I am sorry if some of the posts seem like I did them quickly. I have been working since around 4:00 AM CST to make today’s posts went up on time or very close to it.
Category: A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
Why M&M’s Are Wiccan
- MM = Merry Meet
- Round shape for wheel of the year, cycle of seasons
- Skins are different colors, but the inside is the same chocolate, because we are all related
- Associations with the colors:
- Red = South
- Green = West
- Dark Brown = North
- Yellow = East
- Orange = For the Solar God
- Light Brown = For the Earth Mother
- Rotate the M & M:
- M = 13th letter of alphabet, and there are often 13 members in a coven
- 3 = Triple Goddess, three phases of moon
- W = Witchcraft, Wiccan
- E = Enlightenment
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
Coping strategies for anxiety include many things, but one thing that’s sure to help is indulging in some humor—which we just happen to have for you!
From Reader’s Digest
Anxiety cartoons we can all relate to
Dealing with anxiety in your everyday life is a rollercoaster of emotions, but something that can help people get through it is knowing that others feel the same way. These anxiety cartoons will make you feel like you’re not alone and will also get you laughing. If you want even more laughs, check out these medical cartoons, animal cartoons, and some of the funniest memes.
You constantly feel like you’re being judged even by inanimate objects.
Visual exercise it can be difficult.
Charging stress you can’t escape the stress that’s staring at you with its beady black eyes.
A Laugh for Today – Winter Jokes That Will Warm You Up with Laughter
Click here for more winter jokes from Reader’s Digest
Hilarious winter jokes for the perfect pick-me-up
When there’s a nip in the air, the days start getting shorter and snow begins to fall, you know that winter is here. And whether you like it or not, it’s here to stay for a while. But even though the brisk weather means spending more time inside, there are also some perks: having snowball fights, building snowmen and snuggling up with loved ones in front of the fire. Even better? Those chilly moments can also serve as the inspiration for some hilarious winter jokes!
These seasonal jokes are great to include in cards along with a winter quote, to send via text or to entertain a crowd IRL. Whether you’re looking for short jokes, bad jokes or short jokes for kids, this list of sidesplitting winter jokes is perfect for the whole family and will keep you as warm as a nice cup of hot chocolate.
Short winter jokes
1. How do snowmen read their texts?
With an icy stare.
2. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball.
3. What bites but doesn’t have teeth?
Frost.
4. What do you get when you mix a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
5. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?
Lost.
6. What do you call a snowman in August?
A puddle.
7. Where do snowmen love to dance?
At a snowball.
8. What do you call a slow skier?
A slope-poke!
9. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers.
10. What do snowmen win at the Olympics?
Cold medals!
11. Which one is faster: hot or cold?
Hot. You can catch a cold.
12. Where do snowmen put their money?
In snow banks.
13. How do snowmen buy birthday presents?
With cold, hard cash.
14. What did the tree say after a long winter?
What a re-leaf!
15. What does Frosty’s mom put on her face at night?
Cold cream.
Corny winter jokes
16. What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
“Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!”
17. Why did the girl keep her trumpet out in the snow?
She liked playing cool jazz.
18. What do you call a snowman’s temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
19. How do snowmen get information?
They search on the winter-net.
20. How do polar bears make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
21. Why did the two snowmen divorce?
One thought the other was a flake.
22. What do snow parents call their kids?
Chill-dren.
23. What do you call it when a snowman ignores you?
The cold shoulder.
24. Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
They’re afraid of Wales.
25. Which side of a polar bear has the most fur?
The outside.
26. How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
27. What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
28. As I grow, I come closer to the ground. What am I?
An icicle.
29. If a winter fox lost his tail, where would you go to buy him a new one?
A retail store.
30. Why did the bear keep getting fired?
He always disappeared in the winter.
Winter jokes for kids …
Snow jokes …
A Laugh for Today – Funny Quotes
CLOTHED WHILE DOING LAUNDRY
Spotted on a Laundromat corkboard: “Please keep clothes on while doing laundry.” —Sue Connor
STEVE MARTIN ON SUCCESS
Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way. Steve Martin
GORE VIDAL ON THE FOUR MOST BEAUTIFUL WORDS
The four most beautiful words in our common language:
I told you so. Gore Vidal
A Laugh for Today – Knock-Knock Jokes
OPEN UP
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?
KNOCK-KNOCK SASS
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Says. Says who? Says me, that’s who!
DOWNRIGHT MAGICAL
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?
PLAYTIME
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe you come out to play?
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today and for Your Listening Pleasure
A Laugh for Today
A Little Humor for Your Day c. 2017
And Goddess Made Dogs & Cats
Man said, “Goddess, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And the Goddess said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever, who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be at times, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”
And the Goddess created a new animal to be a companion for Man. And it was a good animal. And the Goddess was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Man, and he wagged his tail a lot.
