The Truth About Tantric Sex

• Meryl Davids Landau

There’s a scene in my women’s novel where the main character, Lorna, has an  amazing sexual experience. It’s not because her partner has any special  abilities in bed, but rather that Lorna, on a new quest to live spiritually in  her everyday life, opens herself to the energy of source during the encounter.  “The expression ‘best sex I’ve ever had’ seems a massive understatement,” Lorna  marvels afterward. “This feeling of expansiveness, of being at one with the  world, is the best anything I’ve ever had.”

I didn’t know until I recently spoke with Miranda Shaw, author of the book  Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism,  that what Lorna had glimpsed was a Tantric sexual experience. Shaw, an associate professor of  religion at the University of Richmond, says Tantric sex is not so much about  sex as many of us think. Instead, the intimate act is merely one of many  vehicles practitioners use to connect with the cosmic flow. Western teachers who  focus on boosting your sex life through Tantra have it wrong, she claims–the  emphasis is more appropriately placed on boosting your enlightenment.

That’s not to say sex doesn’t enter the picture. Read on for more about this  fascinating practice–and some of Shaw’s tips for bringing a piece of it to your own bedroom.

Can you describe what “Tantra” is?

Tantra emerged in India in the seventh century as a way to weave (that’s what  the word Tantra means) every aspect of daily life, including intimate  relationships and erotic experience, into the spiritual path. Strands of Tantra  exist in the Hindu, Jain and Buddhist traditions, although my study is Buddhist  Tantra.

So Tantra involves much more than  sex?

Yes, there are many practices: methods for working with energy, images to  contemplate, sacred sounds (mantra) to chant. The central goal is to realize the  inherent beauty and perfection of the world and sacredness of all beings,  including oneself. Romantic partnerships are a focus of Tantric practice because  they are fertile ground for revealing the beliefs and emotions–the  illusions–that cause us to suffer and act in ways that harm others. The goal is  to see reality as it is and respond appropriately, with clarity and compassion,  in a way that contributes to the evolution of the planet toward greater  well-being and happiness for all living beings.

But sex is also a major part? Why?

Rather than something that detracts from religious life, sexual experience is  a prime opportunity for spiritual cultivation if approached meditatively and as  a yogic practice. The central purpose is to tap the cosmic energy that flows  through the human body, heighten and concentrate the energy through sexual  union, and then use the energy as fuel for spiritual transformation.

Tell me a little about a full-blown Tantric sex ritual as practiced  by a serious practitioner?

I prefer the term “sexual yoga” to “Tantric sex.”  The practice is  advanced and rather technical–a kind of inner “rocket science”–that incorporates  mindfulness meditation, emptiness philosophy, yogic breathing, mantra  recitation, visualization of deities and symbols, and movement of energy and  inner fire (called kundalini) through the subtle yogic anatomy of channels and  energy centers (chakras) along the spine. My book, Passionate  Enlightenment, describes some practices–-ways to meditate and images to  envision–to direct sexual union to spiritual ends.

Is it true that Tantric sex was created primarily for  men?

That is a common misconception that appeared in virtually all popular and  scholarly writings on Tantra before I undertook my research. But I discovered  extensive evidence to the contrary. First, mutuality is a core principle of  Tantric relationship. From the first meeting onward, there are protocols to  ensure that the man doesn’t manipulate or exploit the woman–she holds the right  of choice. Second, Tantric texts emphasize what a man has to do to appeal to,  please and merit the companionship of a woman, but there are no corresponding  requirements for a woman. In fact, he has to do anything she requests and assure  that she is satisfied. The practice is described as his offering of pleasure to  her for the sake of her inner yogic practice.

Are there aspects of this “sexual yoga” that the uninitiated can  practice?

Sexual yoga is an advanced practice, but anyone can adopt a Tantric, or  spiritual, approach to sexual experience. At the core is seeing the experience  as an energy event–that is, a merging of two energy fields–and being attentive  to how the interplay of energies ignites a dynamic inner landscape of vitality,  light and imagery. Allow the light, heat and however that energy manifests to  illuminate and replenish your psyche, generate positive mind-states and  emotions, and nourish your creativity and life journey.

Contrary to popular belief, the intended benefits of Tantra do not include  enhanced sexual pleasure. For that, India has other practices, known as the  “arts of love,” as taught in the Kama Sutra. The purpose of this branch  of knowledge is to bring a more sophisticated artistry to the stages and skills  of lovemaking in order to devote the sexual experience to spiritual  cultivation.

Here are a few specific practices:

• Gaze into your partner’s eyes. Sit facing your partner for  at least 20 minutes, gazing into one another’s eyes. The idea is to strive to  glimpse the pure essence of your partner–the divine, sacred core.  You can  boost the level of engagement by joining palms, left hands facing upward and  right hands downward. Envision sending energy through the right hands and  receiving through the left, circulating the current of energy that flows through  both bodies, counterclockwise. This practice can be done on its own or as a  prelude to union.

• See yourself as radiant light. In the middle of your  lovemaking, envision yourself as an enlightened being floating through space in  a sphere of light. The powerful energy available during lovemaking enhances your  ability to do this. Radiate the joy and harmony of your union throughout the  entire universe in the form of light rays or drops of nectar that spread  happiness, illumination and healing to all beings everywhere.

• Offer pleasure to the goddess. One sexual ritual anyone  can do is called “stri-puja,” which means “worship of the woman.” The man  creates an altar-like setting with candles, incense and other symbols of  sacredness. He then makes offerings (such as flowers and other gifts), feeds her  delicacies, strokes her body with a moistened flower, massages her feet with  scented oil, kneels and bows before her, and praises her. The erotic union that  follows is his offering of pleasure to her, his goddess. This practice  challenges the woman to embrace her sacredness, while, for the man, it is an  opportunity to cultivate and express his appreciation and adoration. Surrounding  the experience with sacred intent, making it a ritual, can lead to a deeper  level of communion and open the way for positive emotions to infuse the  relationship, such as greater harmony and gratitude for one another. The  experience can go in surprising directions. (Do know that Tantra is not  heterosexist. Gay and lesbian couples can adapt this practice however it suits  them.)