A Little Humor for Your Day – Spells Guaranteed to Work

Spells Guaranteed to Work

 

Ancient Spell to Kill a Beast    

Get a spear.         
Aim the spear.         
Throw the spear.         
Repeat until the beast is dead.     
          

Spell to Make Money  

Put on some tight attractive clothing.         
Go to a busy street corner.         
Dance as well as you can for passing cars and pedestrians.               
 

Spell to Get Measles 

Find someone who has measles.         
Lick them.               
 

Spell to Turn Day Into Night    

Stand facing a large tree or wall.         
Close eyes tightly.         
Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.               

 

Spell to Turn Night Into Day   

Lay down when it is nighttime.         
Close your eyes.         
Wait 8 hours.         
Open your eyes.               

 

Spell to Breathe Under-Water 

Attach concrete block to your feet.         
Jump into water.         
Breathe normally and sing the tune to “Flipper”.         
Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.             
 
  

Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants    

Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.         
Drink.         
Repeat steps 1-2.               

 

Spell to Attract Lightning  

Cover yourself in metal: jewelry, chains, golf clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hubcaps, etc.         
Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV antenna high in the air.  
Wait.          
     

Spell to Stop a Runny Nose    

Get two cotton balls.         
Shove one up each nostril.         
Tape them there.          
     

Spell to Make a Person Fall In Love With You   

 Call person at least thirty times a day.         
Park outside their house and shut your headlights off.         
Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e., roses without petals, a nice headless            Barbie doll, etc.).         
Follow them everywhere they go… careful, they’ll try to lose you!         
Don’t worry if they get that silly restraining order, that means the           
spell is working!     
          

Spell to Make a Person Fall Out of Love With You  

Forget getting a restraining order.         
Get a gun or other weapon of choice.         
Wound or maim person with weapon.         
Throw person in an area with lots of wild carnivores         
Wait.               

 

Spell to Make Your Computer Fast       

Open a window.         
Defenestrate the computer.         
If the computer hits the ground really fast, the spell worked.               

 

Alternate Spell to Make Your Computer Fast 

Turn on your computer         
Deny it food.               

 

Spell to Save on Gas   

Cut holes in floorboards of car.         
Remove shoes.         
While still seated, pedal feet really, really fast.         
Scream “Yabba Dabba Do!”         
(Optional) Invite passengers to join in the fun!               

 

Spell to Go to the Bathroom   

Drink so much water that you think you will burst.         
Drink another glass anyway.         
Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of soda.         
Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the spell’s effect.               

 

Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom 

Eat a bushel of prunes.         
Take a dose of ExLax.         
Wait.               

 

Spell to Make Something Disappear  

Open a window         
Grab the object you want to make disappear.         
Defenestrate the object.         
Close the window. 
              

Spell to Make Yourself Fly   

Open a window         
Defenestrate yourself.         
Flap your arms vigorously and repeatedly say “I’m flying!”         
If you don’t hit the ground, the spell worked.               

 

Spell to Get a New Car   

Get off the computer.         
Go to a car dealership.         
Chose a care.
Take a test drive.
Repeat until a satisfactory choice is made.         
Make arrangements to trade in your old car for the new one chosen.         
Drive home and wait.         
When the new car arrives, go back to the dealer.         
Drive home.            
   

Spell to Go Through A Wall    

Get a sledgehammer.           
Hit a wall continuously until a large enough hole appears.         
Go through the hole.                

 

Spell to Change Your Eye Color    

Visit ophthalmologist.         
Get prescription for contact lenses.         
Fill prescription with colored contact lenses.         
Put in colored contact lenses.

 

Turok’s Cabana

Quiz of the Day: Which Elemental Ruler Are You?

Which Elemental Ruler Are You?

Are you a fiery Queen of Wands or an emotional King of Cups? A clear-thinking King of Swords or a practical Queen of Pentacles?

The great psychologist Carl Jung knew that the Court cards of Tarot show types of energy systems inside each person. The pictures on the cards are symbols that express the characteristics of a particularly active energy in us. Take this fascinating quiz to see which archetypal energies are dominant in you.

Answer the questions, then total your “yes” answers to determine which suit is strongest for you.

