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Daily General Horoscopes for June 8

Aries

As Mercury, planet of communication spends his first full day in your home and family sector he’s giving you a chance to begin the process of opening the communication lines on the home front. This is the first planetary activity you’ve had on the home front this year and it comes just as you’re moving into some defining and busy weeks on the work front. From the get go, do what you can to ensure you have the right work/life balance.

Taurus

The money gods have been hard at work in your chart over the last few days, with just the second lunar eclipse in your financial sector in a decade and the second and last Venus eclipse in your income sector, in your lifetime, falling within 2 days of each other. This has put all your cards on the table and on the income front in particular has created a new sense of resolve and despite any pressure or intensity, a new sense of confidence.

Gemini

Both the lunar eclipse in your relationship sector earlier in the week and the Venus eclipse 2 days ago all involved the Sun and have already shaped the coming year, whether you realise it or not. You will always be confronted by a Full Moon during your birthday month, making sure that you’re not asleep at the wheel and the Sun and Venus will often align in your sign, giving you a clear sense of what you want from the future. What was different this year, was the strength of the message and the wake up calls.

Cancer

While the internal focus and a sense of nostalgia will remain Mercury, planet of communication has had enough of that. Mercury has returned to your sign bringing the first planetary activity for the year and while your new solar year and birthday month won’t begin for another 13 days, this gives you a head start. Expect the mental fog to clear from today, giving you a lot more mental clarity.

Leo

Your one real escape from life’s pressures and realities is a growing sense of camaraderie in your chart. With the laws of attraction and synchronicity in play, it’s a sense of togetherness that is making being a team player more important than ever. On both the personal and professional fronts, it’s when you’re linking up with others that you’ll feel the most support and you’re more likely to find your wings.

Virgo

Life has become a lot more professionally focused over recent weeks and this is only going to continue, making it important to hold onto the balance between work and play that you’ve worked hard to achieve. It’s Mercury’s return to a social and serendipitous part of your chart that has helped put things into perspective, ensuring that the communication lines are open when it comes to personal and professional networking.

Libra

Just 3 days after Neptune turned retrograde in your work sector, bringing an active phase on the work front to an end and beginning the review phase, Mercury has returned to open new doors on the career front. While Mercury himself is only here for 2 weeks, with the Sun returning before he leaves and then Venus in early August, this is when new doors start to open. Mercury’s intellectual savvy gives you a chance to review your options.

Scorpio

After a financially dominated week to date and even more financial forces building, there is a chance for some light relief and a different perspective today, as Mercury settles into a more adventurous part of your chart. Mercury is only here for a few weeks, but creates a chance to open your mind to things in life that are free or to the options across all the currencies of your life. At what is a highly charged time for money matters Mercury is here to remind you that it’s not all about the money.

Sagittarius

The Moon leaves your income sector today, just hours after Mercury returned to your financial sector, keeping the focus on your money game but bringing a shift in dynamics. Yet if you can hold onto the financial instincts and the nose for money the Moon leaves you with and the smart head for money Mercury is now bringing into play, this will give you a real edge. The first planetary activity in your financial sector for the year gives you a chance to bring things up to speed.

Capricorn

Mercury, planet of communication has broken free from the forces on the work front, returning to your relationship sector just 4 days before Jupiter, planet of luck is due to leave your romantic sector. You’ve reached a point of no return, with the professional focus only intensifying over the coming weeks, but you have a chance today to counter this with equal focus on your personal life. It starts with a chance to open the communication lines.

Aquarius

Mercury’s return to your work sector has been a small step by a small planet but a giant leap as far as your professional year is concerned. You’ve had no planetary activity in either of your professional houses since the Sun left your career sector last November and while Mercury is only here for 2 weeks this smart and intellectually savvy energy kicks off a professional phase that won’t run its course until 2015.

Pisces

Mercury’s return to your romantic and creative sector is destined to have a big impact over the coming months, even though he’s only here for 2 weeks. At what is an important time on the relationship front this creates a chance to bring a sense of romance back into play, as well as a chance to give your heart a voice and to put heart and mind on the same page. All of a sudden simply going through the motions is no longer enough.

