A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS’

WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

Here’s something just for fun … something to make you laugh when you don’t
feel like laughing. By the way …. I’m not taking responsibility for anyone
crazy enough to do some of these things!

Suggestions for Handling Stress

1. Jam 39 marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says, “Have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.
5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
6. Forget Jenny Craig and send yourself chocolates.
7. Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.
8. Dance naked in front of your pets.
9. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school like
nothing was wrong.
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling your tax forms with Roman numerals.
11. Tattoo :Out to Lunch” on your forehead.
12. Tape pictures of your boss/least favorite professor on watermelons and
launch them from high places.
13. Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on all the natives.
14. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
15. Buy a subscription to Penthouse or High Times and send it to your boss’s
work address.
16. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
17. Drive to work in reverse.
18. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of “The Flintstones”
during an important finance meeting.
19. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
20. Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold steel guard rail.
21. Tell your boss to blow it out his mule and let him figure it out.
22. Polish your car with ear wax.
23. Read the dictionary upside-down and look for secret messages.
24. Start a nasty rumor and see if you can recognize it when it comes back to
you.
25. Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
26. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
27. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
28. Lie on you back eating celery using your navel as a salt dipper.
29. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.
30. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Laugh-of-the-Day for January 10: WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

Here’s something just for fun … something to make you laugh when you don’t
feel like laughing. By the way …. I’m not taking responsibility for anyone
crazy enough to do some of these things!

Suggestions for Handling Stress

1. Jam 39 marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says, “Have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.
5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
6. Forget Jenny Craig and send yourself chocolates.
7. Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.
8. Dance naked in front of your pets.
9. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school like
nothing was wrong.
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling your tax forms with Roman numerals.
11. Tattoo :Out to Lunch” on your forehead.
12. Tape pictures of your boss/least favorite professor on watermelons and
launch them from high places.
13. Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on all the natives.
14. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
15. Buy a subscription to Penthouse or High Times and send it to your boss’s
work address.
16. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
17. Drive to work in reverse.
18. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of “The Flintstones”
during an important finance meeting.
19. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
20. Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold steel guard rail.
21. Tell your boss to blow it out his mule and let him figure it out.
22. Polish your car with ear wax.
23. Read the dictionary upside-down and look for secret messages.
24. Start a nasty rumor and see if you can recognize it when it comes back to
you.
25. Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
26. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
27. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
28. Lie on you back eating celery using your navel as a salt dipper.
29. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.
30. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Lighten Up – Flying Spell

Flying Spell

Upon 40 days of Prayre and Fasting, with Purest Faithe and Calling unto the Gods…

I. Clasp near thy rod of power (a.k.a. a telephone)

II. Call forth for ye Spirits of Travelle and theire nefarious Agents

III. Yea, state and visualize thy destination –thrice, for the Agents of Travel to Comprhende Thee…

IV. Yea, Task them and overcome them in Ye Test of Wills

V. SPEAKE THE WORDS OF POWER: VISA, MASTERCARD, AMEX

VI. Two weeks hence, take ye under New Moon to Clearing of the Travel

VII. Present Thyself in Trembling and Loathing to the Guardians of the Towers of the North, East, South and West and Present to them the holy scroll of the High Priestess: TICKET

VIII. Pass ye surely through the Elemental Detector and its “Ever Alert” guardians of Thy Safety (But not Thy Rights)

IX. Wait Until the Stars show, the wind blows and the new grass grows

X. When your Gryphon of Metal arriveth (and, ha, craven fool, it arriveth not when ye expect but only upon the winged beast’s good and fickle pleasure), board it and fly away.

Charged Objects: ‘Visa or MasterCard?’

Charged Objects: ‘Visa or MasterCard?’

Author: Lodestone & Lady’s Mantle

We were recently asked to acquire “ju-ju” powder by a local practitioner. When we informed her that it is really nothing more than Galangal* she said that she thought we “charged” it with extra energy.

A lot of charged objects are floating around the Internet, and in local metaphysical shops, the most laughable including a seriously ugly ring that the owner claimed was inhabited by a sex slave. Not to mention the pre-charged candles and spell kits. Seriously? When did the idea of “the effort that you put into a working being directly proportional to the result” become outdated, outmoded, and defunct?

So, you’re buying or selling pre-charged spell components? How stupid is that?

Not only are you selling or buying skills outright, but also each time that object, article, or component is used your Karma is intertwined! You aren’t just buying a “Power Totem”; you’re supposedly paying for another’s power. You’re putting faith in the hope that the merchant has a better idea of what needs doing than you do. Have you so little faith in your own abilities?

How can they possibly know the true desired-end of the spells you cast? Are they more familiar with the social dynamics you are attempting to alter? Do they even fathom the level of gain you attempting to reach? Magic is nothing if not personal, and specific.

If they’ve ever sold a “Charged Object” for a pittance, then the value they’ve placed on that object diminishes the value of the effects they generate for every other charged object, from then on. Good Luck!

Next, how can you be certain that the object is charged at all? Was it charged by a person or just left outside to soak up the moonlight? If you had any ability to detect the energies involved, you’d be charging it yourself! They know that.

