Your Daily Horoscopes for Friday, May 18

We may actually have time to take a few deep breaths and relax today as the Moon enters bucolic Taurus at 6:03 am EDT. Although we might want to accomplish a lot now, it’s difficult to shift into gear with six planets in solid Earth signs. The lack of momentum means an early start to a lazy weekend as indicated by the Moon’s harmonious trines to Mars and Pluto. However, the pace picks up noticeably by Sunday evening’s New Moon Solar Eclipse.

 

Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are building your case to justify something you intend to do, but this rationalization may be more about convincing yourself than anyone else. Think about what you’re taking for granted before reconsidering your assumptions. You might need to change your mind, even if you are certain that you’re right. It’s crucial to establish an enduring foundation for your beliefs before you are too far along in your plans.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

You are under steady pressure to change, but you will grow stronger by resisting on specific points. You may believe that others are judging you unfairly, yet you seem to take it all in stride. However, you could grow weary from the stress because you must pay attention to every single move you make. Try not to get too frustrated if your progress is stymied. It’s better to take small steps than none at all.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

The intensity of your daily routine continues to settle now, but even if you act as if you’re doing great, things may not be as pleasant as you prefer. You may feel restless because you want more variety and excitement in your life. If your need for mental stimulation isn’t being met, then something must change. Bide your time for a few more days; the energy will shift in a positive direction next week.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

You have been running hot and cold lately, challenging you to find a happy medium between the extremes. Even if you attempt to smooth things out today, it still may feel like you’re bouncing back and forth between optimism and pessimism. Thankfully, the pragmatic Taurus Moon gives you the common sense to move beyond your clever words. Remember, if you don’t push so hard now, you won’t have to retreat as far.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

It may be easier for you to reach your goals today if you are more realistic about them. Fortunately, your concentration seems to take you further than usual now, enabling you to make a lot of progress. Ultimately, you don’t need to pull any rabbits out of magical hats; you have a good chance of touching the stars if you just keep your feet on the ground.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You may discover an opportunity to embark on a special trip, an extended holiday or just a weekend getaway now with four planets in your 9th House of Travel. Don’t let this opportunity pass. Daydream about your vacation today; don’t even try to hide your vision. Just bring an unconventional scheme out into the open, and the rewards might follow quicker than you expect.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

You can be pulled into someone’s drama now before you even realize what happened. Although you probably have plenty of complications in your life, there may be a few more yet to handle. Even if there’s a storm brewing around you, the good news is that you’re feeling more centered. Don’t be tricked into thinking that you will lose a chance at success unless you act decisively right away. The truth is that even the smallest steps can lead to major improvements.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You are like a participant in a relay race now, trying to maintain a steady pace. You are finished with one cycle yet the next one hasn’t yet started. If you aren’t willing to let go of the baton, you will be stuck doing the same old thing. Fortunately, your teammates are more stable than you think and handing off responsibilities to them is a smart strategy.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Attention to endless minutiae can make you crazy as the practical Taurus Moon joins three other planets in your 6th House of Efficiency. However, demands are being made on you to pay additional attention to things so tiny that you’re sure there’s a conspiracy afoot. You would like to demonstrate how good you are at managing the big picture and prefer to ignore the details. Balance is your key to success today, so keep one eye on the greater whole and the other on the specifics.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Endings and beginnings go hand in hand, but sometimes the timing is off. Unfortunately, you may already be champing at the bit, yet another set of obstacles prevents you from reaching your destination. Instead of bolting ahead, take the time to methodically finish up the old business in your life so you are completely free to step into the new creative cycle starting next week.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your focus is on domestic affairs this weekend, and you’re likely to spend more time at home and with your family. You might even get drawn into activities without being formally asked. Your boundaries aren’t as firm as they usually are today, leaving you more susceptible to the whims of those you love. Although you may not know exactly the best way to move forward, the wisdom will come to you just in the nick of time.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You don’t want to have any secrets now. Whatever it is that you’ve been holding within your heart, it’s time to open up. Receive the love, while remembering that the potential for hurt arrives at the same time. Ultimately, you can make the best of a difficult situation if you’re willing to share the wide range of feelings that you’re experiencing.

Your Lunar Love Horoscopes for the Weekend of May 18 – 20

Weekend Love: Lunar Love

by Jeff Jawer

Comfort … and Confusion

May 18 – 20

This might turn out to be a lost weekend capped off by the disorientating wake-up call of a Gemini Solar Eclipse on Sunday evening. It starts out reasonably enough with the Moon’s presence in earthy Taurus on Friday. Partaking in physical comforts like delicious food and drink, gentle massage and sensual movement can produce a welcoming atmosphere for drama-free romance.

This indulgent pattern continues on Saturday with the lunar transit through Taurus giving you the chance to slow down and enjoy life’s many pleasures. Nature is especially alluring as beautiful sights and sweet smells arouse primal desires. Keep things simple with a leisurely schedule to create the trust and tranquility that encourage romance. Cooking a tasty meal with someone is a delightful way to tap into the easygoing joy of the laid-back Taurus Moon.

Yet even the most delectable experiences can seem to fade quickly with Sunday’s Solar Eclipse. The Sun enters jittery Gemini in the morning, followed by the Moon in the early evening. These two great lights in the sky then hook up in this easily distracted sign, producing the flighty Gemini New Moon and, in this case, also a Solar Eclipse. This is both a beginning and an end when you can find yourself standing on the edge of a metaphorical cliff that makes it hard to return to the past, yet you may not be ready to make a serious decision about the future. Let the dust settle before you choose your next step.

Your Daily Love & Romance Horoscopes for May 18

Aries

The fact that the Moon, moving through your sign, is putting direct pressure on Saturn and your relationships, creating some relationship pressure and pushing some buttons, might actually work to your advantage. For with the doors now open to second chances, this creates the right push at the right time.

Taurus

While you’re not out of the woods yet, pressure on Mars and your romantic situation has now peaked and from this point on will begin to ease. As this was the final hurdle you had to face and there was never any avoiding this, nurture a growing sense of confidence that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an illusion.

Gemini

On the romantic front the focus is now exclusively on the past, with the door remaining open to second chances until later next month. Venus, planet of love will remain in retrograde motion in your sign for the next 72 days, giving you time to take a leisurely stroll down love’s memory lane and to explore the past at your own pace.

Cancer

There is always more than one version of reality and that’s especially so when it comes to your perception of the past. As you work to tie up loose ends on any work/life balance issues, look to the past for guidance, taking responsibility for acknowledging what your relationships and love life need from you.

Leo

While you have no planetary activity in your relationship sector, the planet that will kick things off for the year when he returns next month is Mercury, planet of communication. While you can’t make that happen any sooner you can get a jump on things by working now to ensure that the communication lines are open.

Virgo

There is likely to be a sense of relief in the air today, for while there may still be some relationship pressure or tension the worst is behind you. It was yesterday that pressure between Mars in your sign and Chiron in your relationship sector peaked, with a chance now to focus on the healing and the opportunity for a breakthrough this has created.