Are You a King or Queen of Swords? – AIR
1. Are you independent?
2. Are you aggressive?
3. Are you goal-oriented?
4. Are you curious?
5. Do you have a quick wit?
6. Is your mind full of thoughts and ideas?
7. Are you a perfectionist?
8. Do you become bored without mental stimuli?
9. Do you have a tendency to become very involved in a theory?
10. Do you like to be in a position of authority?
11. Are you interested in spiritual and philosophical problems?
12. Is the discovery of new things of vital importance to you?
13. Does your sense of “reality” depend on a rational order in your mind?
14. Do you have little interest if other people support, praise, or condone you projects if these projects seem rational to you?
15. Do you have a need to have reality completely figured out?

Are you a King or Queen of Wands? – FIRE
1. Do you have a high energy level?
2. Do you act before you think?
3. Do you thrive on change and become bored easily?
4. Are you enthusiastic?
5. Do you love to express yourself in communication?
6. Are you a warm and loyal friend?
7. Do you trust yourself and others?
8. Do you have deep inner convictions?
9. Are you charming and well liked?
10. Do you support and encourage others?
11. Do you have a courageous spirit?
12. Do you concern yourself with what others think and feel?
13. Does your sense of “reality” depend on what you feel?
14. Do you often need praise to keep working on a project or job?
15. Are you sympathetic?

Are you a king or Queen of Cups? – WATER
1. Are you refined and sensitive?
2. Do you often see things differently from others?
3. Is reality a struggle?
4. Are you vague and somewhat aloof?
5. Do you have difficulty understanding money?
6. Do you possess wisdom?
7. Do people come to you for advice?
8. Are facts and details unimportant to you?
9. Are you emotionally honest?
10. Is it of prime importance for you to understand yourself?
11. Can you keep working on a project you believe in without support from your environment?
12. Are you very aware of the positive and negative in you?
13. Do you consider small talk irrelevant?
14. Do you prize connection to others?
15. Do you wish others were more sensitive?

Are you a King or Queen of Pentacles? – EARTH
1. Are you conventional?
2. Do you have a quiet, industrious nature?
3. Are you practical?
4. Do you value the work ethic?
5. Do you like routine?
6. Do you feel most comfortable discussing daily and worldly matters?
7. Do you tend to remove yourself emotionally from conflict?
8. Are you complacent or laid-back?
9. Do you accept nature and its ways?
10. Is respectability very important to you?
11. Do you have a realistic understanding of money?
12. Do you like to create a comfortable material environment?
13. Are you very accepting of others?
14. Are you concerned about the details of daily living?
15. Do you live in the “now,” in the present moment?

Daily Feng Shui News for Oct. 25th – ‘Tourmaline’

 

The birthstone most associated with October is the tourmaline. An old Egyptian legend tells how this stone, when making the trip from the heart of the earth up to the sun, traveled along a rainbow, collecting all the colors along the way. No matter the color, all tourmaline are said to increase self-confidence while neutralizing negative energies as well. Tourmaline is also believed to dispel fear, relieve grief and aid in concentration and communications. I think that you’ll agree that this surely is one precious gem!

 

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

 

Your Charm for October 25th is Pisces The Fish

Your Charm for Today


Today’s Meaning:   

This aspect of your life will be strongly influenced by a person who is imaginative, sensitive, compassionate, kind, selfless, unworldly, intuitive and sympathetic. This person could be merely an acquaintance who has influence with people in your circle.

General Description:

Twelfth sign of the Zodiac, Feb 19th to March 20th. Ruled by the planet Jupiter; correct metal, Tin. Those born under the influence of Pisces were believed to be highly emotional, imaginative, observant, artistic, musical, precise and prudent. The gem for Pisces is the Amethyst, whose occult properties were firmly believed in by the ancients. The Egyptians wore these stones as amulets against witchcraft, and for success in their undertakings. The Amethyst is also called The Bishops Stone from its supposed soothing influence, imparting a pious calm in time of danger. The stone was believed to confer happiness on the newly married.

