A Little Humor for Your Day – You might be a redneck if…

You might be a redneck if…

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Aha Jokes

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The Witches Spell for October 12th – To Be Rid of Whatever

magick21

To be rid of whatever

(negative thoughts, people, and such)

Red candle

Paper

pen

toilet

Write on the paper what you want to be rid of. Light the red candle and concentrate on it. Think about how it will be when you are rid of it. Pick up the lit candle and burn the paper. let the ash fall into the toilet. flush the toilet and say

Around, Around, Around you go

Down the toilet the water flows

With the water you must go

Down, Down, Down the toilet you must go

Life As The Witch – Life Is Messy: Clean It Up

Celtic Comments & Graphics 

Life Is Messy: Clean It Up

Once in a while, after you have cast a spell or curse psychic residue might linger and on occasion actually get on you.  While the symptoms vary from person to person, it’s usually the blah’s that hit first. Sometimes there’s nothing more than that, but occasionally other aggravations will come to call. Common side effects include minor bouts of depression, a sudden inability to concentrate, or a state of complete and utter non-productiveness. And if you begin to experience any of those, the only solution is to get that junk off of you immediately. If you don’t, I can nearly guarantee time spent in bed nursing a cold, the flu or worse.

Fortunately, the remedy is painless, tasteless, pleasurable, and inexpensive. It involves nothing more than taking a bath. And since you probably already take a shower or bath at least once every day, nothing could be easier.

Granted, this isn’t exactly your normal sort of bath, as you’ll need to be clean before you jump in. It’s also going to be necessary to completely immerse yourself in the water several times, hair and all. And because your skin and hair must be allowed to dry naturally, you won’t be able to towel off. When compared to the possibility of having to ingest some foul-tasting medicinal concoction though, that’s a pretty small price to pay–especially considering how much better you’re going to feel.

There are several different types of baths that will handle the problem quickly and efficiently and I have posted those baths to follow. Each works equally well, so just choose the one that most appeals to you and call it good. You’ll be glad you did.

Excerpts from:

Utterly Wicked, Curses, Hexes & Other Unsavory Notions
By Dorothy Morrison

Daily Feng Shui Tip for November 19th – ‘World Toilet Day’

On ‘World Toilet Day’ I thought we might take a look at how to make negative bathroom energies go right down the drain. But let’s first see why Feng Shui suggests that the bathroom is considered such a negative space. According to this modality, the bathroom is the home’s place for cleansing and elimination and is believed to impact the family’s wealth and health as it carries connotations of uncleanliness and waste removal. Therefore, to keep this room from depleting both your bank account and life force, you might want to try some of the following solutions. Keep the bathroom door closed at all times. This keeps healthy energy from entering that room that can then get flushed away. Speaking of which, keep the toilet seat closed at all times. You should also keep a stopper in the shower and sink drains, as drains sap energy. Lastly, you can hang a full length mirror on the outside of the bathroom door so it will reflect the Chi of the house away from bathroom while also making the room ‘vanish’ from everyone’s attention. Enact these tips and you can save money, energy and time spent at the doctor’s office.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

Lighten Up – How To Shower (You Probably Been Doing It Wrong All These Years, lmao!)

How to shower like a WOMAN

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights & darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown; if you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique-make mental note to do more sit ups/leg lifts.

4. Wash hair with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 vitamins. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wideloofah, and pumice stone. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

5. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhance conditioner. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

6. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner out of hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

7.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with tilex.

8.Get out of shower. Dry body with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom  wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

9. If you see husband along the way; cover up any exposed areas.

 

How to shower like a  MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom.

3. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “WOO-HOO” sound.

4. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

5. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

5. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow nose in hands and let the water rinse them off.

7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing genitals. Wash your butt; leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap.

8. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and  get out of shower .

9. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because the curtain was hanging ouside the tub the whole time.

10. Admire size of weiner in mirror again.

11. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,  light and fan on.

