Because of having covid and losing a good portion of our income this month I was unable to pay my internet bill. As of tomorrow my internet will be suspended until I can pay my provider which is not until September 5th. Depending on how much of the bill I can pay $60.00 for August and $60.00 for September plus late fees I can pay on the 5th when they will allow me access to being online again.

There are many older posts which you may find interesting. I will be back with new posts as soon as I am financially able to.

Today is the 7th anniversary of my mom crossing into the Summerlands. If you would at about 4:00 PM CDT say a quick hello to my mother. Her name is Jeannine. I know it will be meaningful to her.

Her and I were not always close and really butted heads over the 57 years I had with her. The great thing is about 10 or 11 years before her crossing she became one of my closest and dearest friends besides being my mom. If not for her my children’s childhoods and teen years would have been really bad as I was into the bar hopping scene for many years which included drinking, drugs, and men. Thanks to her when I recognized my problem and sought help she stepped in to take guardianship of my 3 younger children so they didn’t go into foster care. Even before that she lived with us so my children had a family member seeing to their needs while I worked outside the home. She helped and for a few years took over raising them. She instilled many values in me and my children. On top of her list was always taking responsibility and doing the very best you could whatever job or chore you were doing. I have heard from some of my children’s different employers over the years that my children are hard workers and very willing to help a co-worker. A carry over from my upbringing was not an allowance but being paid for the work/chores assigned to each child weekly. If they remembered to do all the chores, such as making their bed, taking turns helping in the kitchen and taking out the trash, plus a few other simple things, they would get their full pay but if they skipped a chore or when they started 3rd grade did not pick up after themselves their pay would be docked for however much the not done things monetary value was. For example a shoe was $.01, while a school or library book was $.10. Every item or chore had an amount associated with it. Pay advances were given if there was a good reason for getting it or they could do extra chores if they wanted to buy something that was not a necessity. I am happy to say that some of my grandchildren eithervgrew up or are growing up with this method of teaching a child to have a hood work ethic and that parents cannot always get their child every material thing they want and it means more to the person buying it with their own money. Don’t get me wrong my mom would surprise with an I live you gift here and there as I did the same with my children and them with theirs.

My mom also passed down her beliefs that every child doesn’t matter what gender should know how to fix a ripped seam and sew on a button. They should be able to cook a nutritious meal and I don’t mean hot dogs and chips but a regular meal with veggies, a starch, and meat. I can honestly all 5 of my children a very good cooks and some are great bakers.

So today is my day to talk with my mom about all the things that have happened in my and my children’s lives since last August 24th. To let her know I still miss her every day and think of her often sometimes with bitterness, sometimes with anger, but always, always with love in my heart.

There is also joy on this day as it is my oldest granddaughters birthday. She turned 27 years old this morning.

Thank you everyone who’s lit candles and other things for me. I am feeling a little better today. So I am going to rest and hope to be back to posting tomorrow.

Between the covid and super bad fibromyalgia flare it put me in it hurts to type. I’m using a stylus on my cellphone to do this. I will get caught up with birthday horoscopes as soon as I can comfortably do the posts.

I hoped to feel well enough to get back to regular posting today but I way underestimated my recovery time from COVID. I will try to get posts up tomorrow.

I get to work at the carnival again next week. Which means we will be leaving the house around 9:30 AM CDT and not getting until I do not know about when yet. The reason we both will be working it is we really need the extra money to catch up two bills that are a bit behind. The other reason I want to work it is being surrounded by children of all ages being in a good mood which will release positive energy around me. So posts may be even more messed up for which I apologize.

I feel that I should share a fuller explanation about what has been going on with me the past few weeks and will probably continue until the first week in September. Also today August 12th would have been my parents 65 wedding anniversary. They only got to celebrate 11 before my dad crossed into the Summerlands in April, 1970

My mother had surgery to drain fluid and blood from an aera of her brain that was caused by a fall in the beginning of July, 2015. The drain tube was not securely placed and fell out way to soon. The doctor did nothing further at that time so she wound up back in the hospital needing basically the same surgery repeated around the last week of July 2015. From this second surgery she only woke up two times for 30 to 45 minutes each. When she started having seizure the doctor ordered a brain wave test to be done. The test results showed basically no brain activity. So I conference called my children and explained per my mom’s wishes I was taking her off of all machines, and nothing would be done to keep her alive. The only thing the hospital was allowed to do was give her medicine to keep her comfortable.

So on August 3, 2015 with 4 of my 5 children present and the rector of my mom’s church present there was a prayer said to ask “God” to take care. And thus begun my 21 day 24/7 vigil at my mom’s hospital bedside waiting for my mom to cross into the Summerlands. This was in addition to the two different times I stayed with her in the ICU.

I have not yet fully forgiven myself for being outside having a cigarette when she drew her last breath on August 24, 2015. The days of waiting for the autopsy, making arrangements with my middle son, the funeral service, making phone calls, and for at least a couple months after are mostly a blurr in my mind.

But the single thing I can remember in vivid detail to this day is me making a pentagram out of twigs and than breaking each one while each time asking the Goddess to take my mom so her silent suffering would stop. As I broke the last stick I felt a powerful tug in my heart and root chakras. This let me know my request was answered and my mom had crossed. So it was not a shock when I got back to the floor she was on and the nurses stopping me before I reach her that she had passed but they were waiting on a doctor to make it official. Leaving her time of death about 20 minutes later than when I knew she had crossed the veil.

My mom I know planned her date to die as it is my oldest granddaughters birthday. My mom was many things but to me her greatest accomplishment was and is her descendants and living her life to the fullest. So she made sure we had something full of life to celebrate instead of an anniversary would bring us heartache year after year.

Thank you for bearing with me for the extra days I too off in July and this month. Please bear with me a few more weeks while I get through this yearly emotional period. Thank you very much!

We were out running errands and Lord Beltane had to work. I will still try to get them up after I get a handle on my migraine. Thanks for your patience.