Weekend Lunar Love Horoscope for June 8 – 10

Weekend Love: Lunar Love

 by Jeff Jawer

 

From Head to Heart

June 8 – 10

There’s a journey from head to heart this weekend, starting on Friday with the brainy Aquarius Moon providing the distance needed to see beyond emotions to gain a more objective picture of relationships. Happily, an imaginative little Mercury-Neptune trine adds creativity to communication and spurs romantic dreams.
There’s a shift in the lunar winds with the Moon’s entry into supersensitive Pisces on Saturday afternoon. This emotionally enveloping sign is most comfortable in the realms of dreams, intuition and spirituality. The Moon’s conjunction with surreal Neptune makes the night perfect for indulging fantasies. Escaping reality may limit good judgment and common sense, but who cares about practicalities when we’re dancing with abandon and loving without limits. However, skin is thinner than usual now, increasing vulnerability and, for some, uncertainty. But this is not the time to worry about tomorrow or even the realities of the moment. Compassion, connection and communion are more important now than whatever the future might bring.
Sunday continues this sweet trend of flowing with feelings. It doesn’t matter who we’re with or what we do as long as we are kind and forgiving. There are no scores to settle or any serious issues to address at this time. Tenderly accompanying someone in his or her moment of need dissolves boundaries and invites intimacy without expectation. There’s no finer gift than the one we receive when we open our hearts to others.

Daily Love & Romance Horoscopes for June 8

Aries

While there is a heavy focus on both your relationships and communication at the moment, in just a few weeks time your romantic situation will get the first real boost of the year. While you can’t make this happen any sooner than it’s scheduled for, you can make sure that you’re ready by working now to make your life as love friendly as possible.

Taurus

The way to make the most of Mars’ final weeks in your romantic sector is not to approach love with fearfulness or hesitancy, but with a bold and fearless approach. You’ve reached a point where your greatest fear should no longer be getting it wrong but living to regret not having taken more risks.

Gemini

With Venus, planet of love in retrograde motion in your sign and Saturn in retrograde motion in your romantic sector, on the romantic front the focus is on the past and the door to second chances and to old feelings. Yet on the relationship front the focus is on the future and where a lunar eclipse earlier in the week may have shaken things up, it was a reminder that it’s time to move on.

Cancer

As the Moon leaves your relationship sector he’s likely to leave some strong emotional responses in his wake, after a visit that is likely to have stirred things up and pushed buttons to a much stronger degree this time around. Yet this is an advantage, for it’s into this energy that Mercury has returned to your sign, giving you a voice.

Leo

After an extraordinary few days on the romantic front the Moon returns to your relationship sector today, giving you a chance to not only give your relationships some much needed attention, but to channel some real magic into your relationships. Focus less on relationship issues and more on how you can spice things up.

Virgo

With Neptune in retrograde motion in your relationship sector and Pluto in retrograde motion in your romantic sector, the only planet influencing things on the personal front that is still in direct motion is Chiron, planet of healing. But with Chiron turning retrograde in just 4 days time it seems there is no escaping the past or its old ghosts.

Libra

The Moon’s return to your romantic sector today offers light relief, just as relationship pressure is starting to take hold. This also gives you a chance to keep things in perspective, with an intuitive read on your heart and its emotional responses giving you a better idea on what any pressure or tension is trying to tell you.

Scorpio

A lot of water has passed under the bridge since Jupiter first returned to your relationship sector last June and since things first began moving on the relationship front last April. Now in the final days of summing things up it’s more about the path you want your relationships to take and about where to from here.

Sagittarius

While a Venus eclipse in your relationship sector 2 days ago is magical, it was also very raw and having revealed what you really want and need from your relationships, the gap between that and reality may be hard to face. Yet there is a need to trust that the love gods are on your side and closing that gap is a lot easier than you might think.

Capricorn

Mercury’s return to your relationship sector has brought the first planetary activity for the year, giving you a chance to kick things off with communication and words. Mercury is only here for 19 days, but as the planet of communication he’s here to ensure that things start off the way they can continue.

