A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Farmer’s Divorce’

Farmer’s Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”
The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”
The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”
The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

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Feng Shui News for August 31 – 'Love Litigating Lawyers Day'

I’m guessing that it was a lawyer who first declared this ‘Love Litigating Lawyers Day’ because I don’t know many people who feel that same way, myself included. But, just in case you’re involved in a legal affair and could use a cosmic assist in the courtroom, you can say this affirmation both silently and aloud in order to sway the outcome your way. Say this at least nine times throughout any day: ‘The inspiration of the Almighty shall be my defense and I shall have plenty of silver.’

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

A Little Humor for Your Day – Senior Texting Codes

Senior Texting Codes

Now that we oldies can text, here are some helpful texting ideas.  Young people have their acronyms, now seniors have their own texting codes:

 

Top 10 Senior Texting Codes

* ATD – At the Doctor’s

* BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral

* BTW – Bring the Wheelchair

* BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth

* DWI – Driving While Incontinent

* FWIW – Forgot Where I Was

* FYI – Found Your Insulin

* LOL – Living on Lipitor

* ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!

* TOT – Texting on Toilet

* WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)

Daily Feng Shui Tip for Aug. 31 – ‘Love Litigating Lawyers Day’

I never thought I’d ever say this, but since I’ve lately had the need for them, I now love ‘Love Litigating Lawyers Day.’ In fact, I really love one litigating lawyer who has helped me over the past few years, as she is brilliant, savvy and smart. Yes, Lisa B., I mean you! But before Lawyer Lisa I met quite a few attorneys who held their own bottom line above my best interests. After more than a few interviews and those accompanying first meeting fees, I finally decided to activate my ‘Helpful People’ arena with the intention of finding the perfect foil for my foe. I located this space on my main floor and then put a small clear glass bowl there. In red pen I wrote a description of the perfect attorney on a piece of white paper and put that paper in the bowl. I was really ready to receive! Within hours a good friend, familiar with my family drama, emailed me suggesting that I might want to reach out to Lisa B., who shut down opposing counsel and client in record time and renewed my faith in a profession that takes some low blows. I blew into her life, she blew the opposition away and we all lived happily ever after. Well, at least from this side we did!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com