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Step-Parenting (It’s Not For Wimps!)

Step-Parenting (It’s Not For Wimps!)
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Author: Rune Fox

Everyone comes about becoming a parent for the first time in different ways. Most have children born to them, while others adopt. No matter what, any woman may have maternal instincts inside her that loves and protects. Perhaps it is the Goddess in all of us.

My children came to me in a most unexpected way. I fell in love. I met Jim at the end of last summer. Having a string of bad relationships, being sexually assaulted, and a bitter broken engagement in the past, I had stayed single for a few years. I gave up all hope of having a life of my own. I met Jim through a blind date. Not expecting much of anything, Jim and I instantly clicked. I know it sounds corny, but I think there was love at first sight. It just so happens that Jim is a divorced father with primary custody.

Now, I’m blessed to have two beautiful children in my life, along with my soulmate, Jim. They are my stepdaughter Ariel, who is 9 and a half, and my stepson Taylor, who is 13.

Having been previously single with no children of my own before, I’d say my new family has adjusted well. I love my stepchildren as if they were my own flesh and blood, and they return their love to me and have accepted me as a parent figure. A person could not ask for more wonderful stepchildren. They really are a dream come true!

The only problem is that Jim’s ex-wife hates me so much, she would speak ill about me around the children. I just don’t understand why she hates me, without even knowing me. She is a so-called “Born -again Christian”. Bear in mind, I have many Christian friends whom I love dearly, so I know full well that hate is NOT a Christian trait. (Or at least it shouldn’t be!)

The biological mother treats the children as if they were her possessions, not as human beings. She has anger management issues, and was court-ordered to seek help. She failed to do so, and does everything she can to make life a living nightmare for everyone involved. There are the unfortunate pawns in her childish games.

It would be nice if someday, Jim’s ex-wife will wake up and realize that she is not doing herself or her children any favors by being hateful. I am really not trying to say that I’m better than her, or that she has no place in their lives at all. That fact remains that she is their birth mother. Nothing will ever change that fact. Removing her from their lives completely would probably do more harm than good to the children, even if it would make life easier for Jim and I.

Jim and I try to be the voice of reason in the children’s lives. Hey, we may not be perfect, but at least we’re stable. Ariel seems to be most bothered by her mother’s hurtful behavior the most. I try to assure her that it doesn’t bother me. After all, I am a U.S. Army veteran, having served in Iraq. There isn’t much that will shake MY tree!

It does hurt me to see Ariel become someone else when she has tantrum-like trances out of frustration. After she comes out of them, she is very apologetic and embarrassed. All I can do is hold her while she cries while she cools down.

Both of the children are in counseling. However, while their mother is in the picture, they don’t seem to be making much progress. I have to remind myself that it is a long, painful process, and all I can do is be patient.

I’d be lying if tell you that I haven’t thought to myself “why am I here? Life was sooooo much simpler on my own! Why not just walk away from it all?

I just can’t walk away, because those kids need me, and I need them. They are what make life worth living! When Ariel looks up at me, smiles, and says “I want to be just like you when I grow up!” and then gives me a huge hug. We go for walks in the woods and build fairy houses.

Taylor is an extremely bright young man who tends to take in frustration rather than act it out. He his smarter than many adults I know. Even so, he is on the way to failing the seventh grade. It breaks my heart when he calls himself stupid.

Even though it is well known that teenagers can be difficult to relate to, Taylor will become bubbly and silly. He will often ask me to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons with him, or ask to go on a hike or go surfing with me. Of course, I think it is just wonderful, because it gets him away from the computer, video games, and television.

I’m sure you’ve heard that saying “It takes a real man to be a father!” The same holds true for motherhood.

I have not yet experienced the joy of being pregnant or the pain of giving birth. I watch women and have been there when some of my friends have enjoyed being pregnant. Even though it sounds terrible, I just couldn’t help but feel envious! Life is itself is such a gift. How wonderful it must be to give life?

Having traveled around the world and seeing the worst that human nature has to offer, I have seen my share of pain, in others and myself. I was once a victim of rape. Needless to say, I had trust issues with men for a long time, as well as people in general. This is probably why I stayed single for quite some time. Now, I’m not looking for pity. Somehow, through professional help and personal strength, I am now a more wary individual. I still believe everything happens for a reason.

Jim and I have decided to try for a child between the both of us. Ariel has already “put in her order for a baby sister.” Now, if that’s not cute, I don’t know what is! We may allow Taylor and Ariel help name the child, once we know when or if we become blessed with another. I will make it very clear form the start that I will always love both them just as much a new baby.

