The Top 5 Things Your Local Witch Wants You to Know

The Top 5 Things Your Local Witch Wants You to Know

Author: Holly Risingstar

I am a fairly ordinary woman. I’m in my early thirties; I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling Services; I work with families in crisis. I’ve got two kids, a husband, and family nearby; I love the arts, shopping, beadwork, travel, and photography. I’m addicted to the Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes. I drive a black Honda that has seen better days. I wish gas prices would go down. I’m in desperate need of a haircut.

Oh, and did I mention, I’m a witch?

No, really.

I was born into a nominally Jewish family and had five years’ worth of Hebrew school growing up, but it never felt right to me. I never felt connected, spiritually, to God. By the time I was hitting my teens, I had started to read more and more about the occult, and finally came across Scott Cunningham’s book Wicca: a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner (considered by many to be the best introductory book on Wicca there is). Finally, I Got It. Something inside me knew this was my path, where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. I’ve been Wiccan for 17 years now, and I’ve never looked back.

Wicca is an earth-based, non-Judeo-Christian religion. The modern form was created from various pieces of pagan religion by Gerald Gardner in the 1930s, but from there has exploded into a rainbow of traditions, each with its own particular blend of magic, faith, and morals. Wicca is a legally recognized religion in the U.S and you can even have it imprinted on your dog tags in the Armed Forces. It is often cited as being the fastest-growing religion in the country.

When asked to write this piece on Wicca, I considered carefully what I might want to say. Should I launch into a defense of my beliefs? Normalize Wicca with other religions? Simply compare and contrast? Deliver an anecdotal “Day in the Life of a Witch” kind of thing?

I settled on this:

THE TOP FIVE THINGS YOUR LOCAL WITCH WOULD WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT WICCA

1.We are not Satanists.

You heard it here first! Wicca does not subscribe to a Judeo-Christian belief in God; therefore, we don’t believe in a Devil, Hell, or Heaven. Wiccans revere nature and treat the Mother Earth with great respect. Many (though not all) of us believe in some aspect of the Goddess; many also believe in some form of the God, Her consort.

The most common belief system involves the Triple Goddess; a Mother Goddess, symbolized by the moon, who watches over mothers and children, family and all matters pertaining to that phase of a woman’s life; a Maiden Goddess, who reigns over joy, youth, vitality, freedom, and so on; and a Crone Goddess, who holds the secrets of magic and is the Guardian of the Crossroads (in other words, a death-related Goddess. Not one who causes death, mind, but who assists those who are in this stage of existence.)

Often the Goddess has a God consort, symbolized by the Sun, who is her lover and assists her with Creation of all things. Often he is associated with forests, certain animals, and a vast variety of human experiences ranging from sex to war to creativity. One of the great joys of Wicca is the ability to choose which Goddesses and Gods have meaning and connection for you – though they’ve been known to choose the practitioner!

2.We have one law – An It Harm None, So Mote It Be.

Which means don’t harm anyone, including yourself. Sounds fairly simple, right? Not so easy. It’s a tough moral code to live by. We cannot, in good conscience, take revenge, cause harm, or cause another person problems on purpose. No killing, no stealing, respecting other human beings – sound familiar?

3.You probably know one of us.

Wiccans (and pagans of all flavors) are everywhere. We come from all walks of life; nurses, doctors, teachers, lawyers, convenience store clerks, computer programmers, business owners, you name it. We are not necessarily the odd chick down the street with the long hippie skirts and twelve cats. . .ok, well, she might be one of us.

We have our share of hippies, vegans, Goths, and assorted subcultures. But you won’t necessarily know us just looking at us – most people I tell about my religious leanings are surprised. As a co-worker (and devout Christian) recently said to me, “I was so surprised that you are – you know, what you are. I kept saying, “How can Holly be a heathen? She’s so nice!”

4.Yes, we do cast spells.

