Your Charm for September 18 is Scorpio – The Scorpion

Your Charm for Today

Today’s Meaning:

This aspect of your life will be strongly influenced by a person who is determined, forceful, emotional, intuitive, powerful, passionate, exciting and magnetic. This person is probably an acquaintance you made at work.

General Description:

Eighth sign of the Zodiac, Oct. 24th to Nov. 23rd. Ruling by the planet Mars; correct metal, Iron. Those born under scorpio were believed to be energetic, strongly determined, persistent, and thorough in their undertakings, with inflexible will-power, of magnetic personality, affable, just, affectionate, and powerful convicting speakers. The Scorpio gems are the Aquamarine and Beryl. The Aquamarine has always been reverenced in the East as all emblem of purity, and was given at marriage for increasing mutual love. In Rome worn for cheerfulness, curing distempers and internal complaints; by mariners to protect them from sickness and danger at sea.

Element of Air: Symbols and Associations

Element of Air

Symbols and Associations

Air has the qualities of coolness and dryness and associations with breath, life and communication. In astrology, Air rules the Zodiac signs Aquarius, Gemini and Libra. People born under the Air signs think, communicate, analyze and theorize. They love freedom, truth and justice and have the ability to change circumstances with amazing speed. As thinkers, they rely on rationality rather than on intuition or emotions. Their philosophical approach to any situation allows them to endure harships. Air signs can tolerate almost any circumstance, as long as there is a rational explanation for it. They have great leadership capabilities, with a reputation of being fair. Interested in almost everything, they are lifelong students.

The Element of Air becomes a negative one when Air folks require family and friends to uphold the same standards they live by. Air people cannot understand why everyone does not think and act as they do. They they make a mistake, they tend to rationalize instead of using the situation as a learning experience. They are devoted to abstract idea and have difficulty making decisions, making them sometimes exasperating to work with . In addition, they tend to procrastinate.

The Wicca Book of Days for August 23 – Virgo, the Virgin

The Wicca Book of Days for August 23

Virgo, the Virgin

The sun now relinquishes its astrological rulership of the heavens and cedes it to Mercury, the ruling planet of Virgo, the sign whose zodiacal month begins today. The planet whose namesake is the quick-witted Roman messenger God will impart an intelligent, curious, and communicative flavor to the coming days, along with adaptability, sociability, and a lively contrariness that may be redoubled by Virgo’s mutable, or changeable, quadruplicity. By contrast, the element of earth is a practical, productive, and grounding influence, while a feminine (negative or passive) polarity provides receptiveness, thoughtfulness and supportive tendencies.

Fend off Fire

Do as they did in ancient Rome today and observe the Volcanalia by dedicating your day to Vulcan, the smithy God of Fire. The Romans hoped to placate Vulcan by burning fish on his altar. Replicate this offering with a barbecue!

Your Horoscope Bird of Power

By Annie B. Bond

Ever wish you could fly? Your sun sign is traditionally associated with different birds that can carry messages to the Great Spirit for you, offer spirit-support and healing, or sing a song for your soul.

Find out which birds are your horoscope birds of power here.

Aries, March 21-April 19: Vulture, magpie, robin.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Dove, sparrow, swan.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Parrot, linnet, eagle, finch.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Seagull, owl, white peacock.

Leo, July 23- Aug. 22: Peacock, rooster, eagle.

Virgo, Aug. 23-Sept. 22: Rooster, magpie, parrot.

Libra, Sept. 23-Oct. 22: Dove, swan, sparrow.

Scorpio, Oct. 23-Nov. 21: Eagle, vulture.

Sagittarius, Nov. 22-Dec. 21: Eagle, peacock, bird of paradise.

Capricorn, Dec. 22-Jan. 19: Owl, falcon.

Aquarius, Jan. 20-Feb. 18: Cuckoo, albatross.

Pisces, Feb. 19-March 20: Swan, stork, sandpiper.

Your Charm for August 18 is Aquarius, The Water-Bearer

Your Charm for August 18th

Aquarius, The Water-Bearer

General Description: Eleventh sign of the Zodiac, Jan 20th to Feb 19th. Ruling planet Uranus; correct metal lead. Those bon under the influence of the Aquarius were supposed to be intelligent, of strong will power, restless, inventive, deep thinkers, artistic and caution in money matters. The Aquarius gems are Garnet and Hyacinth. The Garnet, thought India and Persia, was a favorite amulet against plague and poison, also worn to attract cheerfulness and good health. In the middle ages used as a charm to protect against all inflammatory disease and to ensure happiness. It was also supposed to warn its wearer of approaching peril and danger.

