Day: June 12, 2012

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, june 12

     the daily humorscope     

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Aries              (March 21 – April 19)
Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska.
Taurus              (April 20 – May 20)
Today someone will accuse you of spending too much time with your computer.  The way to handle that is to say you’ve got “lots of work to do.” (And don’t let them spot you fondly caressing it.)
Gemini              (May 21 – June 20)
Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.   
Cancer              (June 21 – July 22)
While poring over some old historical documents, you will discover that the Norman invasion was actually supposed to be the “Bob” invasion, but Norman stole the credit for it.  Sadly, it will turn out to be too late to change it now.
Leo              (July 23 – August 22)
You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things “taste like chicken.” It’s because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.   
Virgo              (August 23 – September 22)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet.  Remember: it’s OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.
Libra              (September 23 – October 22)
Between now and the vernal equinox, trust anyone with freckles.  After that, trust no one.   
Scorpio              (October 23 – November 21)
The world will be dim and grey, and cold.  Carrion crows will caw at you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will rush by in rivers without names.  Ahead, on the peak of a mountain, is a glimmering golden light.  Either that, or you’ll get gum stuck to your shoe.  (Sometimes these things are hard to read.)
Sagittarius              (November 22 – December 21)
People are starting to take you a bit too seriously.  Try wearing your bunny slippers to work.
Capricorn              (December 22 – January 20)
Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems.  You will call it SchizoSoft.  Your motto: “Who Do You Want To Be Today?”
Aquarius              (January 21 – February 18)
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you.  This is a good time to be afraid.   
Pisces              (February 19 – March 20)
Your requests are being ignored.  Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as “Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming.”

Daily Cosmic Calendar for June 12

If you made it through yesterday’s stellar mine field of profound and disturbing alignments and cosmic events, give yourself several rows of virtual gold stars. Nonetheless, the Jupiter shift into Gemini, the two potent Mercury aspects and Chiron being motionless are still up for grabs today, even if they are somewhat subdued in effect.  Volatile conditions emerge early on as the Moon parallels war-mongering and anger-generating Mars (12:03AM PDT). Try to tweak this lunar contact with the red planet into giving you a boost with a favorite sport or energizing your exercise routines.  The healing vibes strengthened by Chiron overnight are reinforced by Mercury forming a trine to Chiron (8:09AM PDT). Fortunately, problem-solving and strategy sessions are promoted – thanks to the monthly Moon-Pallas union in Aries (9:10AM PDT). Flying by the seat of your pants is made easier when the Moon unites with intuition-boosting Uranus (1:29PM PDT). However, prepare yourself for unsettled conditions and surprises when the Moon and Uranus form a rendezvous in this fashion.  The love boat sails for exotic ports of call this evening when the Moon makes a supportive, 60-degree liaison with Venus (8:10PM PDT). Don’t allow some shadowy energy coming from an abrasive 45-degree Mercury-Ceres link-up (10:35PM PDT) to spoil the goodwill vibes that the Moon and Venus share in common.