the daily humorscope
Sunday, June 24, 2012
(March 21 – April 19)
You’ll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties, today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but mostly it’s because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you’ve had to say about the weather lately.
(April 20 – May 20)
You will receive an honor from a foreign dignitary today. Everyone else will be horribly jealous of you.
(May 21 – June 20)
A small packet containing 7 oddly-colored bean seeds will arrive in the mail today. There will be no return address, nor any indication of what they are. Only one way to find out…
(June 21 – July 22)
Today you’ll start a new rock group, named “SPAM Catapult”, and kick things off with a really smokin’ number combining the best aspects of reggae, rap, and polka.
(July 23 – August 22)
You may lose sight of what is truly important to you, if you’re not careful. In other words, it not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you end up with your leg in a cast for 3 months.
(August 23 – September 22)
Through a casual remark in an elevator, you will realise that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese’s informational film called How To Irritate People. By the time you reach the 10th floor, you will both be severely vexed with one another.
(September 23 – October 22)
Today you will finally get around to exercising! Your cat will look at you like you’ve gone completely whacky. Don’t be intimidated, though — at least you never get distracted and forget that you’re holding your leg up behind your head.
(October 23 – November 21)
Another day of social convention defiance, today. You’ll refuse to wear clothes in the “normal” fashion (if at all), and you’ll begin all your business correspondence: “My Darling Snookums:”.
(November 22 – December 21)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
(December 22 – January 20)
You will find happiness. It will look a lot like tranquility, only a bit fluffier.
(January 21 – February 18)
Excellent time for you to reconsider your choice of employment. Are you working towards a specific goal, or are you merely drifting? Are you temperamentally suited to your current career? Remember: money isn’t everything. It could well be that you’d be much happier in a job where you could dress up as a giant chicken. In fact, in your case, that’s virtually certain.
(February 19 – March 20)
You’ve always felt, like Emerson, that the unexaminged life is not worth living. There’s no need to use a microscope, however.