It’s very similar to praying. Spell casting simply means using rituals to help bring about a desired outcome; no more, no less. A conscientious witch never casts on another human being without that person’s consent and full knowledge, and she won’t do it for money, if she’s the real deal. Witches try never to violate another person’s free will. There are no big flashes like in the movies; I can’t fly, float, or make things disappear (though there’s a shot if I put it on my desk!), and lightning has certainly never flown out of my fingertips.

What I can do is help protect, heal, bring about some occurrences (like employment or good legal results), marry couples and bless children, and things of that nature. I do not hex, curse, or cause harm through magic. It’s not cool with the Goddess.

5.You may have participated in a Wiccan or Pagan tradition.

We have holidays, creation myths, and rituals just like any other religion.

Wiccans generally celebrate eight high holidays: Samhain (pronounced so-when) on October 31st is one of them. That jack o’lantern on your porch? Started out as turnips, decorated to keep away evil spirits. Next comes Yule, the Winter Solstice, on December 21st – and if you have a Christmas tree, know that it started as the use of evergreen to symbolize life and rebirth in Roman and Druidic rituals.

Following are Candlemas on February 2nd, which celebrates the lambing of the ewes and the returning spring; Litha, the spring equinox, on March 21st; Beltane on May 1st, which celebrates life, generativity, and is where the Maypole comes from (you are dancing around a phallus to make the fields fruitful, folks!) Next, the Summer Solstice on June 21st, then Lammas on August 2nd, which celebrates the height of summer.

Lastly we have Mabon, the autumnal equinox, which ends the cycle of growth and prepares us for Samhain and the winter to come. We also celebrate and worship on the night of the full moon; we may also celebrate life events like births, weddings, maturation of our children, and death. In this way we remain close to the cycles of the earth, never forgetting who we are and what is happening in the world around us.

Wicca and Paganism are rapidly becoming mainstreamed. Your local bookstore probably has a decent-sized section on Metaphysical Studies, and you’ll find plenty on the religion there.

We have our own magazines, hundreds of websites, bumper stickers, T-shirts, music, and so on. Being Wiccan or Pagan does not necessarily mean we’re strange; it means that we have a different belief system than the general American public.

If you run across a Wiccan or a Pagan, don’t be afraid to ask us questions. We won’t come to you, but if you ask we’re generally happy to share what we know with others. Most witches are delighted to have a chance to combat the stereotyping and misconceptions the public has of us.

When we part, Wiccans often say, “Blessed Be.” And so I’ll leave you with a Blessed Be – merry met, merry part, and merry meet again.



Footnotes:
Previously published in a Mensa newsletter.

Crone’s Corner – Catnip!

Crone’s Corner – Catnip!

It’s more than just fun for your cat. Researchers in the Department of Entomology at Iowa State University found that chemicals produced naturally in catnip (Nepeta cataria) repel cockroaches. Folklore includes numerous claims that catnip are repellent to insects and spiders. Results show that when given a choice between a surface treated with these plant oils and an untreated surface, cockroaches spent much more time on the untreated surface. One researcher observed that “the roaches will venture onto the treated surface, stop, turn around and walk off onto the untreated surface.” The chemical repellent in catnip is nepetalactone. Not every cat responds to the effects of catnip. If the cat doesn’t have a specific gene, it won’t react. About 80% of cats do have the gene, and enjoy the effects of catnip, which is purr-fectly safe and non-addictive.

Catnip tea was a regular beverage in England before the introduction of tea from China. It is also used today as an herbal remedy for upset stomach, insomnia (it contains a mild muscle relaxant), and cough.

GrannyMoon’s Morning Feast

 

Tuesday’s Herbal Meditation

 Tuesday’s Herbal Meditation

Combine bay leaves, cinnamon, cedar, and sagebrush, and meditate with them, asking for their blessings and giving thanks for their energies. Light one green and one yellow candle, then hold your hands out over the herbs. Visualize your home and land filled with the healing energy of the Sun. See this merge with Earth energy, creating a bubble that surrounds your home and family. Send this visualization into the herbs through your hands, and say:
Sacred herbs of Earth and Sun,
Bring health and light to every one.
Bless our travels and our hearth,
Honored plants of Sun and Earth.
Bury the mixture at the entrance to your land or at your front and back doors of your home.
By: Kristin Madden

Daily Aromatherapy Tip for December 27th

 

Daily Aromatherapy Tip

 

It’s a good idea to rotate use of essential oils. This will reduce the chance of acquiring sensitization from using the same oils over a long period of time. Try to use a wide variety of different essential oils.
Why not try a new one today? Enjoy!