Libra

Don’t be surprised or alarmed if there is some relationship intensity or even pressure today, as the Moon works to push as many buttons before leaving. The more you can get things out in the open the better, with the Moon evoking emotional responses aimed at getting your attention and alerting you to where you need to pay attention.

Scorpio

Urgency and even intensity on the romantic front begins easing back from today, as you realise that there is no urgency and that you really can’t hurry love. On the relationship front things are very different with a new sense of urgency setting in, especially when it comes to taking responsibility, realising that you can’t get back what you don’t put in.

Sagittarius

In his final hours in your romantic sector the Moon is working to give you an intuitive read on your heart, that you’re able to hold onto after he’s gone. This is the Moon’s first visit to your romantic sector since the main planetary thrust for the year ended, leaving you with an intuitive sense of where to from here.

Capricorn

You’re in a transition period, between a romantically charged period that is about to run its course and a more professionally charged period that will eventually take over. Already these are starting to overlap, with a need to be really vigilant when it comes to finding the right work/life balance and the right balance between work and play.

Aquarius

In just 3 days time both the Sun and Moon will return to your romantic sector, aligning to form a solar eclipse that will open the door to some major new beginnings. Until then make the most of the fact that Venus, the only planet currently in your romantic sector, is in retrograde motion, with the door to the past and second chances now wide open.

Pisces

While there is still likely to be some relationship pressure and intensity, it has already peaked and you should be feeling it ease back, enough anyway to see what lies behind it. This was the last hurdle you needed to cross, with a chance today to get inside anything that’s pushing your buttons and use this as a chance for both healing and a breakthrough.

Daily Chinese Zodiac Horoscopes for Friday, May 18th

Rabbit

You may be making sudden and impulsive changes to your finances. Be careful before you invest in real estate or home improvements though, because Saturn is working overtime in your “home and family” sector. That brings unexpected breakdowns, governmental restrictions, zoning hassles and strange encounters with cranky neighbors.

Dragon

Your attitude towards a specific relationship or partnerships in general will be changing today as a result of an intuition, dream or impression. Listen to your feelings carefully. You may be thinking of making a relationship more formal.

Snake

If you want to make the chores go more smoothly today turn on the radio or CD player, grab a mop and bucket and dance your home clean. You can have a good time getting ordinary daily chores cleared up if you put yourself in the right mindset.

Horse

You have a high degree of physical energy today, which could prove delightful to your significant other in more ways than one. You are energetic and active, and interested in trying new things. You have something of an impulsive streak in you right now.

Sheep

Friends, companions, and siblings will bring great joy. Someone you know could be adding to their family. Someone else may be given an award for their creative skills and talents. Celebrate in moderation, because someone near you is on the sobriety trail.

Monkey

You are going to be on the telephone a lot today. Your loved ones and relatives may have shocking news, but the changes that are coming you and your family will welcome with great excitement. You will be passionate, creative and highly verbal today.

Rooster

You can make more money if you are willing to take a stand on your own merits right now. If you are already successful, this means using your name or likeness to promote yourself. If not, it means being willing to believe that you deserve to succeed for who you are.

Dog

You are feeling extremely talkative and chatty today, and it is a good thing you have a friend or companion who feels the same, otherwise the two of you would talk some poor soul’s ears off. There is good news traveling on the gossip lines right now.

Pig

Expect positive experiences with your religious or spiritual growth. You have witnessed a profound healing and are eager to experience this for yourself. Keep an open mind and heart, but don’t expect the same results as others have, you have your own path to walk.

Rat

A friendship is developing in new and important ways. You may share a moment of insight, or take time together to explore shared spiritual interests. Meditating or praying together could bring you closer and open up new ways for you to understand one another.

Ox

You’ll be thinking about the future. Which road do you want to take, and do you hope to enjoy the journey? You won’t get anywhere sitting on your behind, that’s for sure. If you want to make a dream come true, this is the time for action, not dreaming.

Tiger

Your ninth house of education, travel, and publicity is heating up again, and this time there are equal measures of joy and frustration. Expect Divine chaos. You may have to make a detour that takes you past a big sale. Or your flight is rebooked, and you get a better seat.

the daily humorscopes for friday, may 18th

the daily humorscope

 

Friday, May 18, 2012

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Good day to sip tea. Remember to extend your pinkie!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fond of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist?
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect…
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Today you’ll suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and believe me, that’ll hurt.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Tomorrow when you wake up, you’ll make an unpleasant discovery. Sometime during the night, you’ll have been visited by the nostril hair fairy.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will be sucked into a multi-level marketing organisation today, and will lose all your friends, along with your self-respect. Later, though, you’ll realize that your new friends are much better than those old friends, and that you feel like you’re part of a big “family”. Or at least, that’s what you’ll say.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
As a joke, you should put an 8-foot-tall mucous-covered “egg” in your friend’s basement. Then, when he or she goes down to do a load of laundry…
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You will join a team, and have lots of fun. I’m not sure what sport it is, but the team name will be “The Screaming Weasels”.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Soon, through no fault of your own, you will catch someone underlining words in a library book. It’s just one of those signs, you know? Before the Apocalypse.

Your Daily Horoscopes for May 17th

It feels like a brand new world with the Moon in pioneering Aries today, yet her opposition to restrictive Saturn can hold us back until we have a better idea of where we’re going. And although we are building momentum now that energetic Mars is speeding up, we may nostalgically look back at what we had with Venus a couple days into her retrograde cycle. Nevertheless, we are still heading toward big changes that grow more inevitable every day.
Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are being offered a new deal when the Moon visits your excitable sign, emphasizing the extraordinary potential that unexpected opportunities bring. You can’t rely on old assumptions anymore since the rules are changing as you play the game. Don’t be cocky and think that everything you imagine will unfold according to your plans. You have something important to learn from the obstacles you now face in spite of your good intentions.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

You’re at another turning point in your life, but everything could seem more important now than it actually is. It still may take several months to gain clarity about your long-term goals, yet your current choices are instrumental in setting a new direction. Don’t be overly concerned if you can’t synthesize your desires into one single goal. Just allow your daydreams to flow without analysis; you will have plenty of time to make sense of it all later on.

