sick.
She never actually told me that when she was alive, but somehow, I knew it now. I could feel her thoughts and emotions and her words. We hugged, and then she waved and walked away.
The Goddess returned.
I was confused as to why she had brought me my Grandmother. I didn’t ask for that, I wasn’t expecting that, and I didn’t understand any of it.
The Goddess again held me, then backed up a step, looked into my eyes, and said one single word, “Trust”.
Then smiled at me again and walked away.
I came out of my meditation scared, confused, nervous, and completely shaken up. I was crying my eyes out in the middle of a forest at 1:30 A.M. I cried for over an hour.
In the days that followed, I looked back on the events of that evening, and tried to make some sense of it. I believe that the Goddess had brought me my dead Grandmother for two reasons.
First, as a convincer of the things that are possible, and second, because my Grandmother had things she wanted to say to me.
The emotional impact of the evening made a huge mark on me, and when I think about it today, I still get a little misty, and my eyes get moist.
When the time came to choose my witch name, I wanted something to remember that night, that feeling. I went online and found a Latin translator. I put in the word “Sadness” and it gave me the Latin Translation “Maestitia”. I knew I had found it.
There was no second-guessing.
My witch name will always remind me of that night. Sitting on the ground, crying my eyes out, and feeling the love of a Goddess who will never throw her child into a lake of fire, will never demand my money, and will let me be a human being.
I had found peace, and still have it with me.
I still go to the woods. I still have conversations with my Grandmother, and with the Goddess. I still cry sometimes.
I have found a religion that works for me. I feel loved.
The priest from my old church comes around once a year to bless houses (For a fee of course).
On the day he comes, I make sure to have out all of my Wiccan regalia. I have my candles burning, my incense burning, and I politely tell him, “No, thank you, I don’t pay for my religion”.
My faith is strong, and I know what the Goddess wants me to be. A healer, a counselor, a comforter, a helper.
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