Top ten signs you bought a bad computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.
9. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.
7. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”.
6. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t it break time yet?”
3. The manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!”
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
I’m guessing that it was a lawyer who first declared this ‘Love Litigating Lawyers Day’ because I don’t know many people who feel that same way, myself included. But, just in case you’re involved in a legal affair and could use a cosmic assist in the courtroom, you can say this affirmation both silently and aloud in order to sway the outcome your way. Say this at least nine times throughout any day: ‘The inspiration of the Almighty shall be my defense and I shall have plenty of silver.’
By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com
Your Charm for Today
A journey that you or someone close to you must make will have a positive influence on this aspect. This trip may be over a great distance.
This charm was worn by the ancients to protect the wearer against disease and snake bites. The Jews used it as an amulet for epilepsy and erysipelas. It is still used in Ireland as a talisman against sickness. The Tau is one of the most ancient crosses and the forerunner of the Latin Cross. Moses used the Tau Cross with the brazen serpent attached, to save the Children of Israel in the wilderness from the attacks of the fiery serpents. The Cross has always been the symbol of life eternal. It was this mark, the Tau Cross, that was placed upon the foreheads of those exempted from Divine wrath in Jerusalem.
Your Animal Spirit for Today
August 31, 2013
If you can imagine Bambi, you can imagine the message Deer brings to you today—a message of sweetness, innocence, and gentle spirit. Be delicate today in your communication with other and with yourself. This is definitely not a time for being critical, mean-spirited, or sarcastic. Just as Deer’s heart can be easily wounded, so can the heart of your friends, co-workers, or family members.
The High Priestess
Saturday, Aug 31st, 2013
Traditionally called the High Priestess, this major arcana, or trump, card represents human wisdom. She can be viewed as a kind of female Pope, the ancient Egyptian Priestess of Isis, the even older snake and bird Goddesses, the Greek Goddess Persephone, or the Eve of Genesis before the Fall.
For the accused heretics who were burnt at the stake for revering her in the 14th and 15th century, she symbolized the prophecy of the return of the Holy Spirit, which was perceived as the female aspect of the Holy Trinity.
In the sequence of cards in the major arcana, the High Priestess appears as soon as the Fool decides he wants to develop his innate powers, making a move toward becoming a Magus. The High Priestess is his first teacher, representing the Inner Life and the method for contacting it, as well as the contemplative study of Nature and the Holy Mysteries.
We long for the security of emotional support from those we trust, but the watery Cancer Moon doesn’t give us much relief today. Rather than feeling safe, we may worry about the uncertainty we face in relationships. However, protecting our hearts only brings alienation now. Mental Mercury’s alignment with cautious Saturn impedes the flow of communication. Fortunately, the words we do say can facilitate a deep connection with someone special.
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Thoughts may weigh heavily on your mind now. You have an intuitive sense about what is real and you’re motivated to talk your walk, even if you’re traveling on a rocky path. You might not know how to proceed, but your uncertainty isn’t a valid justification for inaction. Speak the truth that previously existed only within your imagination. Others are more likely to connect with you honestly and lovingly if you can push through your fears and express what’s in your heart.
(Apr 20 – May 20)
You are tempted to do too much today, but finishing everything you start is nearly impossible. You’re familiar with the rules of the road and you’re prepared to follow them, even if you want to step out of line and say what’s on your mind anyway. Ultimately, you might as well share what you’re thinking since others probably already know — and it’s better if they hear it directly from you. Nevertheless, don’t transfer blame to anyone else; deliver your messages with compassn and brevity so you can do whatever is next on your list.
(May 21 – Jun 20)
You are very contemplative today, but it may be challenging to keep your thoughts on the positive side of the spectrum. Your key planet Mercury aspects karmic Saturn, making you a force with which to be reckoned. Use your formidable communication skills to your advantage, but don’t try to be too clever. Keep your message sincere and be your authentic self.
(Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Perhaps you have slipped into a bit of an emotional funk recently and see no quick and easy way out of your dilemma. Thankfully, you don’t have to pretend that everything is peachy keen if it’s not. Rather than hiding what’s important from those who want to love you, take a risk and share what’s on your mind. The simple act of confiding in a friend could be enough to shift the energy and lighten your heart.
