Let your green thumb guide you to gardening adventures today and tomorrow – thanks to the Moon’s presence in nurturing and nourishing Cancer. In addition, the Sun makes a union with Ceres in earthy Taurus (6:56AM PDT) – a major boost for overall productivity and energizing your connection with Mother Nature. Focus some of your attention on improving your diet and adding nutritious goodies to your daily meals and snacks. Consider juicing your veggies and fruits to improve vitamin and mineral absorption. Don’t be surprised if a wave of nostalgia strikes when the Moon makes a supportive, 60-degree link to the Sun (12:33PM PDT) and as the Moon opposes Pluto (5:33PM PDT). The lunar link to the Sun is far more favorable than the polarity to Pluto for fulfilling important tasks and work assignments. Utilize a Mercury-Uranus parallel (5:54PM PDT) – similar to a union in the zodiac – to open the gateway to higher thinking. Merge intellectual prowess with intuitive awareness to form a super-heroic, dynamic duo. Rummage through the attic or basement to gather old photos, albums and scrapbooks that contain sentimental value.
Tag: Taurus
Your Daily Cosmic Calendar for April 28th
Let your green thumb guide you to gardening adventures today and tomorrow – thanks to the Moon’s presence in nurturing and nourishing Cancer. In addition, the Sun makes a union with Ceres in earthy Taurus (6:56AM PDT) – a major boost for overall productivity and energizing your connection with Mother Nature. Focus some of your attention on improving your diet and adding nutritious goodies to your daily meals and snacks. Consider juicing your veggies and fruits to improve vitamin and mineral absorption. Don’t be surprised if a wave of nostalgia strikes when the Moon makes a supportive, 60-degree link to the Sun (12:33PM PDT) and as the Moon opposes Pluto (5:33PM PDT). The lunar link to the Sun is far more favorable than the polarity to Pluto for fulfilling important tasks and work assignments. Utilize a Mercury-Uranus parallel (5:54PM PDT) – similar to a union in the zodiac – to open the gateway to higher thinking. Merge intellectual prowess with intuitive awareness to form a super-heroic, dynamic duo. Rummage through the attic or basement to gather old photos, albums and scrapbooks that contain sentimental value.
The Zodiac Sign Taurus April 20 – May 20
Taurus
The Bull
April 20 – May 20
You aren’t necessarily like a Bull in a ring with a toreador. You could be more like peace-loving Ferdinand, seeking the gentle meadows filled with flowers, sunshine and natural beauty. It’s only your stubbornness that can make you angry enough to charge at someone who is disturbing your peace.
You Bulls are noted for your determination. You get to where you are going, not because you are exceptionally fast or clever, but because you will not be distracted from your goals. Your need for stability and simplicity can motivate you to create a life for yourself that is quite functional, though it might seem boring to someone else. But you aren’t interested in taking unnecessary risks that can put your solid footing in jeopardy.
Your motto might be “Take care of the senses and everything else will take care of itself.” It may be that your attraction to material things is less about the objects themselves than it is about the pleasure they bring to your senses. Comfortable living and working space is important to you, along with nice linens, clothing, food and music. And, as one of the most practical signs, your outlook on life is usually quite sensible. As you plod along in life, getting what you need in order to survive, don’t forget to look at the beauty that is beyond the material world of material possessions.
Element: Earth
Earth signs are naturally practical. In this lifetime we are bound to Earth. There is no escaping the reality around us. The Earth is about as real as it gets; it can be felt, weighed and it has substance. Accordingly, the earth signs base their life on what is real, not what is imagined. Sensation is valued over thoughts or feelings. Earth signs live with their feet on the ground. Others seek their advice because of their basic sensibility. For earth signs, seeing is believing.
The earth of Taurus is simple and sensible. It’s about getting back to basics. This is about working the earth in a garden or about having the tools that we need in order to build.
House: Second
The Second House symbolizes those things that are of value to us. Personal possessions are within this domain, as is our money. Anything having personal value is associated with the Second House. It also represents those things we value that are not things. When you think about what is most important to you — your own values — you are indeed thinking about your Second House.
