the daily humorscopes for thursday, july 12

  the daily humorscopes   

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

A tomato features in todays cuisine. Sadly, that’s going to be your pinacle of excitement for today.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Excellent day to crouch behind furniture, and peer over the top. If you can do that while wearing one of those Groucho Marx noses, so much the better.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Excellent day to study gastroenterology, or possibly to go bowling.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You will attain your dream of having your own cooking show, but it will become tiresome when you have to battle your way past people dressed as chickens to get into the studio each day.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

It’s about time you learned some more recipes dealing with zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. You’ll need one of those new Martha Stewart “Kitchen Shovels”, I’m afraid. The good news is, you’ll find several nice zucchini recipes in my new cookbook “Recipes For Disaster” (the sequel to “Another Fine Mess”).

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Despite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother’s recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap you with her umbrella.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically “jiggle a little thingy”. While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance…

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Today, someone named “Svlad” will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

You will contemplate nothingness today, but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will discover an odd amulet in an old curio shop, which is made entirely of holmium and yttrium, and which strongly interferes with the normal functioning of electronics. Best not to play with things like that.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Someone will ask you for your advice. Don’t give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter “Much bad juju”, and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.

Calendar of the Moon for June 9th

9 Huath/Thargelion

Thargelia Day III: Eireisione

Color: Green
Element: Earth
Altar: Upon a green cloth set a cut branch of some food-giving tree, such as olive or apple. Each member of the community should bring some small thing to tie to it, for it shall be a charm to hang over the door for good luck. Its name is Eireisione. Also set out a cup of wine, a cup of milk with honey in it, a wreath of flowers, and a small bowl of barley.
Offering: Good wishes for the House and its members.
Daily Meal: Vegan. Thargelos, which is a soup of barley, corn, and fruit, sacred to Apollo.

Eireisione Invocation

As we cast up our barley in little showers,
A little grace from the birds is ours.

(The officiant throws a handful of barley into the air.)

A holy heifer’s milk, white and fair to drink,
Bright honey drops from flowers, bee-distilled,
With draughts of water from a virgin fount
And from the ancient vine its mother wild
An unmixed draught this gladness and fair fruit
Of gleaming olive, ever-blooming
And woven flowers, children of Mother Earth.

(The milk and honey is poured out as a libation.)

Eireisione brings all good things,
Figs and fat cakes to eat,
Soft oil and honey sweet,
The brimming wine-cup deep
That she may eat and sleep.

(All approach the altar with their items. Traditional items are dried barley cookies, sacred wool from first-shorn sheep, small corked bottles of wine, figs and dates, and small bags of grain. Anything will do, however. Each ties their offering on and speaks its meaning. The wreath of flowers is ceremonially added last by the officiant, and then Eireisione is carried in procession to the front of the House, where she is hung over the door with great ceremony. She is taken down on Puanepsia and burned in the fire.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Healthy Red, White & Blue Recipes for Memorial Day

Brandi, selected from Diets in Review

What’s red and white and blue all over? We hope it’s your diet this weekend!

Let the patriotic theme of summer commence as we unofficially kick-off the season this weekend. Memorial Day means the kids are out of school, the pool is full, and the grills are firing up. And when the grills fire up, the mayonnaise-laden salads make their debut, too.

Stop.

You don’t have to overdo it to enjoy your holiday weekend. You don’t even have to under do it to avoid any post-weekend regret. Just enjoy a little bit of everything, serve healthier sides and dishes, and get up and move when the pool, volleyball or bocce starts.

If you’ll fill your table with red, white, and blue foods, you’ll be on the right track. Plus, it will match your T-shirt. Or your aunt’s flip flops.

Start with the red foods. These are one of the brightest colors in the food rainbow and provide a laundry list of vitamins, minerals and even fiber. Bell peppers roasted for sandwiches, juicy tomatoes sliced for sandwiches and watermelon diced for easy snacking are just a few of the red foods we insist you eat this weekend!

We also think strawberries and raspberries are pretty darn good for you (and tasty) and you’ll love them in our Red, White, and Blue Sangria. Berries, white wine, and a little fruit juice concentrate is all you need for this refreshing, healthier cocktail.

