Category: A Laugh for Today

A Laugh for Today -Silly Valentine’s Day Puns to Make Your Sweetheart Smile – Part 1

From Reader’s Digest

Cute Valentine’s Day puns

1. I love you a whole watt.

2. I’m hoppy you’re mine.

3. My heart is gushing—I lava you.

4. Looking forward to spending koala-ty time together this Valentine’s Day.

5. Pining fir you.

6. I can’t bear to be without you.

7. Yoda best, valentine.

8. You’re one in a chameleon.

9. You’re just plane awesome!

10. My significant otter.

11. We mermaid for each other!

12. I wheel-ly like you!

13. We’ve got great chemistry.

14. I love you once and flor-al!

15. Sealed with a kiss.

16. I’ll never dessert you.

Cheesy Valentine’s Day puns

17. This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.

18. Are you a 90-degree angle? Because this feels just right.

19. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re just my type.

20. You’re a cutie 3.14.

21. Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.

22. Are you a needle? Because you are sew special to me.

23. You must be glue, because I am sticking with you.

24. We have a great connection, since you’re Wi-Fi material.

25. Your name must be Summer, because you are hot.

26. Are you copper and tellurium? Because you are Cu Te!

27. If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.

28. You can donate blood to me anytime, since you’re just my type.

29. You must be a bowling ball, since you’re right up my alley.

Romantic Valentine’s Day puns

30. You’re the king of my heart!

31. I’ll owl-ways love you.

32. When I’m with you, my heart is always ready for takeoff.

33. You octopi my heart!

34. So mushroom in my heart for you!

35. You are my sole-mate.

Funny Valentine’s Day puns

36. Your sweater must be made out of wife material.

37. You sweep me off my feet.

38. I could TSA pre-check you out all day long.

39. I glove you, and I am s’mitten.

40. I was soapin’ you’d be my valentine.

41. You give my life porpoise.

42. Went from “cacti” to “cactus.”

43. I mustache you a question: Will you be my valentine?

44. I think you’re porcu-fine.

45. You had me at “aloe.”

46. Life would succ without you.

47. Do you be-leaf in love

A Laugh for Today

A Laugh for Today

If only it was this easy…

 

Dear sisters, brothers, and honored guests may the Great Mother and Great Father, Lord and Lady, bless you and your family with all things positive!

A Laugh for Today – 52 Tea Puns That Will Get You Laughing Oolong Time

(I enjoy and laugh at many jokes found in Reader’s Digest magazines that I plan on sharing a lot of them with you.)

From Reader’s Digest

So many quali-tea puns for a brew-tiful day.

Some words are just destined to be turned into puns. The word “tea” itself is so easy to make into some tea-riffic puns, not to mention all the other tea-related words. Just like wine puns or coffee puns, the possibilities are practically endless to celebrate your favorite beverages. Puns are the perfect (and funny) addition to any conversation but can also be used on a greeting card for a friend or even in your social media captions. Next time you post a picture of tea time on Instagram, jazz it up with one of these quali-tea puns to impress your friends. Or just do it for yourself because puns can always put a smile on your face. And, of course, if you’re posting pictures of your other food, we have plenty of donut puns and fruit puns too. We have puns for all occasions! Check out the best tea puns ahead.

Tea puns

Nice tea meet you!

Making tea isn’t hard, but waiting for the kettle to boil sure is tea-dious.

This drink is tea-licious!

Oolong live the queen!

Let’s get this par-tea started!

It’s a brew-tea-ful day!

Steep dreams!

Don’t be chai!

I’m gonna love you oolong time!

Varie-tea is the spice of life!

This party is totally tea-riffic.

You’re my bes-tea!

Sweet dreams are made of tea.

Don’t kettle for second best.

Sip sip hooray!

The reali-tea is I love a good brew.

The only way out is brew it.

It’s been oolong time coming.

Sometimes I’m great at multi-tea-tasking.

Feeling tired enough to go to steep.

Can we all get oolong?

I’ll chai again tomorrow.

You’re totally tea-riffic.

You have to admit these puns are quali-tea.

Everything I brew, I brew for you.

If at first you don’t suceed, chai, chai again.

Walk a chamomile in my shoes.

Feeling a bit of deja brew.

Kettle down, kettle down.

You’re such a cu-tea.

I’ve been waiting oolong, long time for this.

It’s thirs-tea Thursday!

I believe I can chai.

Boba puns

We’re a pearl-fect fit for each other.

Pearls night out.

This boba tea is unbelie-bubble!

Hope you’re tapi-okay!

I’m totally cap-bubble of drinking something other than tea, I just don’t want to!

I always had a thing for the pearl next door.