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
A firestorm of self-awareness is burning through your gray matter, but the results may be uncharacteristically serious. It’s not that you have lost confidence; it’s just that your optimism comes and goes now. Your tendency is to suppress any negativity, but avoiding the truth just makes things worse. A more radical solution might be in order today. Sharing your feelings without censoring them allows others to get to know the real you.
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Your friends come through for you in unexpected ways today. However, making a big deal of their actions might be the wrong strategy because it draws unnecessary attention to issues best left out of the spotlight. Avoiding emotional extremes improves nearly any interaction now. Express your appreciation without going over the top. A simple gesture can be more heart touching than a parade down Main Street.
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Make a decision and stick with it today, even if you doubt yourself later on. After all, you know what the truth is and you know what should be done about it. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, for you have the authority now to tell it exactly like it is. Granted, you may upset someone with your uncharacteristic obstinacy, but don’t let this be your primary concern. You need to voice your opinion and then deal with the consequences as they play out.
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
You know that you have the power to manifest the changes that are currently needed. Although somber Saturn is leaning on you, your self-criticism and self-judgment is not productive or necessary. Remember that you are only restrained by the limitations of your own thought processes — and this comes from within, not from external circumstances or anyone else. Have the courage to envision your wishes coming true and then strive to make it happen.
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You may be struggling against the lessons that Saturn is attempting to teach you, but the hardest work is probably already completed. The time to put your strategy into action is near and whatever you do today sets the stage for what follows. You might think that you have to demonstrate your progress toward a specific goal, but this isn’t part of the current curriculum. Hold true to what’s most important to you, but don’t be overbearing. Practice compassion while accepting the current restrictions being placed on your plans.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You’re ready to tear down any walls that may be in your way today. However, you are tired of being the one who bears the ultimate responsibility for everything that happens, and you might even consider walking away from your goals. Thankfully, you can rest assured that common sense will come to your rescue now. Move with determination instead of aggression for the best results.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Try not to take others by surprise with your unusual behavior today, for acting rashly won’t bring you what you want. You might not get away with being too eccentric now, so you’re better off adapting to the current situation than attempting to change it. Nevertheless, don’t dim your light more than necessary or you will lose your edge of brilliance. Find that magical balance between being true to yourself and fulfilling other people’s expectations.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Even if you feel like you’re carrying an emotional burden today, you have an opportunity to carefully process and release what’s been bothering you. There’s no reason to hold on to your fears. Doubting yourself is not productive and only prevents you from embracing the love that may be waiting on your doorstep. All you have to do is open the door and let it in.
Last Quarter Moon
The time of reaping is at hand. There is a feeling of completion infused into the atmosphere during the Last Quarter Moon. The opportunity opens to recognize how far you’ve come in various parts of your life. This is not a good time for new beginnings, but rather a reflective period suited to evaluating how you have been using your time and what has been accomplished. Issues of authority may arise. This Moon phase supports taking responsibility for actively tying up the loose ends of projects that are already underway.
BLESS YOUR CAR
Before embarking on a long journey, you may find it beneficial to bless your auto. Walk around your car clockwise and examine the body, the windows, the wheels, and so on. Imagine yourself storing up more and more energy within yourself with each breath that you take, then breathe out all of the energy, fixing it in each of the car’s part. Say out loud the following:“May the protection of the Lord & the Lady be in & about this vehicle, that it may deliver us safe to our destination.
So mote it be!”
For this spell you will need:
A small mirror
Two candles, of appropriate color if possible
Ensure peace and quiet. Draw the curtains – when candles are lit there should be just enough light to see your face.
Create your magick circle by strongly visualizing it. Light incense and candles.
Now look into the mirror and concentrate upon the desired wish. Concentrate your eyes upon the reflection of your eyes.
Then close your eyes and be still. Develop the image of your wish in your mind and when you have visualized it clearly open your eyes. Again concentrate hard upon the eyes in the mirror trying to look through them into a space beyond.
Whisper the wish three times.
