Continuation of the story ….

I met my gf when she facebooked me and asked about the rumors of me being trans.  As we talked more and more she said she wouldnt mind dating a trans person if i was interested so we got to know one another and she invited me to Indy Pagan Day where her coven was putting on a ritual.  It sounded like a good time and I was exploring alternate religions so I went out and attended the event and also attended her ritual.  I enjoyed the pomp and circumstance of the ritual  coming from a Catholic background and it increased my interest in pagan holidays and esbats.  We talked later and I let her know I would be willing to attend another ritual as they did most of their rituals publicly if her.

The next open ritual that they had was Samain and I was hooked, we attended the ritual I enjoyed myself as far as the learning process went and enjoyed the other people in the group.  After this ritual though things started going south for me and the gf and we broke up right before Yule and because of this I only attended one ritual with her coven.  At the time I was hoping to continue the process with her coven but as the timed passed I saw that this was not going to be possible bc of the drama.

This caused me to explore other options for my spirituality and I found an on line coven to belong to for my education and a guild in a different city for my socialization.  I still do almost nothing witchy in Indy bc I do not want to run the chance of running into my ex gf.

I have written bf on the differences between a guild and a coven and would be more than willing to answer questions in either area.  I will also take question on my trans journey.  Hope everyone has a wonderful day, sun has come out here, and it is fairly warm for the end of december

Dawn of the Day

A newbie witch explaining her path

Well everyone its Dawn of the day again, Last time we spoke we talked about the difference between a guild and a coven as I have belonged to both.  Today I thought I would take a different look and talk about some of my first steps on the path.

One of the reasons I was drawn to the pagan path in my early exploration was that I was not happy with the mainline religions and the discrimination they showed to the LGBT community.  I tried to live my life correctly by Christian standards for 45 years belonging to their religions, worshiping as they wanted, and even buying in that being trans was not wrong as long as I did not dress in the clothes that I found were most comfortable.

When i reached about 45 i started my “mid life crisis” where I wanted to start dressing more in the clothes that I found proper and was in such a place that I was willing to give up family, friends, social organizations, religion and even my job as a high school teacher.  The other choice for this though was death, I had already picked out the where and how I just had to decide the when.

About this time two things happened just about in unison, one was that I decided to go see a therapist to determine exactly what i was, within two appointments I was diagnosed as trans and told I could start hormone replacement as soon as i wanted.  The second was that I meet a witch and lover and with her help we started exploring the pagan/wiccan path.

Even though the relationship ended badly and I do not care to ever see her again she did show me a religion that was accepting of everyone and one that I did not have to pretend to be someone else for.  Through her guidance she put me on the first steps of my wiccan path which has increased my knowledge of the gods and and how to better work with the goddess as I move down my path of life.

 

More tomorrow

Dawn of the Day

The Pale Horse

The Pale Horse

 

Death came by that day

He arrived like a gentle spring rain

The grass was greening

and the dew was still remaining

 

Death came by that day

With a certain calmness

With the face of a child

Who’s smile was flawless

 

Death came by that day

With the comfort for many

Knowing that she will be sleeping

In the land of plenty

 

Death came by that day

To comfort and offer solace for the pain

That the friends and family had in their souls

And the time chosen was most humane

 

Death came by that day

After the goodbyes had be said

The memories had been relived

and nothing had been left unsaid

 

death came by that day

and put on the period

to a life that had been taken

but with certain weariness

 

death came by that day

to claim another

this one from cancer

but it could have been others

 

death came by today

how many times has he been here before

how many more will he take

how many more will he call for

 

death came by today

to claim someone of wonder

to some she was a just the lunch lady

to others she was their mother

 

death came by today

we can not escape

he does not take a holiday

for anybodys sake

 

death came by today

he rode a pale horse

to claim another life

before their time had run its course

 

Jennifer Dawn Marshall

2-23-18

The wheel turns

the season is over
the year almost done
the leaves are a falling
there is more to come

pretty soon it will be bare
all the green will be gone
the snows will start falling
there will be less to feed on

the animals will hide
all safe in their nests
when the weather gets bad
they can not protest

its the wheel of the year
that continues to turn
as summer begot fall
soon winter will return

the seasons keep moving
the time never still
the god and the goddess
have given us free will

when the time stops moving
when the wheel stands still
our time here will be over
and the cause maybe capital hill

My goddess

Hekate

Hekate

Hekate is a goddess

from long long ago

way back in Greece

long before I began to grow

Hekate helped me to understand her ways

and there are times for levity

and that there is times for seriousness

that’s something I will have to remedy

I had made an error

I knew I had messed up

I had upset my guide

Causing me to tear up

She took me to a dark and misty place

A trip that went on through the night

I felt no fear along the way

I knew that I would be alright

I walked a long path

with many many turns

I felt my guides

Who voiced their concerns

The message was felt

I was not spoken

Your guides are here

Unless they are forsaken

I was on the right path

The evidence was clear

There were things to do

But i was to have no fear

I was to go back

I was to return

To the true ones

That had showed concern

I was to end

The long negativity

I was to smile

And always to be positive

I was to apologize

To those I had hurt

To light the incense

And repair the cuts

I was to be patient

In my greatest desires

To end the anxiety

But to find my power

If I maintained

And if I prayed

I would return

And find my way

If I continued on my current path

If I did not slow  down

Things would go badly

And I would slowly drown

You know who loves you

I was told

Follow your heart

but don’t be bold

Be patient and kind

and let them lead

They know much more

Of what you need

You will get there

But not today

You need to learn

Along the way

There are good and bad spirits

along this long path

Some are there to help

Some will cause a wrath

You know the difference

You can read the signs

Now follow your heart

and not your mind

Jennifer dawn 2-25-18

Life is fragile

The precipice of life is so fragile.
Life is also so very very short
The choice of who lives and who dies
These choices are often beaten about
A right turn here
A wrong one there
A life could be saved
maybe a few will care
To be on that cliff
To sit on the edge
To look at the trees
Fallen from the edge
Most of the trees are dead
And this makes you wonder
How was the decision made
Of which would be thrown down
Some trees will live
And some trees will die
Is it just the trees
Or is it people who strive
The creek made a turn
The erosion was sudden
The place that I sit
is soon to be flood in
But I sit on the edge
And I ponder the day
Did I make all the right decisions
Or did I use my day to betray
When I die I will become dust
And return to the earth
But my spirit will travel
For there will be a rebirth
Will the path be difficult
Or will it be easy
Will the way be made simple
Or will it make u queasy
I look at the water
And I think and I pine
How can I get down there
And what would I find
The rapids and eddies
The whirlpools and ponds
They are all formed by erosion
Before the dirt was moved on
I wonder what they have seen
I wonder where they will go
Have they ever made a wrong turn
And how would they ever know
Will they make it all the way down stream
Will they continue to move
Or will they evaporate
And come down anew
Sometimes I wish I was water
No feelings for yesterday
Just flowing and turning
In so many different ways
No choices to make
no decisions to regret
No worries about
No one to have left
It is a dark and grey day
The wind is so cold
The water looks sparkling
In its ever changing mold
Who knows of the future
We can only study the past
The water will continue
To flow along this path
To find our valley
To find our stream
To find our happiness
Is what we all dream
Nature is beautiful
she makes this world a wonder
We all need to love her
Or we will make a blunder
She is all that we have
She is all that we need
to the gods and the goddess
We must all believe
I have always found my peace
Living within nature
The trees and the water
Are all here to be nurtured
Jen dawn 04-14-2018