Your Rune For Friday, October 25th is Elhaz

bw-elhaz

bw-elhazYour Rune For Today      

Elhaz       

Elhaz represents your power to protect yourself and those around you. It also connotes the thrill and joy of a successful hunt. You are in a very enviable position right now, because you are able to maintain what you have built and reach your current goals. Enjoy

Your Animal Spirit for October 25th is The Crow

Your Animal Spirit for Today
October 25, 2013

The Crow

Crow is always on the alert for trouble—and their loud caws! warn each other of  impending danger, Very little escapes Crow’s keen vision—which is why many cultures associate Crow with the keeper of knowledge. Crow has flapped his way into your life today to bring a message of watchfulness—have you built your nest high enough to really understand what’s going on around you?

Your Ancient Symbol Card for October 25th is Futility

Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today

Futility

Sadly sometimes our desires lead us down paths which have no end and offer us no chance of achieving the results we want. If we persist we end up like Sisyphus: forever rolling a boulder uphill only to have it roll back downhill before we ever get to the top. Futility suggest the existence of just such a situation–we are chasing a prize that will never be ours. Futility indicates a need to rethink our ambitions and direct our energies towards a goal or goals that can be attained.

As a daily card, Futility implies that you are putting energy into goals that cannot be met. It suggest the need to rethink your desires and possibly find a new goal or goals to chase.

Today’s Tarot Card for October 25th is The Moon

The Moon

Friday, Oct 25th, 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What has traditionally been known as the Moon card refers to a deep state of sensitivity and imaginative impressionability, developed within a womb of deep relaxation. Here we dream and go into trance, have visions and receive insights, wash in and out with the psychic tides, and experience deep mystical and/or terrifying realities beyond our ordinary senses. The full moon and/or eclipse cycle charted by the Magi (as in some of the earliest Moon card images) exemplify this as a mechanism that Nature uses to expand consciousness.

The variants of the courtly lovers (representing skillful use of the sex force) or the man sleeping it off under the tree (use of drugs to alter consciousness) are also traditional avenues for tapping this primal force. Human interest in higher states propels us to the frontiers of consciousness, where we cannot always control what happens. The Moon card represents the ultimate test of a soul’s integrity, where the membrane between self and the Unknown is removed, and the drop of individuality reenters the Ocean of Being. What transpires next is between a soul and its Maker.

Chinese Astrology for October 25th

CHINESE ASTROLOGY: YEAR OF THE SNAKE

October 25th

A positive day for speculation and investments; but if you want to invest on a large scale, ask for a specialist’s advice. You must beware of all that could provoke a domestic accident. You might suffer from lumbago or vertebral pains; swimming and yoga will prove effective remedies. Ideal day for asking for a loan. The moment will be well-chosen to resume the struggle in spite of the past difficulty.

Your Daily Horoscopes for Friday, October 25th

We are in tune with our feelings today, even if we don’t say anything about them. The cautious Cancer Moon raises concerns about placing someone else in an awkward position with our disclosure. Or, we may be worried about being rejected for saying too much. Fortunately, the radiant Sun’s sweet trine to imaginative Neptune replaces fear with optimism. Hopeful fantasy rules over harsh reality now and trusting our dreams leads to spiritual growth.

Aries Horoscope

(Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Speaking with authority doesn’t make your message true, but you might still try this ploy as a defensive strategy today. You may actually think you can talk someone into seeing the world through your eyes. But overpowering others by insisting you are right only makes you sound foolish, since your rationalizations are probably more transparent than you realize. Don’t pretend to be in control when you’re not. Those who know you love you simply for being yourself.

Taurus Horoscope

(Apr 20 – May 20)

Your future looks bright today, but you may not be heading in exactly the right direction to realize your dreams. It’s not your goals are unrealistic; rather, it’s that you might underestimate the resources needed to reach your destination. Thankfully, you can see possibilities that others miss if you let your imagination wander. Just remember to separate fact from fancy or you could be rudely surprised by the outcome.

Gemini Horoscope

(May 21 – Jun 20)

Your most vivid dreams are ripe for harvesting now, but don’t let your confidence run away with the show. Although you may think that you can be successful without working harder, this false illusion will dissipate as circumstances continue to change. If an unrealistic fantasy fades as you approach it, it’s probably best to let it go and move on to another idea. But don’t give up; your imagination holds the keys to your success.