Your Charm for August 17 is Aries The Ram

Your Charm for August 17

Today’s Meaning:

This aspect of your life will be strongly influenced by a person who is adventurous, energetic, pioneering, courageous, enthusiastic, confident, dynamic and quick-witted. This person is probably somone you already know and respect.

General Description:

First sign of the Zodiac, March 21st to April 20th. Mars the ruling planet, and Iron the correct metal. Those born under the influence of Aries were supposed to be brave, ambitiious, optimistic, confident, and fond of adventure. The Aries gems are the Diamond, Jasper, and blood stone. The Diamond was always regarded with much veneration in olden times, and was worn to make its wearer bold and daring. Napolean Bonaparte had the celebrated Regent or Pitt Diamond (136 carats, valued at about 500,000 lbs) set in the hilt of his sword. At one time it was believed that the wearing of very large diamonds brought ill-luck and misfortune on the wearer

Your Horoscope Bird of Power

Annie B. Bond

Find out which birds are your horoscope birds of power here.

Aries, March 21-April 19: Vulture, magpie, robin.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Dove, sparrow, swan.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Parrot, linnet, eagle, finch.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Seagull, owl, white peacock.

Leo, July 23- Aug. 22: Peacock, rooster, eagle.

Virgo, Aug. 23-Sept. 22: Rooster, magpie, parrot.

Libra, Sept. 23-Oct. 22: Dove, swan, sparrow.

Scorpio, Oct. 23-Nov. 21: Eagle, vulture.

Sagittarius, Nov. 22-Dec. 21: Eagle, peacock, bird of paradise.

Capricorn, Dec. 22-Jan. 19: Owl, falcon.

Aquarius, Jan. 20-Feb. 18: Cuckoo, albatross.

Pisces, Feb. 19-March 20: Swan, stork, sandpiper.

Inspired by Earth Magic, by Claire Nahmad (Inner Traditions, 1994).

The Sexiest Zodiac Signs

by Mel, selected from DivineCaroline

I’ve always had great luck with Capricorns. Tauruses? Yawn. Geminis? Maybe, if you like all that talking. Leos? Self-absorbed drama queens. My romantic history is a constellation of personalities and capabilities and experiences, but there’s obviously something about my Virgo sensibilities that jibes with the patience that the average Capricorn bestows upon the act of tossing a girl’s salad. Or did you think I was talking about something else? We’re not interested in love matches here, people. This is all about that other kind of chemistry and which signs of the Zodiac are guaranteed to be a good time and which might be a great time.

Aries: The Minute Man

This fire sign is known for being a pretty straight shooter. Aries will have no compunction at all about sharing his or her raunchiest ideas about what to do in the sack. The problem with straight shooters, though, is that they always like to get right to the point. So count on an Aries to take charge and get you where you want to go—in a hurry.

Taurus: The Romancer

Where Aries is all lusty impulse, Taurus takes his or her time. Plan on being wined and dined, perhaps to the point of frustration. And once the Taurus has decided you’re the one for the job, prepare yourself for plenty of foreplay. If romance is your thing, Taurus is your sign.

Gemini: The Talker

The Gemini will bring all his or her intellect to bear upon getting bare. If you have simpler, quieter tastes, you might be a little shocked by Gemini’s saucy, seductive monologues. But if phone sex and dirty talking gets your motor humming, a Gemini is what you’re looking for. But be prepared to not get a word in edgewise.

Cancer: The Love Maker

Cancers are highly emotional signs, which means that sex is not merely a mechanical physical undertaking; rather it is expected to be a poetic act of beauty and love and all that good stuff. If you’re going to get naked with a Cancer, prepare yourself for an intense ride. And perhaps some post-coital crying.

Leo: The Narcissist

The passionate and adventurous nature of the Leo cannot be surpassed. There is no end to the imaginative ways a Leo will come up with for you to pleasure him or her. Those cats are born sexual dominants who ooze lusty confidence, and they’re unapologetic about it. While your romp with the lion will be memorable, for sure, best remember your satisfaction will be a secondary matter.

Virgo: The Closet Nympho

You might be surprised to learn that shy, demurring Virgo would ever be ready to rock without than fistfuls of condoms and spanking clean bed sheets. The reserved demeanor of the earthy virgins doesn’t hint at their inner lustiness. Once your Virgo knows and trusts you, watch out. You won’t get a moment’s peace.

Libra: The Connoisseur

The Libra is an artiste when it comes to knocking boots. They seek out a perfect harmony with their partner, luxuriating in every detail, and they go big on romantic accoutrements such as lingerie, massage oil, and soft music. You know, so it’s just like a bad porno—perhaps it even includes a fortuitously timed visit from the pizza guy.