I haven’t tried boba before, but I’ll give it a pearl.

You give me bubble-flies.

Matcha puns

We’re a matcha made in heaven.

You and me are the perfect matcha.

Game, set, matcha!

I’m feeling so matcha better today!

I love you so matcha.

So matcha love.

I’ve met my matcha!

So little time, so matcha to do.

Thank you very matcha.

I’ve met my matcha.

So nice to matcha—what’s your name?

A Laugh for Today – 33 Best Laffy Taffy Jokes to Sweeten Your Day

From Reader’s Digest

Move over Snapple facts and make room for these hilarious jokes found on Laffy Taffy wrappers.

One of the sweetest flavors of childhood is undisputedly the chewy, juicy, sugary, and cavity-inducing Laffy Taffy. You may have even argued with classmates over the best flavors—strawberry being superior, obviously. Now produced by the Ferrara Candy Company, these individually wrapped taffy rectangles that come in a variety of flavors have been bringing joy to kids and even adults (no shame here!) since the 1970s. Laffy Taffy was launched under Kathryn Beich Candies in Bloomington, Illinois as Beich’s Caramels, but was later renamed Beich’s Laffy Taffy. The candy was bought by Nestle in 1984 which then sold the brand to the Ferrara Candy Company in 2018, producing the taffy we know and love today. But chewing on this tasty treat wasn’t the only intriguing part of the experience. So if you’re a fan of Snapple facts, you’re going to love these funny puns and more.

Beich really put the “laffy” in Laffy Taffy. Inside each individual wrapper, you’ll find a joke. Since the launch, the jokes have been written and mailed in by children, making for some super silly and hilarious humor. These aren’t your typical knock knock jokes for kids. Laffy Taffy jokes are clever, punny, and may even make you think a little. We have all the candy puns, ice cream puns, and cookie puns that you could dream of, but this roundup of the best Laffy Taffy jokes people found on their wrappers will definitely get you giggling and eager to share with friends.

1. What happened after David had his ID stolen?

We had to call him Dav.

2. How do you mend a broken jack o’ lantern?

With a pumpkin patch.

3. What button can’t unbutton?

Your belly button.

4. Why does Where’s Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted.

5. What did the house wear to the party?

Address.

6. What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?

Shore.

7. How do you communicate with a fish?

You drop it a line.

8. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toed.

9. Where can you find an ocean without water?

On a map.

10. What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher.

11. What did the horse say when he fell down?

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

12. What do you call an avid gardener?

Herb.

13. What is a good spot for a taste bud?

I forgot… it is on the tip of my tongue.

14. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen?

They might peel.

15. Why was the broom late?

It over swept.

16. Why don’t lobsters share?

Because they are shellfish.

17. How do you organize a space party?

Planet.

18. What are sailors’ favorite fruits?

Navel oranges.

19. What do you call the King’s rabbit?

The hare to the throne.

20. Why do fish always sing off-key?

Because you can’t tuna fish.

21. Why do marsupials make such good tea?

It’s koala tea.

22. How does a tree go home when it is ready?

It leaves.

23. What do you call a fancy sea creature?

So-fish-ticated.

24. What did one eye say to the other?

Between us, something smells.

25. Why don’t birds follow directions?

They like to wing it.

26. When do you stop at green and go at red?

When you’re eating a watermelon!

27. What do frogs order at a restaurant?

French flies.

28. How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

29. What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

30. When can peanuts laugh?

When you crack them up!

31. Why is a pancake like the sun?

Because it rises in the yeast.

32. What building has the most stories?

The library.

33. Can February march?

No, but April May.

A Laugh for Today

COFFEE SNOB

Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.

A Laugh for Today

Grab a partner or just go yourself out into the moonlight and party like it’s 2999! LOL

A Little Humor for Your Day – Ineffective Daily Affirmations c. 2019

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

Rather than curse the darkness, I could light a candle… with a little luck, I could torch the place.

I will strive to live each day as if it were my 30th birthday.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”

 

—Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor for Your Day – White Light Coven Application c. 2013

(Not a real coven)

White Light Coven Application

The Mystical Wiccan Coven Grove of the Glittery Butterfly Unicorn of Magical Healing and Holy White Light of Divine Spiritual Spiffiness and Enchanted Smiling Faerie Goddess of the Brilliant Light of Wonderfulness is Currently accepting applications.

Hi!  On behalf of the MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW group, I’d just like to say…Hi!  We’re a loving, accepting group of Eclectic Wiccans who worship the LIGHT!  We believe that you can’t hurt anything, because the Rede says so!  So we don’t eat animals, because animals are people TOO!  You know those meanies say that plants are alive too but they’re just huffy because they’re carnivorous and angry and not enlightened like us.  But you look like a really NEAT person!  You just might be PERFECT to join our group!

At MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW, we believe that the God and Goddess have always watched over us, since thousands and thousands of years ago when everyone was Wiccan and bisexual and nothing bad happened and everyone lived in peace and harmony eating only fruits and berries and frolicking merrily through the summer fields.  And they watched over us when the Bad Men came and conquered our peaceful ancestors and forced them to do horrible things like worship male deities and eat meat.  And then they watched over us still when MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF WOMEN AND CATS BURNED AT THE STAKE FOR THEIR FREEEEDOM!!!!

Anyway.  Teehee!  So the God and Goddess love each other, and they love you too, even if you don’t think they love you, because they do love you, and we love you, and we love everyone, except the mean people who disagree with us.  But we love them anyway!!  Even though they’re mean!!!

But the God and Goddess know who we really are, and I’ve been Wiccan for all my lives, so I know everything firsthand, you know?  Those sillyheads and their stupid “books” and “facts,” yanno?  What the heck are THEY so riled up about? I would SO think I know better than them, ’cause I was Cleopatra in one life and then this one other time I was this Druid priestess so like I remember all those lives because I’m enlightened.

MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW has this Book of Shadows that was passed down from my mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother.  And it was first written by my first incarnation in that one ancient place thingy in that cool swirly language.  Yea.  It’s really cool.

I’d tell you more but um you have to be one of us to know so just fill out these few questions so we can make you one of us and then we’ll tell you the secrets of the universe and give you a neat bumper sticker.  If you answer no to any of these questions, maybe we’re not right for you, but that’s okay…when you stop being a regular human and maybe get reborn as a Witch like us (’cause see we were all born with all these powers because we were chosen and that’s why we’re all together because only special Natural Witches like us can have covens) we’ll let you try again.  Because we love you.

1. Do you watch The Craft religiously?

2. Do you only eat plants?

3. Do you swear to worship ONLY the Light????

4. Isn’t George Clooney hot?

5. No really, I’m sooo totally serious, don’t you think he’s like maybe the reincarnation of Adonis or something?

6. Aren’t bunnies cute?

7. Aren’t Xtians just sooo totally sucky?

8. Can you proof it, hnu?

Thank you for applying, we hope to hear from you SOOOON!!!

Love and light and fluffy truffled lollipop ice cream cuddly snuggly wuggly huggles!!!

High Priestess Lady Moondrip Snowdancer Cloud Cover Cold Front With a 50% Chance Of Rain Treewalker Silver Daydream Sunshine Fluff

—-Sgaileach Sidhe

A Little Humor for Your Day: Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work c. 2019

Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work
  1. If you got payed a nickel for every stupid idea you had, you’d be a millionare.
  2. Just when I thought you couldn’t say anything dumber, you keep talking!
  3. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  4. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
  5. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  6. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  7. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
  8. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  9. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
  10. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
  11. Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.
  12. Do I look like a people person?
  13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  14. How about never? Is never good for you?
  15. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 

–Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor for Your Day – You Finally Know You are a Witch When… c. 2016

You Finally Know You are a Witch When…

© 1998 Connie Gilbert

1. Your BOS has spots on the pages from spilled brews.

2. When cleaning house you have to specify. “Where is the broom? No, not the broom, where is the one to clean the floor with?”

3. Candle wax has dripped on your keyboard.

4. There are more jars of strange smelling plants in your cupboards than there are cereal boxes.

5. Friends know they can always give you candles and incense as a gift.

6. When watching old re-runs of Bewitched, you find you side with Samantha’s mother Endora.

7. When traveling, stranger and stranger strangers tell you their problems.

8. You find yourself making corn dollies in the checkout line at the grocery store (well, I thought about it).

9. You ask for Halloween off, because it’s a religious holiday.

10. You start answering the phone with “Merry Meet”.

 

Source

 

The Cauldron

A Little Humor for Your Day – You Know Someone Is New To Magick and Paganism When They Think That… c. 2016

You Know Someone Is New To Magick and Paganism When They Think That…

 

An ATHAME is the gas you use for your grill.

A CENSOR is a drink you mix with alcohol.

ASTRAL PROJECTION is a home-made movie viewer.

A SYMPATHITIC LINK is when you feel sorry because your chain broke.

WICCA is that part of the candle that burns.

APHRODITE is a prehistoric bird.

ARCHETYPES is a kind of building structure.

BLESSED BE is the god of insects.

A BOOK OF SHADOWS contains silhouettes of friends or family members.

A BRAZIER is support wear for women.

CASTING is done with a fishing line, or on a set in Hollywood.