Cancer Horoscope

(Jun 21 – Jul 22)

It may seem as if you can describe your hopeful feelings today, but it’s still challenging to start a conversation about your future dreams. Instead of wasting energy by being self-critical now, keep your visions to yourself until you have a good reason to share them. It isn’t useful to reveal your plans prematurely or you could create an awkward impasse. Be patient and remain quiet just a little bit longer. Trust your intuition to tell you when it’s time to open up.

Leo Horoscope

(Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You may feel as if you’re in an ideal social environment today because everyone seems to enthusiastically support your decisions. You don’t even have to think about what to do next; you’re part of the flow and everything seems to happen naturally. Unfortunately, your current spontaneity doesn’t play well with your desire to establish deeper connections. Thankfully, you can have the best of both worlds by letting others participate in your success.

Virgo Horoscope

(Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Relaxing is a challenge today because you’re afraid of what may occur if you don’t resist the prevailing emotional currents. You prefer rational behavior and like to be in control all of the time — but unfortunately you’re not. Therefore, your most logical strategy now is to avoid getting hooked by your own desires. Nevertheless, attempting to ignore your needs just gives power to whatever you fear most. Escape your regular routine by leading with your creative imagination rather than your analytical thoughts.

Libra Horoscope

(Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Beginning your daily tasks at work early in the day might sound like a smart idea, but nothing seems to go quite as planned. Your unflappable positive attitude is the most significant factor today in deciding whether or not you can put your schedule back on track. Don’t be overly rigid in your thinking if you run into an obstacle; being flexible now actually enables you to regain control later on.

Scorpio Horoscope

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You might be willing to take the easy way out of a problem today. Typically, your determination inspires you to achieve your goals, even if your non-negotiable approach complicates your life. But keeping your dreams alive may be more important now than accomplishing anything specific. Although your current productivity could suffer, you’re likely to be happier in the long run by following your heart’s desire.

Sagittarius Horoscope

(Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Your imagination is extremely vivid today, encouraging you to mix up your daydreams with reality. You might even believe that you can accomplish more than is possible because everything flows effortlessly in your mind. Unfortunately, each task you begin takes more time to complete than you expect. You may create trouble for yourself if you race through a chore, assuming you will make up for lost time. Instead, promise less and deliver more.

Capricorn Horoscope

(Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You can fool your workmates today by appearing to be busier than you actually are. However, if you want to be fully recognized for your contribution to a project, don’t try so hard to steal the spotlight. If you take your little song and dance too far, you might inadvertently overstep your bounds. You are better off if you just work hard and then let the chips fall where they may. Ultimately, your efforts won’t go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Aquarius Horoscope

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your current lack of a concrete plan won’t necessarily get in your way today. Ironically, making it up as you go might just be your key to success now. Expressing your creativity brings recognition, and can even lead to some extra income. However, you could feel as if you’re wasting time managing unexpected interruptions, but it’s wise to simply handle them as they occur. Paradoxically, the current distractions may even inspire you to reach greater heights.

Pisces Horoscope

(Feb 19 – Mar 20)

It’s tempting to shut out your problems by withdrawing into your imagination today. But escaping into your own personal fantasyland works best only for brief moments of time. Sooner or later you must return to the real world issues you tried to leave behind. Working on tangible solutions preemptively, rather than after the fact, is the most productive strategy now, even if you would prefer to take a less ambitious path.

Weekend Love Horoscopes for October 25th thru October 27th

Weekend Love Horoscopes

October 25-27: Soap Opera Love

Maria DeSimone

Maria DeSimone on the topics of love, horoscopes, astrology

Fairy-tale romance, anyone? Friday’s trine between the Sun and Neptune will have you and your lover feeling especially idealistic, so be sure to enjoy the rare and beautiful dose of cosmic enchantment.

In the background of this mystical, inspiring and extremely romantic aspect will be a dramatic Moon in Leo on Saturday and Sunday. Leo craves theatrics, and it’s possible that this weekend your love life will feel like a real live soap opera.