Key Planet: Venus
Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn’t only about physical love; she’s also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Taurus, Venus is sensual and simple. We fulfill the senses with beauty and life is good.
Greatest Strength:
Your sensible outlook on life
Possible Weakness:
Accepting less than you can achieve
Daily Cosmic Calendar for Thursday, April 26
Let your green thumb guide you to gardening adventures today and tomorrow – thanks to the Moon’s presence in nurturing and nourishing Cancer. In addition, the Sun makes a union with Ceres in earthy Taurus (6:56AM PDT) – a major boost for overall productivity and energizing your connection with Mother Nature. Focus some of your attention on improving your diet and adding nutritious goodies to your daily meals and snacks. Consider juicing your veggies and fruits to improve vitamin and mineral absorption. Don’t be surprised if a wave of nostalgia strikes when the Moon makes a supportive, 60-degree link to the Sun (12:33PM PDT) and as the Moon opposes Pluto (5:33PM PDT). The lunar link to the Sun is far more favorable than the polarity to Pluto for fulfilling important tasks and work assignments. Utilize a Mercury-Uranus parallel (5:54PM PDT) – similar to a union in the zodiac – to open the gateway to higher thinking. Merge intellectual prowess with intuitive awareness to form a super-heroic, dynamic duo. Rummage through the attic or basement to gather old photos, albums and scrapbooks that contain sentimental value.
New Moon Report for April 21 – New Moon in Taurus
New Moon in Taurus
Saturday, April 21, 12:18 am PDT, 3:18 am EDT
The New Moon in earthy Taurus starts a slow-cooking fire, creating opportunities to increase income and discover fresh sources of pleasure. Investing in a solid foundation of training, tools and developing personal resources with patience establishes a base from which future success will grow. Taurus likes a steady pace, so don’t be in a hurry to get where you want to go. Sticking to a practical plan is a surer way to achieve your goals than trying to beat the clock. Long-range strategic thinking will pay dividends, while get-rich-quick schemes are likely to fail. Skillful Mars in Virgo and potent Pluto in Capricorn form favorable aspects to this Sun-Moon conjunction, producing a Grand Earth Trine that favors pragmatism and productivity. Yet a lovely slice of imagination is blended into this cosmic dish with a supportive sextile from dreamy Neptune to the New Moon. This spiritual planet softens Taurean stubbornness with compassion and faith, bringing a higher purpose to even the most mundane tasks.
The Taurus New Moon is like a fertile garden where healthy seeds can take root and grow. Nurturing the soil of ourselves with constructive thoughts and healthy behavior may seem boring to some, yet the results are worth the effort. The ground upon which a positive future is built requires appreciation for oneself, so acknowledging our abilities and accomplishments is essential for feeding our ambitions. Taking time to enjoy life’s simple and sensual pleasures provides joy that makes the journey worthwhile.
Your Cosmic Calendar for Thursday, April 19th
On the second day of April, Ceres formed a fairly rare polarity with Saturn. These two celestial bodies – in combination – have a lot to do with childhood issues, parental figures, and overall family dynamics. Yesterday, Ceres formed a contra-parallel to Saturn and now the Moon is contra-parallel Saturn (2:13AM PDT) and parallel to Ceres (2:47AM PDT) while Mars trines Ceres (3:29AM PDT). Make sure troubled relatives and dear ones have your full support and are out of harm’s way. Communication channels and travel plans are more up-in-the-air than stable as Mercury makes a frictional, 45-degree link to giant Jupiter (6:45AM PDT). It may not help matters that Mercury forms a 30-degree contact with dreamy and yet often confusing Neptune (8:06AM PDT). The Sun shifts gears from fiery Aries to earthy Taurus (9:13AM PDT) for a new 30-day experience in the second sign of the zodiac. Take some of your best ideas and start planting them in fertile soil in the hope of harvesting financial rewards. Your creative artistic expression has a promising glow as the Moon makes a supportive, 60-degree rapport with Venus (11:41AM PDT). Worries and doubts may be temporarily in the driver’s seat overnight as the dark-of-the-moon monthly cycle – where the Sun-Moon phase is at its extreme waning point – is gathering momentum.
What Does Your Sun-Sign Seek?
What Does Your Sun-Sign Seek?