Aquarius

While Mercury has left your romantic sector, his position here over the last 2 weeks and over the last few days in particular has allowed you to put heart and mind on the same page and wear both on your sleeve. As you move into some very game changing romantic times work to ensure your heart retains that voice, now that Mercury has moved on.

Pisces

Mercury’s return to your romantic sector since Mars is in his final and most urgent weeks in your relationship sector might create some competition, but both will benefit from activity in the other. Mars and your relationships will benefit from the spirit of romance Mercury is now bringing into play and the voice this is able to give your heart.

Daily Chinese Horoscopes for June 8

Rabbit

The key to communication today is to keep in mind that no matter how critical someone may seem, they actually have your best interests at heart. So, if someone takes you to task over your diet, exercise patterns or commitment to medical treatments, remember, they love you.

Dragon

The way you make, save, and invest your money for the future has been undergoing a lot of dramatic changes lately, and you could benefit from finding an established professional or expert advisor. Make sure that you find someone who understands your unique needs.

Snake

Open your eyes and close your mouth. You will tend to be temperamental and somewhat anxious, and are vulnerable to saying the wrong thing at the worst moment. Don’t let yourself be goaded into confrontations that you can’t win, especially with relatives and loved ones.

Horse

In the morning you will feel lazy, self-indulgent and unfocused, and that feeling could intensify throughout the day. That may be just as well, ironically, because any new initiatives you would start in the afternoon may have to be rethought.

Sheep

You may find that your energy and the attitude of a friend are at odds right now. You have been through some spiritual changes and they haven’t kept up with the changes in your values. You may find they are asking you a lot of challenging questions today.

Monkey

You may find yourself at odds with authority figures, possibly those individuals in your family, or the family of your partner, who hold the purse strings or the keys to the big parties you’d like to attend this year. You will not be in the mood to schmooze and may be forced to play the “genteel host or hostess”.

Rooster

This is not the time to sink a large amount of money into a trip, and it is definitely not a good time to put travel or educational expenses on your credit cards. Resist the impulses coming from your itchy feet and sink that money into savings or paying down debts.

Dog

This is your day to make amends for an offense you caused someone recently. You may not quite be ready to say you were wrong, and if you are not sincere, then it may be better that you wait until you feel you truly understand the other person’s point of view.

Pig

You may feel impatient with a loved one or partner right now, but it’s not really them that is the problem – there is a meddlesome parent or family member somewhere in the picture. Talking things out could bring up an ideal way to sort out the differences.

Rat

You may have to spend money on medications or herbal remedies today. Be sure that you understand how different medications and herbs can react before you start any new treatment schedule. You will feel better if you know more about your own health.

Ox

Listen to the children in your life. If you are not a parent, and don’t have nieces or nephews, go borrow a friend’s kids and just pay attention to what they come up with. Cosby and Linkletter observed that kids say the darndest things – they are often a profound source of wisdom, too.

Tiger

Family members may seem to be determined to be contrary today. Instead of trying to get them to see your point of view, try putting yourself into their shoes. The change in perspective could bring the answers you need to put everyone back into harmony again.

the daily humorscopes for friday, june 8

the daily humorscope 

Friday, June 08, 2012

 

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You would be ill-advised to try to shoot kidney beans out your nose, today. (Yes, I know you were thinking of it.)

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Go wild today! Try a different brand of ramen noodles — or even go so far as to sprinkle a little chopped green onion over them!

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You will think of something hysterically funny, but not have anyone to tell it to.

 

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Good day to go around “nudging” people.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that…

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than Akron, Ohio.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That’s just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Chaos will ensue, when you are accidentally hit by a motorist, just as a bus full of lawyers specializing in insurance claims is passing by on the way to a conference. The bus will literally erupt into a heaving mass of clawing, screaming, and briefcase-bashing lunatics. Eventually they’ll take out a class-action lawsuit against you.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named “Brutus”, it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective…

 

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn’t though — it’s just a vitamin B12 deficiency.

 

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You should look into some of that new “dream interpretation” software. That recurring dream about being naked in a hot tub with the Pope and Bill Gates is probably a really common one.