Even if you’re not typically the type of person who enjoys drama, the theatrics that are likely to manifest this weekend will remind your heart that a little performance now and then isn’t such a bad thing. In fact, being in the center stage of someone’s heart clearly has its advantages. This weekend, you get to enjoy a melodramatic, but fulfilling, romantic limelight. Bravo!

Daily Cosmic Calendar for October 25th

The good cosmic news that arrived on terra firma yesterday still carries a positive wallop today. The Grand Triangle in water signs that aided your emotional and psychic sensitivity on Thursday remains strong this morning due to the Moon in Cancer forming a flowing trine of 120-degrees to Mercury in Scorpio (7:18AM). Enjoy literary and educational adventures to the hilt — particularly as the monthly Moon-Jupiter union in Cancer (1:32PM) acts as a sturdy backup to the harmonious tie between the Moon and Mercury.  Tune into your confident and optimistic mind-set to gain a decisive edge over erstwhile competitors in business or professional affairs. However, the Moon-Jupiter conjunction (1:32PM) begins a 19+ hour void-of-course lunar limbo time-span that lasts until 9:13AM tomorrow.  Even though the Moon’s energy is hampered somewhat, your creative imagination is activated as one of two, annual Sun-Neptune trines clocks in at 3:42PM. Improvise in a favorite artistic medium for a change of pace. Show off your burgeoning skills on the photography, film or music fronts. Learn more about the merits of affirmations, visualization exercises, yoga, sacred dance and meditation. [Note to readers: All times are calculated for Pacific Daylight Time. Be sure to adjust all times according to your own local time so the alignments noted above will be exact for your location.]

Calendar of the Moon for October 25th

Calendar of the Moon

Ivy Month

Colors: Light blue and dark green
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of dark green lay pots of ivy twined up around posts of gold with suns, three blue candles, a vine-painted chalice of water, and a feather fan.
Offerings: Pray for enlightenment, and to be lifted up.
Daily Meal: Sheep, goat, or vegetarian using the fruits of the local harvests.

Gort Invocation

Call: Hail the month of the Ivy!
Response: Hail the month of twining for the sky!
Call: Where the vine yielded forth the blood of the earth…
Response: The ivy yields up the winds of the sky!
Call: Where the vine dulls the mind with happiness…
Response: The ivy opens the mind with terror and light!
Call: Hail to the chains of the Maenads!
Response: Hail to Dionysos and his torrent of madness!
Call: Hail to the Lady that mates with the Oak!
Response: She has entwined him, she has wrapped her limbs about him!
Call: Even his great strength is not enough to stay her!
Response: She shows that not all strength is standing tall!
Call: Hail to she who is supported by others….
Response: Yet reaches as high as they themselves!
Call: Show us, sacred Ivy, what it is to rise with the aid of the strong.
Response: Show us what it is to be borne up by branches.
Call: Show us what it is to be borne up by hopes.
Response: Show us what it is to be borne up by the Gods.
Call: We cannot reach the sky without aid…
Response: So we entreat you, Ivy, beg for aid for our earthbound hands.
Call: Teach us that the sky can be gained not only by the straight path…
Response: But also by the path of the spiral!
Call: Dance that spiral for us, Ivy, and we shall follow you!
Response: We shall follow you toward the blessed realms of the Gods.

Chant:
Turn turn turn again
Turn wind turn leaf
Twine o’er the last sheaf
Turn turn turn again

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for October 25th

Calendar of the Sun

25 Winterfyllith

Selket’s Day

Colors: Bronze and Black
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of black place a bronze figurine of a scorpion, and four black candles.
Offerings: Help someone who is a troublemaker.
Daily Meal: Lentils, flatbread, millet, pomegranates.