Light another joss stick or bun more incense, if you wish. Contemplate for a moment. Close your ritual; allow the circle to fade. This spell can also be used to build self-confidence by talking to oneself, in the mirror as if to a third party.
Let’s Talk Witch – Heaven and Earth
Christianity has its heaven. Buddhism has nirvana. Where do witches go when they die? Many of them believe that their souls go to Summerland, a resting place before reincarnation into new bodies, in an ongoing cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth.
Generally speaking, witches and Wiccans accept the idea of reincarnation, a belief that has also existed in numerous cultures and faiths for a very long time. Some African tribes claim the soul goes into the belly of the earth to await rebirth. In China, the spirits of the dead are said to wait in the underworld (which is not hell, but simply a place for spirits). Hindus believe that the spirit, freed from the physical body, waits to be reborn from the stars.
If your soul previously inhabited other bodies, why can’t you remember your previous lives? It seems that between death and rebirth memories of past lives are veiled, perhaps to prevent confusion or to enable you to enter into a new lifetime with a fresh perspective. Many people say their memories of previous existences have reawakened in dreams, during meditation, through hypnosis or regression therapy, or as a result of some type of traumatic experience.
Perhaps you’ve had a déjà vu experience or encountered someone you felt you’d known forever, even though you’d just met. Those common occurrences are often explained as evidence of reincarnation. Indeed, a great deal of research has been conducted over the years that support the idea. Regardless of whether you recall your past lives, the events of previous incarnations shape your present existence.
And what about animals? Do they come back? Can humans be reborn as animals? No one knows for certain. If you ask some pet owners, they’ll tell you animals display uncanny psychic abilities and seem to have a soul or spirit. Witches often have exceptionally strong ties with animal companions whom they call “familiars.” Although Hindus believe humans can reincarnate as other species, witches generally accept that human souls come back to earth in human bodies.
The Everything Wicca and Witchcraft Book (Everything®) Author: Skye Alexander
The Witches Correspondence for Saturday, August 31
Magickal Intentions: Spirit Communications, Meditation, Psychic Attack or Defense, Locating Lost Things and Missing Persons, Building, Life, Doctrine, Protection, Knowledge, Authority, Limitations, Boundaries, Time and Death
Incense: Black Poppy Seed and Myrrh
Sign: Capricorn and Aquarius
Colors: Black, Grey and Indigo
Herbs/Plants: Myrrh, Moss, Hemlock, Wolfs bane, Coltsfoot, Nightshade and Fir
Stones: Jet, Smokey Quartz, Amethyst, Black Onyx, Snowflake Obsidian, Lava, Pumice
Oil: (Saturn) Cypress, Mimosa, Myrrh, Patchouli
Saturn lends its energies to the last day of the week. Because Saturn is the planet of karma, this day is an excellent time for spellwork involving reincarnation, karmic lessons, the Mysteries, wisdom, and long-term projects. It is also a good time to being efforts that deal with the elderly, death, or the eradication of pests and disease.
The Witches Almanac for Saturday, August 31st
Saturday (Saturn): Longevity, exorcism, endings, home and houses.
Unto These Hills Pageant (Cherokee)
The Waning Moon is a time for study, meditation and little magickal work (except magic designed to banish harmful energies).
Moon Phase: Fourth Quarter
Moon Sign: Cancer
Cancer: Stimulates emotional rapport between people. Pinpoints need, supports growth and nurturance. Tends to domestic concerns.
We can trust our instincts today because the Moon shifts into hypersensitive Cancer at 7:32 am EDT, enabling us to feel ripples in the field before they reach our threshold of perception. We are aware that the universe is mysterious while the Moon forms free-flowing trines with psychic Neptune and karmic Saturn. However, we still may overreact now, even if we don’t reveal our true feelings as communicator Mercury sextiles excessive Jupiter.
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
You may try to emotionally withdraw today, but your friends or co-workers won’t let you retreat without good reason. They might seem overly aggressive today, which is an interesting turn since you are often the assertive one. Instead of retreating all the way, find a comfortable halfway point where you still can interact with others so everyone feels satisfied.