 
Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

You wish you could bounce around from one amazing distraction to another today, but you are afraid that others might perceive you as being flighty and unreliable. Unfortunately, your restlessness only increases if you attempt to restrain yourself by finishing every single thing you start. Luckily, you will have time to complete projects soon enough; just enjoy your high spirits now, even if you’re secretly worried that you’re just wasting your time and energy.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

You might feel as if someone is pushing you to go faster than you prefer. Fortunately, you are enthusiastic about the prospects of where your work is leading, even if the potential instability also brings up old issues about your fear of change. Don’t let old memories get in the way of current opportunities. Thankfully, you won’t need to sacrifice too much security in order to keep up with how fast your life is unfolding.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Someone with authority may be granting you the freedom of choice now. You are being offered a fresh start, but you still have to take the initiative in order to follow your dreams. The path you choose may require time to manifest, but this is the chance to set your intentions. Take action today. Even if you don’t have all the details figured out, you can put the pieces together along the way.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You may be increasingly aware that something is missing from your life. It’s tricky to describe what you’re feeling now, but you realize that it’s time to let go of your old assumptions about what you can do. You might feel as if you’re being swept up by a big wave. However, if you say no and try to resist, you could end up regretting that you missed an opportunity of a lifetime.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Too much drama isn’t your idea of a good time, but someone could rock your world today by bringing surprising news, a significant opportunity or an innovative idea. However, it’s not wise to jump too quickly. Instead, exercising cautious optimism is a better strategy since anything that enters your life now looks better than it really is. Nevertheless, if you don’t turn your life inside out, you could take an important step on a major journey.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Making small improvements to your lifestyle by introducing new habits into your daily routine can have lasting positive impact. Fortunately, it’s easier than you expect to move past an old emotional pattern that prevents you from taking the next step on your path. However, there’s no latitude for halfway measures today. You know exactly what you must do now, so don’t delay any longer.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Although waves of nostalgia tempt you to hold on to the past, you have a narrow window of opportunity now to launch yourself into the future. Luckily, you aren’t one to turn down an invitation for a great adventure, so go ahead and set your sights on a far-off galaxy, strap on your seat belt and prepare for blast-off. Just don’t let your confidence grow into arrogance because you’re still likely to encounter a little turbulence along the way.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You need to reinvent your life now by remembering your personal history and retelling your story from a fresh perspective. Creating a new framework for the past enables you to envision radically different possibilities for the future. Nevertheless, your desire to break free from your present circumstances might stress you out because of the lack of security. Don’t worry if you need additional time to get everything in order before you make your move. It’s helpful to look back; just remember to also look ahead.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You can’t avoid the realization that your life is changing and the speed of events in your personal world seems to be accelerating. Even if you aren’t keeping up with everything, there’s no need for worry because the new routine looks like a lot of fun. However, if you experience self-doubt, remember that he who hesitates is lost. Ultimately, you can figure out a way to make it all work.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You may express a sigh of relief today as the pressure for change temporarily eases. Just keep in mind that your current growth phase isn’t finished; you simply have a chance now to move a project along at your own speed by taking a good idea and developing it further. You might be tempted to immediately jump right in, but impulsive actions won’t create the lasting results you seek. It’s more important to build momentum strategically than to rush ahead without knowing where you are going.

Your Love & Romance Horoscopes for May 17th

Aries

On the same day that Venus, planet of love is spending her first full day in retrograde motion in your communication sector, support from Saturn in your relationship sector locks into place. With both Venus and Saturn in retrograde motion, this opens the door to second chances on both the relationship and communication fronts and especially where they come together.

Taurus

Mars, planet of passion is facing his final hurdle and the last obstacles he has to face before being able to fully flex his muscles and really get the romantic passions flowing. It’s an opposition with Chiron, planet of healing that might be pushing some buttons, but with this comes a chance to finally lay some old ghosts to rest.

Gemini

On her very first full day in retrograde motion in your sign Venus, planet of love reaches out to Saturn, already in retrograde motion in your romantic sector. Support between the two planets controlling things on the romantic front locks into place, allowing you to draw on past experiences as a trip down memory lane takes on an even more romantic feel.

Cancer

With Pluto, the only planet currently controlling things on the relationship front already in retrograde motion and Venus, the only planet controlling things on the romantic front spending her first full day in retrograde motion, it’s now all about the past. The door is not only open to second chances, but to revise or relabel past experiences.

Leo

The Moon’s monthly visit to an adventurous part of your chart is smiling kindly on forces in your romantic sector, reminding you that love is not only a journey, but it’s more about what’s learned along the way than getting to your destination. Embrace love with a spirit of adventure and get excited about your options.

Virgo

Where things stand on the relationship front, what kind of pressure you’re experiencing and your reactions to things is going to tell a lot about the state of your relationships and the hold the past still has on you. You’ll either feel this intensively, not at all or anything in between, giving you a chance to see where things really stand.

Libra

Uranus, planet of surprise and synchronicity is now the only planet active in your relationship sector and it will be that way until early 2013. With the Moon not only back in your relationship sector but aligned with Uranus, it’s those hunches and gut reactions that have the power to create the right moment or to put you in the right place at the right time.

Scorpio

Mercury, planet of communication is spending his first, last and only full week in your relationship sector and due to leave in a week from today there’s a new sense of urgency when it comes to making sure that the communication lines are open. You’re in some defining days on the relationship front, with a need to make every opportunity to connect count.

Sagittarius

Having the Moon in your romantic sector as Venus, planet of love spends her first full day in retrograde motion in your relationship sector is a huge advantage, giving you an intuitive read on just how much the tides have turned. It’s by listening to your heart and your intuition that you’ll begin this new journey on the right foot.

Capricorn

When Jupiter, planet of luck returned to your romantic sector in June 2011 he had just over a year to bring your love game up to speed, to convince you of what’s possible and to get you to invest in all that you can. That year comes to an end in just under 4 weeks time, with an urgent need to put in what you most want to get back.

Aquarius

As Venus, planet of love spends her first full day in retrograde motion in your romantic sector a sense of romantic nostalgia is likely to be strong and as she’s still at a standstill, a sense that time is standing still. You’re still halfway between the past and the future, with a need to give your heart a chance to adjust to this change in focus.

Pisces

Since turning direct in your relationship sector last month Mars, planet of passion has been building up speed and momentum, but he always knew there was one more hurdle to cross and one more period of relationship pressure to navigate. You’re crossing that hurdle right now and if there is some relationship pressure, embrace it because it has the power to create a real breakthrough.

Your Daily Chinese Horoscopes for May 17th

Rabbit

Music is the answer if you are looking for a gift to impress a prospective partner or your significant other. You can get things going with the right mood music. Look for something new or unusual, some music from another culture could be stimulating.

Dragon

Whether you are already employed or are looking for work, it is important that you make a good impression today. Get your best duds on, shine your shoes, put on your best face. There could be a hugely important opportunity in your workplace right now.

Snake

You should not commit to seasons tickets to musical, entertainment or sporting events today. You may find you are unable to use them. Chances and rescheduling of events of all kinds are likely to frustrate recreational and social plans right now. Be prepared for anything to happen.

Horse

You’ll sort out an interesting issue with a friend or loved one. The experience will make everyone feel much more happy and secure. Be sure that everyone understands the consequences. There will have to be adjustment and the changes may be stressful at first.

Sheep

Other folks will be strongly interested in what you have to say today. You may have learned something about alternative healthcare, music or a craft, and will be able to share or teach something you love or are passionate about with others around you.

Monkey

You will find that your recent spate of generosity has some unlikely benefits. You could meet someone important to your career or financial goals as a result of your mutual membership in a club or charity. Your organizational skills have caught someone’s eye.