Invocation to Selket

Lady of the Scorpion’s Whip,
Implacable one, hardest of the Four Deaths,
Sun of the unforgiving desert at high noon,
You blast down upon all wrongdoing
And show those wrongs in their true light.
Lady of the Poison Tail,
You are entrusted with those souls
Who have not done what they should do,
Who have spurned the path they were meant to walk,
Who have struggled and lashed out,
Who have caused hurt and pain to others.
Your firm hand takes them in, guides them
To see what they have done through eyes
Unclouded by their own pain,
And leads them to a place of understanding
And perhaps repentance. And yet,
There is something of this is all of us,
Some part of each that needs your guiding hand
Lest we think ourselves too perfect
And become uncompassionate in our pride.
Lady of the Scorpion’s Whip,
Sting us to the heart, and show us
That poison still within us,
That we may better learn to ride its strike,
That we may better learn to heal its wounds.

(Each comes forward, one at a time, and touches the tail of the Scorpion, which should be sharp. Each tells Selket, aloud or silently, where the poison is in them which makes them hurt others, and asks for her help in controlling it.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Current Moon Phase for October 25th – Waning Gibbous

Gibbous Moon

(waning /56% illumination)

This is a tremendous time of transmutation. All of the prior elements are coming together for a final burst of creative output. You have seen a clear view of your own needs and the posture of significant others. Now the accumulation of that input is leading to a deep, core change within you. In this phase, you will naturally be inclined to seek higher guidance so that you can emerge from this transformation successfully. The Disseminting Moon favors sharing what you have learned (and are learning) with others.

The Witches Magick for October 25th – Kiss It Goodbye Spell

solstice-altar

Kiss It Goodbye Spell

To let go of baggage.

Items You Will Need:

Black candle
Empty paper bag
Envelope
Paper
Pen

Write down your baggage on a piece of paper, and put it in the bag/envelope. After you say the spell, bury the bag or burn it in a bonfire or fireplace. As you write the words and say the spell, concentrate on your willingness to let go. You can even visualize a little creature packing bags and walking out the door and down the road.

Baggage can be anything that is weighing down your life: old memories, bad habits, etc. But keep in mind that if you are doing this spell to get rid of a person, they will probably get gone and stay gone. Be absolutely sure that this is what you want before casting.

Best to do this spell on the New Moon.

“Pack your bags and get you gone
Your time with me is finished now
Once you worked but now you’re wrong
And you can’t stay–no way, no how.”
 
“Without your baggage I’ll move on
I’ll get myself out of this rut
So pack your bags and get you gone
Don’t let the door hit ya in the butt.”
 
So Mote It Be!

 

Let’s Talk Witch – Who’s Who?

cat

Who’s Who?

By the way, it’s good to remember that a male Witch or Wiccan is not called a warlock. He is a Witch or Wiccan, too. “Warlock” derived from an Old English word for “oath breaker;” later, during the mid-1400’s, the word came to mean liar (whether a person was male or female). So to call a male witch a warlock is a nasty insult.

The words “wizard” and “sorcerer” can be used for a man or a woman. “Wizard” derives from a term meaning “wise,” and “sorcerer” means “witch” or “diviner.” Writers Gerald Gardner and Sir James Frazier are commonly given credit for coining the term Wiccan and kick-starting the modern movement in the 1950s. The word “magician” is also appropriate for both sexes and for both Witches and Wiccans.

Zoroaster, in ancient Persia, taught priests called magi who relied heavily on astrology as an art. The “wise men” mentioned in the Christmas story are sometimes referred to as magi–they gained knowledge of Jesus’s birth by watching the stars. Depending on the cultural setting, magician came to mean people adept in astrology, sorcery, or other magickal arts. Note that the word magick in Witchcraft is spelled with “k” to differentiate it from the stage magick (or sleight of hand).

It should be notes that Wicca and Witchcraft share some of the core concepts and Practitioners use some of the same tools. However, witches come a wide array of schools, belief systems, and traditions of magick that is distinct and unique as they are.

Celebrating Spirituality 365 Days A Year – St. Crispin and Crispinian

magick89

October 25th

St. Crispin and Crispinian

The feast day honors two French Catholic brothers, Crispin and Crispinian, the patron Saints of shoemakers. According to one legend, the two brothers were martyred by being pricked to death by a cobbler’s awl. In another tale, they managed to survive four execution attempts because of their devotion to the needy. And yet another tale has them beheaded. However, it is agreed that if one buys a new pair of shoes on St. Crispin Day, he or she will have good fortune the rest of the year.