Being a stepmother has prepared me for the next step, if it comes. It has healed my spirit and gave me the strength to take whatever life has to dish out. I am prepared to give my life to my stepchildren, if anyone dares to try hurting them.

There is no love like the love for a child. It is love in its purist form, no matter where it comes from.

Quiz of the Day – How Cluttered is Your Home?

How Cluttered is Your Home?

by Mel, selected from Natural Solutions magazine

1. When it comes to spending time in your home, you …

a) Use all of the rooms. Aside from the occasional mess, your house is comfortable, and you enjoy being there.
b) Use most of the rooms with the exception of a few you either can’t get to because the entrance is blocked or you don’t like hanging out in because of how much stuff is there.
c) Use only a few rooms. Overall, you don’t really like spending time at home, and in many rooms, there’s too much stuff to move around safely.

2. On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate the cleanliness of your home?

a) 8 to 10. It’s pretty clean most of the time; a friend could come over unexpectedly and wouldn’t be shocked at the mess. b) 5 to 7. It’s in a constant state of needing a good cleaning, with garbage cans often overflowing, some mildew in the bathroom or kitchen, and tolerable–but not pleasant–odors.
c) 0 to 4. There’s excessive dust, consistently dirty kitchen and bathroom counters, laundry throughout the house, and a constant unpleasant odor.

3. A “good cleaning” means…

a) Going through boxes, bags, and piles of stuff that are in my way, tossing what I don’t need, and putting what I want to hold on to in its designated space.
b) Rounding up boxes, bags, and piles of stuff that are in my way, and shoving everything into a designated “junk” room, which I always promise to tackle soon.
c) My house needs much more than a good cleaning, so I just do the bare minimum, like changing my sheets every so often and wiping down the kitchen counters.

4. On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your ability to get rid of stuff you don’t use anymore?

a) 8 to 10. It feels good to ditch or donate items that I don’t need.
b) 5 to 7. I have a hard time letting go of most things. My attitude: “You never know when you’ll need it again.”
c) 0 to 4. I won’t get rid of my stuff. I’d rather hold on to something for years than let it go, even if it’s just going to collect dust in the basement.

5. The stuff in my home…

a) Serves a purpose (for the most part, anyway). Each room in my house has a function, and I use most of the things I own.
b) Needs major organization. I often can’t find things when I need them because I have too much stuff, much of which I don’t use.
c) Creates a constant source of stress and anxiety for me. I’ve got so much stuff that I can’t use or find most of it when I need it, and it’s affecting my health and the way I interact with people.

If you answered mostly “a”

Your household is considered standard when it comes to clutter. Sure, your home gets messy every now and then, but it never gets so out of control that you need help getting a handle on it.

If you answered mostly “b”

Your household likely requires the help of professional organizers. You might be able to tackle your clutter issues on your own, but professional help could give you the jump-start you need. Your clutter is keeping you from being your happiest, healthiest self–but simple steps can help you get on a better track.

If you answered mostly “c”
Your household may require more than a professional organizer. Seeking help, including a professional organizer as well as a psychologist, is probably necessary. Psychological, medical, or financial issues are likely involved in your clutteredness, and tackling larger issues that clue you in to why you have so much stuff will give you the skills and knowledge you need to do something about it.

Adapted from the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization. For more information, visit nsgcd.org.

 

Decluttering 101: 5 steps to get started from “organizing doc” Ronit Zweig, PsyD

1. Toss the trash. Do a walk-through of your entire home, and throw out all of the garbage, even if you do no other cleaning. You’ll be amazed how much that can help.

2. Tackle what you can see first. Don’t worry about organizing closets and drawers right away; focus on countertops, desks, and chairs.

3. Figure out what you need and use. Do another walk-through, and gather items you haven’t used in six months or more. Toss what’s broken or donate what still works. If you can’t quite bring yourself to do that yet, put the items in a box and store the box somewhere of the way but not completely out of sight. “This way, it’ll remain just annoying enough for a rainy-day activity,” says Zweig.

4. Set up organizing systems. For example, if the area near your front door is a dumping ground, create a “station” with baskets for various items, such as shoes and mail. If your “stuff” is organized by category, it’ll be easier to bring some order to it later.

5. Take baby steps. You might not be able to see a huge change in the way your home looks right away, so remind yourself that every little bit counts. It’ll help you keep a positive attitude.