Your Daily General Horoscopes for June 7th

Aries

During yesterday’s very rare Venus eclipse the planet of love crossed over the face of the Sun in your communication sector, revealing all the feelings and words your heart needs to express. With Mercury, planet of communication leaving your communication sector today, but not before helping you to find your voice, do what you can to ensure that the communication lines remain open, with a new sense of authenticity possible.

Taurus

Just a day after the Sun and Venus aligned to form a very rare Venus eclipse in your income sector Mercury moves on, leaving you with the smart head for money that allows you to manage what has been a dramatic few days on the money front. Having had a lunar eclipse in your financial sector and a Venus eclipse in your income sector within 2 days of each other has brought most things to a head.

Gemini

Having the Moon in your financial sector as Mercury returns to your income sector is giving you both an advantage and a disadvantage. On one hand this ensures that your financial instincts are sharp as a smart head for money kicks in, but this also puts them in opposition, creating some financial tension. Yet even then this creates some timely wake up calls, as your income situation gets its first planetary support for the year.

Cancer

Even though there is a lot of internal focus at the moment, with an abundance of planetary forces in an internally focused part of your chart, this has created an opportunity for some inner discovery that could be life changing. With Jupiter, planet of luck getting involved next week, this isn’t something you should fight and should instead embrace it, especially as this gives you a chance to transform your world from the inside out.

Leo

The Moon has returned to your work sector for one last visit before Jupiter, planet of luck and expansion leaves your career sector in just 5 days time. When Jupiter leaves your career sector next week Pluto, in retrograde motion in your work sector, will be the only planet active on the professional front, with the Moon giving you a chance today to tap into the very forces that will keep your professional year on track. Trust your hunches and your professional instincts.

Virgo

When Venus travelled across the face of the Sun in your career sector yesterday, in a rare Venus eclipse, it put your professional desires and reality on the same page, allowing you to see what you want, where things stand and what’s possible. With Jupiter, planet of luck and expansion just 6 days away from your career sector, you’re starting to wake up to the fact that things have changed and the roll that you’re now on.

Libra

Hold onto a sense of adventure, a sense of curiosity and an awareness of how many options life has, for despite the fact that new doors are about to open on the career front and life does go on, this feeling is here to stay. Something has shifted and it’s no longer okay to simply go through the motions, with the more you wake up to what you’ve been missing out on, the less willing you’ll be to remain sitting on life’s sidelines.

Scorpio

Over the last few days you’ve experienced a lunar eclipse in your income sector and an even rarer Venus eclipse in your financial sector, bringing all sides of your money game to a head. As Mercury wraps up his short visit to your financial sector he’s working to leave you with the smart head for money needed to work with the financial forces this has unleashed. While the stars incline they don’t control, with a need to take your power back.

Sagittarius

It’s clear that the relationship forces in play are not only evolving but that there are some real shifts taking place. Just 3 days ago a lunar eclipse brought some real wake up calls while a Venus eclipse yesterday saw the planet of love step in and take control. With even more shifts ahead, but with the planet of luck about to get involved, there’s a need to trust that the love gods are on your side. What is essential is having the communication lines open.

Capricorn

All of a sudden things have become a lot clearer on the work front, as you start to realise just how many options you have. It’s in his final hours in your work sector that Mercury is giving you the intellectual savvy to make some smart choices, decisions and plans and to work smarter. This is very much an evolving situation, with some major shifts over the coming days, with a need to have a game plan flexible enough to allow for this.

Aquarius

What makes it easy to tap into the playful and romantic energies in play at the moment, making heart lead themes so dominant, is that you have no planetary influence in either of your professional houses and haven’t all year. However, that’s about to change and as the doors get ready to open on the work front there’s an urgent need to find a balance between work and play. For where you’re going playful and professional forces will both dominate.

Pisces

If it’s starting to feel like you’re at the bottom of your own priority list and you’re starting to wonder when it’s going to be your turn, the answer is now. There is a shift today that might not be felt at the time but will over the coming days, as the heavens finally get around to paying a playful, romantic and fun focused part of your chart some attention. If life has become too serious of late, the change comes from a shift in mental focus.

