I must apologize for being off the net so long. It is totally my fault and I apologize. Forgive me? The last day we were even on the internet I can’t remember (which is terrible). I know that day we left very abruptly. Again I apologize.
It started out a very peaceful morning. I had my favorite two familiars with me, Kiki and Razzy. I know most people have one but what the heck! One (Kiki) senses the spirits that aren’t suppose to be here. Razzy will climb up on my shoulders and wrap herself around my neck (it is like having a thirty pound weigh hanging around your neck) when the spirit is a harmful one. I had watched poor Kiki till I was about ready to put her out of my misery. But Razzy made no attempt to protect me. So I decided everything had to stop immediately. So we went off the net, at the drop of my pointy hat, lol!
Since I already knew there was a spirit here. The next logically thing to do was to find out who it was. Was it a lost soul looking for help crossing over or a family member that had come back to pester me? I gathered up all my stuff and went to a very quiet and isolated part of the building. Along with me came Kiki and Razzy. Both of them took their places, which really amazed me about Razzy. She had never been around when I used the Ouija Board. But she knew exactly where she belonged. With one on one side and the other on the other side, I started my ritual for using the Board. I always make sure I am very well protected. I have the incense, the candles and most of all I call upon the Goddess for Her Divine protection.
When I first started the session, nothing would come forward. In a more firmer tone, I called to the spirit to come forth. This time it did. I ask the spirit if I knew it, the answer was yes. I had caught a faint smell of perfume. So I asked the spirit, if it was my sister. The answer again, yes. I will explain this part later. I asked the spirit if at the time of her death was she angry with me, the answer was yes. This hurt me very deeply. I asked the spirit if it would tell me why it was angry with me. The answer was no. I told the spirit she was no longer welcomed in my home. Never, ever return to my presence again. Then I closed the gateway.
When I emerged from the room, everyone must have known I was upset. I wouldn’t talk to any of them. I told them there was one last thing I had to do, cleanse the house. Which I did, every nook and cranny I could find, I cleansed. While I was cleansing, I was also thinking about the spirit being angry with me. I never did anything to my sister while she was alive. You have to keep in mind my sister was 22 years older than myself. So we weren’t that close.
I promised I would explain something to you and now I will. No one knows this except close, very close family. My family, the one I created. I don’t remember what day of the week it was but I do remember it was in the afternoon. I got a phone call from my sister’s mother-in-law. She called to tell me that if I wanted to see my sister alive then I might want to get over there. Hospice had been called in. I got in my car and rushed to my sister’s side. At the time, I didn’t know it but she had been sick for six months. No phone call or nothing telling me she was dying. At the end the cancer went to her brain and she didn’t even recognize me. I remember the night she passed very well. I was in here on the computer. The windows were open. A sudden gust of wind came from out of no where. It blew all my papers off the desk. Then it engulfed me. I can still remember being lifted out of my chair and my hair lifting up. I knew my sister had passed. I guess from the time I found out she was dying. I spent almost every moment of those two weeks I could with her. But the real kick in the gut and what I have walked around feeling so numb about came at the funeral. Her ex-husband wanted to know if my sister and I were in an argument or something. I said no and asked him why. He told me, my sister had known for the past six months she was dying. He tried every way in the world to get her to call me but she wouldn’t. He wanted to know why. I told him I honestly didn’t know.
I have walked around with that guilt of not knowing since her death which has been almost six years now. I will be honest. I had always hoped for a very joyous and cheerful reunion with my sister. I had always wanted to contact her on the Board. But my heart was broken all over again. Then apparently my mother must have entered the pictured or someone did. All of a sudden all the good things I had done for my sister. She had no right to be mad at me. I hadn’t been the perfect sister but nor was I the evil one. I believe she deliberately did what she did. By not calling, by not letting me know she was dying on purpose. My father always told me she hated me. I use to think what a horrible thing to say. You see I wasn’t suppose to have happened but I did. My mother was pregnant with me the same time my sister was pregnant with her first child. My father told me, at the time they were both pregnant, my sister hated my mother and hated me even more. He told me comments she would make about the unborn child in her mother’s stomach. I couldn’t believe a blood relative could be that cruel but I see know I was wrong.
I found out a lot about myself the other day in just a few hours. I learned I have been carrying around guilt (which was my sister’s intent to start with) for years. I learned that was her final knife she put in my back. If I had not did what I did, I would have walked around with that guilty and not knowing till the day I died. I know she had been here before but what made that day so special. What moved me to finally take action? I believe my Divine Mother got tired of me carrying around needless guilt and I was ready for the truth. I could handle the truth finally.
You see it is like I was telling you the other day. The Goddess reveals to us all things in time. But only She knows the time we can handle them. Thank you, dear Mother, thank you!
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