 

A Few Thought for the Day – Be A Kid Again (It’s all in the attitude)

BE A KID AGAIN…

(It’s all in the attitude)

– Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.
– Dot all your “i”‘s with smiley faces.
– Grow a milk mustache.
” Smile back at the man in the moon.
– Read the funnies–throw the rest of the paper away.
– Dunk your cookies.
– Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.
– Order with eyes that are bigger than your stomach.
– Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you wanted both of them for yourself.
– Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.
– Change into some play clothes.
– Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.
– Have a staring contest with your cat. – Eat ice cream for breakfast.
– Kiss a frog, just in case.
– Blow the wrapper off a straw.
– Refuse to eat crusts.
– Make a face the next time somebody tells you “no”.
– Watch TV in your pajamas.
– Ask “Why?” a lot
– Have someone read you a story.
– Eat dessert first.
– Wear your favorite shirt with your favorite pants even if they don’t match.
– Sneak some frosting off a cake.
– Refuse to back down in a “did vs. did-not argument”.
– Get someone to buy you something you don’t really need.
– Hide your vegetables under your napkin.
– Stay up past your bedtime.
– Whatever you’re doing, stop once in a while for recess.
– Wear red gym shoes.
– Make a “slurpy” sound with your straw when you get to the bottom of a milkshake.
– Play a song you like really loud, over and over.
– Let the string all the way out on your kite.
– Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.
– Fuss a little, then take a nap.
– Take a running jump over a big puddle.
– Giggle a lot for no real reason.

 

OH MY AGING FUNNY BONE…

Calendar of the Sun for October 2

Calendar of the Sun

2 Winterfyllith

Gerda’s Blot

Colors: Brown and green
Element: Earth
Altar: Upon cloth of brown, bury a sword in bunches of herbs from the garden, and a cup of ale.
Offerings: Give aid to those who have lost children, through choice or no.
Daily Meal: Root vegetables and herbs.

Invocation to Gerda

Hail, Lady of the Walled Garden,
Hallowed in hedgerive and hammerwort,
Sacred in stonecrop and sowthistle,
Gifted and gifting in gladden and dragonwort,
You help us build the still, safe place
In which we can grow tender hopes to blossoming.
Hail, Lady of the forest paths,
Hallowed in hillwort and hindberry,
Sacred in cock’s spur grass and sicklewort,
Gifted and gifting in gale and libcorn,
You help us bring those hopes into the world
To test and turn them into manifestation.
Hail, Lady of the quiet endings,
Hallowed in hulwort and whortleberry,
Sacred in ramsons and raven’s leek,
Gifted and giving in viper’s bugloss and boarfern,
You teach us to cull out what cannot be
While still keeping hope alive in the dark.
Hail, Lady of the hidden treasures,
Hallowed in mallow and meadowwort,
Sacred in sundcorn and stitchwort,
Gifted and giving in groundsel and sedge,
Cleansed in river-mint and lamb’s cress,
You bring us deeper than we thought possible
Into the earth on which we depend.
Hail, Gerda, etin-bride of Frey,
Shadow to light, night to day,
All things balanced in your keen dark glance.

(All shall come forward and silently take a bit of herb, and taste it, and ask Gerda for her wisdom in what to keep and what to give up. The ale is poured silently as a libation.)

 

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Magickal Herbal Use: Lesson 4 – Enchanting Herbs

Lesson Four: Enchanting Herbs

by Leillan

I have saved this section for last on purpose. I wanted you to get a feel for what was offered before we talked about enchantment.

Enchanting is basically just simple spell casting. In enchanting an herb, you empower that herb with a specific purpose. I know it sounds easy, but remember you are working with things from the earth. The power is there, all you have to learn is how to bring it out. If you are a timing person, time this to the moon, the day of the week, the hour of the day, the time of season, whatever you need do. Remember to visualize as you enchant. Make the purpose as clear as you possibly can, and bring the words straight from your heart and the power from deep within you.

This final lesson of the series will done in ritual format. I will describe the work area, the herbs, and the purpose. Your final test will be to design your own ritual, amulet, bag, incense, or whatever else which to enchant. But you should only use the herbs listed in the previous lessons. You don’t have to actually perform the work. I just want to know what you’d do and how you’d do it. The following is my example to you.

I am making an amulet for a dear friend who needs strength and will to make it through a difficult period. This friend has full knowledge of my art and has asked for help. I have thought about it and decided the way in which I can help most.

On my altar, I have placed two black candles. I use black because it’s my personal favorite color for certain types of work. Between the candles,  I have my mortar and pestle; in front of them,  I have my athame. My wooden bowl is to the right and filled with sand and a charcoal block. I’ll be using  sandalwood incense, as I need strength and power right now, as well. To my left I have placed jars containing Dragons blood, sage, sea salt, rose petals, and a piece of walnut (did I fail to mention that walnut strengthens the heart?). The only other item on my altar is my pentagram, which is a personal cue I’m using to assist me in visualization,  and a small locket into which the blend will be placed. A red candle stands off to one side, ready for use if I need it.