Scorpio: The Leg-Humper

Fiery, licentious Scorpio is the horn dog of the zodiac. While their sexual prowess and magnetism can hardly be ignored, getting in bed with a scorpion can have its sting. While you will probably get the ride of your life, Scorpio’s love ’em and leave ’em approach to sex could leave less lusty signs cold.

Sagittarius: The Don Juan (or Juanita)

A master of the art of seduction, a Sagittarius is all about the hunt. They hone their powers of seduction, pouncing upon their objects of desire only after rendering them utterly helpless in the face of their sexual deftness.

Capricorn: The Slow Boat

Capricorn can come across as a lumbering kind of lover. Slow to make the first move, patient to the point of impertinence once the ball does get rolling, Caps may not wow with skill and energy in the sack, but they will steadily, diligently apply themselves to the all-you-can-eat buffet of their lover. Be patient with a Capricorn, and you will be well rewarded.

Aquarius: The Toy Collector

If you’re someone who is put off by the idea of a velvet box full of scintillating, slippery, and battery-operated accoutrements under your lover’s bed, it’s best you steer clear of Aquarius. Always ready to experiment with any number of the paths to pleasing themselves and their partners, the Aquarian will bring more to the party than some signs can take.

Pisces: Old Faithful

Much like Cancer, Pisces will value the emotional connectivity of sex over the physical one. Passion, love, attention, patience—these will all come into play with your Pisces lover. But you’ll likely have to do most of the work. The fish are notoriously lazy lays, preferring to kick back and bask in the attentions of their beloved. Might want to take a cue from Aquarius and bring some party favors to keep things interesting.

Your Daily Horoscopes for August 10th

Motivating ourselves may be a problem today unless something happens to make us uncomfortable, because the easygoing Taurus Moon prompts us to sustain activities that bring us pleasure. We could become so entrenched in where we are and what we’re doing that we don’t want anything to change. However, we quickly grow restless once the Moon shifts into changeable Gemini at 4:10 pm EDT, giving us a second wind just in time to enjoy the weekend.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Settling in to a slower pace isn’t as easy as it sounds. Nevertheless, it’s a smart idea to relax while you can because the pace is going to pick up again later in the day. Try practicing reliable techniques such as yoga, t’ai chi or meditation. If you have excess energy, take a walk, work in the garden or do something creative. Just make sure you partake in activities that rejuvenate you rather than depleting you.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

It might seem as if someone is pushing your emotional buttons now just to upset you, but your resistance is strong and you won’t likely get involved in other people’s dramas. Your stubbornness works in your favor when establishing your boundaries today. You can be bull-headed yet, thankfully, others won’t take your lack of interest as a personal rejection. Nevertheless, give yourself permission to change your mind at the last moment.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Your imagination is busy with captivating fantasies today, challenging you to stay focused on the events in the outer world. However, you may actually become single-minded as you mull the same image over and over again in your daydream. Don’t worry; your current obsession won’t last long and soon you will be back to your old playful and productive self once more.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Your mind doggedly pulls you into the future, whether or not you’re ready for it. However, your current thoughts aren’t just idle musings; you’re actually laying the foundation for what will unfold over the months ahead. Instead of cutting yourself off from the connections to your own memories, weave them into your dreams. Your subconscious will do the rest.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You might feel uneasy today with the expectations of others conflicting with your own ideas about how you want to spend your day. Try to avoid bringing a conflict to a head now, for it probably won’t resolve the tension anyhow. Instead, accept the differences between your needs and your reality. Discussing your worries with a good friend over the weekend will help to soothe your concerns.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

It’s difficult to find satisfaction today because your plans seem to be getting cold while sitting on the back burner. But even if some larger pieces of the puzzle are out of place, enough of the smaller ones fit so well that the energy still flows. Nevertheless, you’re wise to take it slowly and use this time to rejuvenate and prepare for the next adventure around the corner.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It may seem readily apparent to you that others are attempting to influence your feelings in an indirect way today. Unfortunately, your friends won’t come right out and say what they want. Instead, you feel an awkward undercurrent and there isn’t much you can do about it other than recognizing it for what it is. It’s crucial to remember that you don’t need to sink to a level of retaliation. Moving ahead with your own agenda is your best course of action.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You might feel as if others are trying to make something appear less complicated than it is now. You are all too familiar with the truth, but cannot get anyone to see it from your perspective. Accept that there are totally different ways of looking at a similar experience. Multiple points of view bring much-needed awareness and choice. Seeking common ground increases your chances for success.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You’re off in your own world today, reminiscing about a recent trip or planning your next one. However, reality keeps calling you back to the boring tasks at hand. Although you might rather be somewhere else, it’s necessary to concentrate on your current work now. Take care of chores as soon as possible and you’ll be able to enjoy yourself without remorse over the weekend.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