- Annie B. Bond
Our sun-sign horoscope can give us a simple but powerful affirmation of what it is we seek in this life. As we begin the new year we could all benefit from this reminder, to help us stay on the path that is right for us.
Find out what your sun sign tells you about your deepest soul nature, and what it is you seek, here:
Aries, March 21-April 19: I seek my Self. I accept my energy and ability to launch new actions for the betterment and benefit of myself or for others.
Taurus, April 20-May 21: I seek my Self through what I have. I use stability and persistence for the benefit of myself and others.
Gemini, May 22-June 20: I seek my Self through what I think. My keen perceptive intuition is all that is needed for the evolution of myself and others.
Cancer, June 21-July 22: I seek my Self through what I feel. I am the star in a sea of stars, I am Water and the Moon, I provide the haven, the safe haven, in the universe.
Leo, July 23- Aug 22: I seek my Self through what I create. I am the Monarch of the universe, I am the Heart of hearts. I am the heart of Creative energy.
Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: I seek my Self through what I learn. I am the Magician of the universe. I accept the healing and magical powers I have or will use. The key for tapping into my deeper resource is the ever-increasing acceptance of who I am now.
Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: I seek my Self through what I unite. I hold the celestial balance in my hands; I am the Cosmic Judge. I am the artist and the lover, Peacemaker of the Heavens.
Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: I seek my Self through what I desire. I am the Transformer, I am the Keeper of Mysteries, I am the Mystic.
Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: I seek, therefore I am. I am the Seer of the Zodiac. I am the future now. I remember the future.
Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: I seek my Self through what I use. I am enterprising, the Builder, the Organizer who looks toward higher orders, greater justice, constantly building relationships, families, communities, and countries.
Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: I seek my Self through Humanity. I am the Truth Sayer, the Scientist, the Revolutionary. I am the genius Sign of the Zodiac.
Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: I seek my Self when I don’t seek my Self. I amt he Beloved, I am the Loving, I am the Poet. I am the Divine Dark Warrior, I am the Divine White Healer.
the daily humorscopes for tuesday, march 13th
the daily humorscope
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A man with a large nose will attack you with a sword today, while composing free verse in archaic French. Luckily, he’ll get stuck trying to come up with a word that rhymes with “l’orange”, and you’ll have time to slip out the back way.
Today you will put your foot down, regarding your turn at dinner preparation versus dining out. In other words, “if you ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Not only is this a good day to throw a tantrum, but there’s a good chance that you might set a new distance record!
A strange package will appear on your doorstep — a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday’s Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign…
Excellent day to be expansive and benevolent. It will make people worry.
You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will name the “Nighty Knight.” You should be ashamed of yourself.
Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Today you will seek out new life, and new civilisations. You won’t find any, of course, but you will discover a really excellent Chinese restaurant in the process.
Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Today will be especially trying, and if you’re not careful, you could end up in a pretty grumpy frame of mind. Take precautions! Wear your E.T. underwear.
Remember: you can’t tell your boss to get lost. You can, however, give him the wrong directions.
Daily Cosmic Calendar for Monday, March 5th
The universe moves from fundamental adversary to conditional support system as a fairly intense weekend morphs into an exhilarating Monday. The good news starts early when Venus leaves forceful Aries for determined, hardworking Taurus (2:26AM PST) – the earth sign that Venus rules. Being practical, sensible and economical can all work in your favor as Venus remains in this fixed, power sign until April 3. Coming into the picture shortly after the Venus shift is Mercury uniting with Uranus at 4 degrees of Aries (3:36AM PST). As the first of three Mercury-Uranus encounters (the other two happening on March 18 and April 22), anytime these two planets break bread together we can expect a torrent of revelations pouring forth out of the Universal Mind. The question is whether we can think fast enough and deep enough in order to understand what to do with enhanced knowledge and wisdom. After a slightly frictional 45-degree tie between Ceres and Neptune (7:13AM PST) – an aspect that might decrease your productivity temporarily – the cosmos comes roaring back with enthusiasm as the Moon parallels Jupiter (10:36AM PST) and Venus (12:18PM PST). Not only are these two upbeat parallels equivalent to unions from the Moon to Jupiter and Venus, but they suggests that Venus is about to parallel the largest planet – Jupiter – very soon. Their exact parallel happens tomorrow morning at 6:39AM – offering a cornucopia of blessings across the board. Nevertheless, as Monday shifts into Tuesday, be more cautious and careful since the Moon parallels Mars (12:48AM on Tuesday). On the home front and with loved ones, use words to heal – not harm.
