You know you’re getting older when…

 

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night before, and yo9u haven’t been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder, and you find it leaning against   the wrong wall.

You join a health club and don’t go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm

You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.

A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is “Twenty-five Years Ago Today.”

You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.

You regret all those temptations you resisted.

You’re 17 around the neck and 44 around the waist, and 105 around the golf   course.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying   a second coat.

Dialing long distance wears you out.

You are startled the first time someone’s calls you Old-timer.

You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

You just can’t stand people who are intolerant.

The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.

Your back goes out more often than you do.