A gentle dance between your heart and your head can lure you into socially warm waters today. You might feel as if you are trying to overcome some old limitations that are based on an unpleasant memory. Fortunately, the past is over and you aren’t tied to yesterday. Your current truths are quite different now. There’s not as much risk in the present moment as you think. Just do what comes naturally and enjoy the ride.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Be cautious about your interactions with others today since complex emotional issues can drain you of much-needed energy. You don’t need to take someone else’s problems and automatically make them yours, even if you care a great deal about the people involved. Listen with an open heart, but keep some of your feelings private, nonetheless.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

This relatively quiet day can turn chatty if a co-worker tells you more than you need to know. However, you cannot just ignore someone in need when he or she comes to you with a problem. Thankfully, lending a helping hand doesn’t mean giving up your own agenda. Let others know your limits and then stick to them.

The Wicca Book Of Days for July 23 – Leo, the Lion

The Wicca Book of Days for July 23

Leo, The Lion

The zodiacal month of Leo, the Lion, begins around now, ushering in a period when the Sun, Leo’s governing “planet,” presides, bother astrologically and literally over the last golden days of Summer. Like the Nemean lion for which their sign is named. Leonian individuals are considered touch and fearless, the Sun also giving them a Lion’s proud dignity, egotism, and self-sufficiency. With the Lion’s fiery element and masculine (active or positive) polarity, further Leonian characteristic include passion and spontaneity, as well as forcefulness and extroversion. And although a fixed quadruplicity makes for inflexibility, it also supplies dedication and loyalty,

Salad Days

Like the sun, the dandelion has the power to promote well-being. How about collecting and washing some nutrient rich, dandelion leaves (they are packed with vitamins and minerals) to add to a Summer salad?

Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, July 17

There is more going on than meets the eye as intense emotions rise to the surface. We may try to put a positive spin on everything now that energetic Mars harmoniously trines buoyant Jupiter. However, a controlling Mars-Pluto square indicates that a power struggle might be unavoidable. Meanwhile, the moody Cancer Moon tempts us to suppress our emotions as she makes a series of harsh alignments. Expressing hidden anger is healthier than hiding it.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Stopping long enough to let your emotions settle down is a great idea, even if it isn’t an easy path to follow. You could be moody today and fixing for a fight, especially if circumstances aren’t going your way. Unfortunately, you cannot find a sensible target for your aggression — and this is exactly why you should take a few deep breaths and chill out. Expressing your feelings is essential to your mental health.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

This is a wonderful day for a quick getaway, but you might not have the time to do anything about it. Still, go ahead and create small pockets of solitude for spiritual rejuvenation. Try going for a walk, sitting in meditation or practicing yoga. Give yourself enough space to listen to your own inner voice rather than the stressful demands of others.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

It’s often not easy for you to relax and today you may be dealing with even more stress than usual. Fortunately, you correctly sense that things are changing, but it won’t be an overnight turnaround. You might feel as if others will be in your way for a while. In the meantime, don’t vent your frustrations on innocent bystanders or ignore the situations that trigger your resentment. Create a middle path and try to stay on it.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Although you may feel the upbeat energy today, annoying distractions prevent you from being as positive as you like. Perhaps someone is being more demanding than normal. You might even be drawn into an argument with others who are already fighting amongst themselves to see who is king of the hill. Ironically, you could make the best leader of all if you’re willing to stand up and fight for your beliefs.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your feelings are running through some very deep waters today and it might just make you somewhat uncomfortable if others unwittingly step into your emotional turmoil. Your confidence is shaky now, but your actions could speak a very different story as you roar your way through the day. Remember that false bravado won’t make your certainty return any sooner; it only alienates you from those who want to help. Showing your vulnerability can be a positive step toward developing greater intimacy.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Nothing will be gained by pushing the river, for the water will ultimately arrive at the sea in its own time. The same now applies to your life. Try not to push others to react faster than they can, for it won’t help your cause as you move into your next phase. Instead, be as open and flexible as possible. When others feel supported, they will be more willing to cooperate with you.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