Your Daily Career Horoscopes for June 7th

Aries

The Moon’s position in your career sector and the professional instincts this sharpens are not only of use on the income and work fronts, where you’re able to make some real progress, but in warding off any potential problems. With work/life balance issues more likely to come to a head over the next few weeks, nip as many in the bud as possible.

Taurus

Whether it comes to reviewing where you’ve been or looking ahead to your professional objectives for the rest of the year, do so with an open mind and one that reminds you that it’s all about the journey. The road to success is always under construction and a sense of hindsight is always revealing how things could be improved.

Gemini

While forces on the career front take a back seat and while you wait for the new next wave of planetary activity to kick in on the work front, you have a chance to focus more on the money. You’re at the brink of the 3 most active  income months of the year, with a chance now to start asking where the money is.

Cancer

If a lunar eclipse in your work sector 3 days ago brought things to a head on the work front, then it’s a slow and sustained professional pressure that is going to ensure there is no going back. This isn’t the kind of pressure that creates debilitating stress, rather the kind that pushes you to raise the bar and tap into your fighting spirit.

Leo

The timing of the Moon’s monthly visit to your work sector is spot on, for it comes just as some work pressure is starting to develop and just 5 days before lucky Jupiter is due to leave your career sector. This allows you to see through any pressure or urgency, allowing you to remain on your toes without sweating the small stuff.

Virgo

During yesterday’s Venus eclipse in your career sector the genie was let out of the bottle and there is no putting it back in, having revealed in all its bold statements and glaring reality exactly what you want, where things actually stand and the gulf between the two. This may have left you with a daunting task, but it’s one that you have to believe can be accomplished.

Libra

While things are settling down on the work front and you now have a chance to work behind the scenes, new doors are about to open on the career front, with a new wave on its way. With things about to heat up take a proactive approach to dealing with any work/life balance issues, taking a smart approach before anything is forced on you.

Scorpio

It’s from today that Uranus, on his own in your work sector and due to turn retrograde next month and therefore should be taking a more background role, starts to come back out of the shadows. It’s pressure from Pluto that is making it hard for things to settle down on the work front, with your mind and the laws of synchronicity just too active.

Sagittarius

At what is a critical time on both the career and work fronts, the Moon makes a timely return to your income sector, giving you a nose for money and some timely wake up calls. At a time when you’re defining your path forward on both the work and career fronts knowing where the money is, is a key element.

Capricorn

Yesterday’s Venus eclipse in your work sector is likely to have created some bittersweet feelings, for it exposed the depths of your true desires, some stark realities and the distance between the two. Had this been any ordinary year this might have been a problem, but with lucky Jupiter on his way no divide is too wide to bridge.

Aquarius

While your day will begin like any other day so far this year, with no planetary activity in either of your professional houses, it won’t stay that way. It’s Mercury’s return to your work sector that will kick off an active 3 months on the work front and the start of a wave of professional momentum that will eventually become game changing.

Pisces

With the Moon gone from your career sector things are settling back down on the career front, but having come to a head the genie is now out of the bottle and there is no putting it back in. Whatever is out in the open or has come to a head needs to stay that way with a need to now do what you can, with what you’ve got, from where you’re at.

The Daily Love & Romance Horoscopes for June 7th

Aries

In his final hours in your communication sector Mercury, planet of communication is working to ensure that the communication lines are open, especially on the relationship front. With some of the best romantic and relationship conditions of the year still in front of you, communication has become more important than ever.

Taurus

Love not only needs to be taken as a journey but one without a roadmap, where it’s more about the journey itself than the destination. It’s not about taking the wrong path, especially as it’s on those dead ends or paths that simply loop around to where you started that you’re likely to learn the most.

Gemini

Over the course of the last 3 days you’ve experienced a lunar eclipse in your relationship sector and a rare Venus eclipse in your sign, with the planet of love bringing some old buried or suppressed feelings and desires to a head. With the door still open to second chances on the romantic front any wake up calls have come just in time.

Cancer

During the Moon’s monthly visit to your relationship sector he wouldn’t be doing his job if this didn’t push some buttons and evoke some strong emotional responses, but chances are these are a lot stronger today. Find a balance between not sweating the small stuff and refusing to stick your head in the sand.

