The Witches Digest for Sunday, January 21 (Part 3, Horoscopes & Divination)

The Witches Digest for Sunday, January 21

(Part 3, Horoscopes & Divination)

Your Daily Horoscopes for Sunday, January 21st

by Rick Levine


General Horoscope

We are working our way back into the real world, but we’re not in too much of a hurry to get there today. The dreamy Pisces Moon invites us to while away the time in contemplation, meditation or fantasy. Nevertheless, we are coaxed into action when the moody Moon trines impatient Mars. Meanwhile, the progressive Aquarius Sun forms a creative alignment with moralistic Jupiter in shrewd Scorpio, encouraging us to put our high ideals to practical use.


Aries Horoscope MAR 21 – APR 19

Self-imposed limitations are fading away now, allowing you to see vistas that were previously hidden. Your optimism may be so strong that walls disappear before your eyes, widening your perspective. However, you may be in for a rude awakening if you slam into something outside of your range of perception. Your positive attitude works in your favor as long as you balance your subjective visions with objective reality. Reaching for the stars is best when you keep your feet planted solidly on the ground.


Taurus Horoscope APR 20 – MAY 20

It’s wonderful that people are so encouraging now, especially because you realize how much they believe in you. It seems as if everyone thinks you can do nearly anything you choose, but you might not always share their confidence. Sometimes, you wish they would take you off your pedestal, so you could exceed their expectations. Although your supporters inspire you to reach further, it would be nice, for once, to simply bask in the glow of accomplishment.


Gemini Horoscope MAY 21 – JUN 20

Your goals may be unrealistic today, but that won’t stop you from dreaming. Fortunately, you’re not required to turn every thought into reality; sometimes it’s healthy to imagine your life unfolding in perfection, according to your most colorful fantasies. The peace of mind you experience when lost in contemplation can increase your effectiveness in the real world. Focus less on arriving at an arbitrary destination than steadily progressing along your chosen path.


Cancer Horoscope JUN 21 – JUL 22

Expressing your gratitude has immediate positive consequences today as people catch your contagious enthusiasm. Choosing joy over doubt is a simple task if you consciously acknowledge the good in your life rather than focusing on the possible problems ahead. But your optimism won’t make the challenges go away. You still must do the work to overcome any negativity you encounter. Nevertheless, dwelling on things that might never come to pass is a waste of precious time. Robert Downey, Jr. said, “I’ve noticed that worrying is like praying for what you don’t want to happen.”


Leo Horoscope JUL 23 – AUG 22

You have a rare opportunity to broaden your horizons, but you may need to concentrate on domestic issues first. Although you’re inclined to fully engage the world and even modify it to conform to your expectations, you can’t effectively reach out now until your home and family life is in order. Social and global change originate within; start small and expand from there. Psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden wrote, “We must become what we wish to teach.”


Virgo Horoscope AUG 23 – SEP 22

You are known for your ability to narrow your focus in order to achieve a higher level of efficiency and perfection when engaged in any activity. However, reality is weaving a complex tapestry of interrelated events now, requiring you to open your mind wider so you can perceive the larger dynamics at work. You may need to confront your own resistance and fight your tendency to limit incoming data. Paradoxically, confusion is your friend because it forces you to let go of your previous assumptions, freeing your mind to see your world in a new light.


Libra Horoscope SEP 23 – OCT 22

Although you might be concerned that you’re not making intelligent use of your time today, productivity is a red herring which can distract you from what’s important now. Investing in your wellbeing is your top priority while the radiant Sun is illuminating joyful Jupiter in your 2nd House of Self-Esteem. Drop your guilt at the door. A Sunday well spent brings a week of contentment. Taking care of yourself is an act of love from which everyone benefits.


Scorpio Horoscope OCT 23 – NOV 21

You’re not one to be easily outwitted, especially if you sense that someone is purposefully trying to deceive you. But other people are not your biggest problem now; you are. You feel as if you’re so close to achieving your dreams that you could talk yourself into taking an unnecessary risk. You have worked very hard to obtain your current position. Don’t jeopardize your gains with an impulsive and likely foolish move made out of desperation. Bruce Lee said, “Small daily improvements are the key to staggering long-term results.”