Next, focus on the white foods. These are not breads, crackers and pasta. Instead find the white foods that actually boast a lot of nutritional value. Like the other white meat, and the other, and the other. Grill white fish, lean cuts of pork, ground turkey or even chicken breasts for a high-protein, low-calorie cookout that can still include burgers and sandwiches.

As well, we’ll argue for the whiteness in a big portobello mushroom cap. Grill these and dress them like any other burger for a meatless cookout meal that’s a winner. Or, try this Raw Portobello Mushroom Stuffed with Basil Pesto.

Finally, fill up on the blue foods. These foods are a rich source of antioxidants as well as vitamins and minerals.

The obvious choice is blueberries, one of the sweetest tastes of summer. We used them to a make a blueberry balsamic reduction and then topped our Red, White, and Blueberry Turkey Burger Sliders made with roasted , bell peppers and feta cheese.

Blue corn tortilla chips are slightly healthier than the regular varieties. They are usually baked and made with little-to-no added sodium, and even seem a little sturdier when scooping homemade guacamole.

No Bake Peanut Butter Cookies (I know this is unusual but…)

I have been aiming to share this recipe with you. These cookies, I absolutely crave. I mean it, right now, I am craving them. That is why I am posting the recipe to make me drool, lol! No, seriously, they are delicious and super fast to make. I hope you give the recipe a try. They are great cookies!

No Bake Peanut Butter Cookies

2 cups sugar

1 stick butter

1/2 cup milk

3 cups quick (instant, if you can find them) oats

3/4 cup peanut butter

In a medium sauce pan, mix the sugar, butter & milk. Heat to boiling. Let boil for 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from the heat. Mix in oats & peanut butter. Make sure the oats & peanut butter is thoroughly mixed in. When thoroughly mixed, put on waxed paper. The cookies will harden when cooled.

Takes about 10 minutes to make. And they are super YUMMY!

How to Make and Use Your Own Incense

How to Make and Use Your Own Incense

By Patti Wigington, About.com

Smoke in the Sky:

For thousands of years, people have used fragrant flowers, plants, and herbs as incense. Using smoke to send prayers out to the gods is one of the oldest known forms of ceremony. From the censers of the Catholic church to the Pagan bonfire rituals,

incense is a powerful way to let your intent be known. You can make your own quite easily, using a blend of herbs, flowers, wood bark, resins, and berries. Most of these are items you can grow yourself, find in the woods, or purchase inexpensively.

Why Incense?:

Incense — and other fragrant items, such as oils and perfumes — work on a couple of different levels. The first is the effect on your mood — a certain scent will trigger a particular emotion. Aromatherapists have known for years that smells affect different parts of the senses. Secondly, an aroma may have various associations. You may be walking through a store, catch a whiff of Chantilly, and suddenly be reminded of your grandmother who passed away when you were away at college. The smell of a particular food may evoke memories of the summer you spent at camp.

Finally, we experience scents on a vibrational level. Every living being has energy, and emits its own vibration – plants are no different. When you blend them into incense, these vibrations change in accordance with your intent. This is why, in magic, incense is so popular — in addition to making your ritual space smell nice, you are able to change the vibration in the atmosphere, effecting change in the universe.

Why Make Your Own?:

You can buy commercially produced incense sticks and cones just about anywhere, and they’re not that expensive. However, they’re made with synthetic ingredients, and therefore have little to no magical value. While they’re nice to burn, and certainly smell lovely, they serve little purpose in a ritual setting.

Burning Your Incense:

Loose incense, which is what the recipes on these pages are for, is burned on a charcoal disc or tossed into a fire. The charcoal discs are sold in packages by most Wiccan supply shops, as well as church supply stores (if you have a Hispanic Marketa near you, that’s a good place to look too). Apply a match to the disc, and you’ll know it’s lit when it begins to spark and glow red. After it’s glowing, place a pinch of your loose incense on the top — and make sure you’ve got it on a fireproof surface. If you’re holding your ceremony outside with large fire, simply toss handfuls into the flames.