12.Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake weiner again and make “WOO-HOO” sound.

13.Throw wet towel on the bed.

5 Surprising Killers Lurking in Your Bathroom

5 Surprising Killers Lurking in Your Bathroom

Nobody’s thinking about danger while relaxing in a warm shower. Yet potential  danger, even the fatal kind, is all around you in a bathroom. According to a  2007 research report by the Home Safety Council, preventable home injuries are  the fifth largest cause of death in the U.S. And safety researchers point to the  bathroom, along with the kitchen and stairs, as the most dangerous zones in the house.

Here are five threats that often trip up (sometimes literally) the  unwary:

1. Water, water everywhere

The most basic part of the “water closet” — the water in the sink, tub, and  shower — is probably its number-one danger. More people are injured, even  fatally, in bathroom falls than in any other room in the house. Trouble is,  water doesn’t always stay where it should. Poorly fitting shower curtains and  simple wet feet are two of the biggest causes of water winding up on the  bathroom floor.

A better way: The ideal shower has a shatterproof  glass door, rather than a curtain. Failing that, you can minimize leaks by  hanging a curtain liner that falls inside the tub and a second, decorative  curtain that falls outside. To stop slips, try tiles in the shower with a  slightly uneven surface (such as bumpy smaller tiles, rather than large, smooth  squares) that feet can grip onto. A cheaper alternative: strips of adhesive  nonslip decals on the shower or bathtub floor.

Keep a nonskid rug on the floor next to the shower/bath exit and in front of  the sink. Basic scatter rugs are themselves a tripping hazard; look for one made  to absorb moisture and stay in place on the floor. And if you’re renovating, be  sure to use nonslip tiles on the floor.

2. Bathroom danger: Slick tub or shower bed

Modern Americans use lots of products in the shower and bath. Trouble is, all  that shampoo, conditioner, body wash, exfoliant, bath gel, shaving cream, and  bubble bath collects as residue on the sides and floor, making them  slippery.

A better way: Soapy buildup should be cleaned off  regularly. Giving the shower or tub a quick wipe down with a washcloth after  each use helps minimize slickness. A strong adult may be able to withstand the  residue, but someone with balance problems, such as a frail older adult, can  slip just enough to lead to a fall.

Be sure, too, to install well-anchored grab  bars wherever slips are likely.

3. Bathroom danger: Bright white surfaces

A pristine white bathroom might look great, but the combination of lights,  white surfaces, and reflective surfaces (such as mirrors and chrome) can be  disorienting. The glare can even be blinding to someone with less-than-perfect  vision, as is the case with many older adults. What’s more, all that brightness  can mask standing water on the floor, increasing the risk of slipping.

A better way: Switching from regular light bulbs to  frosted ones can help reduce glare. A row of contrasting tile (or a wallpaper  border) to break up an expanse of white wall can also help someone maintain  balance. Consider painting the walls a contrasting color to fixtures if this is  a problem for someone with low vision or orientation problems, such as  dementia.

4. Bathroom danger: A space heater

People trying to save on heating bills or attempting to keep a bathroom warm  for an older adult or a child sensitive to the cold have been known to use an  electric space heater in this room. Like any electric appliance (hair dryer,  razor) in the bathroom, where there’s so much water, space heaters are a  potential risk for electrocution.

Another space-heater danger in the bathroom is someone slipping into the  device and burning themselves. Or a towel or throw rug, or even a tissue or bit  of toilet paper, could catch fire.

A better way: If keeping warm is a problem, install  a permanently wired heating system just in the bathroom. Or you could run the  shower for a bit before the bath for an older adult or child, to produce warming  steam. Fluff towels and a cotton robe in the dryer during the bath, so they’re  warm and ready when the person comes out of the water.

