Category: A Laugh for Today
A Little Humor for Your Day c. 2018
A Laugh for Your Day
A Few Laughs for Your Day
From Reader’s Digest
POTATO BAG STRENGTH
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
CAN’T COME TO CLASS
My daughter received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?”
MADE MY OWN GRANDKIDS
Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Me: That’s quite the age difference! Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.
A Laugh for Today – Best Witch Jokes That Will Bewitch Your Children or Inner Child (the Sequel)
From kidadl.com
Knock Knock Jokes About Witches
Everyone loves a classic knock knock joke and we’ve bubbled up some good ones in our cauldron of jokes here, including one that only Harry Potter fans will get. Watch out muggles! Remember these jokes on Halloween and you’ll be sure to give everyone a real fright.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Witch
Witch who?
Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Witches
Witches who?
Witches is the way to go home?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda go on a ride on my broom?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You know
You know who?
Exactly!
Funny Witch Puns
Witch pun out of these lot will be your favourite? It’s hard to choose, with so many funny puns to put on your list to use in October. We love the idea of putting these on signs at a Halloween party or perhaps using them in any spooky homework assignments or crafts in the lead-up to the scariest night of the year.
Betwitcha in a minute.
Witch and famous.
A witch in time saves nine.
Arts and witchcrafts.
That’s witch-ful thinking.
You’ve got me under your spell.
Witch witch is witch?
Keep witch under your hat.
Want to be broom mates?
A Laugh for Today – Best Witch Jokes That Will Bewitch Your Children or Inner Child
From kidadl.com
Witches are absolutely fascinating – they can fly on broomsticks, do magic spells with their wands and stir up incredible potions in their cauldrons.
Whether you’re searching for jokes for Halloween or you just love hearing stories about witches and dressing up in a pointed hat and cape, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve conjured up some really funny witch jokes that’ll enchant your friends and family when you tell them.
The Harry Potter books have made witches (and wizards) really cool recently – who wouldn’t want to be as smart as Hermione Granger, as brave as Ginny Weasley or play Quidditch as well as Cho Chang? But witches haven’t always had an easy time or inspired funny witch jokes. In medieval times, people feared witches and hunted them down and apparently burned them at the stake.
And did you know, that while we associate witches with Halloween, in Sweden people believe witches come out over Easter, while other countries believe they emerge on Midsummer’s Eve. So you’d better watch out for strange shadows flitting across the sky. Whoever your favourite witch is from Sabrina to The Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and whatever spell you love best (it’s got to be abracadabra, surely?), you’ll be bewitched by all these funny jokes for kids inspired by witches and all the things associated with them like black cats, broomsticks and cauldrons.
The Funniest Witch Jokes (Question And Answer)
There are so many witch jokes for kids that you can magic up anytime you want to get someone in your coven cackling with laughter. We’ve listed some really funny witch jokes here in time for Halloween or just to pull out of your cauldron every time you feel a little bit evil. In this section, you’ll find question and answer jokes including some classic ‘what do you call a witch…’ gags, ‘witch’ get smiles on faces every time.
1) How does a witch tell the time? She looks at her witch watch!
2) What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
3) What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates.
4) Why did the witch give up fortune-telling? She saw no future in it.
5) What’s the problem with twin witches? You can never tell witch is witch.
6) What’s a witch’s favourite funfair ride? The scary-go-round.
7) What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch.
8) What happened to the witch who rode on her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
9) Why do cats prefer wizards to witches? Because sorcerers sometimes have milk in them!
10) What is a witch’s favourite item of make-up? Mas-scare-a.
11) What do you get to learn at witch school? Spelling.
12) What do you call a witch with chickenpox? An itchy witchy.
13) What do witches use to hold their hairstyles in place? Scare spray.
14) What do the fastest witches use to get around? Vroom-sticks.
15) What game do witches play on Halloween? Hide and ghost seek.
16) What do you call a witch who is pretty and friendly? A failure.
17) What happened to the witch with an upside down nose? Every time she sneezed she blew her hat off.
18) What happened to the witch who was naughty at school? She was ex-spelled.
19) Have you heard about the good weather witch? She keeps forecasting sunny spells.
20) Why won’t a witch wear a flat cap? Because there’s no point in it.
21) What does an Australian witch fly on? A broom-erang.