 

Brought to you by AromaThyme.com


 

Hubble Image Gallery for December 27th

Spiral Galaxy M100

An image of the grand design spiral galaxy M100 obtained with the second generation Wide Field and Planetary Camera (WFPC-2), newly installed in the Hubble Space Telescope. Though the galaxy lies several tens of millions of light-years away, modified optics incorporated within the WFPC-2 allow Hubble to view M100 with a level of clarity and sensitivity previously possible only for the very few nearby galaxies that compose our “Local Group.” Just as one does not learn about the diversity of mankind by conversing only with your next door neighbor, astronomers must study many galaxies in a host of different environments if they are to come to understand how our own galaxy, out star, and our earth came to be. By expanding the region of the universe that can be studied in such detail a thousand fold, the WFPC-2 will help the Hubble Space Telescope to fulfill this mission.

Astronomy Picture of the Day for December 27th

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Discover the cosmos!Each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written by a professional astronomer.

2011 December 27
See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download the highest resolution version available.

M27: The Dumbbell Nebula
Image Credit & Copyright: Bill Snyder (Bill Snyder Photography) 

Explanation: The first hint of what will become of our Sun was discovered inadvertently in 1764. At that time, Charles Messier was compiling a list of diffuse objects not to be confused with comets. The 27th object on Messier’s list, now known as M27 or the Dumbbell Nebula, is a planetary nebula, the type of nebula our Sun will produce when nuclear fusion stops in its core. M27 is one of the brightest planetary nebulae on the sky, and can be seen toward the constellation of the Fox (Vulpecula) with binoculars. It takes light about 1000 years to reach us from M27, shown above in colors emitted by hydrogen and oxygen. Understanding the physics and significance of M27 was well beyond 18th century science. Even today, many things remain mysterious about bipolar planetary nebula like M27, including the physical mechanism that expels a low-mass star’s gaseous outer-envelope, leaving an X-ray hot white dwarf.

Daily Feng Shui Tip for December 27th

You know what they say — there’s no place like OM for the holidays! Ancient scriptures from Eastern cultures tell us that the ‘OM’ is the mother all languages and that repetition of the word enables us to maintain mental and emotional calmness, overcome all obstacles and facilitate deeper understanding of the circumstances and situations in our lives. OM is the primordial breath. Take a minute to give yourself a break and a boost by using the power of your OM breath. Lie down and keep one hand over your heart and one over your abdomen. The hand that is over the belly should have the thumb over the belly button and the other four fingers below. The fingers of both hands should be spread. Breathing in through the nose, take in a big bit of air and pull it into your belly so it puffs up like a balloon. As you slowly exhale back out through the nose, visualize your breath as a silver ball of light traveling from your belly, down and around and then back up your spine, over your head and out your nose again. Do this three times in succession to successfully oxygenate your blood while massaging and bringing a big boost of energy to all of your organs. Man, OM Man, you’ll feel a lot better after doing this empowering exercise!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

The Meaning of the Number 1

One primarily deasl with strong will, positivity, pure energy. The number One reflects new beginnings, and purity. The symbolic meaning of number One is further clarified when we understand One represents both kinds of action: physical and mental. This combined with Ones urgency for new beginnings, we begin to see Ones recurring in our lives indicates a time to exert our natural forces, take action, and start a new venture. One encourages us our action will be rewarded in kind.

 

Spiritual Meaning of Numbers

Your Daily Number for December 27th: 1

You may have a tendency to be a bit hard-headed and stubborn today; caution yourself against engaging in domestic squabbles. You have all the self confidence you need at your disposal. Much to your delight, others won’t hesitate to show you their support.