Leo

There is a real sense of magic and synchronicity in the air and after experiencing a lunar eclipse in your romantic sector 3 days ago and a Venus eclipse in a social and serendipitous part of your chart yesterday, a sense that anything is possible. These are serendipitous times, with a need to take your hands right off the wheel.

Virgo

As the Moon makes his monthly visit to your romantic sector this gives you a chance to get an intuitive read on your heart and to test the waters, as Pluto travels deeper into his retrograde phase here and deeper into your past. With Neptune now in retrograde motion in your relationship sector a trip down memory lane is likely to reveal some unexpected surprises.

Libra

One of the most important keys to having things running smoothly on the relationship front is to also having them running smoothly on the home front and that’s even more important than ever. With home and relationship forces destined to go head to head over the coming weeks, the more you can have them working together the better.

Scorpio

When Jupiter, planet of luck leaves your relationship sector in 5 days time he won’t return until 2023 and with no more planetary activity in your relationship sector until April 2013, this is a time for putting everything on the line. As the Moon makes his last visit to your communication sector before Jupiter leaves, seize the opportunity this creates to ensure the communication lines are open.

Sagittarius

You’re in the grip of relationship forces that can’t be explained and chances are you’re still wondering what just hit you, after yesterday’s Venus eclipse in your relationship sector brought some very raw, honest and real desires, feelings and yearnings to the surface. You can no longer deny how you really feel, with that genie now out of the bottle.

Capricorn

At the same time that Jupiter is performing his swan song in your romantic sector Mercury, planet of communication is warming up in the wings, ready to give your relationships some much needed attention. With a lap over between the two, keep the spirit of romance strong and work to inject as much of this into your relationships as possible.

Aquarius

Whether yesterday’s Venus eclipse in your romantic sector brought joy, magic or pain it brought what was real to a head, giving you something to work on or towards. With Jupiter just 5 days away from the start of his 12 month visit to your romantic sector, this has made it possible to start from a place that is real and that you can build on from.

Pisces

While Mercury, planet of communication won’t begin the day in your romantic sector he’ll end the day here, not only making his first visit in nearly a year, but bringing the first planetary activity since last September. At last your romantic situation has representation and it all begins with your heart finding its voice.

The Daily Chinese Horoscopes for June 7th

Rabbit

You will definitely be the social hub of family, friends and loved ones right now, and just about all the news is good. The phone will be ringing off the hook with this person from that place talking about the wonderful news about so and so over there … spread the joy. This is one time where gossiping is definitely a good thing.

Dragon

Your intuition could lead you to wonderful bargain opportunities today, especially where it comes to antiques and investments. You may be considering investing in some changes to your home. Renovations that you start now may involve tearing down the old to make way for the new.

Snake

You have strong leadership skills right now and people are eager to hear what you have to say. Mostly you’ll be talking about tearing down old structures. Make sure you have a plan to replace them with something new! You could be looking at making financial adjustments so you can better help others.

Horse

All the information your subconscious has been mulling about for the past while suddenly bubbles up to the surface and a wellspring of creativity is yours to tap. You may be making some extra money with a dynamic new home-based business involving art or entertainment.

Sheep

Friends and companions are a big feature of the day. If you are hosting a party or gathering, make sure that there are toys, snacks, and treats for little ones, and a place for them to nap. Others may bring along their kids without notifying you.

Monkey

You’ll be getting some excellent career news this week, as you find yourself attractive and interesting to the authority figures who are important to your well-being. There are certainly challenges, you may find your personal time is limited, but the potential rewards are great.

Rooster

You could be considering buying a new car or investing in a new and unusual form of transportation today. If you are looking for a new physical activity or exercise, bicycle riding could be the dual-purpose hobby you need. It both gets you places and gets you fitter.

Dog

There is a wonderful and unusual opportunity for you to radically transform your finances and your attitude towards the way you make money. Someone will talk about making your money work for you instead of simply working to make money. Listen carefully to their advice!