Rooster

You are in the spotlight today, and everyone is interested in what you have to say. You are attractive, exciting and interesting. If you have musical or creative talent it is a good time to get in front of an audience and show your stuff.

Dog

Your subconscious mind has finally exorcised the bats that have been floating around your belfry the past few days. You are suddenly clear and lucid, and have some amazing insights about yourself. You could have profound experiences during dreams, prayer or meditation today.

Pig

You could have a moment of profound insight about a friend, or a conversation with a friend could trigger awareness about your own thought processes. You will realize that you have to change some of your habitual reactions, and that idea will bring a great deal of positive change.

Rat

It looks like you could be headed for a promotion or a significant boost in your career. There will definitely be additional responsibilities, and for many this will mean extra work, but the working conditions, title, or support you receive from management will be increased.

Ox

You may be considering taking a trip or vacation soon. You will find that there are educational opportunities as well. Look for big ways to expand your boundaries and personal horizons. You have a chance to completely change your life.

Tiger

This is a good time for trying out new financial or investment ideas, especially those that arise as opportunities in your workplace. You may hear of changes in your sector that leave you feeling more “bullish” on the future of your career.

the daily humorscopes for thursday, may 17th

the daily humorscope

 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will get the peculiar urge to go outside and roll around in something yicky. Also, you’ll notice your ears are getting hairy.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
There will be a great disturbance in the force, today. Fortunately, it will be caused by a really funny lawyer joke sweeping through the Universe, so there’s no reason for you to worry.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You’ll be asked to knock it off.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce “sir” as “sair”, you can answer a lot of questions with either “yes air” or “nose hair.”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There’s something alive in there.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That’s just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitable candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That’s about what you should expect, though, from a cow “orker”.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Work has been stressful for you lately, and you’re not likely to see much change for the better unless you take matters into your own hands. This is a situation that calls for subtle guerilla tactics. Your best bet is to get up really early, and bake fresh cinnamon rolls to bring to work. Studies show that it’s really, really hard to dislike someone who gives you a fresh homemade cinnamon roll. Career advancement never tasted so good!

Your Horoscope Health Advisory

by Annie B. Bond

Every sun-sign of the zodiac has health issues that are associated with it. Best to have a heads-up!

By taking special care of yourself and your possible trouble-areas now, you clear the way for better overall health. (A note from Cait: I just recovered from a nasty kidney infection after ignoring the symptoms for awhile. If only I’d read this great little book earlier: kidney problems are often associated with my sign. Now I know to pay better attention!)

Use that ounce of prevention: get your sun-sign health advisory right here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: Fevers, inflammatory complaints, wounds, accidents.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Weakness in the throat or neck, congestion in the chest, afflictions arising from diet.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Afflictions of the shoulders, lungs and chest; biliousness, nervous debility, nervous diseases.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Chest injuries, bronchitis, pleurisy, pneumonia, diseases of the stomach, particularly those associated with worry.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: Injuries to the heart, eyes, back, and spine; weakness of the heart, angina, spinal afflictions, lumbago, eye diseases.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: Ailments of the abdomen and intestines, digestive debility.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: Kidney stones, sciatica, eczema, skin eruptions, kidney disease, nephritis, lumbago, worry, overstrained nerves.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: All ailments of the genitals, bladder and rectum, inflammations, nervous ills, worry, mental stress.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: Rheumatism or arthritis in the hips, thighs, and lower limbs; sciatica, sprains, hip dislocation, fracture of the thighs; nervous disorders, lung and throat afflictions, bronchitis, high blood pressure.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: Childhood ills, illness and injury that affects the knees, skin diseases, chills, arthritis, toothache, earache, migraine and headache, depression, anxiety neurosis, mood swings.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: Weakness and injury affecting the ankles, depression, anxiety, nervous disorders, spasms, paralysis, convulsive disorders, broken bones, poor circulation, varicose veins, rheumatism, electric shocks, danger from lightning.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: Injury and ailments concerning the feet, chills, dropsy, malfunctioning liver, infectious diseases.

Your Daily Horoscopes for May 16th

Our willpower is intense and our stamina strong as energetic Mars harmonizes with relentless Pluto today. We need this deep reserve of power now because the impulsive Aries Moon triggers quick reactions, but without the follow-through needed to finish what we start. Nevertheless, we still may grow discouraged when we realize that we won’t reach our goals overnight as confident Jupiter runs into an irritating quincunx with taskmaster Saturn.
Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

The Moon’s current visit to your active sign pushes you through some pretty bumpy territory today, but you’re capable of standing up to whatever challenges come your way. Handling the obstacles in your path requires hard work, yet you probably won’t feel depleted now even if you put out a lot of energy. But your good intentions won’t likely be enough; pace yourself and don’t quit, even if you face a minor setback along the way.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Your determination comes in handy today as you try to remedy a complex situation that has created its share of stress. Although you might not be able to put everything back together right away, don’t give up. Steer clear of taking a shortcut; temporary patches and quick fixes are not a smart idea. A little extra persistence will help you find a positive solution to the problem.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

You aren’t eager to stand up to a powerful person now and even just thinking about a confrontation makes you anxious. Luckily, the process should go more smoothly once you start a constructive conversation. Don’t freeze under pressure; you can outmaneuver nearly anyone if you remain mentally agile. If you are willing to learn from your opponent today, you will probably end up getting exactly what you need from the interaction.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Someone’s bad behavior doesn’t have to be a showstopper if you nip the problem in the bud. However, your plan could backfire if you try to suppress the expression of fear or anger. The smartest way to respond to this tricky situation now is to engage the other person by showing genuine concern and asking probing questions. Once you understand what’s happening, you can deal with the tension out in the open instead of shadowboxing with a hidden enemy.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Concerns about self-worth and net worth are more intertwined than you might think. Thankfully, you may feel quite optimistic because you’re in touch with the power of your emotions today. This is a good time to close a sale or ask for a raise, since your confidence inspires others. If your current actions are supported by your job performance, you are likely to get the money that you want out of the deal.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You are feeling special today, but relationships may be so intense now that life seems a bit overwhelming. You are tempted to go overboard by demonstrating your partnering skills because you want to give a special someone a show that he or she won’t forget. Luckily, the results could be extremely rewarding as long as you don’t lose sight of your purpose. If you put too much effort into appearing unrealistically perfect, others might walk away. Simply being yourself is your best strategy.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Maintaining your concentration is nearly impossible today if your curiosity is aroused. It’s difficult to ignore the information that is coming your way now because you realize its significance. However, you might be so sure of yourself that new facts won’t change your mind. Even if you think that you know what to do, remain open to the possibility of changing your mind.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You may be in a positive state of mind because your plans are unfolding on schedule now. But something is gnawing away at the edges of your awareness, no matter how upbeat you are feeling. Instead of attempting to ignore your pangs of uncertainty, explore the origins of your current doubts. Expand your thinking to integrate your fears; once you adjust to the new landscape, you should be able to navigate around the shadows of your subconscious without being afraid of the dark.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Expressing your feelings today might heat things up more than you expect, so it’s a good idea to proceed slowly. Unfortunately, suppressing your ideas adds tension to your relationships with co-workers. Although it may be challenging to strike a manageable balance between your optimism and your pessimism now, don’t give up. Do your best to keep communication channels open even if there’s no obvious resolution in sight.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You may be in a very expressive mood today, but what you’re saying isn’t easy for everyone to hear. Your uncharacteristic emotional intensity can surprise others and set them off balance. Yet, you aren’t interested in lighthearted banter; you want to go deep. Don’t waste your energy getting angry with someone who won’t match your serious attitude. Instead of trying to change anyone; observe your feelings and work to transform them in a positive manner.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You may grow restless today, especially if loved ones are being so nice to you that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Other people’s pleasantries might even seem like a sign of weakness. But don’t mistakenly harden your position now just to demonstrate your strength. Practice being strong and yielding at the same time, instead. Staying flexible in thought helps you move through your day with grace and gratitude.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You may be motivated by a co-worker or partner who seems to have all the answers today. Fortunately, competent peers help you be more productive now, but that isn’t a reason to give up your power to others. Instead look at the role you play in your own success, even if you are just one member on a team. Working with amazing people doesn’t have to rob you of your self-esteem if you’re willing to acknowledge your valuable contribution to the group effort.

