10 Ways To Begin To Find Yourself Again (Codependency)

10 Ways To Begin To Find Yourself Again (Codependency)

  • Christy Diane Farr

“I’ve been reading your articles about codependency. You’re right, I don’t know myself anymore. I eat what my husband wants to eat. I go where my kids want or need to go. I even do a job I don’t love because my boss thought I’d be great at it, and I am but what about me? Where did I go? I don’t even know how to start to find myself. ”

Frankly, it sucks to realize that we’ve wondered this far away from ourselves. This week, I spoke with four different women who are beginning to pick up the pieces. There are a million different paths back to you but here are a few basics to get you started.

1. Google “codependency”.

2. Read anything by Melody Beattie.

3. Adopt these rules (all year around): 5 Rules For Holidays That Don’t Suck.

4. If you are one who can always be counted on for a YES, read this: Why Do I Keep Saying Yes?

5. Consider a 12-step program.


6. Hire a life coach who does this kind of work with their clients. (Yes, of course, I am one.)

7. Take a few minutes for yourself every single day… no matter what. (If you don’t know what to do with those few minutes, consider starting with some of the items on this list.)

8. Ask yourself what you want and be still until you hear an answer.

9. Do what your intuition tells you to do. (See number 8.)

10. Take the Ultimate Cody (Codependency) Challenge.

This isn’t a formal thing. It just came through me during a coaching session a while ago, but it works. I’ve done it myself and it’s working for others who do it. Commit to discovering and document something new about you every single day. It can be something new that you never knew before, or something you used to know but that slipped away with all of the focus on parents, children, partners, work, and the world.

It can be foods, music, colors, people, hobbies, books, movies, the temperature of the house, or the way you cut your hair. It might be something you love to do, like acting or dancing, or something you want to know more about, like being a vegetarian or learning a new language.

It doesn’t matter what it is. Just notice you, without the influence of others because it’s not any one thing that slipped away while you were busy reacting the world around you. It’s a million little things. And if you take a moment day after day to reconnect with your truth, your impulses, your preferences, your favorites, you’ll find your way back home to you. I promise.

I’ve challenged clients to do this every day for a week to just get started, a month to go a little further, and I had one client who did this for a year. It’s easy and fun. You can share it with others or keep it to yourself. If you’re feeling a little lost, or incredibly lost, this challenge will carry you right back to the one you were born to be… one simple thing at a time.



The Power Animal can be consulted in order to obtain advise on problems. This is
commonly called “divination”. To do this, simply journey to the Lowerworld to
see your animal. Your Power Animal is usually quite close by and you won’t have
to journey far before you see it. Quite often it is at the end of the tunnel.

When you see your Power Animal, silently greet it and pose your question. Most
often the Power Animal will provide the answer by moving it’s body in an unusual
way. However, sometimes it may lead you on a journey. The experiences of the
journey will be relevant to your answer.

The first few times you do this, it is best to keep your answers simple so that
they may be answered in a “yes” or “no” form. When you become more experienced
in understanding the animal’s language, the questions can be more complicated.

You should keep some form of diary in which to record your shamanistic
experiences. These you should record as soon as you finish a journey so that the
memory is still clear.

You need not wait until you have a problem before you undertake a journey to see
your animal guardian. It is beneficial to visit without posing a question. You
will find positive things happening in your life around such visits.