the daily humorscope
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
(March 21 – April 19)
Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that…
(April 20 – May 20)
In a surprising twist, the failure of another large London-based bank will be blamed on you, today. C’est la vie, non?
(May 21 – June 20)
Today is the second-to-last day, of the 19th segment of your life. Time to learn to appreciate tofu (bean curd).
(June 21 – July 22)
Resist temptation, today. You might have to get rough with it, or even wrestle it to the ground.
(July 23 – August 22)
If you’re not already a vegetarian, you will be. Someone with the initial “E.” will make sure of that. Ed? Ernest? Dunno. Someone like that. E. Coli, is what I see. Odd name, huh? Sounds Italian.
(August 23 – September 22)
You will be forced to re-evaluate your boss’ IQ, when you discover that he is looking forward to the release of “Titanic II.”
(September 23 – October 22)
Something is about to become overly intimate with you. Intimacy can be good. Just not with fungus.
(October 23 – November 21)
You may have to share a hotel room with a business colleague, to save travel expenses. Here’s a tip to keep them from talking all night: bring along a teddy bear, and punch it really hard in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming “Shut up, Mr. Teddy! Shut up!.”
(November 22 – December 21)
A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?
(December 22 – January 20)
A new love affair will have you all misty-eyed. Either that, or it’s the onset of glaucoma, in which case you should seek immediate medical attention.
(January 21 – February 18)
You will be buffeted by hordes of people, who will all simultaneously show up in your office “just to chat”. Eventually, you will make your escape by locking yourself in the bathroom.
(February 19 – March 20)
You will have a trifle too much punch at a party this week, and will amuse the other guests by flopping around on the floor an making “Ark! Ark!” sounds. But who cares? If they want to be stuffy, let ’em, I say.