Sagittarius Horoscope NOV 22 – DEC 21

People admire your extroverted nature and adventurous spirit, but your most significant growth now comes from an inner journey that is invisible to everyone else. The Sun is shining its life-affirming rays on expansive Jupiter in your 12th House of Spiritual Mystery. Your subconscious holds the secret keys to your destiny and you are being offered a chance to unlock the door leading to the wisdom you seek. However, there is no map that points the way to this metaphysical treasure. This path is for your footsteps alone.


Capricorn Horoscope DEC 22 – JAN 19

You may be the reluctant leader of your pack now, pushed to the front because no one else wanted the job. You might be called on to coordinate a social outing, even if your heart isn’t in it. Or, perhaps, your family members look to you for guidance on a domestic dispute. Although you naturally take responsibility seriously, you still could grow annoyed that you’re being put in this awkward position. Unfortunately, your feelings are less important today than the role you must play. Peter Drucker wrote, “Never mind your happiness; do your duty.”


Aquarius Horoscope JAN 20 – FEB 18

You can stand up tall and be proud of your life. It doesn’t matter how long the list of accomplishments is, what degrees come after your name, or how far you must still go to manifest your dreams. What counts is that you strive to find a spiritual meaning in your continuing struggle to be a kinder person and an all-around better human being. It means so much when your friends and relatives acknowledge your contribution to the world. Inspirational author Alice Hocker wrote, “Your greatness is not what you have, but in what you give.”


Pisces Horoscope FEB 19 – MAR 20

Your hopes are so firmly pinned to the future that you may struggle remaining in the present moment. The reflective Moon joins wounded Chiron in your compassionate sign today, encouraging you to help others with their pain as a way of ameliorating your own. It’s tempting to put your troubles into perspective by dreaming of a better time yet to come. However, the best strategy for improving your lot in life is as Ram Dass wrote, “Be here now.” Shift your thinking from potential to actual, from there to here, and from someday to immediately. is a Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2018


If You Were Born Today, January 21

You are an exceptionally fair person, and others appreciate you for this trait. They know they can count on you to be objective and reasonable. You are charming, talented, and a little moody. Money and security are important to you, and you do appreciate all that is associated with the “good life”, but you are never one to ruthlessly pursue these things if it hurts other people. Inventive and original, you are frequently dreaming up new and creative ideas, most of which can be quite profitable. Famous people born today: Geena Davis, Christian Dior, Benny Hill, Paul Scofield, Telly Savalas, Ethan Allen, Stonewall Jackson, Placido Domingo.

Your Birthday Year Forecast:

With the Sun and Moon in a waxing semi-square at the time of your birthday this year, the period ahead is one of new initiatives and action. You possess quite a bit of energy, but you must be aware that emotions color much of what you do this year. It can be hard to be objective as a result.

This can be a year in which you experience important turning points, or you could begin new projects or goals that have a long-term impact on your life.

You crave and seek more freedom this year, and how you deal with this issue makes all the difference as to the overriding themes of this period of your life. If you recognize your need for changes in key areas of your life and adapt accordingly, this can be an exciting year of discovery. However, if you resist change and insist on keeping things status quo, you are bound to feel very restless, tense, and rebellious. Either way, making healthy changes should be the focus instead of change just for the sake of change. Spontaneity, not impulsiveness, is the key to success this year. Fortunately, you have a lot of cosmic support for this.

You’re particularly charming during this period of your life, and you’re particularly proud of your relationships. It’s a strong year for strengthening your connections with others, both partnerships and friendships.

There can be a stronger tendency toward, or desire for, commitment and deep involvement in your relationships — you’re taking love seriously. There can be a willingness to make sacrifices if it seems the best way to make improvements in relationships and with money matters. You can be quite particular in your taste and good with money and savings.

Mercury forms a sextile with Neptune in your Solar Return, and intuition runs high. You are more sensitive artistically, your imagination is stirred, and you have an increased appreciation for subtleties. You are inspired and could even inspire others with your words. Some of your hunches could be prophetic. You are thinking more creatively, and express yourself with more sensitivity, compassion, and warmth.

