Good Morning to all! I hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday. I have been up since 3:00. Just woke up, tried to go back to sleep, no such luck. A couple of weeks ago I experienced the same exact thing. At that time it was due to withdrawals for some of my medication. I switched doctors and I knew I was taking a lot of medicine from the other but…..The new doctor told me it was a wonder I wasn’t dead because I should have overdosed. Apparently the Goddess has been doing double duty with me. So the new doctor cut my medicine in half. I didn’t think a thing about having withdrawals. He cut one of the main drugs I had been on for years in half. That liked to have killed me. I didn’t sleep for three days. I had the shakes, sweat like a pig and quit eating. Finally called the doctor and talked to his nurse. She told me I should have called sooner. Then put me on a medication to help with the withdrawals. Now I am slowly tapering off of it. It is amazing, I am starting to come to reality now. And I am finding out reality sucks, big time!
During the period of my bad withdrawals all I could think about was death. Nothing to do with killing myself just dying in general. I had some very disturbing thoughts and also did some soul searching. The disturbing thoughts were due to the withdrawals, the soul searching was very enlightening. Now with that and reality sitting in, I am wondering what the hell had went so wrong. Or has it always been this way and I was so out of it I didn’t see it coming. Well, not coming but was here all the time and I didn’t recognize the situation. I don’t know but it has made me question everything I have ever done.
I can’t talk to anyone here. The last time I did everything got blew way out of portion. So I have just kept my mouth shut and tried to sort it all out in my poor, little brain. Probably why I couldn’t go back to sleep this morning. We have a house payment due, the property taxes due, another $600.00 light bill, not to mention a $140.00 water bill, the server’s bill is due, the animals are almost out of food, not to mention myself (but it wouldn’t hurt for me to lose a few pounds). It just seems like it is one thing right after another. Oh, I forgot, the wholesaler we hooked up with, turned out to be a total joke. The first few orders they did fine. The next two, nothing! I have had to go through Paypal to turn to get our money back on that. We still have money to refund to customers. I just don’t get it. Opened the store for a good reason and it turned into a disaster. I just wake up now and wonder what is going to happen today.
Perhaps my current situation is a test. A test to see if I can handle the real world. Who knows? I know I don’t anymore. I just get up and pray every day not to let anything else happen right now. I pray for the Goddess to help us and not to let me go crazy in the process. Help me sort this whole mess out. I know it will eventually but at what cost. Will we lose everything we have worked so hard to get? I don’t want to lose it all but I have grounded myself in my faith. I know the Goddess will see us through this one way or the other. She always has and I have faith She will again.
I know my attitude and personality has changed and I apologize for that. I have just came back to reality and my reality is a mess right now. So if I seem distant for a while, you now know why. I will eventually get it all together with the help of the Goddess. She has always been my rock through the good times and the bad. She has always been my Divine Mother and always will be. No matter what I will always continue to do Her work. I believe She has brought us this far for a reason and we have a long ways yet to go. No one ever said our Paths would be smooth and trouble free. You have just got to keep your faith and muddle through the best way possible. Know there is a reason for every thing that happens. Perhaps you don’t see it now but in the long run you will. Hopefully when it is all said and done, you will be a wiser person and have learned from that lesson. At least that is what I am hoping for myself.
You now have your daily update. See I told you, I would still talk your ear off and I did. Well I am going to surprise you and get all the daily’s on here about three hours early (if I don’t fall asleep at the computer). I hope you have a fantastic Friday and thanks for listening. Off to work I go…..
Luv & Hugs,