the daily humorscopes for tuesday, july 3rd

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Good day to put a few kumquats, some of those teensy little ears of corn, and a few brussels sprouts in a tiny little bowl, and leave it on someone’s doorstep with a tiny little note reading “Dear Big People….”

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

What are you looking here, for? You should be on a spaceship, sticking a fish in your ear. It’s not like you didn’t get enough hints. If you are vaporized, it’s your own darned fault, I’d say.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You are sad about an upcoming event, but can do nothing about it. Try knitting — people say it’s wonderfully relaxing.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking man), rather than an actual Cro-Magnon. This will explain things you’d been wondering about.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

That new employee seems honest, and is a really hard worker – so who cares if she wants to wear a studded dog collar? You’ll have to draw the line at butt sniffing, though.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Good day to power-walk. It not only looks silly, it is silly.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

You will win 12,000 cases of peanut brittle today, on a call-in game show. That’s a LOT of peanut brittle, as it turns out.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

In this world you have a choice between being clever, and being pleasant. I recommend pleasant.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

You will spend another full day attempting to shuffle a deck of cards with your toes. Fortunately, nobody will find out.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Today you will suddenly realise how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Try not to be too impulsive, today. Ask youself if you really need that howitzer, or if you just think it’d be fun to have.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Good day to ponder the parable of the itsy bitsy spider, and the futility of climbing up water spouts during spring weather. You’ll be able to apply this lesson to one of your current relationships.

Wishing You A Very Blessed Week To Come, My Dear Friends!

Days Of The Week Comments Good Monday Morning, my dear friends! I am sorry about the weekend. But as you know, my youngest child has moved back in with me. All I can say is, “Drama, Drama, Drama!” And I have talked till I am blue in the face. Still I cannot talk any sense at all into him. I know he is confused but he could listen to someone who has his best interest at heart. I keep hearing, “I am a grown man!” I am about ready to say, “Well, then damn it act like it.” But I am biting my tongue. You know I am seriously beginning to wonder if I got the right kid in the hospital, lol!

I ask of you, dear friends, to keep us in your prayers.

I picked out the following prayer for all of us parents. I am sure at sometime in our lives, we will find it useful.

Prayer Of A Parent

My Lord and Lady, you are my eternal

parents, and I have a special need to ask

of you. Please make me a better parent. Help me

to understand my children. Help me to be

a parent when a parent is needed, and a

friend when a friend is needed. Help me

to set a good example so I may be a good

teacher for my children, and give me the

patience and wisdom I will need in raising

them.

So Mote It Be.

I hope you have a fantastic week. Don’t work to hard and remember to take time and smell the roses (watch out for the thorns, though).

Luv & Hugs,

Lady A

Magickal Graphics

The Sacred Herbs Of The Gods

Adonis: myrrh, corn, rose, fennel, lettuce, white heather
Aesculapius: bay, mustard
Ajax: delphinium
Anu: tamarisk
Apollo:  leek, hyacinth, heliotrope, cornel, bay, frankincense, date palm, 
cypress
Attis: pine, almond
Ares: buttercup
Bacchus: grape, ivy, fig, beech, tamarisk
Baldur: St. John's wort, daisy
Bran: alder, all grains
Cupid: cypress, sugar, white violet, red rose
Dagda: oak
Dianus: fig
Dionysus: fig, apple, ivy, grape, pine, corn, pomegranate, toadstools, 
mushrooms, fennel, all wild and cultivated trees
Dis: cypress
Ea: cedar
Eros: red rose
Gwydion: ash
Helios: oak
Horus: horehound, lotus, persea
Hypnos: poppy
Jove: pine, cassia, houseleek, carnation, cypress
Jupiter: aloe, agrimony, sage, oak, mullein, acorn,  beech, cypress, houseleek, 
date palm, violet, gorse, ox-eye daisy, vervain
Kernunnos: heliotrope, bay, sunflower, oak, orange
Kanaloa: banana
Mars: ash, aloe, dogwood, buttercup, witch grass, vervain
Mercury: cinnamon, mulberry, hazel, willow
Mithras: cypress, violet
Neptune: ash, bladderwrack, all seaweeds
Odin: mistletoe, elm, yew, oak
Osiris: acacia, grape, ivy, tamarisk, cedar, clover, date palm, all grains
Pan: fig, pine, reed, oak, fern, all meadow flowers
Pluto: cypress, mint, pomegranate
Poseidon: pine, ash, fig, bladderwrack, all seaweeds
Prometheus: fennel
Ra: acacia, frankincense, myrrh, olive
Saturn: fig, blackberry
Sylvanus: pine
Tammuz: wheat, pomegranate, all grains
Thoth: almond
Thor: thistle, houseleek, vervain, hazel, ash, birch, rowen, oak, pomegranate, 
burdock, beech
Uranus: ash
Woden: ash
Zeus: oak, olive, pine, aloe, parsley, sage, wheat, fig

As the Craft, we will take only that which we need from the green and growing 
things of the Earth, never failing to attune with the plant before harvesting, 
nor failing to leave a token of gratitude and respect.