And Man said, “Goddess, I have already named all the animals on your Earth. I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And the Goddess said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a partial reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And DOG lived with Man, was a companion to him, and loved him. And DOG was beside Man, all the day long. And Man was comforted. And the Goddess was pleased. And DOG was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Man’s spirit guide came to the Goddess and said, “Mother, Man has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock, and he believes he is worthy of adoration. DOG has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.”
And the Goddess said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever, who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.”
And the Goddess created CAT to be a companion to Man.
And CAT would not obey Man. And CAT would love Man when CAT chose to love Man, and not when Man chose CAT to share affection.
And when Man gazed into CAT’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Man learned humility.
And the Goddess was pleased. And Man was greatly improved. And DOG was happy, and wagged his tail.
EagleStar, Author
Originally published on Pagan Library
A Laugh for Today – Tricky “What Am I?” Riddles – From Reader’s Digest
Here is a just few riddles of the 42 riddles offered to get our brains working somewhat on a lazy Saturday or if you have youngsters in the house something to keep them occupied while you have that second cup of coffee or whatever your beverage choice is from rd.com
Scroll down for the answers if you need to.
“What am I?” riddles
If you’re a fan of riddles you’re probably familiar with “what am I?” riddles. Put your smarts to the test with these tricky ones that only the most intelligent will be able to solve. If you want even more of a challenge, try to solve some of these trick questions, long riddles, the hardest riddles ever, or these riddles for teens.
RIDDLES
Green and red
You go at red, but stop at green. What am I?
Tall to short
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
Head and tail
I have a head and a tail that will never meet. Having too many of me is always a treat. What am I?
Head to toe
I help you from your head to your toe. The more I work, the smaller I grow. What am I?
No wings or eyes
I can fly but have no wings. I can cry but I have no eyes. Wherever I go, darkness follows me. What am I?
ANSWERS:
Green and red
Answer: A watermelon. You eat the red part, and you stop eating at the green part. If these “What am I?” riddles don’t have enough visual clues for you, try these rebus puzzles that only the smartest can get right.
Tall to short
Answer: A candle. Also, try out these riddles for kids.
Head and tail
Answer: A coin. These brain games are guaranteed to boost your brainpower.
Head to toe
Answer: A bar of soap. How long will it take you to solve these Bible riddles? (I left this for the fun of it)
No wings or eyes
Answer: Clouds. If you’re solving all of these “What am I?” riddles that probably means you’re good with words. Try out these word puzzles that will leave you stumped as well.
A Laugh for Today
I am going on no sleep but at least I got today’s regular posts done on time. Be back later to do tomorrow’s regular posts, hopefully on time…lol
A Mini Laugh for Today
A Laugh for Today
May your Valentine’s Day be full of all kinds of love.
A Thought for Today
A Laugh for Today – Marriage Jokes
Live on the fun side of marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes.
Marriage can be tough. But for better or for worse, these marriage jokes and wedding puns will have you doubling over laughing. Check out our collection of love jokes* for an extra laugh. (* Coming tomorrow)
MAKE ME A SANDWICH
My husband and I were daydreaming about what we would do if we won the lottery. I started: “I’d hire a cook so that I could just say, ‘Hey, make me a sandwich!’” Thomas shook his head. “Not me. I already have one of those.” —Julie Phelan
SELL IT
As my wife and I prepared for our garage sale, I came across a painting. Looking at the back, I discovered that I had written “To my beautiful wife on our fifth anniversary. I love you … Keith.” Feeling nostalgic about a gift I’d given her 25 years earlier, I showed it to her, thinking we should rehang the picture. After gazing at my message for a few seconds, she replied, “You know, I think a black marker would cover over all that so that we could sell it.” Keith Chambers
IN THE BIRDS SECTION
I was perusing the shelves at a bookstore when a customer asked an employee where the birding section was. After pointing it out, the employee asked, “Is there anything specific you’re looking for?” “Yes,” said the customer. “My husband.” —A.H. via rd.com
DON’T SEND HIM BACK
On my wedding day, my mom told my bride, “No refunds, no exchanges on sale items.” —Glen Zeider
FORGOT ABOUT THE GIFT
My friend Garrick had the solution to forgetting his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary: He opened an account with a local florist and provided it with both dates as well as instructions to send flowers and a card signed “Your loving husband, Garrick.” For a few years, it worked. Then one day, Garrick came home on their wedding anniversary. He saw the flowers on the dining room table and said, “What nice flowers. Where did you get them?” —Yefim M. Brodd
ONLY WOMAN THERE
A local lumberyard was having an open house, and my mother really wanted to go. Dad, though, had no interest. After badgering him with no luck, she finally said, “If you don’t go, I’ll be the only woman there.” Dad shrugged. “If I go, you’ll still be the only woman there.” —Gerald E. Bronnenberg
A Laugh for Today – 50 Valentine’s Day Pickup Lines That Will Make Your Beloved Blush
From Reader’s Digest
Romance and humor? Win-win! Get ready to sweep your sweetheart off their feet with these charming Valentine’s Day pickup lines.