Your Daily Love & Romance Horoscopes for May 16th

Aries

Today marks a turning point with Venus, planet of love turning retrograde in your communication sector, spending the next 73 days working to give your heart and unsaid words a voice. While other more practical forces will soon focus on opening the communication lines in general, Venus is more focused on your relationships.

Taurus

It was just over a month ago that Mars, planet of passion turned direct in your romantic sector, ending his retrograde phase but today Venus, planet of love turns retrograde. With the path to second chances already clearly marked, but with your romantic passions now directed to the future, this gives you the best of both worlds, with the door open to second chances and new beginnings.

Gemini

Today represents both a turning point on the romantic front, but also a reinforcement of something already in play. With Saturn in retrograde motion in your romantic sector since February you’re already on a trip down love’s memory lane but as Venus, planet of love turns retrograde in your sign the focus on the past intensifies.

Cancer

On the same day that Venus, planet of love turns retrograde in an already nostalgic part of your chart, you have the right amount of support and pressure on the communication front. While there may be some communication challenges, it’s on the relationship front that there is a chance for a breakthrough and for some healing.

Leo

Even though it may appear that nothing much is happening on the romantic front, what is building beneath the surface and behind the scenes is due to come to a head during a lunar eclipse in your romantic sector early next month. Until then choose to see love as a journey rather than a race to the finishing line.

Virgo

Just as you reach what should be a high pressure time on the relationship front, you’re likely to find that while the pressure is there that the anticipated reactions aren’t. For just as relationship pressure begins to peak support floods in from Pluto in your romantic sector, giving you the confidence to see this as the opportunity it is.

Libra

A week to the day since Mercury left your relationship sector, wrapping up an active 3 months on the relationship front, the Moon returns in what is a case of perfect timing. You’ve had a week to let things settle but it hasn’t been so long that you’ve forgotten what you’re striving for, with a chance today to tap back into what really matters.

Scorpio

While there may be some tension in the air today with Venus, planet of love turning retrograde in a passionate part of your chart, there is also an opportunity for a change of heart or for second chances. The love gods are battling for your attention, with romantic and relationship forces fighting to be heard, with a need to slow down and stay in the moment.

Sagittarius

The love gods are out in full today for just as Venus, planet of love turns retrograde in your relationship sector the Moon returns to your romantic sector, ensuring that you have an intuitive read on your heart as the tide turns. As Venus opens the door to second chances on the relationship front the spirit of romance is alive and well.

Capricorn

It was just a week ago today that Mercury, planet of communication returned to your romantic sector and for the first time since 2000 encountered Jupiter, planet of luck. You’re now in the end game in terms of turning romantic desires into reality or at least putting love on the right path, with a need to believe in love and in yourself.

Aquarius

Today represents a real turning point on the romantic front, one of many you’ll encounter over the coming weeks. It’s today that Venus, planet of love turns retrograde, beginning a 73 day trip down love’s memory lane that will open the door to second chances and a chance to make up for lost time.

Pisces

Mars, planet of passion and the warrior planet of the cosmos finds himself in a curious situation today. Coming into his own in your relationship sector he’s coming under pressure, creating some relationship tension, but within that tension is a sense that this creates an opportunity for a breakthrough, with some real healing and resolution possible.

Your Daily Chinese Zodiac Horoscopes for May 16th

Rabbit

If you and your significant other have needed to talk, this is the day you can make some major breakthroughs. All of a sudden the clam breaks open and no-one seems able to shut either of you up! Stop long enough to listen to each other, it will count.

Dragon

Your workplace is about to change due to changing needs in your family or at home. You will have an opportunity to improve your personal and financial security in the long run, though it may mean some risks, short-term changes, or sacrifices right now.

Snake

No matter what ails you, a little bit of brisk fresh air and exercise will help clear your head. Avoid high-impact and extreme sports, though. This will be one of those days if you have a parent who is urging you to add a new branch to the family tree.

Horse

Trust your intuition. You will have a insight into a relative’s behavior and attitudes, and that will help you connect with them in a more healthy and positive way going forward. Listen carefully, because you will learn something important.

Sheep

You may have interesting and unusual telephone calls and emails today. Someone could send you a hot invitation to a big party where there could be romantic opportunities, especially if you are single. If you are married, bring your significant other along, they need a break!

Monkey

Get ready for financial breakthroughs. If you have been looking for work, sharpen your pencil, dust off that resume, put on your best duds and hit the pavement. Today could be your lucky day. If you are employed look for a bonus, promotion or raise in the near future.

Rooster

Today is all about you, and you will be alternatively patting yourself on the back, then beating yourself up. Both extremes are not good for your self-esteem. Just remember that you are a human being, regardless of whether you are winning or losing the game from one moment to the next.

Dog

Your personal growth has reached a flat spot and you feel you need to find a leader or teacher. But are you sure that is really what you need? Maybe what you really need is to accept where you are at, and believe in who you are and what you know.

Pig

A friend or companion has decided that your unsolicited advice or feedback has merit after all, and they will be expressing their appreciation together with some sheepish apologies most likely. Do your best to be gracious and understanding, it’s not easy to admit you’re wrong.

Rat

Three solid days of positive energy have you full to nearly bursting with good will for your fellow man. You may find yourself invited to a number of social occasions, parties, or gatherings that feature large numbers of people and great opportunity for making new friends.

Ox

You may have an unusual opportunity to travel with or study with your significant other. Today is all about shared interests. If you want to stir your partner’s passions, bring home a good book or some tickets to that special seminar they wanted to attend.