5. Bathroom danger: Shattered shower door

Glass shower doors became popular in the 1980s as an alternative to vinyl  shower curtains. Most of the time, they work fine. But they’ve been known to  shatter; in 2009, there were almost 2,000 reports to the Consumer Products  Safety Commission of glass enclosure doors suddenly shattering due to improper  installation. They can also break if someone falls hard into the door because of  a slip.

Because most doors are made of tempered glass, they tend to instantly break  into many small pieces rather than larger jagged ones. This is less likely to  cause a bad cut, but it can nevertheless seriously injure a child or frail older  adult who then falls onto the glass bits.

A better way: You don’t have to give up on glass.  Just let family members know not to use the towel racks sometimes installed  along such doors for support, which can stress them. (Install well-anchored  shower grab  bars into the walls of the shower, instead.)

Regularly check older shower doors for cracks, chips, or the glass rubbing  against metal. Some repairmen say frosted glass shatters more often than clear,  although there’s no safety data on this. If a glass door or even a mirror does  break, the safe thing to do is throw a large towel over the shards so you can  more safely exit.

Hey Y’all! How Ya’ Doing This Super, Fine Saturday Morning!

Hello Images, Quotes, Comments, Graphics

Good morning, my sweets! How are y’all doing this fine Saturday morn? I hope fantastic. I apologize about yesterday. I had some business I had to take care of. Then I had a lot of yard work to get done. As you know it has been in the 100’s around here and you just don’t feel like doing yard work in that weather.

This morning, I am running late because it is Saturday. No, not because I was sleeping late like most people. But because in Kentucky on Saturdays’ is our bath day, lol! Oh, my Goddess, I can feel the hexes coming now! Seriously though, I don’t know how it is in your neck of the woods. I grew up with the old saying, “Saturday is bath day because we’re going to town, Yippee!” Seriously! I can remember us going to town once a week, maybe? And it was a treat to go to town. I remember my father and I going to Kresggee’s (I know that isn’t spelled right). But it was a local variety store, it also had a café section in it. Momma would go shopping and daddy and I would hit the counter at the café part. They had the best strawberry pies in town. We would get us a piece and then daddy would  order one to take home. Which always started a fight! Momma would get mad because she would ask daddy, “if her cooking wasn’t good enough for him?” When I was a child I didn’t think a thing about these days. Now that I have grown up, I miss my mother and father. But I have memories, good memories, that will last a lifetime.

Oh, back to the shower ready quick. I wanted to show you why it takes me so long to take a shower these days.

Yep, this is the reason, Razzy! She doesn’t realize she isn’t suppose to like water. And, everywhere her mother goes, she thinks she is suppose to go too. It is a fight, trying to shower and then having to keep pushing her out of the shower, gee wiz!  But I was snapping photos the other day and caught her doing what she does best, prowling!!! I thought I would show you how my little baby has grown. Little, really doesn’t apply to her anymore!

Anyway, enough with the small talk, I hope you have a fantastic weekend, my friends. Be safe as always and much love…..

This is one of my favorite Irish blessings 🙂

“May those who love us, love us;

and those who don’t love us, may

God turn their hearts; and if He

doesn’t turn their hearts, may he

turn their ankles so we’ll know

them by their limping.”

Shower Gel

Shower Gel

Try to find a natural shower gel, fragrance free, as a base. If you want to add just one essential oil, do so and shake well. For every 5 fluid ounces, add 15 to 25 drops.

Shower gel combination

(Knight of the Dark Mountain)