22) Why do witches have sore joints? They get broomatism.
23) Who turns the lights off at Halloween? The lights witch.
24) What did the witch call the skeleton who didn’t work? Lazy bones.
25) What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
26) Why is a witch like a candle? They are both wicked to the core.
27) What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen.
28) How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea? Out of flying saucers.
29) Why do witches have naps? They need to rest for a spell.
30) Why do witches wear name tags? So they know which witch is witch.
31) What does a witch get when she’s in a hotel? Broom service.
32) What did one witch say to the other when she was offered a lift? There’s always broom for one more.
33) What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom cupboard.
34) What noise does a witch’s cereal make? Snap, cackle and pop.
35) Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse? She kept having Disney spells.
A Laugh for Today
and I am still wearing it today!
A Laugh for Today
1. What did the weeks say to the boy when he was really worried about Thursday?
“Don’t worry, Friday is on its way”.
2. How can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
Yesterday, today, tomorrow
3. Where does Friday come before Thursday?
In a dictionary
4. Besides Tuesday and Thursday what other days start with T?
Today and Tomorrow
5. What do French people call a really bad Thursday?
A trajeudi
6. Why did the employee worry about his Friday being ruined?
Because it was still Tuesday morning.
7. What do you do when Thursday is standing outside your bathroom door?
You let it sink in.
8. An man goes to the Doctor. After examining him says, “You have some problems with your heart but I think if you take some tablets you’ll be okay“, So the doctor gives him some tablets and the man asks “Do I have to take them every day?
“No“, “take one on Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday, and so on like that.“ Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street and sees the patient’s wife. “Hello Mrs P.“ He says “And how is your husband?“ “ he died of a heart attack,“ says Mrs P. “I am very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be alright.“ “All the tablets were fine, “ says Mrs P. “It was all the skipping that killed him!“
9. My new girlfriend works as a bin lady. Trouble is, I can’t remember if she’s going to take me out Wednesday or Thursday!
10. I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life, so long as I die by noon, Thursday.
A Laugh for Today and For Your Viewing Pleasure – How Laughing Affects Our Health (And Why Its The BEST MEDICINE)
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
A Little Humor for Your Day – Fortune Teller Jokes
Fortune Teller Jokes
| Griselda goes to see a fortune teller, who tells her “Two men are madly in love with me!”
Grizelda asks “Who will be the lucky one?” The fortune teller answers “Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one.” Fortune teller One: “Lovely weather we’re having.” Fortune teller Two: “Yes, it reminds me of the summer of 2023.” Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table. Said the mysterious old woman, “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.” Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, “I can see that you have no girlfriend.” “That’s true,” said Paul. “Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?” “Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?” “Love line? No, from the calluses.” Why did the witch give up fortune telling? There was no future in it. “Five dollars for one question!” said the woman to the fortune teller. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?” “Next!” |
Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
I have a t-shirt that says
“I’m not clumsy
It’s just the floor hates me,
The table and
Chairs are bullies.
and The Walls get in the way”
First I rolled my desk chair back to pet Cleo and I caught my right big toe in it. Next I was trying to weed whack in the front yard and somehow pulled my shoulder muscle. Last but not least I some how got a big bruise on my left thigh, probably during the weed whacking problems. Add to that the fibromyalgia and arthritis flares from our normal temperature swings with rain and/or snow and I had a wonderful day. This is why some of the regular posts are missing. The rest of this week might not have as many daily posts are usual but I will do my best to get information to you.
Please no bubble wrap comments. A friend of mine of Facebook sent me a picture of a woman dressed in a bubble wrap type rain suit. You are welcome to laugh with me as much as you want to. 🤣😂😅😁
A Laugh for Today
Whatever you do, don’t upset Sophia!
It’s pretty clear that robots are not perfect. Still, they’re not going anywhere. After all, they’re here to serve us, right? Take Sophia, a social humanoid robot developed by Hanson Robotics. She/it has the face of an attractive woman and the ability to hold a conversation, much like Apple’s Siri, making her/it eerily human-like. When CEO David Hanson and Sophia appeared on CNBC’s The Pulse, he himself asked the AI what was clearly on the mind of many people in that studio: “Sophia, do you want to destroy humans?” Without hesitation, Sophia—smiling a tad too broadly for our taste—responded, “OK, I will destroy humans.”
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
Witches Of The Craft® 
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