A Laugh for Today – Best Witch Jokes That Will Bewitch Your Children or Inner Child

From kidadl.com

Witches are absolutely fascinating – they can fly on broomsticks, do magic spells with their wands and stir up incredible potions in their cauldrons.

Whether you’re searching for jokes for Halloween or you just love hearing stories about witches and dressing up in a pointed hat and cape, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve conjured up some really funny witch jokes that’ll enchant your friends and family when you tell them.

The Harry Potter books have made witches (and wizards) really cool recently – who wouldn’t want to be as smart as Hermione Granger, as brave as Ginny Weasley or play Quidditch as well as Cho Chang? But witches haven’t always had an easy time or inspired funny witch jokes. In medieval times, people feared witches and hunted them down and apparently burned them at the stake.

And did you know, that while we associate witches with Halloween, in Sweden people believe witches come out over Easter, while other countries believe they emerge on Midsummer’s Eve. So you’d better watch out for strange shadows flitting across the sky. Whoever your favourite witch is from Sabrina to The Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and whatever spell you love best (it’s got to be abracadabra, surely?), you’ll be bewitched by all these funny jokes for kids inspired by witches and all the things associated with them like black cats, broomsticks and cauldrons.

The Funniest Witch Jokes (Question And Answer)

There are so many witch jokes for kids that you can magic up anytime you want to get someone in your coven cackling with laughter. We’ve listed some really funny witch jokes here in time for Halloween or just to pull out of your cauldron every time you feel a little bit evil. In this section, you’ll find question and answer jokes including some classic ‘what do you call a witch…’ gags, ‘witch’ get smiles on faces every time.

1) How does a witch tell the time? She looks at her witch watch!

2) What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.

3) What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates.

4) Why did the witch give up fortune-telling? She saw no future in it.

5) What’s the problem with twin witches? You can never tell witch is witch.

6) What’s a witch’s favourite funfair ride? The scary-go-round.

7) What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch.

8) What happened to the witch who rode on her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.

9) Why do cats prefer wizards to witches? Because sorcerers sometimes have milk in them!

10) What is a witch’s favourite item of make-up? Mas-scare-a.

11) What do you get to learn at witch school? Spelling.

12) What do you call a witch with chickenpox? An itchy witchy.

13) What do witches use to hold their hairstyles in place? Scare spray.

14) What do the fastest witches use to get around? Vroom-sticks.

15) What game do witches play on Halloween? Hide and ghost seek.

16) What do you call a witch who is pretty and friendly? A failure.

17) What happened to the witch with an upside down nose? Every time she sneezed she blew her hat off.

18) What happened to the witch who was naughty at school? She was ex-spelled.

19) Have you heard about the good weather witch? She keeps forecasting sunny spells.

20) Why won’t a witch wear a flat cap? Because there’s no point in it.

21) What does an Australian witch fly on? A broom-erang.

22) Why do witches have sore joints? They get broomatism.

23) Who turns the lights off at Halloween? The lights witch.

24) What did the witch call the skeleton who didn’t work? Lazy bones.

25) What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.

26) Why is a witch like a candle? They are both wicked to the core.

27) What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen.

28) How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea? Out of flying saucers.

29) Why do witches have naps? They need to rest for a spell.

30) Why do witches wear name tags? So they know which witch is witch.

31) What does a witch get when she’s in a hotel? Broom service.

32) What did one witch say to the other when she was offered a lift? There’s always broom for one more.

33) What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom cupboard.

34) What noise does a witch’s cereal make? Snap, cackle and pop.

35) Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse? She kept having Disney spells.

Spell for Today – Disposing Spell Remains

Natural Ways to Dispose of Spell Remains from spells8.com

Gain confidence and good luck by inviting Janus’ blessing. This is a candle spell to open doors using a key and a chant to the god of doors and gates. Romans used to pray to Janus whenever they undertook a new work.

Your spell is cast – congrats!
But now what do you do with the spell remains?
Whether you have ingredients leftover from a spell, offerings about to go bad, need to clean out the contents of an old spell jar, etc – here are a few ideas of how to respectfully dispose of used magickal ingredients.
Elemental Spell Disposal Methods
(A friendly reminder to please be mindful and respectful of nature by only putting organic and decomposable materials back into the wild. The Earth thanks you!)
Looking for more spell disposal ideas? Want to share your favorite methods?
→ Come chat about Spell Disposal with the Infinite Roots Coven!