I light the black candles and concentrate on seeing this friend happy and her problems solved. I pick up the sea salt and measure out a little with the tip of my athame. As I pour it into the mortar, I say “Salt purifies and cleanses. Your purpose this night is to purify the herbs I use here, and make them pure in intent.”  While saying this, I visualize the salt purifying the herbs.

Next, I pick up a rose petal and crumble it into the salt, saying: “I charge thee with the task of bringing intuition to ______. She finds herself in a situation where your power is desperately needed.”  I then mix the salt and rose together with my athame.

I measure out a portion of sage with my athame and drop it into the blend, saying, “I charge you and bid you to lend wisdom of decision to ________. She needs this wisdom to overcome what has been wrought.”  Stir the sage into the mixture.

Next, I pick up the piece of walnut and say, “I empower thee to lend strength of heart in this difficult time. Through your strength, may her heart be lightened and her will be strengthened.” I then measure out a tiny amount of powdered Dragons blood, saying, “Within thee is the power to intensify each herb I’ve used. You will be the power of change.”

Mixing all together I say, “Within each separate herb lies the power to reach the end; each has its own purpose. May purposes united make true the end, for blended together, the whole is met. For a year and a day, may you be charged to lend thy power where it is needed. An’ it harm none, Thy will be done. So Mote it Be!

I pick up the mixture, bit by bit on the tip of my athame, and place enough in the locket to fill it. I then light the red candle and say, “Red is color of power and strength” while dropping a little wax on the herbs inside the locket to seal and bind the blend together. I then close the locket, hold it in both hands, and concentrate on the person and the purpose with a light and loving heart. When I feel the enchantment is done,  I give thanks to the Goddess, put out the candles, and ground the leftover herb and incense. I clean my tools and wrap the newly made amulet in a cloth until I can give it to my friend.

A Little Humor for Oct. 1 – Things my mother taught me…

Things my mother taught me…

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
1.”If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why…..”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Reference:

C. Crisci, Author

Oh My Aging Funny Bone

Daily OM for Sept. 29 – Your Wellspring Of Energy

Your Wellspring Of Energy

A Stress-Free Home

Sometimes our lives are so busy that we treat our homes as if they were impersonal places that we merely pass through. But we can make certain that our homes truly feel like our sanctuaries by taking the time to tend to them like gardens, which need care in order to offer us the beauty of their blooms. When we take the time to treat our homes like beloved treasures, we can shift their energy from being merely places to being wellsprings for the replenishment of our energy.

Consider that homes are the outer reflections of those who live within. If we feel that the current appearance clashes with how we’d like to see ourselves, it can keep us from fully allowing our light to shine. Updating our homes to reflect our inner landscape need not involve massive redecorating or a large outlay of money. Small things can make a big difference, like simply moving items so that we constantly gaze upon the things we love the most, liberating the treasures we’ve hidden in our closets, using our best dishes and making small repairs. Organizing and cleaning is a no-cost way to remove chaos from our homes and introduce more calm. Lovingly rejuvenating our personal space can become a creative project that increases the flow of good throughout all aspects of our lives and increases our feeling of connection. We can give old things new life by donating them to charity, opening space for newness to enter. Removing stress from our homes can be as simple as putting our bills into pretty boxes and choosing a specific time to deal with them, or removing clutter so that we and our energy can move freely throughout our space.

Simplifying our space lets our imagination and energy roam free. We can choose to prioritize our homes, making them the true heart of our family’s activities. Then we are free to focus on what really matters—time to ourselves, to share with loved ones, and to replenish our energy so that we have more to share with each other and with the world.

Daily Feng Shui for Sept. 29 – ‘National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birthday’

It’s ‘National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birthday,’ and I have just the gifts that will give Grandma and Grandpa the knowledge that they’ve fully contributed in bringing their grandbaby health, happiness and prosperity. If the baby is a girl then a cherry tree should be planted in her name. This could be in the yard or anywhere else, as it carries a sweet and supportive energy. In fact, a cherry tree has energy that will strengthen all feminine energy. Within nine months of the birth of the baby girl, a cherry tree should be planted to encourage that same sweetness and support her whole life long. If the baby is a boy then a pine tree should be planted in his name. This tree of life will strengthen masculine energies and support him with potency and longevity all the rest of his life!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com