5 drops Swiss pine

3 drops Clary

2 drops Grapefruit

1 drop Lemongrass

1 drop Sandalwood

How a Suburban Mom Meditates

How a Suburban Mom Meditates

by L. Lisa Harris

The style in which I was taught to meditate or journey recommends that I find a “quiet place outdoors, facing east, and to perform the journey barefoot if possible.” The teacher who recommends this method obviously isn’t a mother living in the suburbs of Puyallup, Washington. When it isn’t raining, snowing or just plain cold, anyone trying to mediate in my backyard is likely to sit on a slug, which is not conducive to achieving a meditative state. If the weather is nice, the neighbors are out. I can tell you that listening to the CD player next door blasting the Back Street Boys at full volume and the obsessive-compulsive, gasoline-powered weed whacking emanating from the yard on the other side does nothing to relax me. Factor into the equation barking dogs, footballs flying over the fence, the neighbor kids asking, “Chelsea, what’s your Mom doing in the back yard? It looks weird” and the car alarm across the street going off, and it becomes painfully obvious that a quiet place outdoors exists somewhere far from my home.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I move my meditations inside the house, where I can look out the window and see the trees, berry vines and ferns in the woods out back and listen to the soothing sounds of my little stone fountain. The question is, “Where in the house?” Forget the family room, where my almost teenage daughter is listening to pop radio. The living room doesn’t work either, as my dear (and slightly deaf) hubby is watching reruns of Friends at full volume. The girl’s room is too messy and still smells like the hamster she had when she was 10. The office/guest room is out of the question, as hubby runs in and out to check on the music he’s downloading on our painfully slow 28.8 modem and occasionally howls, “Damn them, they terminated the connection.” I’ve tried our bedroom, but whenever I’m in there, hubby can’t resist coming in to “be with me.”

Finally, one night, in an exasperated attempt to find privacy in a small rambler with painfully thin walls, I sought the only refuge mothers have: the bathtub. I had visions of candlelight, incense and the pulsating rhythms of one of my drumming CDs blending with the steam rising from the warm water containing herbs, essential oils and sea salt, as I relaxed in the tub and drifted off into a trance state and had profound visions in my own little sacred cocoon. I was sure this was a brilliant idea.

The first challenge was to get the girl to “go now, or hold her peace.” The only bathroom we have with a bathtub in it is in the hallway, and if the girl uses the one in our room, it echoes through the pipes and heater vents (did I mention the thin walls?). Once my darling daughter spent 30 minutes doing whatever it is adolescent girls do in the bathroom, I started gathering my supplies. The first trick was getting my CD player back, “But Mom, I can’t do the dishes without music,” she whined, as I walked out of the kitchen with it. The next challenge, which took about 15 minutes, was finding my drumming CD, which had mysteriously disappeared from the player and had been replaced by some annoying girl-band album. I found an aromatherapy candle and scrounged up the last of the season’s mugwort to add to my lavender essential oil and sea salt. As soon as my surly adolescent saw me heading into the bathroom with my jar of mugwort, she gave me a look and said, “You’re not going to leave a bunch of green crap in my bathtub again, are you?”

Finally, I got everything I needed together and ran myself a bath. As soon as I settled in and started to become aware of my breathing, I heard something shaking and saw two black paws reaching under the door. As tempting as it was, I knew that telling Bad Kitty to get lost would not only be useless but would violate two major rules of our household that are strictly enforced: There is to be no magick, meditation or energy working in the house without direct supervision by the kitty, and humans are never allowed into a bathroom unescorted by the kitty. I got up out of the tub, dripping all over everything in sight and opened the door to let her in. While I stood shivering, she just sat and looked at me as if to say, “You know better.” Finally, when she was darn good and ready and I was sufficiently cold, she sauntered in and flicked the end of her tail at me as if to say, “That will teach you.”

I eased myself back into the bath, and kitty took her place on the side of the tub, face resting against mine, and fluffy tail dangling in the water. I began to establish the portals to start my journey in earnest. I was startled out of my almost meditative state by a loud knock and a whiny adolescent voice saying, “Mom.” I tried ignoring her, but she just kept at it.

“What are the rules about when I’m in the tub?” I snarled through the door.

“Don’t bug you unless I’m bleeding or something’s on fire,” she answered sullenly. “Can I get on the Internet to do homework?” she added quickly.

“Fine, but no loud music, I’m trying to meditate.” As I found the place in my mediation where I had been disrupted, I drifted back to the portals, reconnecting and resuming my journey. Not long after I stepped through the portal, I heard a sound that made me almost jump out of my skin. I think it originated from our paper shredder and a large object.