Fast Facts

About the Number 1

Theme: Masculine, Creative, Independent, Aggressive
Astro Association: Mercury
Tarot Association: Magician

Today’s I Ching Hexagram for Dec. 27th is 6: Conflict

6: Conflict

Hexagram 6

General Meaning: Conflict arises when a person is convinced that he or she is entitled to something and then meets with opposition. In such cases, the wiser choice is not to push things to the bitter end, because knocking heads only perpetuates bad will. Creative solutions that meet others halfway are more valuable and longer lasting than victories achieved through force.

Conflicts in which one party is not sincere inevitably lead to subterfuge and distortions. In such situations, those of strong character keep a clear head, protect their own integrity and look out for their own interests, even while seeking compromise. Often this means finding a fair-minded mediator who can help settle matters.

In such times of conflict and turmoil, new ventures and new initiatives are to be avoided.

This is a good time to examine the sincerity of your own motives and those around you. Seek advice or arbitration from an impartial and mature advisor. Consider everything carefully before making any major decisions. It may be time to compromise. And try to clarify roles and responsibilities going forward, so as to avoid conflict in the future.

Today’s Tarot Card for December 27th is The Fool

The Fool

This Tarot Deck: Aquarian

General Meaning: Pamela Coleman-Smith’s artful rendition of an “innocent Fool” archetype (Rider-Waite deck) is often used to represent Tarot in general. Early classical versions of the Fool card, however, portray quite a different character — a person driven by base needs and urges, who has fallen into a state of poverty and deprivation.

In some instances, he is made out to be a carnival entertainer or a huckster. In others, he is portrayed as decrepit and vulnerable — as the cumulative result of his delusions and failures. Not until the 20th century do you see the popular Rider-Waite image of the Fool arise — that of an innocent Soul before its Fall into Matter, as yet untainted by contact with society and all its ills.

Modern decks usually borrow from the Rider-Waite imagery. Most Fool cards copy the bucolic mountainside scene, the butterfly, the potential misplaced step that will send the Fool tumbling into the unknown. Don’t forget, however, that the earlier versions of this card represented already-fallen humanity, over-identified with the material plane of existence, and beginning a pilgrimage towards self-knowledge, and eventually, wisdom. The Fool reminds us to recognize the path of personal development within ourselves — and the stage upon that path where we find ourselves — in order to energize our movement toward deeper self-realization.

Today’s Runes for Tuesday, December 27th is Ansuz

Today’s Runes

Gold Runes are most commonly used for questions about business, career, and property. Ansuz refers to a god or the spoken word of God. It is the voice of reason, law, prophecy and truth. It is the truth heard in the wind. This rune represents wisdom obtained or knowledge delivered. It is the rune of absolute good advice and true council – the message we all must strive to hear.

Just for Fun……Test Your Cat Knowledge

Test Your Cat Knowledge

  • Cherise Udell

Since so many people enjoyed my first Cat Quiz in “What Is Your Cat IQ?” I thought I’d put forth round two of quizzing your cat knowledge. So, invite a purring pussy cat onto your lap and take this informative quiz together.

 

1. All cats have retractable claws. True or False?

False. Cheetahs do not retract their claws.

 

2. Myth, legend, and folklore surround the Maine Coon Cat. One legend claims these cats are the descendants of a cat belonging to Marie Antoinette. True or False?

True. According to legend, a ship captain named Samuel Clough attempted to help Marie Antoinette escape France, but was only able to save her cats. He sailed to America and left the kitties in Maine.

 

3. One cat can give birth to over 400 kittens in her lifetime. True of False?

True. A tabby named Dusty delivered 420 documented kittens in her lifetime. Hopefully, Dusty didn’t have to name them all!

 

4. Ailurophobia means “fear of cats.” True or False?

True.

 

5. Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Benito Mussolini and Adolph Hilter all hated cats. True or False?

True All of these men, who sought to dominate the world, did share a hatred of felines. Hmmmmm….

 

6. Feeding dog food to a cat on a regular basis can cause blindness in the cat. True or False?

True. Dog food typically lacks taurine, a nutrient essential for cat eye and heart health.

