Lighten Up – How To Shower (You Probably Been Doing It Wrong All These Years, lmao!)

How to shower like a WOMAN

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights & darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown; if you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique-make mental note to do more sit ups/leg lifts.

4. Wash hair with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 vitamins. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wideloofah, and pumice stone. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

5. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhance conditioner. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

6. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner out of hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

7.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with tilex.

8.Get out of shower. Dry body with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom  wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

9. If you see husband along the way; cover up any exposed areas.

 

How to shower like a  MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom.

3. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “WOO-HOO” sound.

4. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

5. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

5. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow nose in hands and let the water rinse them off.

7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing genitals. Wash your butt; leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap.

8. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and  get out of shower .

9. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because the curtain was hanging ouside the tub the whole time.

10. Admire size of weiner in mirror again.

11. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,  light and fan on.

12.Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake weiner again and make “WOO-HOO” sound.

13.Throw wet towel on the bed.