There may be a project, idea, or person that demands much of your attention or occupies much of your thoughts. It’s a strong year for any project or studies that require concentrated effort. You are especially resourceful.

You’re expressing and asserting yourself more naturally and confidently this year, which benefits all areas of life. Suppressed anger is more effectively released in creative ways. It is easier than ever to express your individuality in a manner that is true to you.

You can feel as if you’re beginning a new chapter of your life this year as you start fresh on some significant level. Your passions and enthusiasm run high in the period ahead, and you find it natural to channel this extra energy constructively. This is an excellent year for enterprising endeavors and new interests, even if there is also a strong focus on the past. You’re drawn instinctively to certain projects that have long-term value. It can be an especially creative, tuned-in year for self-expression, not only verbally but through hobbies, games, or sports.

2018 is a Number Six year for you. Ruled by Venus. This is a year of relative contentment. It’s a time when love is the easiest to attract, and partnerships formed under this vibration have a better chance for longevity. You are especially able to attract others–and material things as well–this year. This is a good year for establishing harmony in the family and the home. Advice – develop existing relationships, be positive and receptive because these kinds of energies help you to attract what you desire.

2019 will be a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it’s a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It’s a good year to study, observe, research, and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and “chance” meetings are probable. Advice – take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don’t strain yourself or actively try to expand.


Get A Jump On Tomorrow,

Your Daily Horoscopes for Monday, January 22nd

by Rick Levine



General Horoscope

The luxury of humming dreamy tunes comes to a crashing crescendo when the Moon blasts into headstrong Aries at 1:26 am EST. It’s time to pay the piper if we drifted too far off course. The Moon’s square to karmic Saturn is a harsh reminder that we get what we deserve. Thankfully, Luna also forms supportive sextiles to the willful Sun and resourceful Venus, paving a path through the rugged landscape that makes it easier for us to find our way home.


Aries Horoscope MAR 21 – APR 19

Sometimes your impatience is so relentless that you go ahead with an action you know will create problems. However, your logic is not the captain of your ship now, and you might not be able to talk yourself into waiting. Although the Moon’s return to impetuous Aries can convince you to take a risk, her square to naysaying Saturn puts a damper on your plans, even before they are off the ground. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”


Taurus Horoscope APR 20 – MAY 20

You’re ready to slip into stealth mode today because you believe you can be more productive when you don’t have to explain every move you make throughout the day. In fact, your behavior might seem mysterious to those who can’t figure out why you’re not more forthcoming about your specific needs. You’re not trying to complicate anything, nor are you playing hard to get. In your mind, you’re simply willing to try nearly anything to accomplish more with less output of energy.


Gemini Horoscope MAY 21 – JUN 20

Yesterday’s reasons to turn down a social invitation might return as today’s justifications for saying yes. It’s confusing when reality can be perceived so differently in less than twenty-four hours, but the Moon’s shift into spontaneous Aries and your 11th House of Friends reminds you that your relationships are key to your happiness. Of course, you could get by on your own if you must, but it’s more fun if you can share life’s ups and downs with a community of like-minded people.


Cancer Horoscope JUN 21 – JUL 22

You are in the throes of a complex dilemma today as work-related opportunities require your response. Every cell in your body is screaming yes, but circumstances might not allow you to proceed at this time. Fortunately, patience is one of your secret weapons, so focus your energy on where you can be useful now and stop watching the clock. Thankfully, if it becomes a matter of who flinches first, your ability to wait for the right moment gives you the distinct advantage.


Leo Horoscope JUL 23 – AUG 22

You are just as impatient as the other fire signs, but your fixed nature can turn a frustrating situation in your favor now. Once you set your mind to accomplishing a goal, you are relentless in your pursuit until you reach your destination. Although you may run into one stop sign after another today, you’re not likely to become discouraged. You’re a pro at taking it all in stride because you understand that setbacks are not permanent; they are merely resting points on your way to success. Persistence is your ally when times are tough.


Virgo Horoscope AUG 23 – SEP 22

If you are involved in complicated negotiations with your coworkers now, it helps to know what motivates their actions. Luckily, you can see directly into someone’s soul today, enabling you to easily break through their normal defenses. However, you could accumulate bad karma if you use your current skill to gain unfair advantage. Enter every discussion with a clear goal in mind. Be forthright, state your intentions clearly, and don’t deviate from your chosen path. Hidden agendas and behind-the-scenes shenanigans will only come back to haunt you.