 

7. Carrots are toxic to cats. True or false?

False. But onions, green tomatoes, raw egg yolk, raw potatoes, grapes, raisins, poinsettias, philodendrons, dental floss, and aspirin can all cause havoc on a cat’s digestive system and health.

 

8. A group of kittens is called a litter. True or False?

False. Everyone I know refers to a group of kittens as a “litter,” however the proper term is “kindle.”

 

9. The world’s largest feral cat population is in Egypt. True or False?

False. The largest feral cat population is in Rome. Over 300,000 feral cats call famous Roman landmarks such as the Coliseum and Vatican City, home.

 

10. An ancient Chinese legend maintains that the cat is the result of a romantic tryst between a lioness and a monkey. True or False?

True. The legend suggests that the lioness endowed her offspring with dignity, while the monkey passed on curiosity and playfulness. I would have never thought that one up myself, but now that the Chinese mention it, it makes lots of sense!

 

How did you do? Did any of these answers surprise you? Have you ever heard the term “kindle” used to refer to a group of kittens? I am sure with a little creativity, we all could come up with a significantly more descriptive and endearing term to describe such cuteness! Any suggestions?

Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, December 27th

We are eager to express our thoughts because information flows more freely now that quicksilver Mercury has regained its normal speed since its recent retrograde. Additionally, mental Mercury joins the karmic North Node of the Moon, deepening current conversations by connecting them to important issues from our past. The Moon’s supportive sextile to Mercury elevates the importance of subjective emotions and encourages us to share our feelings.

 

Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Although you might bump into resistance when sharing your plan today, your thoughts could be so intense that you end up revealing more than is necessary. It’s not that your ideas are too controversial to talk about; it’s just that you would be better off taking more time to develop them before involving others. Fortunately, waiting until you’re ready will improve the chances of getting others to support your plan.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Your good intentions should carry you far today, but reaching for the stars isn’t enough to ensure that you’ll get there. You are eager to meet your obligations, but things could get complicated if you ignore important details. Don’t just push your way forward without a sound plan; paying careful attention to how all the little pieces fit together enables you to accomplish more than you expect.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Your enthusiasm can fuel a conversation today, enabling it to go off in many exciting directions. You are eager to participate in dialogues that explore the possibilities before you, but it will take more than dynamic interactions to make the best ideas take shape. In fact, too much talking might be a tricky way to avoid the reality of how much work you must do. Don’t let your overactive mind hijack your day; manage your obligations so you have time for physical activities, too.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

You aren’t sure of how much you need to divulge today because you don’t want to scare off your best allies. Although your story could be compelling, it may be too intense for some of your colleagues to handle. Don’t just make a one-size-fits-all announcement; instead interact with each person on a one-to-one basis. It’s more sensible not to say any more than what is necessary. Be cautious and save the full disclosure for when you’re sure that the time is right.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Someone can teach you something very important now, yet it’s challenging to let the message come through if you believe you already have the answers you need. You could miss an opportunity to make a breakthrough in a relationship if you’re unwilling to be vulnerable. Fortunately, today’s lesson will likely be gift-wrapped and sugar coated because the Moon joins sweet Venus in your 7th House of Others. If you become aware of your own resistance, consciously soften your stance when engaged in a conversation.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Your ruling planet Mercury is in the spotlight today, prompting opinionated interactions with colleagues. A relationship that has been limited to the workplace may cross over the line and begin to transform into a real friendship. Don’t put up artificial barriers; just allow the conversation to flow naturally and deal with any emotional issues as they arise.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It’s not easy to express yourself spontaneously today, especially if your role at work requires you to keep your personal feelings to yourself. Fortunately, you may discover that you can share your inner process with an acquaintance, but you need to be selective or you’ll end up wishing that you didn’t say anything at all. Don’t expect too much at first or you’ll be discouraged. If you are committed to sharing what’s in your heart, things should get better once your workday is done.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You may be feeling very private today about your future plans, so it’s wise to keep thinking about what you want to do before sharing your thoughts with anyone else. It isn’t that you’re afraid of what someone might say; it’s just that you still need time to contemplate until you know how you truly feel. Don’t allow others to talk you into disclosing anything before you’re ready.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You may be too eager to adjust your schedule if something comes up that seems important. However, canceling an existing appointment at the last minute could create problems, rather than solve them. It’s not wise to act impulsively if your decision involves others. Before you decide on a new course of action, consider the impact your behavior will have on everyone else. If it still seems urgent, go ahead with the necessary changes.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You may be unclear about your current financial picture, which could lead you to make a bad decision today. You might have made a mistake while calculating an account balance or, perhaps, underestimated the cost of a large purchase. Confront the issue promptly by getting all your facts straight first. It doesn’t matter if a money problem is big or small; it will be more difficult to handle if you don’t take care of it now.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You may have an exciting vision that you want to share with your co-workers or friends today. You assume they will hear you out and support you as you strive to fulfill your dreams. However, it’s important to realize that your current disclosure needs to be an all-or-nothing one; you won’t be able to get away with sharing only part of your idea. There’s no room for secrets now, so make sure you have all the data necessary to tell your whole story.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Your enthusiasm about your career can be quite contagious today, but you could alienate others if you get too carried away by all the possibilities. Thankfully, your clear communication is able to bring out the best in others now. However, there’s a fine line between the power of positive thought and the danger of blind optimism. Tempering your rosy outlook with realism should be enough to prevent problems in the next few days.