March 31, 2023 Daily Horoscopes

Click here to read Georgia Nicols Daily Horoscopes

Moon Alert

There are no restrictions to shopping or important decisions today. The Moon is in Leo.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Make plans to meet the gang at Happy Hour today because it’s Friday and you want to have fun. Enjoy sports events, the entertainment world and playful activities with kids. Accept invitations to socialize. Kick up your heels and enjoy yourself!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

This is an excellent day to buy wardrobe goodies for yourself because you feel in a good mood. However, you will also enjoy cocooning at home and pampering yourself with good food and drink. It’s a social day. Why not invite someone over?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

This is a lovely day to schmooze with friends, groups and organizations. It’s the perfect day to attend a conference or a convention because you’re eager to connect with others to share your ideas and also to learn new things. Think about future goals today.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You look good to others today, which is why you might be able to swing a beneficial financial deal. Something to do with your assets or your wealth is a strong focus today. Don’t be afraid to demand the advantage or ask for what you want because you will probably get it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You’re in a very strong position today because the Moon is in your sign dancing beautifully with the Sun. This gives you a sense of balance and confidence. Don’t be afraid to ask the universe for a favour because people in authority are on your side. (Timing is everything.)

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You want to get outta Dodge. You need adventure and a change of scenery. Today you might see the financial means to be able to swing something in your favour. It’s a good day to ask for a loan or mortgage. Deal with banking matters because everything will run smoothly.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Enjoy socializing with others, especially partners and close friends because you feel warm and friendly. Others will be glad to see you. A conversation with someone younger, possibly even a group, will be successful. People are ready to help you and give you a practical, possibly financial, assistance.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

This is a productive day for you because you feel like working and things will flow easily. People know details about you today. They recognize you. Plus, relations with others are smooth and friendly. When things are going your way, use this to your advantage!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

It’s Friday and you’re in the mood to play! Make plans to socialize with others. Get out and enjoy fresh air if you can. Sports events, playful times with children, entertaining diversions and social events will appeal. It’s also a great day for romance.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

This is the perfect day to entertain at home because you are focused on home and family right now, plus, you’re in a great mood. You might be involved with a parent more than usual. Practical, financial discussions will go well. Plans for home repairs might be a topic of interest.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

A lovely day for a short trip! You’re in the mood to schmooze with others, which is why you will enjoy talking to neighbours, siblings and relatives. It’s a great day for those of you in sales, marketing, teaching and acting because you want to connect and make an impression.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Financial matters are favoured today. Trust your moneymaking ideas. You’re setting off on a new journey, which might require getting your ducks in a row financially speaking. This is an important year for you. Be ready to explore new avenues and accept changes.

If Your Birthday Is Today

Actor Christopher Walken (1943) shares your birthday today. You are energetic and purposeful. You like to focus on what you’re doing. This is a year of change for you, which means you have to be courageous, stay light on your feet and be willing to let go of things so that you can explore new opportunities. Expect to travel.

March 31, 2023 Moon Goddess Current Phase

You can use this link to go forward or backward in time for Moon phase information. If you are curious, you can even find out what phase the Moon was in when you or anyone else was born.

From MoonGiant.com

The Moon’s current phase for today and tonight is a Waxing Gibbous phase. Visible through most of the night sky setting a few hours before sunrise. This phase is when the moon is more than 50% illuminated but not yet a Full Moon. The phase lasts about 7 days with the moon becoming more illuminated each day until the Full Moon. During a Waxing Gibbous the moon rises in the east in mid-afternoon and is high in the eastern sky at sunset. The word Gibbous first appeared in the 14th century and has its roots in the Latin word “gibbosus” meaning humpbacked.

Visit the March 2023 Moon Phases Calendar to see all the daily moon phase for this month.

Today’s Waxing Gibbous Phase

The Waxing Gibbous on March 31 has an illumination of 72%. This is the percentage of the Moon illuminated by the Sun. The illumination is constantly changing and can vary up to 10% a day. On March 31 the Moon is 9.52 days old. This refers to how many days it has been since the last New Moon. It takes 29.53 days for the Moon to orbit the Earth and go through the lunar cycle of all 8 Moon phases.