The Sacred Herbs Of The Goddesses

Aphrodite: olive, cinnamon, daisy, cypress, quince.  orris (iris), apple, myrtle
Aradia: rue, vervain
Artemis:  silver fir, amaranth, cypress, cedar, hazel, myrtle, willow, daisy, 
mugwort, date palm
Astarte: alder, pine, cypress, myrtle, juniper
Athena: olive, apple
Bast: catnip, Vervain
Bellona: belladonna
Brigit: blackberry
Cailleach: wheat
Cardea: hawthorn, bean, arbutus
Ceres: willow, wheat, bay, pomegranate, poppy, leek, narcissus
Cybele: oak, myrrh, pine
Demeter: wheat, barley, pennyroyal, myrrh, rose, pomegranate, bean, poppy, all 
cultivated crops
Diana: birch, willow, acacia, wormwood, dittany, hazel, beech, fir, apple, 
mugwort, plane, mulberry, rue
Druantia: fir
Freya:  cowslip, daisy, primrose, maidenhair, myrrh, strawberry, mistletoe
Hathor: myrtle, sycamore, grape, mandrake, coriander, rose
Hecate: willow, henbane, aconite, yew, mandrake, cyclamen, mint, cypress, date 
palm, sesame, dandelion, garlic, oak, onion
Hekat: cypress
Hera: apple, willow, orris, pomegranate, myrrh
Hina: bamboo
Hulda: flax, rose, hellebore, elder
Irene: olive
Iris: wormwood, iris
Ishtar: acacia, juniper, all grains
Isis: fig, heather, wheat, wormwood, barley, myrrh, rose, palm, lotus, persea, 
onion, iris, vervain
Juno: lily, crocus, asphodel, quince, pomegranate, vervain, iris, lettuce, fig, 
mint
Kerridwen: vervain, acorns
Minerva: olive, mulberry, thistle
Nefer-Tum: lotus
Nepthys: myrrh, lily
Nuit: sycamore
Olwen: apple
Persephone: parsley, narcissus, willow, pomegranate
Rhea: myrrh, oak
Rowen: clover, rowen
Venus: cinnamon, daisy, elder, heather, anemone, apple, poppy, violet, marjoram, 
maidenhair fern, carnation, aster, vervain, myrtle, orchid, cedar, lily, 
mistletoe, pine, quince
Vesta: oak

Daily Feng Shui Tip for June 12 – ‘Red Rose Day’

On today’s ‘Red Rose Day’ we’ll employ two red roses to help attract a loving mate and everlasting love. First, be sure to remove the thorns from the stems of the roses. Then place two long-stemmed red roses in any white earthenware vase. Position this vase on your bedside table on the side of the bed that you sleep on. When you awake in the morning and before you fall off to slumber at night express gratitude that this Feng Shui cure will now make your romantic intentions grow to fruition. After three days, replace the two original roses with two fresh ones. Do this one more time for a total of three times, or nine days. At the end of the ninth day collect all the petals from all the roses and put them into a bath. Soak in all the love for at least twenty minutes. Dispose of the petals outside of the house while getting ready to receive a brand new love! Welcome home true love and give thanks to the two red roses!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

Your Magickal Spell for Tuesday, June 12 – Banishment Stirring Spell

BANISHMENT STIRRING SPELL

If you need to banish something from your life, prepare a pot of soup.
Draw a banishing pentagram in the soup, then stir nine times counterclockwise, saying:
“Blessed Lord, gracious Lady, hear my plea.
Remove (insert what needs removal) from me.
For the good of all, with harm to none;
once this is eaten, the spell is done!” Eat the soup.

Daily Chinese Horoscopes for June 8

Rabbit

The key to communication today is to keep in mind that no matter how critical someone may seem, they actually have your best interests at heart. So, if someone takes you to task over your diet, exercise patterns or commitment to medical treatments, remember, they love you.

Dragon

The way you make, save, and invest your money for the future has been undergoing a lot of dramatic changes lately, and you could benefit from finding an established professional or expert advisor. Make sure that you find someone who understands your unique needs.