Cupid-approved Valentine’s Day pickup lines
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all things love, whether it’s an über romantic relationship that gives you heart eyes or a budding romance that produces nonstop butterflies. And with the beloved holiday fast approaching, you may be looking for fun Valentine’s Day ideas to plan with your better half or scouring the internet for funny valentine’s quotes to write in their card. There’s so much to do for your sweetie, after all! But if you really want to make them feel special and give them a giggle, try breaking out some Valentine’s Day pickup lines this year.
The great thing about Valentine’s Day pickup lines is you can tailor them to fit the person you’re flirting with. Some people love using a cheesy pickup line on a fresh Tinder match, whereas others use a romantic line to make their spouse feel special. That’s why we’ve included a mix of romantic, smooth and downright hilarious lines to use on your valentine. Enjoy! And don’t forget to browse through (and bookmark) our favorite pickup lines for guys and girls.
Romantic Valentine’s Day pickup lines
1. I’m going to need a map this Valentine’s Day … you know, since I’ll be lost in your eyes all night.
2. Care to spend the night learning each other’s love languages?
3. Are you a priceless piece of art? Because I’ve been admiring you for quite some time.
4. Does heaven know it’s missing an angel this close to Valentine’s Day?
5. What do you do for work? You know, besides being the most beautiful person on the planet?
6. I think Cupid’s got my tongue, because I’m absolutely speechless in your presence.
7. Disney World has a reputation for being the happiest place on earth … but whoever said that clearly hasn’t been in your arms.
8. I have to admit: I didn’t believe in love at first sight, until I saw you walk by. Care to do it again and test the theory?
9. Is it OK if we take a picture together? I’d love to preserve the memory of meeting a real angel.
10. What a coincidence—my dream person comes to life, just in time for Valentine’s Day. It’s fate!
Funny Valentine’s Day pickup lines
11. I bet your kisses put Hershey’s to shame.
12. Excuse me, can you help me pick up my jaw? I seemed to have dropped it just looking at you.
13. Did you look at the Valentine’s Day menu? It has me-n-u all over it.
14. Tell Google to pack it up, because you’re everything I’m searching for this Valentine’s Day.
15. I got a special sweater just for Valentine’s Day—it’s made of [boyfriend/girlfriend] material.
16. You may not like raisins … but how would you feel about a date on Valentine’s Day?
17. Do you fish? I’m asking because you really reeled me in with that smile.
18. What do you and I have in common with a pair of shoes? We’re solemates!
19. Are you a judge? Because I’m feeling the need to court you right now.
20. I did the math: You + me = 2gether 4ever.
Short Valentine’s Day pickup lines
21. You’re sweeter than a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates.
22. Be mine?
23. Love is on the menu tonight—eat up, valentine!
24. Call the doctor—because you have me lovesick.
25. My stomach is in forget-me-knots just thinking about you!
26. Do you have a name? Or should I just call you my date?
27. My candy heart is all yours, valentine.
28. Call me a bee—because I’m buzzing about you, honey.
29. You’re looking valenfine!
30. I’m definitely falling for you—care to catch me?
Valentine’s Day pickup lines for your crush
31. Are you Cupid? Because you’ve shot a love arrow right through my heart.
32. You’re just the type of cutie pie I ordered for Valentine’s Day.
33. Call me a telephone—because I’m looking to give you a ring soon!
34. Roses are red, violets are blue … care to meet me and grab dinner for two?
35. You + me + a box of chocolates + cuddling on the couch = the perfect Valentine’s Day. You in?
36. Ugh, I lost my favorite teddy bear—can I snuggle with you instead?
37. I got you a pair of sneakers for Valentine’s Day … figured you’d need them after running through my head so much!
38. I reserved an extra special spot for you on Valentine’s Day—in my arms.
39. We could stop and smell the roses, or I could bring you a dozen on Valentine’s Day. Your choice.
40. I hope you know CPR—because you just took my breath away.
Valentine’s Day pickup lines for your spouse
41. Tonight, don’t forget to wear what looks best on you: your smile.
42. Don’t worry—if your hand feels heavy on Valentine’s Day, I’ll be glad to hold it for you.
43. This Valentine’s Day, let’s make an exchange: I’ll give you tulips, and you give me two lips. Sound fair?
44. I don’t need candy hearts this Valentine’s Day—I already have the biggest sweetheart by my side.
45. Care to show Cupid that arrow he shot all those years ago is sharper than ever?
46. Roses are red, but some are pink, let’s recreate our first date on Valentine’s Day—what do you think?
47. Merriam-Webster called and asked me to define “true love” … mind if we snap a picture together so I can send it their way?