Today’s Cosmic Calendar for Sunday, February 26th
Romantic partners need to be on alert as the Sun makes a contra-parallel with Venus (1:03AM PST). Of course, this kind of linkage can be either a tug-of-war or an illuminating awareness as it is somewhat similar to a z
odiacal opposition. If you are flying solo and unattached to a dear one, delve into one of your favorite arts or crafts. Slow down as the Moon makes its monthly opposition to Saturn (4:53AM PST) – a potential roadblock that also starts a void-of-course lunar cycle lasting until 6:31AM PST when the Moon enters earthy Taurus. Hit your stride in big business affairs and career pursuits as the Sun parallels Saturn (1:07PM PST). Learn valuable lessons from esteemed mentors and teachers who know the score. A burst of euphoria can arrive later on when the Moon makes its monthly union with Jupiter (7:44PM PST). Attend a play, the ballet, symphony performance, poetry or piano recital. Let your optimistic mind-set rule the roost – particularly as the Sun and Moon lend their support via an invigorating, 60-degree link (10:54PM PST). The love boat sets sail for exotic ports of call after midnight since alluring and magnetic Venus approaches a razzle-dazzle, exciting parallel to often passion-enhanced Mars (forming exactly at 8:54AM PST tomorrow).
Today’s Cosmic Calendar for February 17th
No matter where you are on the career totem pole, today and tomorrow offer you great opportunities for taking a great leap forward and making gains as a savvy entrepreneur. The Moon in Capricorn forms an uplifting trine with Jupiter in Taurus (5:45AM PST), and this expansive and yet also earthy combination has you begging for more celestial gift-giving. Utilize your spiritual willpower and mental concentration when the Moon makes its monthly union with Lord of the Underworld Pluto (12:42PM PST). Any lunar conjunction with Pluto has a shadowy component; therefore, making enemies of friends and barking commands at colleagues, associates or employees is bush league and foolish. Tonight’s Venus-Chiron contra-parallel (11:52PM PST) may manifest as a more tender and sensitive flow of energy that both you and a key partner can receive as a bounty of cosmic goodness. On the other hand, healing old wounds and pains from childhood days may also have its own rhyme and reason for showing up right now. Tune into universal currents and global causes that stir your heart and soul since this is the last full day of Solar Aquarius.
the daily humorscopes for wednesday, february 8
the daily humorscope
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Try to work the words “happenstance” and “ineffable” into your conversation today. It turns out that most people believe any sentence that has the word “ineffable” in it. Such as that one.
You will meet a tough challenge in a very resourceful way, today, using only a Swiss Army Knife, a transistor radio, and oven cleaner.
Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue around in the wind. If you had known this was “act like a dog” day, you might have been better prepared.
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named “Brutus”, it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective…
What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!
Not a good time to go forth and conquer. Try going fifth, and hover in the background.
Through a casual remark in an elevator, you will realise that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese’s informational film called How To Irritate People. By the time you reach the 10th floor, you will both be severely vexed with one another.
Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don’t actually know your friend that well yet.
You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and will make yourself a food serving cart for the “Bulghur Baron”. You will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone’s amazement, you’ll succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise rights alone.
It was a simple mistake, which anyone could have made. What’s more, now you know better. I think, though, that the expression is too widespread for you to actually get it changed to “never look a gift horse in either end”.
You are being stalked by an invisible mutant from Planet 7. Or at least, you’ll find that this makes an excellent excuse for not doing those outside chores today.