(Apr 20 – May 20)
Refusing to adapt to someone else’s schedule today may be your way of exerting control over an inequality that’s actually outside your sphere of influence. Others might think you are being childish, yet you are very serious about leaving yourself a little room now to exercise your flexibility. Normally, it’s your desire for stability that people honor, but now it currently works the other way around. Being adaptable allows you to have the most fun.
(May 21 – Jun 20)
If you’re unsure about your feelings today, you might attempt to overcompensate in order to prevent others from sensing your doubts. You may state your case clearly and then defend it eloquently, convincing everyone that you are passionate about your cause. Meanwhile, your angst could become a problem if your ambivalence remains stronger than your need to choose. Assume the best possible outcome and then take appropriate action; the power of positive thinking can’t be overemphasized.
(Jun 21 – Jul 22)
You don’t have to say a word for others to understand how you are feeling today. It’s as if you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve now that the moody Cancer Moon is moving through your 1st House of Personality. Nevertheless, you’re likely to talk up a storm once you overcome your inertia and initiate a conversation about a controversial subject. Luckily, you may receive more support than you expect if you’re willing to take a risk and share what’s on your mind.
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You can accumulate power today by keeping your deepest needs to yourself. The reflective Moon shifts into your 12th House of Secrets early this morning to remind you of the momentum you can build by not telling anyone about your deepest needs. But even your temporary fear of rejection may not be enough to keep you completely isolated. Consider all the valid reasons to hide your agenda. Then stretch beyond your comfort level and lay your cards on the table for all to see. Revealing your vulnerabilities is hard work that will be rewarded sooner than you think.
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Your tendency to approach your friends and colleagues with unnecessary caution now is supported by your methodical assessment. Fortunately, your precise perceptions and incisive logic sharpen your intuitive instincts, building your confidence level high enough, prompting you to explain your thought process to others. Don’t be afraid to share your gifts — especially now when your message is so vital.
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You need to balance your ambitious nature with a softer and more sensitive side of your personality today. On one hand, you’re enthusiastic to get ahead now that the Moon shifts into your 10th House of Public Status. On the other hand, your commitment to your family may be even more important than your desire for success. Don’t waste time wondering which way to go. Fortunately, your inner voice offers the best advice if you just take time to tune into your imagination and listen.
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
You might not be telling anyone about your new plans for the next stage of your life. Maybe it’s because you aren’t ready for any realistic feedback; however, a fresh perspective can help you fine-tune your ideas. But you aren’t so interested in the little details since the wistful Cancer Moon in your 9th House of Big Ideas encourages you to dream about your connection to the universe. Thankfully, you don’t have to take an all-or-nothing position. Sharing a few thoughts is a good start and can get the ball rolling in the right direction.
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You don’t have as much time as you think now, so it’s unwise to promise the sky unless you’re sure you can deliver the goods. Mischievous Mercury supports auspicious Jupiter in your 8th House of Shared Resources, enabling you to profit from a joint enterprise if you are realistic in your assessment. Unfortunately, you could be quick to gloss over an important detail if it stands in your way. Exhibiting confidence is healthy, but only if your optimism is supported by the facts.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You have your own agenda today and may grow irritable if people make emotional demands on your time. Naturally, you’re eager to help a friend, but it may be difficult to let go of your attachment to your previous schedule. Forget about your own agenda for a while and take your cues from others now. Changing your attitude by temporarily shifting your attention away from your personal goals is easier once you realize that it’s also for your own good.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
You may be a bit anxious today because the moody Cancer Moon highlights your discomfort with your emotions. Fortunately, your feelings can be a source of strength if you don’t attempt to avoid or deny them. Instead of closing down your sensitive perceptions, consciously widen your perspective by concentrating on your long-term goals. Opening your heart deepens your connection with the entire universe.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You can be quite playful now that the Moon is dancing through your 5th House of Fun and Games. However, you still must exercise a bit of discipline because others can make an activity seem so good that you’re tempted to drop everything and head off to follow them. Don’t wait for your boss to get on your case about something you didn’t complete. Finishing your work before you escape will only sweeten your search for pleasure.