A Little Humor For Your Day – “What Things On Your Resume Really, Really Mean, LOL!

What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I’ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere’s better.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You’re probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.

I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I’m a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I’ve been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

 

Funny Humor

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In The Honor Of Hecate – Hecate Blessing Rite

Witchy Cat Graphics & Comments
Hecate Blessing Rite

Items You Will Need:

An altar or small table covered with a black cloth

One black candle

A glass or chalice filled with red wine

Patchouli incense

A plate filled with bread

Goat cheese

Smoked fish

The Wheel of Hecate symbol (pictured) inscribed with silver ink on black card stock (the wheel should be the size of a dessert or small dinner plate.)

To begin the rite, light the black candle as you say:

Mistress of Magick,
Great Hecate,
Let your Light
Now lead the way.
 

Set the plate of food on top of the Wheel of Hecate. Hold your hands over the food and ask Hecate to bless it as follows:

I summon thee by Witches Rune,
Waxing light and Waning Moon.
With the turning of the tide,
All that’s past be laid aside.
Threefold Goddess of the night,
Bless me from the shadows light.
Banish now all trouble and fear,
Bring me happiness for all the year.
 

You will now want to bless the wine by holding your hands over the chalice or glass of wine as you say:

Let now the knowledge of the light,
Bring me wisdom and inner sight.
For all that was, has now passed away,
That new beginnings shall come my way.
 

In honor of Hecate, eat a portion of food and drink some of the wine. Take a few moments to reflect on the rite, and then extinguish the black candle as you say:

O glorious Hecate your are my power
Bless me my Lady from this hour.
 

To ensure that Hecate will bless you in the coming year, you must now take the remaining food and wine to the nearest crossroads and leave it. Place the food in the center of the crossroads and pour the wine over it. As you do this, ask Hecate to bless you. When you return home, clear the altar, and hang the Wheel of Hecate over your altar or bed.

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Quiz of the Day: Which Bird Will Help You Today?

Quiz: Which Bird Will Help You Today?

Birds can be powerful allies for becoming our truest selves or for simply  helping us to get through our busy and challenging days. Do you need the  sharp-eyed eagle, merry finch, or something else? Take the quiz and find out,  here:

Answer the following questions TRUE or FALSE.

1. I need the ability to wait patiently until the right time comes to  act.

2. I need to get a clear overview of my life right now; I’m too bogged down  in details to have perspective.

3. I feel like I’m operating in the dark and could really use some help  finding my way.

4. I need to feel more cheerful and optimistic.

5. I want my brain to feel sharp and flexible, making the best possible use  of what I know.

6. I want to feel more loving, gentle, and affectionate.

7. I need to feel that my territory is protected and safe.

8. I need help getting rid of outworn things in my life.

If you answered TRUE to:

1, then Crane will be helpful to you.

2, then Eagle is your guide.

3, then Owl is your ally.

4, then Finch will aid you.

5, then Crow is your helper.

6, then Dove will be your companion.

7, then Jay is your friend.

8, then Vulture is your guide.

You may want to put photos or other images of your bird where you can see it  and be reminded of its basic nature, which offers itself to you for help and  guidance. Be sure to put an offering of birdseed outside, if you can, as a  thank-you.

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Your Tarot Card for Tuesday, January 28th – The Chariot

The Chariot

Tuesday, Jan 28th, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Traditionally, the card usually entitled the Chariot points to a triumphal feeling of freedom, as if the charioteer is being paraded through the streets as a hero (or heroine). The card reflects congratulations for high achievement, and serves as a sign of empowerment.

Huge wheels and frisky steeds speed the rate at which the driver’s willpower can be realized. This kind of charge makes more of the world accessible to anyone ambitious enough to seize the Chariot’s reins. But there is danger in this feeling of freedom, because of the increased rate of change and its power to magnify mistakes in judgment. As a seasoned warrior, the Charioteer is called upon to be extra attentive to the way ahead.

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‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for January 27th

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

There is much to be said of small things. Even in this age of emphasis on bigness we must realize that bigness is only a mass of small things. An idea is a small thing. With it we can change our world. We can take a tiny seed and give it careful attention and reap a hundred fold. We can take a little idea and give it our attention and build it into a fortune.

A smile is a small thing. Smile once at someone in passing and three will return the smile. Smiling is so contagious that it moves from person to person until a hundred smiling faces are the result of one.

A thought is a small thing. One thought inspires another and another until a mental image is formed. From that mental image blueprints are drawn. And from those blueprints worlds are built.