CHARGING is done with a credit card or battery.

The only way to get into a CIRCLE is to have the right of way.

Crystal CLEANSING is done with window cleaner.

CYCLES have to do with your washing machine and when to add fabric softener.

DEMETER is where you put your quarter when you park downtown.

A DOLMAN is a new brand of banana.

HANDFASTING is eating without utensils.

LEY LINES happen at the airport in Hawaii.

PAN is something you fry food in.

A QUARTER is 25 cents and still buys a cup of coffee. (Note: This person is not only new to magick, but they also haven’t been out in a while!)

SKYCLAD is a shade of blue clothing.

A TRAD is a type of geometrical figure.

WHEEL OF FORTUNE is the game show with Vanna White.

 

Source

The Cauldron

A Little Humor for Your Day – You Might be a Redneck Pagan If… c. 2015

You Might be a Redneck Pagan If…

If any part of your invocation of the South Quarter includes any lines from any song by Lynard Skynard….

If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb…..

If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells on the fire….

If the bell on your alter was ever worn by an animal in a pasture….

If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife, a can of Foster’s, and a Little Debbie…..

If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest….

If when your priestess says “Blessed Be” in circle, you respond with “YEEE-HAW!”…

If you believe a pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people….

If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly…..

If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart….

If you call the God and Goddess by hollerin’ “Hey, y’all! Watch me!”….

If you call the North Quarter, but what you call it is an inner court secret…..

If you can play the “Burning Times” on the banjo….

If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup’s gun rack…..

If you found out your familiar is an oppossum — and still ate it……..

If you have combined Maypole Dancing/ Tractor Pull/ Turkey Shoot for Beltane….

If you have cast a love spell on livestock….

If you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess….

If you’ve ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV….

If you’ve ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu…..

If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg…..

If you invoke the spirits so that your beer lasts longer…..

If you pray nightly to the god of big tires…..

If you sacrifice BBQ and pork rinds on an alter made of old car hoods….

If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, “the circle is open but never unbroken”…

If you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance….

If you think a “family tradition” is a dating club….

If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture….

If you worship the gods of cheap beer and Nascar….

If you’ve ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team….

If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed whacker…..

If you’ve ever meditated to “Dueling Banjos”…..

If you’ve reached the 3rd Degree but not the third grade……

If your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley…..

If your Goddess picture says “Miss September” at the bottom……

If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod…..

If your altar cloth is a Confederate flag…..

If your altar cloth is vinyl……

If your altar cloth says “Holiday Inn” or “Howard Johnson’s”….

If your altar has a spit cup…..

If your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne’s star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”…..

If your annointing oil smells like Old Spice…..

If your athame is by Bowie…..

If your broom has 4 wheel drive and SC plates…..

If your ceremonial chalice says “Budweiser” on it….

If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube-top…..

If your circle dance contains the words “dosey-do”……

If your circle dance is a two-step….

If your coven chose its High Priest at a belching contest….

If your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess are “Cooter” and “Sweet Cheeks”….

If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks…..

If your craft name starts with “Bubba”……

If your familiar can point quail….

If your familiar keeps mice out of the granary…..

If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second, and third cousin….

If your backyard ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still……

If your favorite painting of the Goddess does her hair like Rheba McEntire….

If your maiden sweeps the circle with a weed whacker….

If your most sacred altar items include a hubcap, a velvet painting, and a half-empty can of chaw…..

If your outdoor circle has defunct washing machines for quarter altars….

If your pantheon includes Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and the St. Pauli Girl…

If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”….

If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches…..

Well, you might just be a redneck pagan!!

 

Author: Blue Unicorn

Website: Pagan Library

A Little Chuckle To Lighten Your Day – Top Ten Ways To Piss Off A Pagan c. 2015

Top Ten Ways To Piss Off A Pagan

 

1. Ask them if they are Satan worshipers.
2. Be considerate, rearrange their altar so it will look neat.
3. Blow out their altar candle if it is still daylight. (No need to waste a good candle!)
4. Pick up their gems for a closer look.
5. Sharpen their dull, black-handled knife.
6. Witness to them about the ‘One True Religion’.
7. Untie the knots in their cord.
8. Take hold of their jewelry for a closer look.
9. Play card games with their Tarot deck.
10. Ask them if they are Satan worshipers.

Flashback 2018 – A Laugh for Today – Don’t Flatter Yourself……..The Witch Said What?

Flashback 2019 _ A Laugh for Today – Ms. Witch (Wild and Crazy is in Rare Form Today)……The Witch Said What?

A Laugh for Today

A Laugh for Today

A Laugh for Today

A Laugh for Today