Libra Horoscope SEP 23 – OCT 22

You appreciate it when people are direct in their communication because it’s easier to respond when you already know how someone else feels. Nevertheless, you find it unacceptable when anyone comes on so strong that they don’t give you a chance to meet them on equal footing. In fact, you might withdraw from a discussion if the other person is too forceful for your taste. But don’t just disappear without an explanation. If you believe that your boundaries were not respected, make sure to say so in an appropriate manner. No one should mistake your kindness for weakness.


Scorpio Horoscope OCT 23 – NOV 21

Your work-related chores are well defined now, leaving little doubt about what is expected from you. Fortunately, you are confident that you can do your job in a timely manner. The self-willed Aries Moon is marching through your 6th House of Logistics, motivating you to shift into high gear in order to get traction and finish what you start. Once you know your role in the big scheme of things, you can figure out the rest on your own. If someone asks you, “What do you do?” Answer, “Whatever it takes.”


Sagittarius Horoscope NOV 22 – DEC 21

Hiding your optimism is a challenge today, but you don’t want to flaunt your confidence when others appear to be struggling. However, you’re not afraid to climb out on a limb and fully own your positive attitude now. Nevertheless, you still might annoy, or even shock, someone with your cavalier approach. It might seem as if you’re emotionally detached from the outcome of everything in the material world now, but that’s simply not the case. Every step on your journey is just as important as your destination.


Capricorn Horoscope DEC 22 – JAN 19

As competent as you are in the outer world, expanding your skillset in the inner world is a more complicated challenge. But you’re not one to take psychological exploration lightly; you might not even believe that it is your best defense against stress. Nevertheless, your serious nature pushes you into imaginative realms where magic is just as common as cause-and-effect. Khalil Gibran wrote, “Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.”


Aquarius Horoscope JAN 20 – FEB 18

You seem to be a conversation starter today and are unwilling to patiently wait for others to make the first move. You want all the facts you can get now because you believe knowledge is power. Don’t look for a signal that it’s okay to initiate a dialogue. Ask probing questions to start the ball rolling while the courageous Aries Moon is visiting your 3rd House of Information. You don’t need permission to begin when everyone expects you to take the lead.


Pisces Horoscope FEB 19 – MAR 20

You need a fully functioning social network today because the support of your friends can make all the difference in the world. But you can tell that there’s an emotional storm brewing and you want to know all the facts before you jump into a situation and find yourself in over your head. Thankfully, your greatest cosmic resource now is the reflective Moon’s presence in your 2nd House of Possessions, enabling you to accurately inventory what you have — both physical and metaphysical. Take a chance and reveal a secret to someone new. Nothing ventured; nothing gained. is a Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2018

Tarot Card of the Day


The Strength Tarot card represents nature, which, however wild in its primal form, is tamed by our subtler, finer self — our feminine side, our inner self. The will and passion of our instinctive nature does not need to be broken, but refined and brought to consciousness, so that all levels of creation may come into harmony.

The feminine soul-force contains a persuasive power that can nurture and induce cooperation from others, stilling disruptive energies by harmonizing differences in the spirit of collective good will. is a Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2018

2018 Tarot Reading

Month-by-month Tarot cards reveal your path to personal growth in 2018

It’s time to start preparing for a new year! For our Tarot overview of 2018, I’ve chosen to read with Major Arcana cards only. This gives us one large idea — a clear theme — for each of the 12 months, that we can then explore in more detail as the year unfolds, using the wisdom of the full Tarot deck. From these 12 cards I’ve drawn for us, the overall theme of 2018 seems to be the shifting relationship with the self. This will be a year of reflecting on our values and how we want to act in the world, with the cards asking us to consider and reconsider who we are as the months progress. This looks to be a year of layers of discovery, each one bringing us closer to personal truths, if we are willing to do the work.