Hope is a small thing. One tiny glimmer of hope can lift us out of the deepest pit of darkness. One whisper of encouragement will help us to know that as long as there’s hope there is an excellent chance.

A wish is a small thing. Like a little prayer, it climbs the steps to an idea that makes a smile and gives us hope to make our wishes come true. For in small things are all great things formed, in little beginnings the possibilities of great events.

_____________________________

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet: http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org

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The Daily Motivator for Jan. 27th – Making the effort

Making the effort

When you don’t feel like making the effort, the thing that will help you more  than anything else is to go ahead and make that effort. Even when you are too  tired or too bored, too distracted or too dismayed, the way out is to get busy  and put forth effort.

Wishing for things to be better won’t make things better. What will make  things better is taking positive, focused action.

Making excuses won’t make things right. The way forward is to make a real  difference by making a real effort.

Just because it’s difficult, uncomfortable and inconvenient, doesn’t mean  it’s impossible. You have what it takes to take effective action, and that is a  powerfully positive thing to do.

Instead of wasting your priceless time with procrastination, make good use of  the time that’s now yours. Spend that time making a meaningful difference.

What you get out of life depends on what you get out of yourself. Make the  effort, again and again, and give much more beautiful and meaningful life to all  of life.

— Ralph Marston

The Daily Motivator

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Your Charm for Friday, January 24th is The Caduceus

Your Charm for Today

The Caduceus

Today’s Meaning:

You will find you have within you the ability to resolve all conflicts and disagreements with regard to this aspect. You will find an eloquence you did not realize before.

General Description:

The staff of Mercury was given to him by Apollo in exchange for the lyre. The rod was endowed with the remarkable power of deciding all quarrels and bestowing wonderful eloquence upon its possessor. Mercury proved this when he saw two serpents fighting. Placing the rod between them and using his eloquence he reconciled the serpents, who then embraced each other, and becoming attached to the rod formed the caduceus. The pine cone is credited with health giving power, and the wings symbolize speed and the flight of thoughts between friends. This ancient talisman was supposed to be a charm for prosperity, rendering its possessor healthy, wealthy and wise.

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Daily Feng Shui News for Jan. 22 – ‘Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day’

It’s ‘Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day’ and if one of those kitty questions asks why their ears itch so much, then your pet might have ear mites. Take a flashlight and look inside the cat’s ears. If you see something that resembles coffee grounds, then your pet has ear mites. Puncture two vitamin E capsules and squeeze out the oil from one each into the cat’s ears. Gently rub the oil in and carefully clean out both the oil and the mites with a cotton swab. Repeat this process for three days in a row and the mites should disappear. The oil not only suffocates the mites, but will help Kitty heal from all that itching. Next question.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

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Your Animal Spirit for January 22nd is The Deer

Your Animal Spirit for Today
January 22, 2014

Deer

If you can imagine Bambi, you can imagine the message Deer brings to you today—a message of sweetness, innocence, and gentle spirit. Be delicate today in your communication with other and with yourself. This is definitely not a time for being critical, mean-spirited, or sarcastic. Just as Deer’s heart can be easily wounded, so can the heart of your friends, co-workers, or family members.

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‘THINK on THESE THINGS’ for January 21

‘THINK on THESE THINGS’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Hardly any of us are without some jealousy. We like to think of ourselves about that painful emotion, because such a monstrous feeling is a destructive thing. But if we have not felt a normal amount of it, it is because we have yet to doubt something we love very much.

Margaret, Queen of Navarre, and sister of Francis I, King of France in the fifteenth century, wrote the following words:
“Love may exist without jealousy, although this is rare; but jealousy can feed on that which is bitter, no less than on that which is sweet, and is sustained by pride as often as by affection.”

Jealousy can rear its head when logic is giving you the facts, and throw the whole thing into chaos. But confidence is the enemy of jealousy. Confidence, trust, and faith are all strong parts of a nature where jealousy does not rule.

And jealousy, even in moderation, can introduce us to a serious problem with ourselves, if we let it grow out of proportion. It breeds rejection while maturity and understanding keep us safely within the bounds of permissiveness rather than possessiveness.

__________________________________

Available online! ‘Cherokee Feast of Days’
By Joyce Sequichie Hifler.

