Old vs. New Magic

Old vs. New Magic


The nature of spirituality and magic has changed substantially in the last few centuries. In medieval times, people felt themselves surrounded by hostile forces beyond their control, and they developed spells and other rituals to protect themselves. Today we are also surrounded by hostile forces beyond our control, but the spells and rituals have changed to meet modern needs.

Herewith a list of medieval spells, items, and spiritual concepts, and their current equivalents:

Medieval Magic Modern Magic
Summon spirit of the dead Summon waiter
Heal the sick Heal bad haircut
Garlic turns away vampire Garlic turns away tax auditor
Confession absolves sin Confession obtains plea-bargain
Exorcise demonic possession Exorcise daughter’s interest in biker
Exorcise demonic possession 2 Exorcise mother-in-law from property
Charm a dragon Charm your date
Cast out demons Cast out cockroaches
Remove curse Remove pimple
Dispel evil spirit Dispel smell of dope in car
Fairies are playful woodland creatures Fairies are playful urban creatures
Brownies are malicious Brownies are delicious
Witches’ brew Vicks Nyquil
Venal sin Misdemeanor
Mortal sin Felony
Papal indulgence Mayor can fix parking tickets
Lay curse on overlord Lose boss’ overheads
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