January Tarot Card: The Lovers

Inner harmony as the beginning of a balanced life

Our final spread of 2017 left us with the caring energy of the Queen of Cups and the proactivity of The Magician. As we enter the new year, it is with a stronger sense of self. The Lovers echoes that in its symbolic union of different aspects of our character and achievement of inner harmony. It is just as important to honor and maintain the relationship with the self as it is the relationships we have with others. Personal balance is also what makes us loving and reliable partners.


February Tarot card: Strength

Practicing compassion

Being secure in our identity allows us to approach the world with compassion and understanding instead of fear and aggression. Inner strength is often a more helpful resource for navigating the world than brute force. Our ability to apply this type of influence will be either needed or enhanced this month. We must pay close attention in interactions with others and confront our own negative internal dialogue should it attempt to instill self-doubt. is a Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2018

Daily Love Tarot Card



The Emperor

A hidden aspect of the past is revealed and is something that lets you tear down a wall that keeps you boxed in. What old memory fogs the mind and your emotions today? Let it go because it is to do easy now. The freedom turns into courageously liberated, wise, and realistic energy. If single, it eases a focus on desired outcomes. That allows someone to feel free to express warmth without pressure, and they will.


Your Erotic Card of the Day









The Star

The Star card shows that your sexual energy is burning bright, and the future looks extremely promising. There may be a few obstacles in the way of getting what you want, but you’re very confident in your sexual prowess so you welcome a little healthy competition. You’re determined to pursue a sexual conquest and make them yours, and the Star predicts that you have all the right moves to accomplish your lustful goals. Your ego actually works more in your favor than against your goals today.


Your Rune for Today


“Not-this” – Literally: “Need-fire” or “Necessity” – Esoteric: Constraint, Friction

Key Concepts: Need, resistance, constraint, conflict, drama, effort, necessity, urgency, hard work, need-fire, life lessons, creative friction, distress, force of growth, the consequence of past action, short term pain for long term gain

Psi: resistance, need, effort

Energy: necessity, coming forth into being, urgency

Mundane: doing what must be done, chores, hard work

Divinations: Resistance (leading to strength), recognition of örlög (ultimate law, primal truth), innovation, need-fire (self-reliance), personal development and life lessons, achievement through effort; or constraint of freedom, distress, toil, drudgery, laxity, warnings, worry, guilt, moral cowardice, unfulfilled or unrecognized needs.


Overcoming distress or negative örlög
Acceptance of the unchangeable
Development of magical will, the manipulation of wyrd
Understanding the dynamic force of “resistance” in the process of creating
The generation of creative energy for problem solving
Protection of one’s own needs
Recognition of personal need
Love magic; especially to obtain a lover


Your Weekly Influences for January 21st


Tarot Influence

Queen of Swords

Often mournful from loss or infertility. Quick witted, gracious and kind but firm











Astrological Influence

Taurus Reversed

Taurus reversed represents unwarranted stubborness and impulsiveness.











Element Influence


Fire denotes the unleashing of raw energy and change. The status quo may be about to crumble, but will be replaced something better. Fire also provides light to those in the dark and warmth for a cold body and spirit.










Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today


The Dove

Throughout history the Dove has symbolized peace and innocence in nearly all cultures. Dove’s soft cooing and gentle nature bring a calmness to any situation. The Dove appears where peace has been attained or there is a need to bring events to a peaceful ending. It denotes a time to let lose of grievances and settle conflicts in a way that benefits all parties equally.

As a daily card, Dove suggests the need to put an end to conflict in your present life. The conflict may be yours or may be that of people close to you. Regardless of the parties involved, you have been called upon to bring the discord to an impartial end.


Your Mah Jong Tile for the Month of January

Bamboo 5
Symbol: Lotus Flower

The Lotus Flower tile represents birth or rebirth. On a spiritual level it may indicate you are about to reach new heights in your understanding of your place in the cosmos. Physically it may suggest a child is coming, or a new project is about to emerge. The Lotus Flower tile also speaks of regeneration, and may indicate a time of recovery from hardship—a new beginning.