Snake

Open your eyes and close your mouth. You will tend to be temperamental and somewhat anxious, and are vulnerable to saying the wrong thing at the worst moment. Don’t let yourself be goaded into confrontations that you can’t win, especially with relatives and loved ones.

Horse

In the morning you will feel lazy, self-indulgent and unfocused, and that feeling could intensify throughout the day. That may be just as well, ironically, because any new initiatives you would start in the afternoon may have to be rethought.

Sheep

You may find that your energy and the attitude of a friend are at odds right now. You have been through some spiritual changes and they haven’t kept up with the changes in your values. You may find they are asking you a lot of challenging questions today.

Monkey

You may find yourself at odds with authority figures, possibly those individuals in your family, or the family of your partner, who hold the purse strings or the keys to the big parties you’d like to attend this year. You will not be in the mood to schmooze and may be forced to play the “genteel host or hostess”.

Rooster

This is not the time to sink a large amount of money into a trip, and it is definitely not a good time to put travel or educational expenses on your credit cards. Resist the impulses coming from your itchy feet and sink that money into savings or paying down debts.

Dog

This is your day to make amends for an offense you caused someone recently. You may not quite be ready to say you were wrong, and if you are not sincere, then it may be better that you wait until you feel you truly understand the other person’s point of view.

Pig

You may feel impatient with a loved one or partner right now, but it’s not really them that is the problem – there is a meddlesome parent or family member somewhere in the picture. Talking things out could bring up an ideal way to sort out the differences.

Rat

You may have to spend money on medications or herbal remedies today. Be sure that you understand how different medications and herbs can react before you start any new treatment schedule. You will feel better if you know more about your own health.

Ox

Listen to the children in your life. If you are not a parent, and don’t have nieces or nephews, go borrow a friend’s kids and just pay attention to what they come up with. Cosby and Linkletter observed that kids say the darndest things – they are often a profound source of wisdom, too.

Tiger

Family members may seem to be determined to be contrary today. Instead of trying to get them to see your point of view, try putting yourself into their shoes. The change in perspective could bring the answers you need to put everyone back into harmony again.

Energizing Tonic

This tonic will increase energy and enhance digestion.

1 tablespoon fresh peppermint leaves

1 tablespoon lemon grass leaves

1 teaspoon suma, optional

Steep peppermint and lemon grass leaves in 2 cups of boiled water for 15 minutes, covered. Strain and drink warm or cold.

Optional: Suma may be steeped in the combination for an extra boost.

Relaxation Tonic

This is a soothing tea to enjoy when the mind can’t slow down.

2 tablespoons hops

2 tablespoons chamomile flowers

2 tablespoons lemon balm or spearmint leaves (peppermint is too stimulating)

1 teaspoon chopped lavender leaves

Steep in 2 cups of boiled water, covered. Strain after 10 – 15 minutes and drink 1/2 – 1 cup to relax.

To Know The Truth

Take a fresh banana, red ribbon and a piece of parchment, and reflect upon that which you seek the truth about.

Light a white candle, and clear your mind. Then, on the parchment, write that which you want to know. Fold the paper towards you three times. Then, slice the banana open near the middle, and push the paper into it. Tie the ribbon around the banana to seal it up, and make sure to have a longer strand attached, so you can hang the banana. Say out loud:

“The truth will be shown to me, as I will – So mote it be!”

Hang the banana outside, on a tree – or on a nail outside your front door. When the banana has spoiled, you will know the truth in any matter.

Ward Off Evil

To ward off evil spirits or energy:

In a small jar, place sage, sandalwood, galangal and brimstone herbs. Mix well and sprinkle sea salt on top. Cute a three inch piece of red string, and tie one knot into it, and place it in the jar. Next, place three pins or nails in the jar and close it shut. Light a black candle and say:

“Pins that price, herbs and string, to protect me now, my angels do sing!”

Hide the jar in a dark place to ward off evil.

Friendship Tea

Ingredients:

2 ½ cups sugar

1 cup Tang orange drink

1 cup instant tea

1 ½ tsp. cinnamon

¾ tsp. ground cloves

Add all ingredients to a large bowl to mix. Stir until blended. Store in a tightly covered container. Add 2 ½ to 3 tsps., of tea mixture to hot water. This also makes a wonderful gift

Healthy Red, White & Blue Recipes for Memorial Day

Brandi, selected from Diets in Review

What’s red and white and blue all over? We hope it’s your diet this weekend!