How to Read the Recipes:

Any good cook knows that the first step is to always gather your goodies together. Collect your ingredients, your mixing and measuring spoons, jars and lids, labels (don’t forget a pen to write with), and your mortar and pestle.

Each incense recipe is presented in “parts.” This means that whatever unit of measurement you’re using — a cup, a tablespoon, a handful — is one part. If a recipe calls for two parts, use two cups. One half part is a half cup, if you’re using a cup to measure, or half a tablespoon if you’re using a tablespoon.

When making your own incense, if you’re using resins or essential oils, combine these first. Use your mortar and pestle to mash these until they get a bit gummy, before you add any bark or berries. Dried herbs, flowers, or powdery items should go in last.

Chicken Soup for the Soul – The Long Road Home

Chicken Soup for the Soul

The Long Road Home

As I arrive home from college for the first time, I realize many things have changed—in my family and in myself.

BY: Lia Gay

I find myself packing again.  Well, let’s be completely honest, this isn’t really packing it’s shoving three weeks’ worth of dirty clothes into a suitcase and having my roommate sit on it so I can get it to close.

This time is different; this isn’t the same nostalgic trip down memory lane as when I packed before college.  This is the “night before my first trip home frantic pack.”  So you get the idea—my plane leaves in two hours, and no, college didn’t teach me to procrastinate.  I was experienced in that art long before I stepped onto my college campus.

So now that I’m packed, I have a minute to examine my emotions about my first trip home.  I’m excited.  My best friend, Matt, picks me up, groggy, for our 4:00 a.m. drive.  My expectations are that I am going home to what I left: my parents, home-cooked meals, friends with whom I shared distinctive bonds and my long-distance boyfriend, whom I have been dying to see.  I am happy at college, but a trip home, to my family and friends, sounds like just the thing I need to prepare me for the pre-finals crunch.

I think I will catch up on the missed hours of sleep on the plane.  Instead, I look around and realize that most of the exhausted passengers are students just like me.  Below us, in the cargo bin, sits a year’s worth of dirty laundry at least.
I miss my connecting flight, so I am later than expected.  I step off the plane to find my mom frantic, thinking I had been “abducted” on the trip home.  I look at her puzzled.  I guess in a mother’s eyes there is no logical explanation for being late, such as the obvious flight trouble.  I assure her that I am fine and that I don’t need to fly as an “unaccompanied minor” on the way back.
A few hours later, I’m back at the airport, waiting for my boyfriend’s arrival home.  He steps off the plane with the same groggy but excited look I wore hours before.  We drive over to see my dad, who seems calmer than my mother had been.  I ask to see my room, expecting to find my shrine, my old pompoms, prom pictures, candid photos of friends and dolls scattered about.  To my surprise, everything is gone; there’s not even a trace I had ever lived in the room.  I’m starting to wonder if I really had been abducted on the way home.  It’s as if the second I became a “college” student, I had ceased to exist.

I start to wonder what else had changed since I’d been gone.  My parents are in an awkward transition, wondering how to treat me now.  They wrestle with whether to treat me—still their daughter—as one of them, an adult, or as the child they feel they sent away months earlier.

I run into two of my best friends from high school; we stare blankly at each other.  We ask the simple questions and give simple, abrupt answers.  It’s as if we have nothing to say to each other.  I wonder how things have changed so much in such a small amount of time.  We used to laugh and promise that no matter how far away we were, our love for each other would never change.  Their interests don’t interest me anymore, and I find myself unable to relate my life to theirs.

I had been so excited to come home, but now I just look at it all and wonder: Is it me?

Why hadn’t the world stood still here while I was gone?  My room isn’t the same, my friends and I don’t share the same bond, and my parents don’t know how to treat me—or who I am, for that matter.

I get back to school feeling half-fulfilled, but not disappointed.  I sit up in my bed in my dorm room, surrounded by my pictures, dolls and mementos.  As I wonder what has happened, I realize that I can’t expect the world to stand still and move forward at the same time.  I can’t change and expect that things at home will stay the same.  I have to find comfort in what has changed and what is new; keep the memories, but live in the present.
A few weeks later, I’m packing again, this time for winter break.  My mom meets me at the curb.  I have come home accepting the changes, not only in my surroundings, but most of all in me.