Phase Details

Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Illumination: 72%
Moon Age: 9.52 days
Moon Angle: 0.49
Moon Distance: 405,482.69 km
Sun Angle: 0.53
Sun Distance: 149,466,377.07 km

The 8 Lunar Phases

There are 8 lunar phases the Moon goes through in its 29.53 days lunar cycle. The 4 major Moon phases are Full Moon, New Moon, First Quarter and Last Quarter. Between these major phases, there are 4 minor ones: the Waxing Crescent, Waxing Gibbous, Waning Gibbous and Waning Crescent. For more info on the Moon Cycle and on each phase check out Wikipedia Lunar Phase page.

Useful Moon Resources

March 31, 2023 Northern Hemisphere’s Planetary Positions

If you need to calculate the planetary positions for a specific use and time, click on this link

Currentplanetarypositions.com

To figure out GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) to your local time use this link  

For Your Local Time and Date 

Northwestern Hemisphere

This local time is in Los Angeles, California, USA

March 31, 2023
10:00 pm GMT 3:00 PM PDT
Zodiac: Tropical (Standard Western)

Sun:10 Aries 55
Moon:11 Leo 37
Mercury:25 Aries 09
Venus:17 Taurus 55
Mars:03 Cancer 10
Jupiter:19 Aries 06
Saturn:02 Pisces 43
Uranus:16 Taurus 48
Neptune:25 Pisces 43
Pluto:00 Aquarius 08

True Lunar Node:04 Taurus 16 Rx
Mean Lunar Node:05 Taurus 27 Rx

Lilith (Black Moon):09 Leo 14

Chiron:15 Aries 34
Ceres:28 Virgo 02 Rx
Pallas:18 Cancer 22
Juno:11 Taurus 38
Vesta:23 Aries 17

Eris:24 Aries 25

Fire:8
Earth:6
Air:1
Water:4
Cardinal:8
Fixed:8
Mutable:3

Northern Hemisphere

This local time is in Chicago, Illinois, USA

March 31, 2023
08:00 pm GMT 3:00 PM CDT
Zodiac: Tropical (Standard Western)

Sun:10 Aries 50
Moon:10 Leo 37
Mercury:25 Aries 00
Venus:17 Taurus 49
Mars:03 Cancer 07
Jupiter:19 Aries 05
Saturn:02 Pisces 43
Uranus:16 Taurus 47
Neptune:25 Pisces 43
Pluto:00 Aquarius 08

True Lunar Node:04 Taurus 17 Rx
Mean Lunar Node:05 Taurus 27 Rx

Lilith (Black Moon):09 Leo 13

Chiron:15 Aries 34
Ceres:28 Virgo 03 Rx
Pallas:18 Cancer 20
Juno:11 Taurus 35
Vesta:23 Aries 14

Eris:24 Aries 25

Fire:8
Earth:6
Air:1
Water:4
Cardinal:8
Fixed:8
Mutable:3

Northeastern Hemisphere

This local time is in Frankfurt, Germany, Europe

31 March 2023
03:00 pm GMT 3:00 PM CEST
Zodiac: Tropical (Standard Western)

Sun:10 Aries 38
Moon:08 Leo 09
Mercury:24 Aries 37
Venus:17 Taurus 34
Mars:03 Cancer 01
Jupiter:19 Aries 02
Saturn:02 Pisces 41
Uranus:16 Taurus 47
Neptune:25 Pisces 42
Pluto:00 Aquarius 08

True Lunar Node:04 Taurus 17 Rx
Mean Lunar Node:05 Taurus 27 Rx

Lilith (Black Moon):09 Leo 12

Chiron:15 Aries 33
Ceres:28 Virgo 06 Rx
Pallas:18 Cancer 16
Juno:11 Taurus 27
Vesta:23 Aries 09

Eris:24 Aries 25

Fire:8
Earth:6
Air:1
Water:4
Cardinal:8
Fixed:8
Mutable:3

A Thought for Today

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6 1/2 Hours of Sleep in 48 Hours Makes this Witch Wacky

Hi all! Seriously I have only gotten the sleep I say in the title because of PTSD nightmares and adding to it now a lot of pain from fibromyalgia. I will try to do the afternoon posts at some point today. But, with a mushy brain I cannot do them as usual. I NEED SLEEP! So, I am going to lay down and try to get some real sleep today.

This is not an April’s fool joke.