Tiger

You will be thinking about redecorating, or tearing down part of your home to make way for some big changes today. You need to think big, but your loved ones could be threatened by any changes that you make, especially if you don’t include them in the planning stages.

the daily humorscopes for wednesday, may 16th

the daily humorscope

 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Excellent day to dig a very big hole. If you pile the dirt up around the sides, and make huge “paw prints” around it, you can have some fun by phoning a TV station and telling them about the gigantic gopher you saw.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will take a wrong turn, today, and become hopelessly lost. Eventually you will start a new life in Minnesota, along with all the other people who have little sense of direction. It’ll be ok, providing you like tuna casserole.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Today you will be struck by the notion that “Life is like one of those little cars that the Shriners get to drive.” You have a mind of great depth and profundity.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Today you will begin to have nagging doubts about your feet.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
This will be a very happy week for you. And you know what they’ve been saying about that for thousands of years, don’t you? “Happy Good! Me Like Happy!”
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far…)
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, is the rule for now. In fact, “nothing” will play a very large part in your future.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
It’s time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like “mashie” or “niblick” in casual conversation?
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Today you will find a bumper sticker that truly defines your sentiments. It will say “Buy More Socks!”.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Excellent day for unfettered optimism. Tomorrow: fettered optimism.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
So, you’ve decided to have children. Congratulations! You, er, do know that giving birth has been somewhat unfavorably compared to pushing a flaming log through your nostril? Just thought I’d mention that.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Good time to start on your trophy collection! (You can have them made for yourself, you know.) Personally, I’ve won the “International Tiddly Wink Open” three years running.

Your Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, May 15

We are determined to reach our goals, but may be frustrated because satisfaction seems just out of our grasp as beautiful Venus begins her 6-week retrograde phase. We try to be practical today, yet we are drawn back into our fantasies with the Moon in dreamy Pisces. The Moon’s shift into feisty Aries at 5:45 pm EDT increases our restlessness, but patience is rewarded now that Venus’ harmonious trine to Saturn delays gratification.
Aries Horoscope
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Managing your money requires more of your time now that you are attempting to solidify your financial position. You must focus your attention if you have put off your fiscal responsibilities. It’s challenging to deal with the real issues because you are so easily distracted these days. Nevertheless, you can quickly eliminate some unnecessary expenses simply by cutting back on a few social activities. Graciously declining an invitation today gives you more time to get your affairs in order.

Taurus Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Close friends and co-workers may perceive you as being more stable than you currently feel. It’s not that you’re hiding anything from them now; it’s just that you can use your charm to cover up your insecurities. Thankfully, you have a chance to build your self-esteem over the next few weeks, especially if you can be vulnerable with someone you trust. Expressing your uncertainty opens the door to a deeper conversation and a more intimate connection.

Gemini Horoscope
Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Everything seems to be moving too fast, yet you are being given an opportunity to slow down now that sweet Venus turns retrograde in your restless sign. Unfortunately, you might feel that personal relationships are overly complicated, yet you don’t want to lose what you already have gained. Thankfully, if you bring your concerns out into the open in a kind and gentle manner, you can establish an important foundation for whatever comes next.

Cancer Horoscope
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

You’re so close to achieving your goal, but now you may feel like you’re falling short as Venus turns retrograde just before reaching your sign. Whether you like it or not, it’s as if your personal fulfillment has been put on hold. Nevertheless, the weeks ahead can still bring happiness. Just remember that immediate gratification is only temporary, but working toward a meaningful long-term goal sustains your feelings of well-being.

Leo Horoscope
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your career objectives continue to be in the spotlight, and you really want your friends and co-workers to appreciate your efforts. Unfortunately, they don’t seem interested in going out of their way now just to make you feel good. Don’t actively seek recognition; pursuing fame only delays the recognition you want. Just stick to the tasks at hand and do the best job you can. The right people will acknowledge your contribution, even if it takes longer than you want.

Virgo Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You have a very realistic attitude about your long-term goals now, but you see two extremely different paths that could lead to the same ultimate destination. Your friends and associates may give you conflicting advice; nevertheless, you still need to make a decision. Instead of listening to everyone else’s opinions, make a list of all the pros and cons for each option. Your judgment will steer you in the right direction today as long as you trust the facts rather than your emotions.

Libra Horoscope
Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

You are particularly sensitive to your key planet Venus as she begins her retrograde cycle today, pulling you backwards in time. Frustrations could get in the way of your creative energy if you try to take a shortcut. But you can be wonderfully productive over the next couple of months if you’re willing to work methodically. Your challenge now is to harness your ambition and turn it into a practical plan that you can put into action.

Scorpio Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Your insatiable need to understand the deeper significance of things is sufficient to slow you down these days. You are dismayed that others are more driven to have a good time than they are to learn something new. Thankfully, you’re able to lean on a few very special friends from your past for the kind of support that you need. Ultimately, your ability to speak your truth inspires your friends to engage in the intense kind of interaction you seek.

Sagittarius Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Slow and steady actually has a better chance at winning the race today. But this isn’t just a clever phrase from an old children’s story. You must think like the tortoise now, and take one careful step after the next. If you race ahead like the hare, you’ll only run into difficulties later on. Planning for the distant future is pointless now unless you take care of things in the present moment.

Capricorn Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Pragmatic Earth energy abounds today, requiring you to analyze what you know again and again, before altering your direction. Everything at work seems to be moving along rather slowly, increasing your anxiety and triggering fantasies of running away. Although you could benefit from having more time to complete your job than you planned on, the delays can be rather frustrating. Nevertheless, don’t put off working on a project; it’s easier to accomplish something now than you might think at first.

Aquarius Horoscope
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You may be required to untangle a melodramatic soap opera in which you appear to play a leading role as romantic Venus does her retrograde dance in your 5th House of Love. Even if your life is relatively quiet now, you still could experience several weeks of relationship stress. Thankfully, differences can be resolved with repeated attempts to understand one another through honest dialogue. Compromise is the key to relationship success.

Pisces Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Domestic stress puts you through your paces during the weeks ahead, as Venus backtracks through your 4th House of Home and Family. It feels as if there are serious issues that need your immediate concern and intervention. Just don’t waste your precious energy trying to fix everything all at once. You can’t. Simply acknowledging that it will take time to work everything out can alleviate the pressure and help you cope on a daily basis.

Your Daily Romance Horoscopes for May 15th

Aries

During her last full day in direct motion Venus is working to ensure that your heart has a voice, but also that you are staying in the moment. At a standstill Venus is no longer moving forward, but not due to turn retrograde until tomorrow she’s not retracing her steps either, with the here and now the only thing you can focus on.

Taurus

In her last full day in direct motion Venus, planet of love and romance has come to a complete stop, giving you a chance to stay in the moment. This allows you to look out over the next few months in a way that doesn’t require action and chances are you’ll like what you see, even if you can’t explain a buoyant sense of romantic confidence.

