I wish each and everyone of you a very Happy & Blessed Thanksgiving! May you spend it with your loved ones whether they be family or friends. Let us not forget what today is all about, whether we are Pagan or Not! It doesn’t hurt Pagans, Wiccans, Witches and the like to stop and take time to be thankful. I know I very seldom get sentimental and most of all I don’t like to reveal to others that I do have a soft side. I guess I always like to seem in control of my emotions but there are even times when seasoned old witches let their emotions out. Ooops! I am not that old just emotional. It started this morning in the kitchen, with my wildcat Razzy. She put her paws up on my calf and I leaned down to rub her. I started talking to her telling her, she didn’t know how much she had to be thankful for this year. Then it hit me, I am the thankful one. I am so thankful that the Goddess brought her and her family to me. I am so grateful that I saved her and she will have a good home the rest of her life. I will love her and cherish her each year. I am also thankful for my older wildcat, Stinker, my little Pomeranian princess Kiki. Then I stopped to think about my family. I am so thankful for my two wonderful, beautiful and healthy children. I am thankful that my son has two healthy and beautiful daughters. I am thankful for my daughter and that the Goddess finally found a man to put up with her. I have a lot to be thankful for.
I have to stop and think back though. At one time, I loved another man besides my husband. My husband and I were separated and I had known this man for years. He asked me out and we started seeing each other. We started making plans for the future. He loved my two children and my son he was crazy about. He had made plans to take him hunting and fishing and do all the things his father never had time to do with him. We had talked about moving into together. How life would be. But for some strange twist of fate my husband came by to visit the kids one evening. That evening, my husband took me out to the patio and we sit and talked. We talked about how things weren’t really that bad between us. I should let you know at this time why we were separated, I had caught him having an affair on me. Why? I didn’t know I had always tried to be the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, witch, heck I was even PTA President! I guess I got caught up in being too perfect. He had fallen for a woman totally my opposite. He came to the house one day to drop the kids off some money and he had told me, “I had better sit down.” I couldn’t imagine what it was but he told me I was right and he was living with another woman. He wanted to tell me before I found out about her from someone else. Everything I had thought was true, I cried and cried. I thought my world had ended. I got up and slapped the holy shit out of him and told him to get out of the house. That is when I fell right straight into the arms of this other man. I guess he was my crutch. He loved me and I knew it. The first night, we went out. He took me to his parents’ house and then to his grandmother’s house. All of them told me, that they were glad to finally meet me. They had heard so much about me. But back to the night my husband came over and fate took such a straight twist. We got to laughing and crying together. We had a deep love and I couldn’t deny that. I went back to my comfort zone. I took my husband back. My husband came right out and told me that he didn’t know how to tell the other woman he was coming back home. He said he had left her crying in a motel room. And that if there was anyway possible that he was going to try to work things out with me. He said he had to go back and tell her and get his stuff. He even asked me if I wanted to go. I told him that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I didn’t talk to the man I was seeing for two or three days because hubby was back home. The man knew where I was working and what time I came in each day. So he decided he would surprise me one day and stop by with his new motorcycle for me and him to go for a ride. I didn’t know he was there I had taken a couple of days off and hubby and I stopped in for a minute to see how things where going. On the stool, waiting for me, was the other man. I could see the look in his eyes when we walked in. He got up and left. He tore out on the motorcycle so quick, my hubby asked me what his problem was. I said I didn’t know. Part of me was crushed when he left on that motorcycle. But I knew where I belonged with my family. The next night the other man was killed in a motorcycle wreck. He was at a bar drinking, left the bar doing about 100 mph and hit a parked van head on. When I found out what happened I nearly died myself. I can say I was starting to fall in love with him or perhaps it was just neediless. But I had never had to do anything more difficult in my life than grieve in silence. Everytime I was alone I would break down and cry. I still cry to this day about it. For the longest time, I blamed myself for his death. I had friends tell me, that I had to stop doing that. But I believe with the help of the Goddess, I know that didn’t actually cause his death and I shouldn’t blame myself anymore. I didn’t make him pick up those drinks. I am sure like I, he was feeling heart-broken. But he didn’t need to get drunk, there were other ways of coping. I found them and he should have too. I miss him and if I had known that was what he was going to do, I would have found a way to stop. Where is this all going? He showed me a part of life that I only thought I wanted. My path wasn’t meant to be with him. He showed me how to love deeper, appreciate every moment we have in this life because the next might be our last. I have alot to be thankful for just by knowing this man.
So this Thanksgiving when I look back on the years, I have a lot to be thankful for. My family, my friends, people who I have lost over the years. Some I wish who could be alive now and see me and her grandchildren. But I know that those who have gone on are with the Goddess waiting. I am thankful for the Goddess and all the good things in life she has given me. I am thankful for all the readers of this blog. I am thankful for the friends I have made through it.
All in all, I believe this is going to be the best Thanksgiving for me. I realize what I have and what I have lost, I realize I will never take a moment of life for granted and I will live each moment to the fullest. I am thankful for the life the Goddess has given me and the Path that She has shown me.
Remember the Goddess in your Thanksgiving this year! Remember my family and I, as I will be thinking about each and everyone of you this year!
Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to each and everyone of you,