I’m smelling a whole lot of “Trust” on this spell already!

Now, for you, Miss-ter Shop Owner:

Have you honestly considered the repercussions of someone using your “Mojo” to their own, unknown ends? Do you just go around randomly enervating, say, poppets, mandrake, boline, or, I don’t know, Shotguns? Do you employ a team of Witches to charge every object for you, around the clock?

Poppets, herbs, and ritual gear can all be used as OBVIOUS tools for discord and mayhem! Let’s be serious, here: Every tool has the potential for severely negative uses! Something as innocuous as pine needles can be used to ruin someone’s life.

Those that offer it aren’t thinking. Those that buy it don’t tell you why. Do you really want to trust someone who doesn’t think these things through? Do you really want your results tied to the “Pay-Back” that person’s careless constructs have sewn in the past? Miss-ter Shop Owner: Are you going to Trust your Destiny to anyone with a credit card number or a Pay-Pal account?

Can you, in any good conscience, sell an object that you charged when you were ill, or having a bad day? Will the back order of products overcome your good judgment so that you either charge them mindlessly, begin to resent your customers for asking this of you, or just say “screw it” and sell the item as is?

Though not all magical practitioners follow the Rede, there is a very good reason why it recommends against accepting money for teaching the Arts or for magical energy and spell casting.

If you’ve already convinced yourself that money is just another form of energy, that it’s an equal trade, you are absolutely right. Congratulations, you’ve just put a monetary cap on your power. It is worth no more and no less than that. Still want to sell that pre-charged love candle for $20.00?

You do not, I repeat, DO NOT have to keep up with the New Age Jones’s! Sound magical and business practices will keep your customers coming back, not seminars with a required “love donation”, not the latest fancy Reiki angel-cat massage wand (whatever the heck THAT means) .

So, dear Witches and Wizards, what’s the solution?

Do it yourself!

Here’s How:

The whole reason for charging an object is to add the proper energies to the spell items in advance, so that it doesn’t distract from the spell work at the moment of execution. You may want to charge an object before hand to add that extra bit of zing to the working, or you may have just concluded a really nice ritual and want to carry that energy with you by placing it in an object.

You can do this by first knowing what the actual article is to be used for, seeing the end-result in your mind’s eye, and charging your aura with the associated emotion to be used in the performance of the spell. (I’ll leave it to you what you know to be the best in these situations) . Next, invoke the feeling of your arm/hands/body filling with a level of energy akin to sunlight, soaking into your skin, into the very marrow of your bones. Feel it fill you until you can’t contain it any longer, and then pour it out, through the palms of your hands and into the object. Some will say that you should be holding it. Others will insist that a bit of distance between you and the object works like a dielectric, and increases the level of energy through that capacitance (Like the difference between Volts and Amps) .

You know what you’re using it for, and now you won’t have to ‘tango’ with anyone else’s misconceptions for its use when you actually cast your spells ~Azzerac and Carmin

* Though various recipes for this formula exist, their authenticity is seriously in question. Galangal root powder is by far the most popular, perhaps because Aleister Crowley sprinkled it onto his cornflakes (no, really, he used it as a condiment) , or maybe because some unscrupulous sellers can get three times the price by renaming it.

Number of the Day for October 2nd: 1

It’s a take charge day in which you should rely on yourself. Thanks to your focus and independence, a project may finally reach completion, or you may start on a new challenge. You may have an important introduction to someone new. Material losses are likely, however, so make sure to remember your keys, wallet, etc.

Fast Facts

About the Number 1

Theme: Masculine, Creative, Independent, Aggressive
Astro Association: Mercury
Tarot Association: Magician

Your Daily Number for August 4th: 1

It’s a take charge day in which you should rely on yourself. Thanks to your focus and independence, a project may finally reach completion, or you may start on a new challenge. You may have an important introduction to someone new. Material losses are likely, however, so make sure to remember your keys, wallet, etc.

Fast Facts

About the Number 1

Theme: Masculine, Creative, Independent, Aggressive
Astro Association: Mercury
Tarot Association: Magician

Flying Spell

Upon 40 days of Prayre and Fasting, with Purest Faithe and Calling unto the Gods…

I. Clasp near thy rod of power (a.k.a. a telephone)

II. Call forth for ye Spirits of Travelle and theire nefarious Agents

III. Yea, state and visualize thy destination –thrice, for the Agents of Travel to Comprhende Thee…

IV. Yea, Task them and overcome them in Ye Test of Wills

V. SPEAKE THE WORDS OF POWER: VISA, MASTERCARD, AMEX

VI. Two weeks hence, take ye under New Moon to Clearing of the Travel

VII. Present Thyself in Trembling and Loathing to the Guardians of the Towers of the North, East, South and West and Present to them the holy scroll of the High Priestess: TICKET

VIII. Pass ye surely through the Elemental Detector and its “Ever Alert” guardians of Thy Safety (But not Thy Rights)

IX. Wait Until the Stars show, the wind blows and the new grass grows

X. When your Gryphon of Metal arriveth (and, ha, craven fool, it arriveth not when ye expect but only upon the winged beast’s good and fickle pleasure), board it and fly away.