Visit her web site to purchase the wonderful books by Joyce as gifts for yourself or for loved ones……and also for those who don’t have access to the Internet: http://www.hifler.com
Click Here to Buy her books at Amazon.com

Elder’s Meditation of the Day
By White Bison, Inc., an American Indian-owned nonprofit organization. Order their many products from their web site: http://www.whitebison.org

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January 21 – Daily Feast

January 21 – Daily Feast

In the darkest day in winter color is everywhere. They are colors we do not expect to see, so we do not see them. They float on early morning clouds that lie aloft in the southern sky and hover in the crevices of hills at midday. In the evening, the western horizon is purple – all shades of purple, which the Cherokee calls gi ge s di. The last rays of sunlight color the scuddling clouds with purple, rose, and lilac. The Indian loves color and is tuned in to its joy. If we are caught in moods that are drab, our eyes have little chance of seeing color. A drab view can be changed. Even now a, as go in ge (jay) and a brilliant, gi ga ge (cardinal) can stir us with their blues and reds if we have the heart to see them.

~ This is the most valuable thing I have ever possessed. ~

YE-WHELL-COME-TETSA, 1815

‘A Cherokee Feast of Days’, by Joyce Sequichie Hifler

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Your Animal Spirit for January 16th is Mockingbird

Your Animal Spirit for Today
January 16, 2014

Mockingbird

Mockingbirds are master imitators, and can mimic the calls of many other birds. They’re also fearless protectors of their nest, and will attack any bird (no matter how large) to protect their young. Mockingbird’s lesson for you today is twofold: to listen to how you might be mimicking others—instead of listening to your own true voice; and to examine the value of what you defend. Hmmm?

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Today’s Tarot Card for January 16th is The Star

The Star

Thursday, Jan 16th, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What has traditionally been known as the Star card is about reconnecting one’s Soul with the Divine — the transcending of personality, family, community and reputation. It has to do ultimately with the freedom to be one’s Self. The Soul is responding to celestial influences — forces that can provide the personality with a stronger sense of purpose. The Star card helps us to remember our exalted origins and our attraction to a Higher Union.

This card could also be called the “Celestial Mandate” — that which refers us back to our reason for being, our mission in this lifetime. The Star reminds us that, in a sense, we are agents of Divine Will in our day-to-day lives. If we let go of the idea that we are supposed to be in control, we can more easily notice and appreciate the synchronicities that are nudging us along. In this way, we become more conscious of the invisible Helping Hand, and we better understand our place within — and value to — the larger Cosmos.

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Celebrating Other Spirituality 365 Days A Year – January 15th

Celebrating Other Spirituality 365 Days A Year

 

January 15th

According to The Perpetual Almanack of Folklore by Charles Kightly, from the Markham County Contentments (1615), this day was reserved for taking care of one’s hounds. It seems that when the hounds were done with the hunt, one was to immediately wash the animal’s feet in hot butter and beer, beef broth, or a brew of mallows and nettles. Once properly cleansed, the hounds were to be allowed to rest before the fire for several hours. When the hounds were rested and refreshed they would be rousted and turned out to find their own housing.

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Daily OM for Jan. 14 – Let Go and Let Flow

Let Go and Let Flow
Taking a Leap of Faith

by Madisyn Taylor

 

When you make a leap of faith you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.

Many people, in heeding the guidance of their souls, find themselves contemplating goals that seem outrageous or unattainable. In the mind’s eye, these individuals stand at the edge of a precipice and look out over the abyss at the fruit of their ambition. Some resist the urge to jump, paralyzed by the gap between their current circumstances and the life of their dreams. Others make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what they will encounter but certain that they will gain more in their attempts than they would bowing to self-protective instincts. This leap can be exceedingly difficult for individuals with control issues because the act of embracing uncertainty requires them to trust that surrender will net them the rewards they seek. Yet when you make a leap of faith, believing without a doubt that you will land safely on the other side, you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.

There have no doubt been times in your life when you chose to go where the universal flow took you. Yet you may encounter instances in which your objectives require you to step outside of the boundaries of your established comfort zone so that you may freely and actively jettison yourself into a new phase of your life. While you may fear what seems to be the inevitable fall, consider that in all likelihood you will find yourself flying. A successful leap of faith requires your attention, as it is the quiet and often indistinct voice of your inner self that will point you toward your ultimate destination. Understand that the leap across the chasm of ambiguity may challenge you in unforeseen ways but you will make it across if you trust yourself.

If your mind and heart resist, you can dampen this resistance by building a bridge of knowledge. The more you know about the leap you are poised to take, the smaller the gap between “here and “there will appear to be. Your courageous leap of faith can lead you into uncharted territory, enabling you to build a new, more adventurous life. Though you may anticipate that fear will be your guide on your journey across the abyss, you will likely discover that exhilaration is your constant companion.


The Daily OM

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