Someone will ask “How are you?” for the millionth time. You should celebrate the occasion by having a speech prepared – something embarassingly intimate is usually best. “Glad you asked, Bob. I’m having a darned tough time getting rid of these pesky genital warts, for one thing…”
New Moon Report for Feb. 3rd – Neptune in Pisces
New Moon Report for February 3
by Jeff Jawer
Neptune in Pisces
Friday, February 3, 10:52 am PST, 1:52 pm EST
Spiritual Neptune settles into its sensitive home sign for a 13-year stay that inspires faith and stimulates our fantasies. The planet of compassion in sympathetic Pisces softens the barriers between us, spurring compassion and arousing our charitable instincts. Dreams without borders dissolve differences among individuals and can even unite religions in a growing desire to reconnect with the soul of humanity.
Daily Cosmic Calendar for February 1st
February 2012 definitely has some tricks up its sleeve. Therefore, be prepared for anything – especially as Mercury turns the tables on the red planet Mars via a dicey, 135-degree aspect (12:53AM PST). Seemingly smooth discussions can suddenly become spicy debates or raging arguments. Don’t let that happen on your watch. The lunar orb meandering through the end of earthy Taurus may also open some old, tearful wounds if you are not careful. Void Moon observers should note that a short 9-minute cycle occurs from 11:07AM PST to 11:16AM PST. Thereafter, the Moon lunges into eager, curious and flexible Gemini for the next 2+ days. Reading, writing, arts, crafts, and hobbies take center stage. Weather permitting, toss a Frisbee around, fly a kite or ride your bike through the neighborhood. Giving you a run for the money is a Venus-Mars polarity (3:42PM PST) – stretching from Pisces to Virgo. While some romantic sparks can certainly fly, this sky pattern can equally represent a dynamic, illuminating interchange between lovers, friends and almost any type of partners. Tap into emotional empowerment later on as the Sun forms an inspirational, 72-degree rapport with Juno (11:08PM PST). See the beauty and elegance of the universe all around you rather than complain about trivial pursuits.
Cosmic Calendar for Monday, January 30
For the most part – after several days of exhausting celestial shenanigans – you can now breathe a sigh of relief during the last two days of January. The first piece of good news comes in the form of the monthly Moon-Jupiter union in Taurus (3:30AM PST). Although this occurs officially early in the day, its influence can last for many hours. The power of positive thinking, good luck and auspicious vibrations are your bridge to worldly achievements. Some challenging situations may pop up to test your faith and resolve since the Moon squares Mercury (8:16AM PST), Mercury then makes a frictional, 45-degree tie to Venus (8:48AM PST) while the tension-creating First Quarter Sun-Moon Phase (energizing 11 degrees of Aquarius and Taurus) clocks in at 8:11PM PST. Moving too far too fast – particularly with an air of superiority (a la Jupiter on steroids) – will foil your higher plans. It is always wise to be humble instead of succumbing to the sin (hubris or pride) of mythological Icarus – whose wings melted because he flew to close to the Sun. Helping you stay more creative and artistic – in a deep and powerful manner – is an enlightening, 72-degree link from Venus to Pluto (6:50PM PST). Try to tweak the Taurus Moon tendency to be stubborn into the more admirable trait to be a Rock of Gibraltar when friends and loved ones need someone to lean on.
Cosmic Calendar for Jan. 21st
turday, January 21, 2012
Are worries and nervous tension giving you a psychic headache that won’t seem to dissipate? You may be tuning into Monday’s upcoming Mars turnaround – where the red planet shifts from moving forward in Virgo to doing backflips for approximately 80 days. Helping you cope with the increasing martial energy-field are a Moon-Venus supportive, 60-degree tie (6:01AM PST) and a similar hook-up between the Sun and Uranus (5:22PM PST). However, these two favorable sky patterns are separated by nearly half the day and they may not be able to neutralize discordant vibes coming from the monthly Moon-Pluto union in Capricorn (4:33AM PST), Pallas making an abrasive, 45-degree tie to Pluto (7:32PM PST), an off-kilter, 150-degree link from Mars to Pallas (8:29PM PST), the Moon parallel to Pluto (10:04PM PST) and a feisty, unsettling Sun-Jupiter square from Aquarius to Taurus (10:36PM PST). The cosmos is clearly ruffling many of its feathers, and the shadowy, dark-of-the-moon monthly cycle is also gaining power as the next New Moon happens late tomorrow night. Do your best to make some breakthroughs in higher consciousness and tap into Uranian-endowed flashes of genius along the way. The Moon in Capricorn continues to stimulate your overall urge to reach loftier career milestones.
the daily humorscope
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
Although you will attempt to thwart your obsession (tying things up with twine) by avoiding twine for the entire day today, it will continue to plague your thoughts. In other words, you will not knot for naught.