This can be a day for intense emotional interactions as you confront the gulf between your thoughts and feelings. These conversations could even be expressed as a dialogue between two inner voices. Take a chance in a relationship and open up to another person, but avoid being too dependent on logic alone. Remember, you need both the objective and subjective sides of reality today to round out your experience.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Social interactions might bring up your insecurities, adding more drama to an already intense day. You may feel as if you are engaged in a battle that you must win, but the truth is that your fears are making the situation more problematic today. Instead of overreacting with unrestrained passion, seek ways to salve the open wounds and slow down your own emotional rollercoaster.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You feel a boost of enthusiasm from your key planet Jupiter today, but the buzz isn’t long-lasting. There are bigger issues developing and even if you believe that you have passed through the eye of the storm, there is still more turmoil to come. You could inadvertently make a situation worse by attempting to bring an unresolved matter to a premature conclusion. It’s better to just let the energy take its own course without trying to control the outcome.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Your feelings are much clearer now as you get a fresh perspective on the events of the past few days. But your current view of reality may be influenced by your unexpressed emotions as you struggle between the thoughts in your head and the desires of your heart. Lean on your friends for support instead of pushing them away. Trusting someone else enables you to trust yourself.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Fire up your intellect for a little bit of fun and break out of old routines wherever you go. Enjoy the show as you actively engage everyone in intense conversations to gain perspective on your own feelings. However, avoid negotiations that require detached analysis today, as it will be difficult to separate your logical thoughts from your irrational needs now.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You are highly enthused and could even be passionate enough today to take a risk in a conversation or email exchange with someone you want to know better. Listen to your heart, even if you hear your fears trying to talk you out of expressing your desires. Just remember to give others enough latitude so they can be comfortable to share whatever they feel, too.

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, june 12

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Today someone will accuse you of spending too much time with your computer. The way to handle that is to say you’ve got “lots of work to do.” (And don’t let them spot you fondly caressing it.)

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

While poring over some old historical documents, you will discover that the Norman invasion was actually supposed to be the “Bob” invasion, but Norman stole the credit for it. Sadly, it will turn out to be too late to change it now.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things “taste like chicken.” It’s because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it’s OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Between now and the vernal equinox, trust anyone with freckles. After that, trust no one.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The world will be dim and grey, and cold. Carrion crows will caw at you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will rush by in rivers without names. Ahead, on the peak of a mountain, is a glimmering golden light. Either that, or you’ll get gum stuck to your shoe. (Sometimes these things are hard to read.)

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

People are starting to take you a bit too seriously. Try wearing your bunny slippers to work.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft. Your motto: “Who Do You Want To Be Today?”

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as “Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming.”

Your Daily Chinese Horoscopes for June 1

Rabbit

You have a serious “look” about you today, but where it comes to adventure you are all fun and games. You may be starting up a serious sporting event or club in your community, and could take a leadership role in your social circle.

Dragon

Your intuition will be sharper today, and you will be lead to opportunities in your local community to make an impact on the lives of others as well as your own. You may find that the act of repairing a few broken windows, painting over some graffiti could make a big difference.

Snake

Friends and family will be the theme again today, and you may find your recent efforts to play “matchmaker” are bearing fruit at long last. Your own love life could be heating up with some help from a relative who is eager to return the favor.

Horse

You might find that you are juggling your attention between home and work, especially if you have a small home office business. If you have a “day-job” expect some intrusions from your boss or employer, but there could be rewards for delaying your own entertainment to please a higher-up.

Sheep

Looks like you are thinking about or planning for a pleasure trip sometime soon. You may have to plan more than normal, but you have a terrific opportunity to learn a great deal from other people and other cultures. If you are a parent you may be doing a lot of extra driving today.

Monkey

Big financial changes are coming. A business partner or associate is going to plug you into a very lucrative deal. You’ll want to share some of the windfall to buy yourself some time to spend with your family soon. Be careful that you don’t spend too much money today.A considerable change in your spiritual, social or religious values will come along with insights and ideas that expand your boundaries. You may find that you have a new way to contribute to your community through a group, club or religious charity.

Rooster

It’s playtime all of a sudden. Whether you are single or partnered, you will find there is a dramatic spike in your romantic energy today. If you are single, that works well towards attracting a mate. If you are married, it adds some fire and spice to your love life.

Dog

You may be feeling cautiously optimistic about some workplace changes you plan or are facing in the near future. Don’t be afraid to experiment with beneficial alternative diets or healing plans. You may be a little ahead of the “acceptance curve” if you are hoping to encourage others to join you.

Pig

Artwork, entertainment devices, and recreational tickets are better bargains today. You will find you have more time, energy and money for self-enjoyment than you have had recently, and you really do need some extra time out to relax and recreate yourself.