Your Karmic Number for January 21st

You handle yourself with decorum when faced with adversity. Buddha would consider you equanimous right now, having received this number 11. You may have even been a spiritual leader in a past life. People will turn to you during a catastrophe or for guidance about their hectic lives. The guru role suits you. If you are already a counselor of some kind, rest assured that you are helping people even if you can’t see the results yet. Whatever tools you share are being taken seriously. If you feel some agitation, step back and breathe to regain your composure. In a small way, you are saving the world. No pressure!


The Wisdom of Buddha

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes



Earth Sky News for January 21st: Star-hop from Orion to Planet 9

 Above image of Planet 9’s path via WikipediaTonight, let the constellation Orion the Hunter show you the approximate position of the hypothetical Planet 9 in the starry sky. As of now, nobody has yet seen this hypothetical solar system planet, which, if it exists, is large and very distant. But – still, hypothetically speaking – there are reasons to believe it does exist, and so … the hunt is on.

Read more: Help astronomers look for Planet 9

The astronomer Scott S. Sheppard has said he guesses this planet might shine somewhere between 23rd and 25th magnitude, making this world about 6 to 40 million times fainter than the faintest celestial object visible to the unaided eye. Still, it’s fun to imagine the place in the sky where astronomers are searching for Planet 9. This is the place they think it’s most likely to be.

The sky chart at the top of this post shows that location. The chart, which is via Wikipedia, shows Planet 9‘s possible path across our sky, in front of the backdrop stars, from the years 1000 to 3000 AD.

Although this world, if it exits, is way beyond the range of our backyard telescopes, we can still star-hop from the constellation Orion to Planet 9’s possible location in the starry sky.

From around the world at this time of year, the constellation Orion climbs highest up for the night around mid-evening (9 to 10 p.m.) local time. From temperate latitudes in the Northern Hemisphere, Orion appears in the southern sky at mid-evening. From the equator, Orion appears high overhead, and from temperate regions in the Southern Hemisphere, an “upside-down” Orion shines in the northern sky.

Some of you may know how to star-hop from Orion’s Belt to Aldebaran, the brightest star in the constellation Taurus the Bull. If not, refer to the sky chart below. Once you’ve found Aldebaran, you’ve pretty much found the proposed location of Planet 9, which – again, if it exists, and if astronomers are right about its location in our solar system – lodges pretty much directly east of Orion’s Belt and directly south of the star Aldebaran.

Caltech astronomers first announced a hypothetical Planet 9 on January 20, 2016. What they called “solid theoretical evidence” exists for a giant planet – a 9th major planet in the outer solar system – moving in what they called a “bizarre, highly elongated orbit.” They nicknamed it Planet 9 then, and they said hoped other astronomers would search for it.

If it exists, the planet has a mass about 10 times that of Earth and orbits about 20 times farther from the sun on average than Neptune, which is currently the 8th major planet and which orbits the sun at an average distance of 2.8 billion miles (4.5 billion km).

The astronomers say it would take this new planet between 10,000 and 20,000 years to make just one full orbit around the sun.

Read more: Solid evidence for a 9th planet

Bottom line: Astronomers are searching for a hypothetical Planet 9 in the starry sky. You can use the constellation Orion to show you approximately where they’re looking.


Published on EarthSky

A Little Humor for Your Day

How to Become A Witch in Nine Easy Lessons


In the 1980’s it was fashionable to be interested in the New Age. This is now a dreadful faux pas within the alternative scene, and in order to be accepted in the 1990’s metaphysical social set, one must have an interest in Witchcraft or Paganism. Of course, you don’t have to actually belong to a coven in order to be thought of as a Witch, you can bluff your way into being accepted as a fully fledged Witch simply by knowing a few terms and dressing accordingly. This brings us to…

Rule # 1: Image is Everything. After all, what’s the good of being a Witch if nobody knows you are one? You must therefore wear black at all times. If possible, stay out of the sun until you become really pale, as this makes the effect even better. For women (and adventurous males) dark eyeliner and black nail polish can enhance this look. Also wear crystals and cheap occult paraphernalia at all times, and make sure that these are as gaudy and bizarre as possible, as this can only help your image. Wearing a pentacle around your neck is an absolutely necessary accessory – the bigger the better! Capes and cloaks are optional around town – it depends on how much of a visual impact you want to make, but either of these are also crucial apparel at any ritual or gathering that you may attend.