You will wake with a start tonight, and hear a sound like that of a whole herd of capybara snuffling around in your closet. Fortunately, when you switch on the light, that will turn out to be all it is.
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
You will feel an odd compulsion to stack books, symmetrically, in the public library. Try to resist it.
Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongruous, but you’ll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand — tomorrow will be ugly.
Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don’t actually know your friend that well yet.
So, you’ve decided to have children. Congratulations! You, er, do know that giving birth has been somewhat unfavorably compared to pushing a flaming log through your nostril? Just thought I’d mention that.
Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft. Your motto: “Who Do You Want To Be Today?”
the daily humorscope
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Today you’ll develop a rare mental disorder, causing you to mix metaphors. But don’t you worry — you can’t make an omlette without a silver lining, and in this case, you’ll discover that everyone will confuse mixed metaphors with management potential. BIG promotion in store.
Good day to remember your kinship with all living things. Except perhaps mildew. There’s no point in remembering your kinship with mildew, at least not today.
Excellent day to walk around wearing a white lab coat and carrying a clipboard.
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody’s ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they’re that risky.
You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.
And old friend will call today, who you haven’t talked to in years. He’ll remind you that you owe him money.
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with “muzac” in the grocery store. It’s the beginning of the long slow slide, I’m afraid. Next stop: collecting “nick knacks”.
Today you will find a really big piece of lint in your pocket. That’s it, though, for today’s excitement.
You will make people squirm, today. Surprisingly, some of them will show remarkable talent at squirming.
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don’t worry, though, it’s probably nothing.
You will attain your dream of having your own cooking show, but it will become tiresome when you have to battle your way past people dressed as chickens to get into the studio each day.
the daily humorscope
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will spend most of the day attempting to tie knots in a piece of cord, using only your toes. You will be unable to say why, but this will seem like a useful skill to you, at the time.
If you want someone to change, it’s often good to give them a painful option and a less painful option, and let them choose their own course. For example, “Do you want to pick up you own wet towel, dear, or would you like to have a live weasel stapled to your leg?”
Oh go ahead. You know you want to. Besides, nobody is watching.
Watch out for vines, today. Sometime’s it’s hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it’s too late.
Excellent day to study entomology — particularly the order hymenoptera. Be prepared to leap about, howling and whacking your trouser legs.
Between now and the vernal equinox, trust anyone with freckles. After that, trust no one.
Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.
You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be “strictly bass”. One must have standards, after all.
Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.
People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating.
Good time to learn to play the harmonica. If you get one of those coat hanger thingies to hang around your neck, you can even play it while you’re typing!
Your Horoscope Bird of Power
- Annie B. Bond
Ever wish you could fly? Your sun sign is traditionally associated with different birds that can carry messages to the Great Spirit for you, offer spirit-support and healing, or sing a song for your soul.
Find out which birds are your horoscope birds of power here.
Aries, March 21-April 19: Vulture, magpie, robin.
Taurus, April 20-May 21: Dove, sparrow, swan.
Gemini, May 22-June 20: Parrot, linnet, eagle, finch.
Cancer, June 21-July 22: Seagull, owl, white peacock.
Leo, July 23- Aug. 22: Peacock, rooster, eagle.
Virgo, Aug. 23-Sept. 22: Rooster, magpie, parrot.
Libra, Sept. 23-Oct. 22: Dove, swan, sparrow.
Scorpio, Oct. 23-Nov. 21: Eagle, vulture.
Sagittarius, Nov. 22-Dec. 21: Eagle, peacock, bird of paradise.
Capricorn, Dec. 22-Jan. 19: Owl, falcon.
Aquarius, Jan. 20-Feb. 18: Cuckoo, albatross.
Pisces, Feb. 19-March 20: Swan, stork, sandpiper.
Witches Of The Craft® 
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