Rat

If you are still single, this is a good day to take your latest “intended” home to meet the folks. You will find them to be more receptive to your choices than normal today. If you are already married, this is a good time to get together with in-laws to make a good impression.

Ox

Do be careful to stay at the speed limit if you are driving today. Your chart speaks of “unexpected encounters with authority figures while traveling” – which could add up to a speeding ticket if “Lead Foot Louie” is not extra careful today.

Tiger

Get ready for financial breakthroughs. If you have been looking for work, sharpen your pencil, dust off that resume, put on your best duds and hit the pavement. Today could be your lucky day. If you are employed look for a bonus, promotion or raise in the near future.

Daily Chinese Horoscopes for May 31st

Rabbit

You will likely be the centre of attention amid a large group of people today. You may be tempted to blow your own horn just a little too much. A true leader does not have to broadcast their presence, they simply inspire followers. You will find that if you are more subtle today, you’ll be more effective.

Dragon

You have powerful insights, vivid dreams, and flashes of intuition today that can powerfully enhance your life. You are about to undergo some changes in your love life, which will add some sparkle to your eyes, and some spring to your footsteps.

Snake

It will be an unusual day with many surprises, especially where it comes to friends, companions and neighbors. You may have an opportunity to make a huge impact on your neighborhood or community with the help of those you are closest to.

Horse

You will find yourself in a new career position as a result of some action or project you are undertaking. Don’t be afraid to pitch your wild and dramatic ideas, that’s what can get you noticed right now. You are heading off to do corporate battle.

Sheep

Your energy shoots way up and you have the ability to make terrific strides today. You could be looking into classes, seminars or online courses, and a life-changing trip could be on the horizon. Plan carefully, while it will be a great experience there are likely to be great changes.

Monkey

Financial benefits and good intuition combine today to bring you into a much more positive frame of mind. You’ll be something of a magnet for opportunity so make sure you are able to act quickly to take advantage. You may decide to treat yourself to a spa treatment soon.

Rooster

There is opportunity for romance indicated in your chart today. If you are still single, you should get out and have some fun tonight. You could meet someone who shares your interests and passions, who is able to tweak your energy and creativity.

Dog

You are dreaming about the perfect career today, and it is possible that a dream opportunity could fall into your lap. Don’t be afraid to make a risky bet on yourself. If you don’t go after this chance you will never know if you really had a chance.

Pig

Fun, fun fun! That’s all that is on your mind right now, but the daily realities make keep intruding into your play plans. You may first have to set aside some time to organize your responsibilities so that you can get away to an entertainment or sporting event.

Rat

Home improvement classes or a long-planned home renovation are wonderful ways for you to enjoy yourself and build enjoyment and-or equity in your home. If you do not already own a home, you could find that it is easier than you think to get started down the path to home ownership.

Ox

The phone is going to be ringing off the hook today. The positive calls will come from friends and loved ones. Your social life is on the upswing. The challenging calls come from coworkers, employers or demanding customers making last-minute changes to everything.

Tiger

Things are looking a lot better financially today. You could receive that cheque that has been in the mail, or hear news about an upcoming raise, bonus or promotion. You may be taking an Internet course that could boost your earning potential.

the daily humorscopes for wednesday, may 30th

the daily humorscope

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Today you will spend another entire day worried about your feet. But honestly, most people don’t notice these things. On the other hand, most people don’t spontaneously grow more toes, either.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You will declare war on ham, today. Possibly on all pork, not just ham. Why? Nobody will know.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Excellent day to fritter things away.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Good day to bring home an insectivore as a pet.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I’m Ok, You’re A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having “defined” the current decade.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You will receive a “Dear John” letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn’t “John”.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

You will be struck by an odd thought, today. Fortunately it will be only a glancing blow, and will do little actual damage.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Today you will suddenly and quite unexpectedly become fascinated by fishing. You’ll spend all your spare time looking through lures, and will videotape all the fishing shows. Don’t lose hope, though — while there is no known cure for your condition, there’s a team working on it at MIT.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

This is a good time to start becoming a connosieur. You have to take that one thing at a time, though – e.g. nobody is going to become a wine connosier overnight. Start with something that’s fun to say. Pumpernickel, for example.