48. Well, call me Planters—because I’ve been nuts about you for years!
49. I don’t think I could possibly love you any amour.
50. Are you a dove? Because I’ve been cooing over you for quite some time.
A Little Humor for Your Day – Being A Witch is…. c. 2016
Being a Witch is…
Trying to type a Ritual on the computer and having the cat walk on the keyboard.
Spending six months weaving the most beautiful Altar cloth you can imagine, then having someone spill wine and candle wax on it during it’s first Ritual.
Deciding to Work Skyclad because you keep burning your Robe on the Point Candles and Bonfire.
Having the neighbor ask you if you have been born again, and replying that you have, indeed, been born again… and again and again and again….
Hoping that the High Priestess is careful with her Moon Crown as she gives you The Five-fold Kiss.
Trying to explain to the Realtor why you need an extra bedroom at least nine-feet in diameter.
Then telling that same Realtor that you can’t take that perfect house that is so affordable, because the fireplace is in the west instead of the South.
Setting up a Circle in the park and discovering that there is a bee hive nearby.
Doing an outdoor midnight ritual and having the neighbor call the cops, thinking that you’re a prowler.
Saluting the Goddess at the Watchtower with a Sword and poking a hole in the Temple ceiling.
Deciding not to wear your new Horned Helmet to the outdoor Sabbat because it’s deer hunting season.
Trying to go home after a skyclad Circle and discovering that the Coven joker has hidden all of the clothes.
Casting the Circle for the first time and being so proud with yourself for doing it right… then looking down to discover that you’re wearing your Robe inside out.
Wondering how to get rid of the result of your latest love spell.
Seeing a girl at the supermarket. She’s wearing a Pentagram, a silver High Priestess Bracelet, a runic belt buckle, a Necklace of acorns and has the Goddess tattooed on her shoulder and is wearing a t-shirt that says ‘Sexy Witch’. So you go up to her and ask, “Are you in the Craft?” and she hisses back, “Shhhh! It’s supposed to be a secret!”
Going to sleep during visualization exercises.
Getting a new familiar… who isn’t housebroken.
Realizing that your grammar is not so bad, now that you’ve read something by Ophiel.
Eleven cops and the sheriff on your doorstep, asking for Initiation.
Reading Aleister Crowley with a straight face.
Working magick every day… just for the hexercise.
Trying to remain Gardnerian after mid-winter.
Your parents install a smoke alarm… in the room you’ve been using as a Temple.
Your cat eats the mugwort growing in the window box… and starts having visions.
Queuing up for the Ritual bath in order of Initiation…. because the High Priestess is trying to get all the hot water.
Taking a Ritual Bath at the Covenstead when seven other Witches have just been in the tub.
Being dragged to an outdoor Halloween Sabbat… Skyclad.
Acquiring a reputation after you accidently sat down on the Cauldron.
Having to cut a gate in the Circle to go to the bathroom.
Explaining to the fireman that the smoke billowing from under your door is only incense, and that you were burning incense because you were casting a….
Seeing your past incarnation.. as a postal clerk.
When you use Cord magick and find yourself all tied up.
Having to actually try to fit 13 people into a nine foot Circle.
Six bottles of wine under the Altar… with two inches left in each.
Toasting the Goddess so often that you’ve become a borderline alcoholic.
That sinking sensation you get when you accidently drop your Athame point-down and then notice that you can’t move your left foot.
Having a nice Winter Sabbat where your High Priest gets a new Horned Helmet and two minutes later, he gores you in the ass.
Not being able to argue with the High Priestess without getting flogged.
Suddenly realizing just how long it takes to hand copy a Book of Shadows.
Learning never to schedule a Circle on a good TV night.
Buying an abandoned traffic circle to use as the first drive-in Covenstead.
Spending three months trying to learn Theban because the Book of Shadows that you’re copying is written in it.
Trying to convince the police that the baggies that they found were really full of consecrated herbs.
Not being able to banish a spirit because the animal whose shape it assumed is on the endangered species list.
Trying to remember the combination of herbs that turned your tea strainer into gold.
Explaining to the doctor how your Athame slipped from your hand and stuck into your foot.
Explaining to the school principal that your child could not have possibly been the one who changed the teacher into a frog since she isn’t Initiated to a Degree that permits her to do such spells.
Explaining to your boss that you have to leave early on October 31 because it is “a day of holy obligation.”
Trying to explain to your roommate that he has to leave because it is the Full Moon.
Discovering that you engraved your Athame with the wrong symbols.
Falling to the ground after a wild dance and sitting skyclad on a bee.
Witches Of The Craft® 
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