Pig

If you and your significant other are not seeing eye to eye today, it may not be the best time to bring up your vacation plans, even if that makes for a welcome change of subject. If you want to surprise your partner with a spontaneous trip, make it to some place that they have always wanted to go.

Rat

Your workplace will be something of a circus today. Someone’s workplace romance has burst out into the open and that has the office gossips all a twitter. If you are not involved, try to avoid the rumour mill. Loose lips can sink friendships.

Ox

You have an opportunity to make a special new friend. You will be drawn to unusual people and could make strange or interesting new relationships. You may find that your new companion has some strange ideas about the world and your place in it.

Tiger

A major opportunity to improve your home becomes apparent today. You’ll be considering new home improvements, renovations and upgrades. What you may not realize at first is that some things have to be torn down before they can be rebuilt. It’s a big job.

the daily humorscopes for thursday, june 7th

the daily humorscope 

Thursday, June 07, 2012

 

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Excellent day to come up with new theories to explain the universe around you. Remember: the simplest explanation is usually the best. For example, most physicists today subscribe to the “Big Band” theory of the creation of the universe. I have an alternate theory that I prefer, which I call “Tuba Ensemble.”

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

You will discover, today, that you can whistle and hum at the same time. This will entertain you for hours.

 

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Try to praise in public and criticize in private. Just never, ever, criticize privates.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Your relationship is reaching the point where you may as well discuss the Big Question – there’s no point in going further if you don’t see eye to eye on that. By Big Question I’m referring to “crunchy” versus “creamy”, of course. Why, what did you think I meant?

 

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

This might be a good time to recontextualize your imponderables. If you know what I mean.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It’s not as if you always had an irridescent green mohawk, you know?

 

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That’s all you’ll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you’ll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!

 

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You are being followed by fierce warriors of the Nez Perce tribe. You know – those guys with the little frameless glasses on the chains around their necks? Not surprisingly, many of the Nez Perce became fierce librarians.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor’s back yard. It’s probably nothing — he probably just digs at night if he can’t get to sleep. I know I do.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

One part of you really wants something, and another part of you wants to wait. It’s quite normal, actually, to have these little internal arguments. Just don’t let it escalate into a fist fight.

Your Horoscope Health Advisory

By Annie B. Bond

Every sun-sign of the zodiac has health issues that are associated with it.  Best to have a heads-up!

By taking special care of yourself and your possible trouble-areas now, you  clear the way for better overall health. (A note from Cait: I just recovered  from a nasty kidney infection after ignoring the symptoms for awhile. If only  I’d read this great little book earlier: kidney problems are often associated  with my sign. Now I know to pay better attention!)

Use that ounce of prevention: get your sun-sign health advisory right here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: Fevers, inflammatory complaints, wounds, accidents.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Weakness in the throat or neck, congestion in the  chest, afflictions arising from diet.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Afflictions of the shoulders, lungs and chest;  biliousness, nervous debility, nervous diseases.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Chest injuries, bronchitis, pleurisy, pneumonia,  diseases of the stomach, particularly those associated with worry.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: Injuries to the heart, eyes, back, and spine; weakness  of the heart, angina, spinal afflictions, lumbago, eye diseases.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: Ailments of the abdomen and intestines, digestive  debility.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: Kidney stones, sciatica, eczema, skin eruptions,  kidney disease, nephritis, lumbago, worry, overstrained nerves.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: All ailments of the genitals, bladder and rectum,  inflammations, nervous ills, worry, mental stress.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: Rheumatism or arthritis in the hips, thighs, and  lower limbs; sciatica, sprains, hip dislocation, fracture of the thighs; nervous  disorders, lung and throat afflictions, bronchitis, high blood pressure.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: Childhood ills, illness and injury that affects the  knees, skin diseases, chills, arthritis, toothache, earache, migraine and  headache, depression, anxiety neurosis, mood swings.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: Weakness and injury affecting the ankles,  depression, anxiety, nervous disorders, spasms, paralysis, convulsive disorders,  broken bones, poor circulation, varicose veins, rheumatism, electric shocks,  danger from lightning.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: Injury and ailments concerning the feet, chills,  dropsy, malfunctioning liver, infectious diseases.