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, may 29, 2012

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Someone you’ve never met will come up and nudge you today. You don’t have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Excellent day to make strange “hooting” noises, while hiding in the bushes.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting “Hark!” however.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Benjamin Franklin said: “If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.” You’re not sure this is an accurate indicator of the value of things, however. At least not after having tried to borrow a toothbrush…

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Excellent time to race one of those little Shriners cars up and down the sidewalk twenty thousand million times. Also, you’ll meet an angel, but don’t let on that you know who she really is.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

As a joke, you should put an 8-foot-tall mucous-covered “egg” in your friend’s basement. Then, when he or she goes down to do a load of laundry…

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Not a good time to go forth and conquer. Try going fifth, and hover in the background.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Beware of Doug.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance. Try to remain calm.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

the daily humorscopes for sunday, may 27th

the daily humorscope

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Someone will drone on and on, today. Try using psychic powers to make their underwear ride up. Even if it doesn’t work, your look of intense concentration may make them self-conscious.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

As Buckaroo Banzai said, “No matter where you go, there you are.” Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Deny everything.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

It’s about time you became better acquainted with mustard. Get yourself 7 different kinds of mustard, and try them with oven baked home fried potatoes, or in sandwiches with good bread and fresh vegetables and some excellent Swiss cheese. My granddaddy Stonebender always used to say “Take a big enough bite of strong mustard, and your other problems will seem insignificant.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You are having a serious problem. Your only hope at this point is to consult a reputable florist. You will find them in the Yellow Pages, under “Florists, Reputable”.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You will soon learn to fear and loath the word “diaper”. Don’t know why.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Today you will turn over a new leaf. Good for you! We were all getting a little tired of you, you know, as you were.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

The bad news is, you’re competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview…

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You will come across a matchbook that will change your life. Inside the cover it will say “You too can be a criminal mastermind!”

Daily Chinese Horoscopes for May 25th

Rabbit

On the one hand people are pointing the finger at you for some faux pas, but on the other, they may be secretly happy you let the cat out of the bag. You may have to navigate between some muddied waters for a bit, but keep your head and you’ll come up for air soon enough.

Dragon

You have an opportunity to travel but someone you work with may be the proverbial fly in the ointment. If you are already on the road, don’t be too conscientious about calling back to the office if you want any peace and quiet on your trip.

Snake

If you have to make financial decisions today, think on the long-term impact and ensure that your dreams and desires are covered. You may experience doubts and insecurities so don’t act rashly. You may not have a clear grasp on what others expect of you today.

Horse

You know what they say – “Two’s company”. Three is dangerous. You may have a momentary flirtation with dangerous temptation today. Avoid a world of trouble and just say “no”. You won’t be at your best in terms of judging people’s character and could be taken in by a pair of bedroom eyes.

Sheep

Listen to a friend who offers help or advice on health issues. You may feel a little swamped just dealing with daily chores, and there is a pal who wants to help – but they may fear you’ll be offended if they offer. Ask if they can help, you’ll both enjoy working together.

Monkey

The focus moves from your wider family to your mate, partner, and children. All of a sudden you find yourself being incredibly worried about their welfare, probably all out of proportion to what’s actually going on. Relax, let go a bit, everyone will be fine.

Rooster

Whatever it takes, get away from the extended family. Take your own brood to the theme park or movie house, but leave the in-laws and parents back at home. You can enjoy yourself on your own, or with your partner and kids, but a big family get-together today is likely to be a disaster.

Dog

You may get a letter or a phone call that has you adjusting some plans about your finances. You may decide to shuffle some money around for better tax or debt-reduction effect. Trust your intuition when choosing a new banker or investment advisor.

Pig

Avoid malls and antique shops today. You are not up to your bargain-hunting best. You are feeling self-indulgent and could find yourself back at home asking “What on earth was I thinking?” when you are finally unpacking your shopping bags.

Rat

Your own personal history and background could prove helpful when a friend or coworker calls, seeking advice about a personal or health-related problem today. You can accomplish a lot by being a good listener, and you could learn something that you can use to make a healthy fashion statement.

Ox

You will still be struggling between your intuition and your knowledge, between your heart and your head, but the focus is on your own wellness today. You may also need to find a way to tell someone that they have to take better care of themselves.

Tiger

Friends and companions have come back down to Earth today, but it’s with a bit of a thud. They may come across as childish and erratic right now, but their mood has a lot to do with personal insecurity and little to do with you. Patience! They will come around eventually.

Your Daily Chinese Zodiac Horoscopes for Wednesday, May 23rd

Rabbit

There is an opportunity for you to boost your career, but it may mean accepting changes in your lifestyle or place of residence. Trust your intuition when making major decisions involving your home or family. You will be your own best guide right now.

Dragon

Looks like you could be traveling, and while it’s not entirely unexpected, you may have been forced to make changes or speed up the schedule. You will find that travel agents and other “support staff” are helpful and can take down some roadblocks.