Gemini

This is a day for staying in the moment and when it comes to your heart and all things romantic, to hold onto the stillness of the moment. At a standstill ahead of her retrograde turn in your sign tomorrow Venus is neither moving forward or moving backwards, creating a stillness around your heart that allows you to get inside what you really feel and want.

Cancer

A very busy and active 3 months on the professional front only ended last week and chances are you’re still working to recover the right work/life balance. This is something that will happen naturally and with the door to the past already open on the relationship front and about to open on the romantic front, it’s never too late to make up for lost time.

Leo

The Moon’s visit to your relationship sector over the weekend may have evoked some seemingly contradictory responses, yet there is no right or wrong. There will always be too realities, one the fantasy of what could be and the other the harsh reality checks, with a need to favour neither but instead work on finding a middle ground between the two.

Virgo

As Mars, planet of passion draws closer to an opposition with Chiron, planet of healing in your relationship sector, the more you’re likely to feel personal and relationship pressure building. Yet this is the last hurdle you’ll have to cross and with the Moon in your relationship sector you’re able to get to the bottom of what’s pushing your buttons and why.

Libra

When Mercury, planet of communication left your relationship sector last week he wrapped up an active and defining 3 months on the relationship front, to a point where what you see now is what you’ll get. It’s where Mercury spent time helping you to open the communication lines that you need to take over, ensuring the ball isn’t dropped.

Scorpio

Having the Moon in your romantic sector in what is a powerful and important relationship week gives you a chance to keep things in perspective. While there may be some pressure or tension, it’s more a case that the healing process is underway, for if you can’t feel you can’t heal. Stay in the moment as much as possible.

Sagittarius

As Venus, planet of love spends her last full day in direct motion in your relationship sector this puts you in a bit of a no man’s land. At a standstill Venus is no longer moving forward, but because she hasn’t turned retrograde yet she’s not moving backwards either. Forget where you’ve been or where you’re going and stay in the moment.

Capricorn

With the Sun just 6 days away from leaving your romantic sector and Mercury spending his first, last and only full week here, there is a new sense of urgency, as you sense that where you once had plenty of time that this has changed. It’s time to open your eyes to what you want from love, to where you need to take responsibility and work to give your heart a voice.

Aquarius

There is a sense of stillness surrounding your heart today that needs to be protected at all costs, by staying in the moment. Venus, planet of love is at a standstill ahead of her retrograde turn in your romantic sector tomorrow, but no longer moving forward but having not yet turned back, everything is in suspended animation today.

Pisces

Instead of moving into your romantic sector, as she should have by now Venus, planet of love has come to a standstill ahead of her U turn tomorrow. While she won’t now return until August the romantic conditions will be much better then, as well as buying you extra time now to focus on your relationships

Your Daily Chinese Horoscopes for May 15th

Rabbit

You are a little too focused on your work, career, or the daily grind at the moment. There is money coming, but you are acting like you are terrified the world will come to a halt if your fingers are not worn down to the nubs. Take a break, would you?

Dragon

You are way overdue for some fun. You have been working too hard lately, and your body is screaming “Slow down!” at you. That may manifest in the form of a cold, some aches and pains, or strange coincidences that push you out of “”ork think” into “play mode”.

Snake

Your family members, loved ones or relatives may gripe about the amount of time you spend working, but they have no complaints about spending the proceeds. You just may have to point that out to them today. You may be surprised and gratified when the response is one of sheepish apology.

Horse

This is definitely not a good time to go shopping for cell phones, computers, PDAs and other electronic or communication devices. They are likely to be the wrong model, break down easily or be more costly in the long run than you had anticipated. If you must buy these toys, get good warrantees.

Sheep

You will be strongly tempted to comfort-spend today. Be careful, that gigantic bargain could turn into a white elephant as soon as you pull out of the shopping mall’s parking lot. Leave impulsive purchases for another day when you are more clear about what you really want.

Monkey

You may have an opportunity to take on a leadership role or to stand above the crowd today, but don’t let new authority go to your head. You may find that some of the people you counted on to be supportive will have to be wooed and pursued.

Rooster

You feel anxious and uncertain and don’t know why. You need a feeling of greater stability around you and will be reaching out for trustworthy advice and feedback. A friend or companion could provide the insight you are seeking. Your mood will come around when you sort out the details.

Dog

Don’t go traveling with close friends or in groups if you have a choice. You may find that commuters are erratic today, making sudden lane changes without signaling, cutting you off. Don’t take it personally. They aren’t doing it on purpose, they are just distracted and careless today.

Pig

You might have to make some hard choices about your career, but it’s all ultimately for a good cause. You could let go of something you thought you needed, only to find out it was that very thing getting in the way of your getting ahead.

Rat

Communication, travel and higher education will be on your mind, but mundane gossip and distractions from people close to you are keeping you from setting your goals and sticking to them. While there is good news coming, you may be forced to shout “Quiet!” several times today.

Ox

Your value system or personal resources may be challenging to a friendship in some way. “You’ve changed!” is the lament, and there may be some truth to it. People do sometimes grow together, and sometimes they grow apart. You can’t go backwards.

Tiger

Your mate or partner may be insisting you “settle down”, or vice versa. Somehow there will be issues involving commitment, stability, security and-or the children in your lives. Communication is the key – talking things out will actually help, give it a try!

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, may 15th

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Strange things continue to happen. Today you will put on a long-sleeved shirt, only to discover that the sleeves now extend past your fingertips. You didn’t say anything inappropriate to an elderly British gentleman with strange green eyes, recently? Let’s hope not.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Musical inspiration will strike you today, and you’ll invent some sort of new instrument that looks like a Hoover vacuum bag with a few bits of odd plumbing sticking out of it. The good thing is, the instrument will rivet people’s attention to such a degree that you can indulge your tendency towards cross-dressing without anyone noticing!
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Hug day, today. Various people you know will come up and give you a hug, for no apparent reason. You will find this moderatly embarrassing.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Dogs barking. Can’t fly without umbrella.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will begin making strange facial expressions, completely unconsciously, in which you push your lips out as far as possible. Also, you will begin spending hours staring at tropical fish.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Good time to wear WAY too much cologne. Well actually, that’s generally not a problem for people who wear cologne. Usually, they have no sense of smell. (Oh come on – you think they’d do that on purpose??)
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You will finally begin your novel! This is very good, since if you’d decided to write a screen play, you would have had to move to California and drive a taxi.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will lurk, today. There’s nothing that wrong with lurking, after all, and it’s occasionally somewhat refreshing. In fact, you’ll soon begin work on How To Lurk, a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will name the “Nighty Knight”. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Today you will be struck by an odd thought. It will do little actual damage, fortunately.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Good day to use the expression “just dandy” as much as possible. Tomorrow: “okey dokey” day.

Interacting with Totems Part 4

Interacting with Totems

Author: Robert Oakes

Once the totem has been identified and understood, it is time to learn how to interact directly with the animal spirit.