Let the patriotic theme of summer commence as we unofficially kick-off the season this weekend. Memorial Day means the kids are out of school, the pool is full, and the grills are firing up. And when the grills fire up, the mayonnaise-laden salads make their debut, too.

Stop.

You don’t have to overdo it to enjoy your holiday weekend. You don’t even have to under do it to avoid any post-weekend regret. Just enjoy a little bit of everything, serve healthier sides and dishes, and get up and move when the pool, volleyball or bocce starts.

If you’ll fill your table with red, white, and blue foods, you’ll be on the right track. Plus, it will match your T-shirt. Or your aunt’s flip flops.

Start with the red foods. These are one of the brightest colors in the food rainbow and provide a laundry list of vitamins, minerals and even fiber. Bell peppers roasted for sandwiches, juicy tomatoes sliced for sandwiches and watermelon diced for easy snacking are just a few of the red foods we insist you eat this weekend!

We also think strawberries and raspberries are pretty darn good for you (and tasty) and you’ll love them in our Red, White, and Blue Sangria. Berries, white wine, and a little fruit juice concentrate is all you need for this refreshing, healthier cocktail.

Next, focus on the white foods. These are not breads, crackers and pasta. Instead find the white foods that actually boast a lot of nutritional value. Like the other white meat, and the other, and the other. Grill white fish, lean cuts of pork, ground turkey or even chicken breasts for a high-protein, low-calorie cookout that can still include burgers and sandwiches.

As well, we’ll argue for the whiteness in a big portobello mushroom cap. Grill these and dress them like any other burger for a meatless cookout meal that’s a winner. Or, try this Raw Portobello Mushroom Stuffed with Basil Pesto.

Finally, fill up on the blue foods. These foods are a rich source of antioxidants as well as vitamins and minerals.

The obvious choice is blueberries, one of the sweetest tastes of summer. We used them to a make a blueberry balsamic reduction and then topped our Red, White, and Blueberry Turkey Burger Sliders made with roasted , bell peppers and feta cheese.

Blue corn tortilla chips are slightly healthier than the regular varieties. They are usually baked and made with little-to-no added sodium, and even seem a little sturdier when scooping homemade guacamole.

Create a Memorial Garden

by Judi Gerber

For many people, Memorial Day is just another day off, and is seen as little more than the unofficial start of summer and a great day to barbecue. But, the real purpose of the day is to remember those who have died in service to the United States.

If you are looking for a way to truly observe Memorial Day, you can visit a cemetery and place some of your homegrown flowers on the graves of fallen soldiers. Or, if you aren’t a gardener, but are equally concerned about the negative environmental impacts of conventional flowers, buy organic flowers.

A more lasting remembrance is to plant a tree, or even a garden, in memory of a lost loved one or other service members. As I have written about before, giving somebody the gift of a garden is one of the most memorable things that you can do. This is all the more true if you create a “memorial” garden either in remembrance or in honor of someone.

Aside from remembering those we have lost, there are some things we can do to help the thousands of men and women now serving. For example, are you a gardener? Do you want to make a difference? Then why not put your green thumb to use. For service members that are deployed, consider “adopting” their garden while they are gone. You can even involve his or her family in the care of the garden. Not only will they benefit from beautiful flowers and delicious food, but working in the garden is therapeutic and can help them deal with the stress that comes with the deployment of their loved one.

Not only can you take care of their garden for them, but, if you incorporate edibles, when it comes time to harvest, you can donate that produce to a local veteran’s agency or hospital, or to other military families whose loved one is also deployed.

You can also create a cut flower garden and give the flowers to the same veteran’s organizations. Or, you can go and regularly place them on military grave sites and deliver bouquets to other military families as well.

Money Simmering Potpourri

If money is a problem rather than a pleasure, when you’re faced with unexpected financial obligations, when the money you earn doesn’t seem to come in fast enough, brew up one of these and set money-attracting energies into motion.

2 cinnamon sticks, broken into pieces

4 tablespoons whole cardamom seeds

2 tablespoons whole cloves

1 teaspoon ground nutmeg (or two whole nutmegs)

1 teaspoon ground ginger

With your fingers, mix these ingredients in a small bowl, while visualizing increased prosperity. As you mix them, say these or similar words:

Money simmer in the air;

money simmer everywhere!

To use, simmer according to the instructions above.

Spell Crafts

Creating Magical Objects

Scott Cunningham

& David Harrington

ISBN 0-87542-185-7

The Witch’s Ball

A witch ball is a very interesting item. Powerful and simple to make.

It requires a glass jar, I use a jar about the size of a baby food jar, with the lid….