“What in the hell are you doing in there?” I shouted through the wall to the next room.

“Um, nothing,” she replied.

“Well, go do it in another room and quietly,” I ordered.

About that time, my dear husband came home from work and proceeded to fire up the computer in the next room. After listening to the Microsoft Windows introduction music at full volume, I asked him though our incredibly thin walls to wear earphones if he was going to play music files. He agreed and then proceeded to type with what have got to be the loudest keystrokes on Earth. He doesn’t do it on purpose; that’s just the way he types. I tried sticking my head under water, but all that did was get water up my nose. Eventually, he finished whatever he was doing, made some noise in the other bathroom for a while and headed out to the living room. “Finally,” I thought to myself, “peace and quiet.”

I drifted back to the land of faery and went to meet up with my animal guide. Raven had come to me that night and was circling my head playfully and swooping down to wrap me in a feathery embrace. This time I was jolted out of my meditation to find Bad Kitty attacking the shower curtain just above my head. I got her furry butt and wet tail out of my face and scolded her. Launching herself off of my shoulder, she took one more leap at the curtain, bound and determined to teach whatever she had seen there a serious lesson. I untangled her from the curtain and unceremoniously dropped her on the bathroom floor. She glared at me as only a cat can, very hurt and frustrated that I didn’t appreciate her attempt to save me from the intruder. I deposited the indignant kitty outside of the bathroom door and turned up the drumming CD to drown out the shaking of the door and her yowling.

As I walked back to the tub shivering, I slipped on the now very wet floor and cracked my shin against the toilet. I limped the rest of the way to the tub and found that my water had become cold. “I am not going to give up,” I told myself, and after running more hot water and settling back in, I counted my breath, backtracked and soon picked up where I had left off. I proceeded to follow my animal guide to the cave, where I anticipated a meeting with another guide. I could feel the gentle breezes, smell the green grass and flowers and hear my husband and daughter in the other room engaging in what sounded like a fight to the death over the remote control.

I proceeded to march out into the living room, draped in a towel, tracking water everywhere. My husband, who normally takes issue with anything dripping on the white carpet, took one look at the expression on my face and the crazed look in my eyes and stopped dead in his tracks. In the calmest, steadiest voice I could muster, I said, “Is it too much to ask to have a few moments of peace in the bathtub once in a while?”

He shook his head and answered, “No, honey.” The girl and the cat sat beside him on the couch, all of them trying not to make any sudden moves that might trigger a predatory response from the tall, wet, angry, redheaded woman, who at that moment resembled her warrior ancestors cloaked in a double-looped cotton towel. Satisfied that my point had been made, I returned to the bathroom, where now no one knocked, meowed or did strange things to the paper shredder in the next room.

I emptied the last of the hot water into the tub, refreshed the herbs and oils and finished my journey. As usual, I received answers to the questions I didn’t ask — and cryptic ones at that. But the answers, and perhaps even the journey itself, weren’t the most important thing I found that night. I found the “holy grail” of motherhood in the suburbs, 20 uninterrupted minutes of peace and quiet in the bathtub.

To Control Another

To Control Another


This is rather advanced sorcery, but with a little perseverance, you may be able to bring it off. (It’s marvelous for coping with in-laws, tyrannical bosses, uncooperative employees, etc.) Find a pocket size mirror that’s set in a wooden frame. Encircle it with ivy and put it, with the ivy still attached, face up in a pail of water. Leave it outdoors, in a place where it will be exposed to, the rays of the new moon for an entire night.

In the morning, take out the mirror and dry it. Carry it with you, in a hidden place, from that moment on. When the person you want to influence comes near, look into the mirror (but don’t let him see the mirror or your glance into it). Then look into his eyes. Keep doing this until you find the person more and more willing to accept suggestions from you. One day you may have him completely in your power.