Totems form an invaluable ally on the spiritual path. Acting as healers, protectors, teachers, and guides, they can have a profound impact in one’s life.

Part 1 of this article looked at recognizing the various types of totems, while part 2 addressed finding a personal totem. Part 3 covered working with the totems in daily life, and part 4 will deal with interacting with the totem.

The following sections are tools and methods that can be employed in creating a beneficial relationship with an animal totem.

Guided Visualizations/Journey

Having access to someone that is adept at shamanic journeying is probably the best way of having interaction with a totem. Be careful in selecting someone to do this work, as many people like to see themselves as a shaman, but do not have the discipline and training. As with everything else use common sense, caution, and look at their track record. If it feels wrong then it almost always is, and conversely if it is appropriate then it should feel that way.

Not having access to a traditional or contemporary practitioner is not the only way to contact totems. Guided visualizations, either commercially done on a CD/MP3, or ones personally prepared from a script can be used to journey with totems.

Oracle Cards

Jamie Sams Medicine Cards, or Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm’s Druid Animal Oracle are both solid sources of information on specific totems, and offer a useful tool in receiving guidance.

Totem Dreams

As mentioned in part 2, dreams can be used to interact with totems. These can be spontaneous dreams that carry messages from a totem, or ones that are incubated by the dreamer. Incubation can be as simple as asking the totem to bring a message in a dream. It is helpful to make the request formally before going to sleep, maybe with an appropriate offering. Examples of an offering might be tobacco tied in cloth, or food put out for that totem.

Song

Almost all pagan cultures use song or chant to connect with spirits and totems. If possible, learn a traditional song for the totem, or using chant and words create a new one. Song can be a touchstone to communicate with a totem and call in their assistance.

Prayer

Prayer forms the most basic type of communication. Prayer is simply focused intention and it can be done internally or verbally. As long as prayer comes from the heart, it is effective in communicating with totems and spirit in general.

Vision Quest

Time spent alone in nature on a fast, is one of the most effective means in connecting to a totem or guiding spirit. The silence it provides is the perfect space to hear spirit.

Totem Art

Sacred art exists the world over, and can be a conduit for spirit communication. Both creating totem art and having it nearby can be a powerful touchstone to that animal’s medicine.

Carvings can also be used to represent the medicine of animal. A carving imbued with the spirit of a totem is called a fetish, and can be used to connect to a totem more easily.

Sweat Lodges Ceremonies

Sweat lodges are found in most cultures around the world in one form or another. Cultures such as the Ojibwe (Anishinaabe) of central Canada have sweat lodge ceremonies that focus on interaction with totem animals.

The sweat lodge creates the perfect environment to have profound spirit contact.

Totem Assistance and Messages

Totems can often bring important messages. This might be in the form of dreams or visions, or it might be in waking reality. Be observant of animals and their behavior. Watch for unusual or repetitive antics, especially of those of a primary totem. Take note if the totem looks healthy or sick. Seeing the totem with food in its mouth can be a sign of abundance. Watch for synchronicities.

Get in the habit of asking for a totem’s assistance when requiring protection, healing or guidance. Like any relationship, familiarity strengthens the bond.

References

Animal Speak; The Spiritual and Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small, Ted Andrews, Llewellyn Publications ,1996

The Once Unknown Familiar; Shamanic Paths to Unleash Your Animal Powers, Timothy Roderick, Llewellyn Publications ,1994

Medicine Cards; the Discovery of Power Animals through the Ways of Animals, Jamie Sams, St Martin Press, 1999

Druid Animal Oracle, Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Fireside, 1995

Working with Totems Part 3

Working with Totems

Author: Robert Oakes

Totems animal spirits are an invaluable ally not only when dealing with spirit realms, but also when trying to understand life lessons.

Understanding that animal spirits choose to work with humans both in spiritual and mundane matters can be highly beneficial.

Part 1 of this article looked at recognizing the various types of totems, while part 2 addressed finding a personal totem. Part 3 will cover working with the totems in daily life, and part 4 will deal with interacting with the totem.

Greatest Strength, Greatest Challenge

A primary totem can point out the greatest strengths someone carries, as well as their areas of greatest challenge. Often this is two sides of the same coin, as the weakest area can turn into their strength if they do their work. For example, let’s say someone’s primary totem is elk. One of the aspects of elk medicine is stamina and strength. Now this person just so happens to have a chronic health condition that causes fatigue and exhaustion. By turning to elk medicine in times of greatest challenge, they will come to develop deep wells of inner strength and resiliency. By working through this issue they will not only come out much stronger than they started, but also will be able to go on much longer than anyone around them. Their greatest challenge became their greatest strength.

Animal Behavior

Ethology is the study of animal behavior. By learning about animal behavior, a person can get great insight into the medicine of a totem. Knowledge about animal behavior not only develops insight into the totem, but into the person working with that totem as well. How the animal behaves in the wild relates to how the person will work with that totem medicine in terms of interpersonal relations, adversity and daily life routines.

Diet

Although it is a generalization, people do tend to eat according to the active totem in their life. If the animal is a carnivore, then they will probably need to eat meat at least from time to time. Hoof clans tend to be grazers and will snack throughout the day. Wolves will gorge themselves at one sitting and might not eat for a long while. Bears will eat everything in sight and still look in the fridge for more.

Power Times and Environment

The totem’s natural energy cycle will influence the holder of that medicine. What time of day or year is the totem most active? What type of climate do they like? When is their mating time? When is their birthing time? What part of the year represents their greatest challenge? These are all things that come into play in a person’s life when working with a primary totem.

Interactions

Totems influence daily interpersonal interactions. This can be in intimate relationships, business transactions and family life. Understanding how the primary totem acts socially will give clues to how the person carrying that medicine will behave. This is covered in greater detail in the article on totems and relationships.

Protection

One of the most powerful ways a totem can assist is in the form of protection. Just simply asking the totem for protection is recognized as a powerful defense in most pagan cultures. This might be protection from spirit based forces, or from more immediate physical threats.

Life Path

The type of totem gives interesting clues to life path and purpose. As mentioned in part 1, totems can be indicative of a certain type of medicine. Some basic examples of this would be:

  • Wolf – teacher, pathfinder
  • Bear – healer
  • Cougar – leadership
  • Elk – spirit messengers
  • Eagle or Buffalo – prayer work
  • Coyote – trickster teacher

Overall a totem will point to major work that person has come into this life to fulfill. Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak, Jamie Sams’Medicine Cards, or Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm’s Druid Animal Oracle would all be good places to start learning about specific totem medicines.

References

Animal Speak; The Spiritual and Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small, Ted Andrews, Llewellyn Publications ,1996

The Once Unknown Familiar; Shamanic Paths to Unleash Your Animal Powers, Timothy Roderick, Llewellyn Publications ,1994

Medicine Cards; the Discovery of Power Animals through the Ways of Animals, Jamie Sams, St Martin Press, 1999

Druid Animal Oracle, Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Fireside, 1995