You fill it halfway with sharp items. Broken glass, needles etc.

You then fill it with a liquid. Some use oils some vinegar others use their own urine. That seems to be a personal choice.

You then bury it in your yard. It “cut’s” any “evil” or bad, negative things “pointed” at your home. They are good for a year and then it is time to replace them.

I have also heard of witch balls being made with glass and then filled with string or yarn. You place them in a window and they “tangle” negative or evil as it comes to your home. For myself, I place mirrored balls in my windows to reflect out any bad energy from the outside. I make a point to sand off the tops of the jars and to remove any labels.

Daily Feng Shui Tip for Sunday, May 13

I simply don’t have the words to express my sentiments about today’s ‘Mother’s Day’ celebration. Sometimes just writing or saying the word ‘mother’ speaks volumes. Today I honor, appreciate and applaud every single one of us who have taken on the task of mothering. Some will be spending time with their own mothers today, the same mothers who sacrificed and snuggled, smiled and supported, no matter what. And then there are those of us who are living without our mothers, and our lives are definitely not quite the same. We miss them every day. I know I do. Happy Mother’s Day to every mother who walks this whole wide world. You make all that’s wonderful in the world even better — and most of the time you don’t even know it. Lucky bamboo is a great gift that is believed to bring solid support to every area of Mom’s now lucky life. There are even numbers of stalks you can give to show her support in specific endeavors, or oddly enough, other numbers that can also create great fortunes. Two stalks if she’s looking for a partner, five if her health is of concern and eight if she could use a little cold, hard cash. She warms your heart, holds your hand and cries whenever you do. Like I said, just read the word and feel the love. Mother. Happy day devoted just to you!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

Calendar of the Moon for May 9

Calendar of the Moon
5, 7, 9 Saille/Mounukhion

Lemuria

Colors: Black and grey
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of black and grey set a bowl of beans, nine black candles, a brazier with incense of agrimony and rue, a bottle of good wine, a bowl of clean spring water, a knotted rope, a bowl of asafoetida, and a skull.
Offerings: None. This is a banishing. All carry cymbals, drums, or noisemakers.
Daily Meal: Goat meat. Beans.

Lemuria Invocation

(First the one who has been chosen to do the work of the ritual stands forth, takes the knotted rope from the altar, and unknots it, and throws it into the brazier.)

Call: Shades of those who have gone before us!
Ghosts and demons, inside us and outside,
Hear us!
Response: We cast you out! We drive you before us!
Call: Begone from house and hearth,
Begone from mind and heart,
Begone from roost and stall,
Begone from field and garden,
Begone from path and road,
Begone from all places
Where you might harry us!
We scatter you before us on the wind!
Response: We cast you out! We drive you before us!

(The officiant makes the sign of the ficus towards the west, and all follow in turn. Then the officiant washes their hands in the clear spring water, and brings the bowl to all, who wash in turn. The water is poured out in the libation well. Then the beans are passed around, and all take a handful or a mouthful. Each spits or throws the beans in a different direction.)

Call: Hace ego mitto, his redime meque meosque fabis!
Response: Manes exite paterni! Manes exite paterni! Manes exite paterni!

(All walk through the house and around the boundaries of the property, clashing cymbals and beating drums and making noise to drive away all evil spirits. This ritual repeats for three days, only on odd-numbered days, which are luckier than even-numbered days.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Magick Potion to Heal a Broken Heart

This eases the pain of losing the one you love and helps heal your heart.

Items You Will Need:

A small piece or rose quartz
A glass jar or bottle, preferably green with a lid or stopper
9 ounces of olive, almond or grape seed oil
6 drops of rose, jasmine or ylang-ylang essential oil
1/4 teaspoon dried chamomile leaves

Best Time To Cast:

Begin on the new moon and continue for as long as necessary.

The Spell

Collect the ingredient needed for this magick balm. Wash the rose quartz and the jar with mild soap and water. Cast a circle around the area where you will do your spell. Pour the olive, almond, or grape seed oil into the jar. Add the essential oil and inhale the fragrance, allowing it to relax your mind. Crush the chamomile leaves very fine and sprinkle them in the oil. Add the rose quartz. Cap the jar and inhale it three times to blend and charge the ingredients. Open the circle.

Before going to bed, pour a little of the magick balm into your palm and dip your index finger in it. Then rub the oil on your skin at your heart center. Feel it gently soothing the pain. Take several slow, deep breath, inhaling the pleasant scent, letting it calm your thoughts and emotions. Repeat each night and each morning until your sadness diminishes.

Calendar of the Moon for May 7