Snake

You have some planning to do for an upcoming day off, and you need to invest your time, attention, and financial resources into something that will both boost your spirits and get you active and out in the world. You may be tempted to buy a new computer game today.

Horse

You have wonderfully dreamy and romantic energy today, and while you are having a wonderful time, not everyone is happy for you. Someone in your family or circle of companions fears losing your attention or affection and are less supportive than you expected.

Sheep

You may be thinking about healthcare, wellness, or the lifestyle you favor at the moment when it dawns on you that you really need to spend more time in physical activity. A competitive sport could be a huge boost to your self-confidence too.

Monkey

You are going to be the center of attention today. People find you incredibly attractive, and you have a lot of physical energy to spare. The problem is that your intuition is not the best, and you could make some errors in judgement in the choice of a new mate or partner.

Rooster

You have a wonderful opportunity to help a loved one or family member to improve their wellness, fitness, lifestyle or health. You may be thinking of encouraging them to join you in a regular aerobics, fitness or yoga class, or present them with music or a video.

Dog

There is still a lot of chatter on your phone lines. Romantic contacts look positive, if somewhat erratic, but you have at least one friend who may be losing their grip on reality. Before you bring them down to earth, think of a more tactful way to say “get real”.

Pig

You may find that you have unusually good luck with money today. You may discover change in the laundry or win a small lottery sum, or it may just be that someone comes along with some incredibly good ideas or financial advice when it was most needed.

Rat

Keep pushing forward with your personal revolution. You have a lot of momentum and can accomplish a lot. Make sure you tend to your own personal needs though, make sure you get enough sleep. You don’t want to burn out. Keep your cool, your temper, and your drive under control. You can intimidate people today without meaning to, because you are such a powerhouse right now.

Ox

Your intuition will be sharper than normal today. You could actually have one of those strange psychic experiences people sometimes report, where they “just know” something good will happen to a loved one or relative, and it later turns out to be true.

Tiger

Your circle of friends may be expanding soon. An eclectic, unusual group of people may be crossing paths with the group of people you normally hang out with. When the collision of ideas finally dies down you may find that things have gotten a whole lot more interesting.

Daily Chinese Zodiac Horoscopes for Tuesday, May 22nd

Rabbit

If you are traveling soon, you may find yourself with unexpected romantic entanglements. Great news if you are single or are in a stable relationship. But if you are in an unstable partnership, be aware that love triangles can be messy and destructive. Look before you leap.

Dragon

You have an opportunity to take advantage of unexpected changes to conditions that affect an important investment today. Things will tend to move quickly and you may find yourself contemplating serious lifestyle or spiritual changes as a result of something you learn today.

Snake

You may be hearing from a love partner today, your current partner or an old flame. You may be spending a lot of time on the telephone with friends, loved ones and your partner, sharing news and hot gossip, and arranging for a get-together.

Horse

There are changes coming in your family. Someone may be pregnant, or is about to announce an adoption has finally come through. The energy is warm and forgiving today. If you are estranged from a loved one, this may be the perfect day to call up to make amends.

Sheep

There is a playfully romantic atmosphere around you today, and you may find yourself attracted to a single parent if you are single and looking right now. If not, you and your partner could be discussing your own status as parents, and your plans for the future.

Monkey

There is big news coming from your family, positive welcome developments in finances or attitudes that brighten your hopes for a better future. You could hear from a friend whose musical or spiritual interests have brought them good luck.

Rooster

You will be feeling a bit kooky and outrageous today. A friend or companion will come along with jokes and good humor. You may meet new people and decide to travel on the spur of the moment. Paperwork should be checked carefully, though as you are not mentally focused today.

Dog

If you have been looking for a more financially and spiritually rewarding career option, you could be considering going back to school, or opening your own alternative healthcare business. Keep an eye out for opportunities in the holistic field.

Pig

You have an opportunity to take on a new leadership role among your friends and companions today. You could be the lucky star for a charity, group or club who need someone to inspire or motivate their membership. It may also be lucky for your future.

Rat

It looks like you are worried about your health or wellness, yet you are resisting seeking professional feedback. Your worries are most likely exaggerated, and seeking advice might end up bringing you opportunities you might have missed otherwise.

Ox

You have an opportunity to share your deepest dreams, wishes, or insights with a good friend today. You may realize that you and your friend have healing or teaching ability. You may decide to seek out teachers or classes in alternative healthcare or healing.

Tiger

You will be very much in demand socially today. You could find yourself with a number of invitations to parties and events. Charity events are especially lucky for you – you could make some important social or financial connections in some unlikely places.

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