Rule # 2: Name Dropping is Good. Every serious student of The Craft (and I’m talking here about the term for Witchcraft, not macrame) knows the name Gerald Gardner. This man revitalised Witchcraft in the mid 1900’s with his book about the true history of The Old Religion (some have called this book pure fiction, but only those picky few who like books to be based on facts). Real Witches however, never let historical accuracy get in the way of their spiritual path, so in conversations with other witches, quote his name as often as possible (in tones of awe) and you will always be rewarded with smiles of acceptance.

Rule # 3: Past Life Name Dropping is Even Better. Tell everyone about the past life memories that have been surfacing since you began studying the Black Arts. It is especially useful to remember a past lifetime as a Witch who was killed during the Inquisition, or at least recall a lifetime as a famous occultist. My past lives have included Aleister Crowley, Cagliostro, Mandrake the Magician, and most of the cast of “Bewitched”.

Rule # 4: Behave Strangely. Never forget why it was that you wanted to become a Witch – yes, so that you have an excuse for strange behaviour. Previously labelled eccentric behaviour patterns can now be accepted by others if they have a reason to explain it, even if that reason for howling at full moons while naked is simply, “He/she is a Witch, that’s normal for them evidently.” So, don’t let your friends down, behave strangely, you can get away with it now.

Rule # 5: Watch Occult Movies. Make sure that you watch the movie “Warlock” lots of times to perfect those soft landings after over-indulging with the flying ointments (read as mead and weed).

Rule # 6: Ready Yourself for Sex, Money and Power. Wasn’t this the other reason you were drawn to Witchcraft? In the past, adepts of the occult were known to possess charismatic, lusty and powerful personas – when people find out that you are a Witch, they may automatically assume (and therefore empower you) with these same qualities. This may sound pretty good, but unfortunately in today’s world, another group of people have become even more established within the realms of kinky sex sessions and unlimited power – yes, the politicians! Beware of this elitist group of power-brokers… they don’t want any competition to their manipulative monopoly over the gullible public – hence the laws against Witchcraft and divination that have remained unchanged for centuries. So, if calling yourself a High Priest doesn’t lead you to unlimited sex, money and power – or if it does, but you then find yourself as the target of political and legal harassment – you may have to put aside your cloak and broomstick and pick up a pin-stripe suit and a back-bench in Parliament. If you can’t beat them, try bribery, then if that doesn’t work… join them!

Rule # 7: Atmosphere is Essential. Your home must reflect your Witchy nature. Incense must burn continuously. It’s important that visitors see clouds of incense smoke billowing from a spluttering censer in the corner of your dim, dank and dusty home, so dismantle the smoke detectors and start collecting strange little bottles of exotic looking ingredients (use your imagination and label them with names like powdered bat’s eyes, or dried dragon’s gonads). And if you don’t like housework, you can explain that the layer of dust that covers your floors and furniture helps to neutralise the highly charged psychic energy that results from your magical spells, thereby protecting your home and possessions from electromagnetic disintegration.

Rule # 8: Be Patronising to Christians. In social discussions don’t forget to make plenty of derogatory remarks about fundamentalist Christians, but remember to save your most biting comments for other Witches that you don’t get along with.

Rule # 9: Brag About Your Psychic Powers. Any self-respecting Witch will tell you that after their initiation to Witchcraft, their psychic powers awakened and their tarot cards (which they always carry with them) are now much easier to read (they now get something right once in a while). They will also tell you that they can now sense energy fields (in other words, they don’t bump into things as often as they used to). Follow this example and brag about the rapid development of your psychic abilities since your initiation. If asked about your initiation ceremony, simply state that you were sworn to secrecy about it, then quickly change the subject by mentioning your newly awakened ability to detect Ley-lines, but try to remember that a Ley-line is not a queue for the after-ritual orgy!

Now you know how to pass yourself off as a real Witch, so place that broomstick in a conspicuous corner (one that is not clouded by too much incense smoke); pull on those black clothes; give everyone that you meet a sinister look – and your social status will improve overnight. If you do all of this successfully, you may even find yourself with enough adoring acolytes so that you can start your own coven! Good luck and Blessed Be!



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