Daily Cosmic Calendar for December 27th

Very little stands in your way of success right now. A Venus-Ceres 45-degree skirmish (6:49AM PST) and Moon-Neptune parallel (9:29AM PST) can bring in some consternation temporarily regarding your productivity in arts, crafts, hobbies and your fields of expertise, but these two alignments are not the primary sky patterns during this 24-hour time-period. The main event is the monthly Moon-Pallas union in Aquarius (12:13PM PST) that receives a gentle boost about an hour before-hand when the Moon forms a communication-enhancing and supportive, 60-degree alliance with Mercury (11:02AM PST). The Moon with Pallas is definitely a wonderful opportunity to energize your skills as a problem-solver, strategist and researcher. Pallas is also associated with engineering, city planning, software programming, needlepoint, weaving, the genetic code, DNA and the immune system. Learn more about herbs and health foods that help you build a strong defense against fatigue and illness. Mercury approaches a 60-degree rapport with Pallas overnight and this keeps the high-level, ingenious Pallas themes very prominent in the psychic atmosphere.

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, december 27th

the daily humorscope

 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Better have that spot checked out by a doctor. Sure it may look benign, but sometimes those carpet stains can spread.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
As Buckaroo Banzai said, “No matter where you go, there you are.” Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will discover that you can wiggle your ears today, and will actually become quite good at it. People will invite you to parties.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and will make yourself a food serving cart for the “Bulghur Baron.” You will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone’s amazement, you’ll succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise rights alone.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will join the ranks of the hipster cognoscienti. It’ll be fun at first, but later you’ll start secretly craving casseroles, and it will eventually become such an intolerable pressure that you’ll abandon your pale, pierced friends with the clever haircuts and move to Minnesota.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Today you will wake up in somebody else’s body. The strangest thing about the transition will be that you’ll have all the memories from the new body, and none of your own from before. Despite that, you will be somehow quite certain that you’ve “traded down”.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
While cracking your knuckles today, you will be a bit startled to hear a “ping” sound rather than a “pop”. That’s a bad habit, anyway.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will spend a lot of time contemplating four-dimensional space. Unfortunately, you’ll keep getting distracted by things popping into non-existence around you.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
An old man with bad teeth will whack you with his cane today, as you walk past. He’ll pretend it was an accident.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
A haunting melody will float through the air this evening, with no apparent source. It will turn out that a renegade oboe player is hiding in the shrubbery.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You will realise soon that you’ve missed your true calling in life — that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as “Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!”, you’ll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
In an attempt to simplify your life, you will discard all of your footwear. Later you will regret this, but will be too proud to admit it.